Need help with troubled gay nephew

[TangaroaTiki]

I will take any advice I can get......My 18YO nephew has already OD'd on his depression/anxiety medication once and I really fear for his life. He is not 'OUT', but I have no doubt where his issues spring from.

My sister and her DH have always suspected his persuasion and have been extremely vocal in their bigotry over the years inserting nasty remarks/slurs whenever possible. I have always stood up to them and defended the rights of all human beings EVERY time especially in front of 'Matt' - I didn't want him growing up thinking all people thought like that. I knew the day would come when 'Matt' would stop laughing along with them - it's now.

He has already failed out of his senior year (I believe it was on purpose he would cut regularly because he was bullied) and after the suicide attempt, was placed in a facility for 10 days. I urged my sister to let the counselor know that he 'might be gay' though he has never said so AND how vocally negative they have been about it over the years which has probably led them to where they are now.

'Matt' has a girlfriend, but my sister admits that he is love/hate with her. I believe it is just for show.

I don't know how to help

 

[Schotz]

My advice is to encourage him to keep a positive outlook on life. You cannot change a person like that, they need to do it themselves. Rehab, a counselor, a person they can talk to (you), and weekly meetings will help. A support group meeting weekly, at a church or for substance abuse will help the most. He is an addict I think because he chooses to abuse drugs. Those drugs are addictive, I have a family member that goes to NA meetings for his addiction.

A change in surroundings, like a trip to disney world or a place that your nephew would find interesting would help. A complete change in surroundings at home can help to. Some objects and places can trigger moods.

Don't handle this by yourself, it's up to him to change. I hope things get better for you.

 

[TangaroaTiki]

Thanks so much for your reply - A trip to Disney might be in order, I never thought about taking him myself. He loves it there. I will do what ever I can for him. Thanks again for the idea

 

[DopeyDave]

Can you take him in? At 18, he should be able to move out and in with you without any restrictions from his parents. Perhaps living in an 'openly accepting' environment will make a big difference to his personality. Perhaps it's something to talk about during your trip ot Disney! I know it's kinda soon, but if you take him to Disney during Gay Days, that might open his eyes a bit too! Just some random thoughts off the top of my head, hope they help.

 

[donald...really]

I am certainly not an expert on this, so I don't feel comfortable giving advice, but I agree that he should get out of that hostile/unaccepting environment if he can.

You might look into reaching out to or attending a local PFLAG group (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). They might have some suggestions or resources that could help.

If you can swing a trip to Disney with just the two of you that would be great! It would give him an ally during this difficult time, and would give you guys a chance to talk.

 

[Dori79]

You may want to look into drug rehab center with him. Many facilities have councellors on staff that help with sexuality related issues. Whether or not he is gay, experimenting or just your typical confused teenager, the substance abuse needs to be addressed immediately!

 

[OrlandoMike]

Contact a local chapter of PFLAG for the best advice, they deal with these things!

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2

 

[TangaroaTiki]

Thanks everyone you all shared some good advice.

 

[brettystar]

I hope your nephew finds some solace soon. Thinking of you and him (even thouugh I do not know you).

 

[Waybuloo]

I am certainly not an expert on this, so I don't feel comfortable giving advice, but I agree that he should get out of that hostile/unaccepting environment if he can.

You might look into reaching out to or attending a local PFLAG group (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). They might have some suggestions or resources that could help.

If you can swing a trip to Disney with just the two of you that would be great! It would give him an ally during this difficult time, and would give you guys a chance to talk.

Well said Hope things work out for him and you too

 

[firstcruise]

Another resource you (he) can use is Trevor Project. Take a look at their website. trevorproject

 

[BBG-BLT]

I've been in his shoes - a long time ago - but there. Help him to get out of the hostile environment and get involved with people who can/will support him. People who will help him manage coming out and getting a positive view on life (and not get engulfed by the bar scene).

Good luck - knowing he has you probably helps.

 

[TRICKY_TINK]

I agree with many here get him out of there! My nephew also gay was bullied by his step-father and his mom did nothing. He eventually took off with an older man who mistreated him for years while "teaching" him the ins and outs of who he is....damage done. My nephews is still only 23 now and finally the man traded him up for a younger model and he's coming around to the fact he doesn't have to be a boy toy. He has a long way to go in the damage department and I would hate to see another young gay man get thrown into that sort of situation because he just needed an out. Good luck! Oh and please get him to Disney in June if possible, if he is Gay there is no better place for him to see a huge amount of loving and functional families.

 

[ConcKahuna]

Just agreeing with pretty much everyone above, and sending hugs to both him and to you for wanting to help!