Need an honest opinion

[bride_again]

I've lurked on this board for a very long time and picked up some fabulous ideas and tips from all of you Disney brides. I'm finally going to have my Disney Wedding!! I'm so excited, but need some advice about it. First of all, I know this is a little weird, but I'm actually marrying my ex-DH again. Hooray for us! We had a quicky Las Vegas wedding the first time, just the two of us, and a honeymoon in DisneyWorld (of course. ). So, I want to have an intimate wedding, specifically to have my father there. I think we hurt him the first time by not having any family present. Anyway, once we started making the guest list, we had trouble eliminating people to not exceed the limit. We do not want a custom wedding. I do not want to be the center of attention in a huge wedding, I just want something small. So we thought we would have just my dad, his dad and his son at the ceremony, then have an illuminations party and invite everyone. Is this tacky? Would you travel all the way to Disney for just the party? If we decide to do this, how would you word the invitation? Do you think it would hurt people's feelings to not be at the ceremony? Thanks!

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

First, congrats on your engagement, it's great that your ex and you found your way back to one another.
Ok, if it was my family, I honestly don't think this would go over well. Personally, I would be willing to spend the money to travel down if I was going to witness the actual wedding, but not for the party. In my opinion, if you only want the three guests there, then that is all that should go down with you and then have a party when you get home for everyone else. Chances are, if you invite say 20 people but only 3 are coming to the ceremony, there are going to be at least a few of those other 17 that "just happen to be in the area" of the ceremony so that they could see you get married. I know that we have many family members that want to come to the wedding, but since they can't see us get married, they much rather come to the at home reception we will have when we get back. Also, you don't want anyone to get hurt in thinking they are not good enough to go to your wedding. So, to sum up , my advice is to only have the people attending your ceremony come down and have a party/reception at home for everyone else. Hope this helps!

 

[bride_again]

It helps, thank you. Just to clarify, I live far away from my family so they would have to travel anyway regardless of what we do.

 

[jennycee]

Congratulations!

I don't think it is odd to invite everyone to the celebration and not the ceremony, I have seen it done and have seen so many posts about that. You can word the invite as that you will be married on "date" at "intimate local" and would like them to join you for a celebration in honor of your marriage following the ceremony... at Disney World. If anyone questions your choice about not having them at the ceremony you have a VERY valid reason: We want something simple and special and romantic, just the two of us! Done! And it is not like they are traveling to a town where there is nothing to do, it is afterall Disney!

 

[jellymanoffspring]

It helps, thank you. Just to clarify, I live far away from my family so they would have to travel anyway regardless of what we do.

Not if you travel to them to have a party! Especially if that is where all/most of the guests would be!

 

[rosiejo]

I suppose it depends how far they are going to have to travel.

We're flying out from the UK so we're just taking our close family and they're paying their own way. When we get home we're going to have a party for everyone else... well looks like we're having three, a party and two dinners as my family is spread quite far and I feel bad asking them to travel 100 miles and stay over just for the evening do - especially as I won't get a chance to talk to every one - it's different when you have all day to mingle. So we're having a party here in Bristol for friends and my DH2Bs close family, then a dinner at my mom's folks and one at my dad's. That way we do the travelling!
And I might just wear my dress to every one :0)

 

[PryncessChrysty]

Personally, I would not want to go through the hassle of going all the way down there, just to go to an Illuminations party. (Unless it was my own ). How many people are you looking to invite to the Illuminations party? Because if the total amount of people does not exceed 15 (13 guests + you & your DH2B), then you could pay an extra $100/person to be at your wedding (so it wouldn't be more than $500). If the amount your looking at exceeds that, I would just invite who you already have on your list (your DF, DFIL, etc.) and have a reception at home once you get back for everyone else.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

 

[Codie]

I personally think it is an awesome idea! The only downside is that you won't be able to wear your gown for the Illuminations...It allows your guests to enjoy disney AND celebrate your happiness!

