Need help from parents-Do I tell or not?

[2BigKIdz]

This is a little complicated, I'll do my best to make it clear. I have 2 SIL's one lives where I live ("S") and the other lives out of state ("B"). Over the summer B's daughter ("J") met the daughter ("C") of one of S's best friends. The girls are 13 and have a lot in common and have kept in touch. While my SIL was here for Thanksgiving the 2 girls spent a lot of time together. Last night they all came to our house. I do not know my SIL's friend, I only met them for the first time Friday night and last night they came to my house for dinner. My SIL from out of state and her husband are very strict on their kids. This morning I discovered that last night someone looked at a website they should not have. It is a picture of a cheerleader with no panties on and it is very graphic. The web address was typed in and it was a sexually explicit site. I'm 99% sure it was this 13 year old girl "C" that looked it up, as the other sites that were accessed at the same time had to do with cheerleading and dance, she is a cheerleader and dancer and my niece and nephew have been here since Wednesday and nothing of the sort has been looked up so that's what has brought me to this conclusion. Now my question is- do I tell my SIL and BIL about this? That girls mother wants my niece to spend 2 weeks with them next summer. I feel like I need to tell them, not point a finger at the girl, just tell them what I found and let them find out where it came from. I don't have children so I'm not sure what to do. If you've read this far, thanks.

 

[daisyduck123]

I think I have the story right...and I would say definetely say something. It sounds like this girl needs to be monitored with her computer & have some discussion with her parents. I'd be very upset if my DD were viewing that. Mine is in the family room where I can monitor everything DD11 has access to.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

Since they were looking at other pics of cheerleading scenes, is it possible this picture came up on accident? I personally have typed in a completely innocent site and just because one letter was off, it was a porn site. This might very well be the case here. Even if they typed it in on purpose, I don't think I would tell. I have a DD13 myself, and I probably wouldn't freak out either way. If you find evidence that they had typed in other sites that they shouldn't have been looking at, then you might want to address the issue. Otherwise, I don't see much harm done. Maybe I'm too leniant. I don't know. Tough call. Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[Marseeya]

Was it one picture or a whole series of them? Can you tell from the history files how long they were at it and how many they looked at? I think I'd just let it go if it was just one. Maybe it was simple curiosity. Maybe it was an accident. I've ended up on some pretty raunchy sites myself just by doing some searching.

I'm pretty liberal about things like that, so you might want to take my advice with a grain of salt.

 

[Horseshoes]

I would tell the girls that one of the websites they were looking at came up while you were on.

Plus they may have been just looking cheerleading stuff and a pop up came up and it was that.

I have parental controls and pop up blockers but sometimes things pop up that are inappropriate while my kids are on.

I would speak with them first before I went to the parents.

Good luck

 

[pixiemomma]

I agree with the others...it was probably an accident...if you are concerned speak with the girls first.

 

[daisyduck123]

I stated above that I, as a parent, would want to know.

I see that some people have mentioned the possibility that maybe the sight came up by accident. I would still tell the parents so that they could discuss it with their child. If it were an accident, I would still want to discuss what happened with my child, explaining that sometimes there are disgusting things on the internet & what to do if it happens again.

 

[disneylizzy]

Because they were looking at other cheering sites, I would not say anything. It probably came up by accident.

 

[2BigKIdz]

Since they were looking at other pics of cheerleading scenes, is it possible this picture came up on accident? I personally have typed in a completely innocent site and just because one letter was off, it was a porn site. This might very well be the case here. Even if they typed it in on purpose, I don't think I would tell. I have a DD13 myself, and I probably wouldn't freak out either way. If you find evidence that they had typed in other sites that they shouldn't have been looking at, then you might want to address the issue. Otherwise, I don't see much harm done. Maybe I'm too leniant. I don't know. Tough call. Good luck in whatever you decide.

The first 3 letters of the web address are s-e-x and it was typed in, not searched, I don't see how it could have been a mistake. I guess I find it a little unsettling that this girl who doesn't know me at all would come in my house and access stuff like this and show my niece (and I'm assuming my nephew who is 15). The adults were all playing cards upstairs, our computer is downstairs and the kids were unmonitored. I could be wrong in accusing this girl but truly I feel like it had to have been her. My nephew made the other kids leave the room when he wanted me to hear a song with a bad word in it, I seriously don't think he looked up stuff like.

