Need opinions on keeping old love letters etc

[Melora]

I have just come across a box full of all my old letters cards etc between me and my ex.

Talk about an unwelcome walk down memory lane! Seems all the cards he sent me were "I'm sorry I was jerk" cards.

All my letters to him were talking about how much I loved him and how I wanted thing to work out. Taking the blame for any problems etc.

Then there was all the letters that I wrote while he was away in the Air Force and I couldnt be with him. I wrote pages of I miss you, I acnt wait to be together again...

I read through them and all I see is one person (me) trying to make a relationship work that was doomed but ended up lasting 4 kids and 15 years.

I want to toss the letters but I think maybe my girls (who are teens now) would want to read them.. thinking maybe they would like to see the letters I wrote filled with all the "I love You"s. (He wrote quite a few too but usually in the same line of I'm sorry I'm an idiot, I'm sorry I lost my mind and yelled" etc)

Its hard for me to toss them even though I don't want them. And I'm not sure I would want the girls to have them and then for me to come across them again in years and have to remember all over again what an idiot I was trying to make things work all those years ago.

I just need opinions about what YOU would do and I figure I will get some honest answers here......

 

[floridaminnie]

put them in a safe deposit box.

 

[jrydberg]

If you don't feel that *you* want to keep them, I wouldn't think about it beyond that. Toss 'em.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Have a bonfire.

 

[robsmom]

Do you listen to country music at all? There is a song called "the back of the bottom drawer".

Can't exactly quote but will paraphrase:

in the nightstand by the bed
at the back of the bottom drawer
is a box that my husband doesn't know about

a napkin that is stained with time
with a poem that didn't quiet rhyme
but it made me cry

a dear jane letter from a different guy
who told me that I wasn't not always right
.....

I don't keep these because I want to go back
I keep them because I want to stay right where I am
They remind me of who I have been and how I got here

In the back...of the bottom drawer.

So I saw Keep a few, to remind you that maybe you were a little "too nice", to remind you that sometimes you just have to let go and to look back at when you get to better times and remember that sometimes it takes a little pain to get to the better place.

 

[Pooh67_68]

I would toss them.

 

[Hillbeans]

Definitely keep them, at least the ones you like.

 

[jeleebeene]

If you think you might want to share them with your children, maybe keep a few that you think they might enjoy and toss the rest. They might like to read them - but maybe put them in a big envelope, seal it, and put it away. When you think you are ready for them to have them, just hand them the envelope, and you never have to look at them again.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, I'm in the minority here. I'm divorced--and I saved all the letters my ex wrote to me when we were engaged and he was stationed in Germany. We were married for 13 years--and only the last couple were bad. It helps me remember why exactly I married him to begin with--let's me know I was not an idiot, that he had his good points. I'm remarried--it's not like I take 'em out and read them all the time but when I just like to have them there. I also think DD might like them when she's older so she'll know that her parents really did love each other no matter what happened later.

Now, I must admit, that when I moved out of our house and he and his new girlfriend were moving in--I took all the cards he had sent me over the years with touching sentiments (I'd saved 'em all) and left them in different hiding places all over the house for the new girlfriend to find. Top shelves of closets and the kitchen cabinets--some in the garage and a whole row lined up on the mantle. I can only imagine her face when she found 'em! (Hey, they had an affair--I was allowed a little revenge!) I made sure that they had the dates on them so that she could see the ones he had given me when he was messing around with her!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Keep them! Tuck them away somewhere where you won't see them and constantly have them in mind. I threw out letters from an old high school flame within a year or two of getting them. We were still in high school. Years later, I have always regretted getting rid of them!!!

 

[Madi100]

My parents are divorced. My dad left for another woman. My parents don't like each other, and they'd rather never have to see each other again. I live in a world where each set of parents would rather forget about the world they had ever was. Now I know that divorce is painful. I'm sure that there are horrible feelings. I understand all of that. However, if my mother had love letters from my father, I would sit and read them for days. Not because I want my parents back together. Not because I want to bring up old memories for them. But the world that my parents want to forget is the world that I came from. My parents were married for fifteen years, and it now is only bitter memries. I know that they loved each other once. I can see pictures where they were happy, but I don't remember those times. As I get older, I can't go home and see my mom and dad are madly in love with each other after all these years. I love my step dad and step mom, but I would like to know the love that I came from.

So, with that being said, I think I'd save them. My husband has every single little piece of paper I have ever given him. All of those words I've written. Some of them aren't nice. There is hurt and anger. But for the most part they are filled with young love. Love that grows and grows and as we get older it gets older and stronger. If anything ever happened between us, I would hope he'd want to share those with our children someday to know that their parents loved each other. I think that as long as the letters that you have don't bring up any situation that children don't want or need to read about, I'd save them and let them decide when they are older if they want them.