 

[twojo21]

first off congrats & fyi-with the intimate wedding package you can add 3 extra guests for $100pp for a total of 15 guests (including your & your new ex hubby) disney doesnt promote that much but you can.

fyi - with an illuminations party unless its a custom wedding you cant wear your bridal attire in epcot.

personally my family as well as myself & my h2b irregardless of how far or short distance to florida would be hurt to be invited to disney for a wedding & then not take part in viewing your ceremony (the most important part of a wedding). i know some people in my family would not go or be mad to be excluded from the ceremony but invited to the party(not sure how your family is ?) & yes as harsh as it may sound inviting guests only to the reception & not your wedding ceremony is a big no no per etiquette. personally i would either invite just immediate family & any other close loved ones to equal only 15 guests (including you 2), elope again or just get married at home with all your family & then have a disneymoon. also check out justmarry at the swan&dolphin on disney property they have wedding packages as well & might fit your budget better.

custom weddings can have an intimate, close atmosphere (since you dont like the limelight) disney ftw really works with you. best of luck with your plans.

 

[J and R's mom]

It's your wedding. Do what YOU and DH-to-be (again) want to do. Invite who you can to the ceremony and explain to the others why they can't come to the ceremony but that you'd love to have them afterwards. If they're upset about it, then they don't need to come, PLUS it's rude of them to be angry or upset with you over it instead of being happy for the two of you and supportive of your choices. Most will understand.

That being said, DH and I were married at Sea Breeze Point on the Boardwalk. We invited both sets of parents so we were well within our guest limit, but we actually had MANY EXTRA guests (that we didn't know) watching the ceremony from the Boardwalk itself. They stopped their surreys or their walk to/from EPCOT to watch us get married and all of them clapped once it was over. Remebering this made me wonder: what if your "uninvited" guests happened to be "passing by" and watched the ceremony from the Boardwalk? It's a way for them to be there but not BE there. Of course, you may not want to be married there, but it's an idea. You still stand the chance of "offending" them, but if you explain the situation, most will understand. And if they don't...oh well, it's YOUR wedding and YOUR day.

We took the illuminations cruise after the ceremony with both sets of parents and LOVED it. It was convienient, too, because they picked us up at the boat dock right there on the Boardwalk by where we were married.

Good luck and congratulations!

P.S. We also came back home and had a big reception for the rest of our friends and family. We sent out "Announcements" to folks that we "were married at..." and then sent out "Invitations" to "celebrate the marriage of..." for the reception. Our wedding videographer had the wedding video back to us before the end of our trip so we had it playing all throughout the "reception" back at home. That way folks could see the actual ceremony if they were interested.

 

[Kismetdreams]

The Swan and Dolphin also offer packages that do not have a guest number limitation, nor a minimium expenditure. You may want to go to thier website and see what kind of packages they offer. The wedding locations are beautiful and I've not heard a complaint yet about the service, and it's still on Disney property.

Personally, I'd be a little bothered that I was spending, on average $1000 (I've gone down for friends weddings, as well as my own), to not be invited to the ceremony. It's JMHO, but I feel that if they are taking the time and money to come down to celebrate with you, then why can't they share the most important part of the day? I know the party is great and fun, but the ceremony is the big part!

 

[bride_again]

Thanks for everyone's replies. I'm more confused than ever now. I started out with just wanting 3 people plus me & DH at the wedding. Then DH thought the rest of his family would be offended to not be invited. Then we couldn't invite his family without inviting my family, and so on and so on. The reason we were planning the Illuminations party was to make other people happy, not us. We figured it would be like a family reunion since we are all scattered to the winds and never see each other. (It's been at least 5 years since I've seen my brothers and sister). I know some people are going to be hurt to not be invited to the ceremony, and I know it's a breach of etiquette to do this. I just thought more people would be hurt to be totally discluded. We already eloped once, I don't want to do that again. I guess I'll think on it some more.

 

[tallym]

Have you considered getting married off site?
Looks like we will be going to the either Leu gardens or little white wedding chapel in kissimee for our wedding.
The little white chapel looks very nice and the packages are really good. You could have up to 100 guests and its not as expensive as the disney wedding.