 

[daisyduck123]

Someone there is guilty...if S-e-x was typed in.

 

[Serena]

I would talk to the parents, but I would assume it was an accident. Even if it wasn't. Talk to the other kids too. It is a possibility that one of them was at the computer.

I've had things come up on me and on my kids. I've told them it happens, and to let me know. So far they have.

I would get a nanny thing for your computer to be safer.

 

[floridafam]

As a parent...

You can't assume anything. Unless you know for sure who looked it up, then you can't focus on that one girl.

I would want to know if my child had looked that up but I also wouldn't want my child accused of something if they didn't do it.

I think the only thing you can do is talk to everyone involved at the same time.

 

[2BigKIdz]

Someone there is guilty...if S-e-x was typed in.

That is my feeling. I know my SIL and BIL would be very upset, not by the picture but the fact that she was going to that website. I just feel like I will be "tattling" on this girl. I feel fairly certain that this girl probably found this site while searching for cheer stuff and thought it was funny so she kept the address to show others. I wouldn't speak with this girl's mother, I don't know her, I would just tell my SIL and BIL. My husband's not home, I'll see what he thinks when he gets home. He was actually the one that saw it first and he said "what the *&*$! has someone been looking at".

 

[SueM in MN]

Plus they may have been just looking cheerleading stuff and a pop up came up and it was that.

I have parental controls and pop up blockers but sometimes things pop up that are inappropriate while my kids are on.

This has happened to me at work when I was doing some research - and we have all sorts of firewalls, pop up blockers and site blockers. In fact, some of the medical site i need to look at are blocked because they have pictures with no clothing on.

The web address was typed in and it was a sexually explicit site.

Some of the explicit sites actually take advantage of people making mistakes when typing, so knowing the web address was typed in doesn't help. I know of times when that has happened to my DDs. If you either miss a letter, remember a site a bit wrong or transpose letters when typing, that can happen easily.

So, if it was one page, I would not be concerned about it - it was probably a mistake. If it was lots of pages like that, then I would be concerned.

 

[2BigKIdz]

As a parent...

You can't assume anything. Unless you know for sure who looked it up, then you can't focus on that one girl.

I would want to know if my child had looked that up but I also wouldn't want my child accused of something if they didn't do it.

I think the only thing you can do is talk to everyone involved at the same time.

If I say anything it will just be to my SIL and BIL and tell them that sometime last night when we were playing cards, this website was accessed and let them get to the bottom of it, if they even want to. I would just tell them what I found on my computer and not point fingers at anyone.

 

[daisyduck123]

I don't see how someone can mistakenly type in "sex".

 

[Marseeya]

Sure they can! Maybe they're in the band and wanted to learn more about the saxophone!

 

[SueM in MN]

I posted while you were adding other information.
It's also possible that someone began typing in a site that started with SE and the computer finished because someone else had previously gone to that site.
Also, I don't know exactly how your history works, but is it possible that the site was visited as a link from another site. I know recently I was looking up some stuff for my youngest DD and some pretty explicit stuff came out of some pretty innocent looking links that I clicked on (ie, you can type anything in as the text for the link). The people who are trying to exploit/reach children with that stuff are often going to try to hide so they come on it accidentally.

I'd agree with the others who pointed out it could have been any of the kids in that room (or even someone who accessed that computer before).

 

[daisyduck123]

I would talk to everyone involved & find out. I hate it when people try to come up with excuses for stuff kids do, which sounds like some people are trying to do. (I work in the schools & you wouldn't believe the excuses some parents make for their kids...maybe that is why this thread is bothering me sooo much). Looking at this stuff is serious business & I would most definetely want to know if it were my DD. I would not take it lightly if someone suspected my DD.

 

[Serena]

The thing is, she doesn't know the facts of what happened. It's never a good idea to accuse anyone of something when you don't know what happened.