 

[Madi100]

Originally posted by NMAmy
Well, I'm in the minority here. I'm divorced--and I saved all the letters my ex wrote to me when we were engaged and he was stationed in Germany. We were married for 13 years--and only the last couple were bad. It helps me remember why exactly I married him to begin with--let's me know I was not an idiot, that he had his good points. I'm remarried--it's not like I take 'em out and read them all the time but when I just like to have them there. I also think DD might like them when she's older so she'll know that her parents really did love each other no matter what happened later.

Now, I must admit, that when I moved out of our house and he and his new girlfriend were moving in--I took all the cards he had sent me over the years with touching sentiments (I'd saved 'em all) and left them in different hiding places all over the house for the new girlfriend to find. Top shelves of closets and the kitchen cabinets--some in the garage and a whole row lined up on the mantle. I can only imagine her face when she found 'em! (Hey, they had an affair--I was allowed a little revenge!) I made sure that they had the dates on them so that she could see the ones he had given me when he was messing around with her!

That is absolutely classic! I hope she finds every single one of them! Wow.

 

[cati]

Well, I must confess, after reading your post I was going to say "ditch them".

But, after reading ALL the post replies....

I say I agree with EVERYONE...

lol

There have been some great comments said and I dont know how I feel now.......... Sorry.

Good luck to you...

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

I personally have kept anything from my ex and put it in a box in my dd's room and someday she can decide what she wants to do with them. I want her to see that there was a time that we didn't hate eachother and that there was some love there.

I guess I say keep them and if your afraid of finding them put them in the attic and forget it. I think your kids will at some point want to know what went on (not necissarily details) between the two of you!!

 

[LScot]

I vote "keep them" and I really hope you will. Not for you but for your DDs. I think they should have the opportunity to read them someday.

I totally agree with Madi100. I remember my nephew asking his great grandmother to keep a pic of his mom and dad up in her house for him. They were his mom and dad and he wanted that very much. She did it for him.

 

[NMAmy]

Originally posted by Madi100
My parents are divorced. My dad left for another woman. My parents don't like each other, and they'd rather never have to see each other again. I live in a world where each set of parents would rather forget about the world they had ever was. Now I know that divorce is painful. I'm sure that there are horrible feelings. I understand all of that. However, if my mother had love letters from my father, I would sit and read them for days. Not because I want my parents back together. Not because I want to bring up old memories for them. But the world that my parents want to forget is the world that I came from. My parents were married for fifteen years, and it now is only bitter memries. I know that they loved each other once. I can see pictures where they were happy, but I don't remember those times. As I get older, I can't go home and see my mom and dad are madly in love with each other after all these years. I love my step dad and step mom, but I would like to know the love that I came from.

I'm glad to hear this, Madi. This is the main reason I've saved mine for DD. I've also hung pictures of her dad in her room, given her our wedding album, and made her a scrapbook with stuff from the three of us. He's a pain in my patootie but as time has passed, I've found I can even be friendly with him. Of course, it helps that he lives 2000 miles away!

Glad you liked my little greeting card revenge! Sometimes you just have to take the low road.

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I had a long-distance relationship for quite a few years. We have saved all our letters- many of them ildly romantic and some of them xtremely steamy - if you know what I mean. We have decided that except for a few well-chosen ones we might save for the kids, we will have a little ceremony and burn them. They are representative of a time when we were madly in love, but it was private, between the two of us. I want my kids to know how much we loved each other, and still do, but I am not sure that letting them see those letters is the way to go about it.

When I was in high school, I found the box of letters in the attic that my parents had written to one another when my dad was in the Army stationed in Germany. My curiosity got the best of me and I started reading them. I came to a particularly interesting one where my dad told my mom (jokingly, I'm sure) not to wear short skirts to his parent's house because his father might jump her. That is NOT a picture I ever wanted to have of my parents or grandfather.

So I think if you want your children to know that they were born out of love, tell them so. If you want to show them letters which profess this, choose carefully.

Denae

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I would say have some type of ritualistic ex-orcism and burn them.

You have kids though, so you are dealing with different issues.

Do the letters make you feel bad about yourself? If so I would definitely vote- burn 'em!

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd go somewhere in the middle. I would keep a few that showed the love and humanness that were evident throughout your relaitonship, but any that were too detailed, risque, hurtful, negative or whatever, I'd get rid of.

I think your children would like to have an idea of the type of love they came from, but they don't need every gory detail.

 

[wishuponastarforever]

Originally posted by Disney Doll
I'd go somewhere in the middle. I would keep a few that showed the love and humanness that were evident throughout your relaitonship, but any that were too detailed, risque, hurtful, negative or whatever, I'd get rid of.

I think your children would like to have an idea of the type of love they came from, but they don't need every gory detail.

I totally agree - at least keep them until you are sure what to do.

Side note NMAmy - you are my hero - I love how you hid letters and cards -Wow what sweet, clever and creative revenge. They deserved that.