We are still planning to go straight to WDW afterwards, as we will probably be staying in AKL. We are hoping to do a meal at Victoria and Alberts and I will defo still be wearing my dress.

BTW Iam pretty sur you can still wear your dress on the illumonations cruise!

 

[scrump]

Am a lurker on these boards, and a hopeful Vow Renewal bride for my 5th (4 years away). For a good friend of mine, yes I would travel for an Illuminations party, a cocktail party or whatever. For a casual acquaintance, maybe not so much. Personally, for good friends of mine, if they chose to celebrate their wedding this way, I would support them. As long as it's worded correctly in the invitation, your guests can decide for themselves. I believe that most will understand. You need to do what is best for your vision of your wedding.

FWIW, I know many people have small weddings and larger receptions later on, but those are usually for destination weddings where the couple decides to host a reception in their hometown later on. The major wedding websites address this guest list dilemma and have sample invitation wordings and advice. In your case, the guests will be traveling to the ceremony location and are only invited to the reception, so I guess it's a little different. I don't think it's a breach of etiquette, but that's just my opinion. I think it is your day and your husband's day, and how you celebrate it should be up to you. I think what you are doing is fabulous.

Edited for sloppy spelling!!

 

[JonetteA]

Due to money constraints, (we are having a custom wedding), I am going to have to pick and choose who goes as well. I have personally called some of my friends and asked if it would hurt their feelings if just they got invited to the ceremony and reception (not their kids or husbands). They said they were fine with it. I am going to invite husbands and kids to the Illuminations party we are having that night. When we were going to do an intimate, I was in the same boat. But you would be surprised how many people would want to come just to the Illuminations party and not necessarily be invited to the wedding. It is just a way to have as many people there as you can afford, and still be able to celebrate with everyone, if not at the same time.

 

[Firefly Girl]

Just to clarify, Illuminations parties are only 1 hour long. And, as others have pointed out, you will not be able to wear your gown.

It is your wedding, and you ultimately can do what you want, but you will probably be hurting and alienating those you care about by asking them to fly all the way to florida for a one hour party that doesn't even really qualify as a full reception. JMHO.

 

[PryncessChrysty]

Just to clarify, Illuminations parties are only 1 hour long. And, as others have pointed out, you will not be able to wear your gown.

Sorry if this is a little OT, but this confused me a little. If she's planning on being a Disney bride, why wouldn't she be able to wear her gown to the Illuminations party? Is it because she's having an intimate?

 

[Cinderella_68]

Yes, it is because she is having an intimate wedding.

 

[DevilDuckie]

Just don't lie. Whatever you decide to do, be honest with people so they can make an informed choice. Don't invite them to a "wedding" if you're already married. (You might be very surprised to find out how many people do this. They want to be married *now* but they still want the huge party and the gifts and they don't want their guests to know they're already married because it might lower their haul. No kidding, people have said this on bride boards.)

An invitation can use phrases like "reception" "blessing of our marriage" etc. I've seen lots of cute "we eloped, come celebrate with us" invites. Some have said that as it's not a wedding such a reception should be hosted by someone other than the couple, but that's a fairly traditional Emily Post viewpoint, so take it with a grain of salt.

Some may decide to travel to attend a celebration of a marriage that has already taken place, but some will choose not to. Personally, I'd skip the travelling for either unless you were a best friend or a sibling but that's about finances more than anything. Most of my friends and family could not afford to fly to a destination wedding, so don't take "regrets" personally- I'm sure most would love to be there with you.

Best wishes and blessings on your day.

 

[WonderWomanDC]

IMHO an invitation is just an invitation. You invite people to whatever you want - and they can decide whether to accept or decline. As long as you are understanding that some people will choose not to make the trip, then I don't see anything wrong with doing things this way. I have seen ppl who are having intimates invite additional people to watch the ceremony from a few hundred yards, and I think that is very inappropriate. But what you are suggesting seems reasonable to me.