Need advise on what to do about MIL

[damo]

My MIL is 82 years old. She has had heart valve problems for a long time and last September she had a valve replaced. She got through the surgery fine. When she came home she was very depressed but we got her through all of that. To make a long story short, she is still not feeling very well. Has bouts of dizziness, shortness of breath etc. but she does live on her own and is very self sufficient. She still drives, has no aches and pains but feels very sorry for herself. She was a devout Catholic but hasn't been to church since Christmas. She has stopped any social activities and seems to exist only for our weekly visits. (we live about an hour away). She says she can't be bothered with friends and church!

Any suggestions on how to get her to make something out of her life? She actually told us that she wishes she hadn't had her surgery. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have lived another 3 months. I don't know what to do for her anymore! How do you give someone the will to live again? Any suggestions?

 

[mamajoan]

Has MIL discussed her depression with her doc? Does she even realize that she is depressed? If not , you and your dh may want to call her doc to discuss your valid concern with him. Many people become mildly-severly depressed after cardiac surgery. A small anti=depressent or mood elevator may help her situation. It may help her gain her social desire again.

best wishes,
Joan

 

[Serena]

That is so sad. It sounds like she is somehow punishing herself.

Is it possible for you to take her places, like out to see her friends and to church? Maybe if she gets a dose of how fun it was, maybe she'd do it more often.

 

[Disneydenise]

How about getting in touch with the pastor of her old parish. I think they have a ministry that is trained to deal with these folks and the depression that can occur after surgeries like this. I am catholic and I know that going to mass weekly does refill your spiritual plate. If she is unable to make it to mass they will send a Eucharistic minister to your home with communion. It really maybe just a few short visits with a clergy member to get your MIL back to her self again. My dad is 80 and they are a different generation they don't think they need help ever but sometimes we all need help from places we didn't even think. A devout catholic doesn't just turn away from the church. I am sure she is quietly trying to sort thru things that may just be too big for her right now. This is when the church needs to come to you. That is what it is there for. It may take a while for the pastor to get back to you but don't let this slide, with all that is wrong right now in our world and the catholic church they can't afford to let another member just fall away. That wouldn't be what Jesus would do. God Bless you all and I hope that you will write again when your MIL is feeling better.

 

[lil mermaid]

Clinical depression is very, very common in older adults. Is there a way that you or DH can discuss this with her doctor, if she won't? Possibly she can be prescribed an antidepressant that could help her.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[gepetto]

Should she still be driving if she's having dizzy spells?

 

[CarolA]

OK. We have had to LIE to my Grandmother to get her to take antidepressants. You may need to enlist the help of your doctor. My Grandmother's doctor has tried several times to get her to take these pills. His latest tact is to tell her they are energy pills. (We will see if that works, the time before they were to help her sleep better after 3 days she announced they did not work and threw them away!) I realize some of you will think it is horrible to lie, but for some people the whole idea of taking these pills is a sign of failure and they won't do it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Contact the church and let them know what is going on. A nice visit from the priest mat not solve things but it may make her/you feel better.
Go to church with her, maybe.
We knew when my grandma stopped praying the rosary daily that things were not good.
{HUGS}