Need advice

[Tinkerbelle14]

Ok, so here is the dilemma. When DH2B and I originally decided on a destination wedding with only 8 family members total as our guests, a lot of people were upset. They only calmed down when we mentioned we might have an at home reception. Well, the time is counting down and we still haven't booked a place. Now the problem. DH2B and I really don't want an at home reception. We don't want to have to go through planning two weddings basically. We wanted a destination wedding because of how easy it could be planned and we wouldn't have to do much while finishing up school, now we are thinking what was the point if we are going to have to plan a big thing at home anyways? Also, we don't want people to think that it is a money grab for us in any way as it would only be a buffet type deal on a Sunday afternoon in late June.

So basically, when it comes down to it, neither of us are looking forward to an at home reception or really want one, however, we think that other family members (especially my dad) would really like us to have one. As my dad said "it is only 4 hours on 1 day and people will appreciate it", but all the planning takes time.

So I need some opinions from my fellow Disney brides (and those grooms out there!). What do you think we should do? What would you do? Thanks in advance!

 

[JandJ]

Oh, I can totally relate! We had the same thing. I wanted a Disney wedding and when we had to eliminate people from the guest list they started grumbling, not to me or DH, but to my parents and his parents and other family members who were attending. And they really had an issue that we invited my best friend, who my parents thought of like a daughter and who introduced me and DH, but not my grandpa who is 91 and couldn't make it to Orlando anyway! Part of the reason I wanted an Intimate Disney wedding was it gave me a built in excuse to not invite people! I have about 100 cousins (not much of an exageration) and some of them I just do not like, I didn't want them at my wedding but if you invite one you have to invite them all.

So we planned a casual at-home reception for 6 weeks after the wedding, buffet, about 100 people, but it was so hard to plan, especially being 250 miles away from my parent's town where the reception would have been. I was so stressed that I started getting sore throats and couldn't sleep. Well, 4 months before the wedding my mother got very sick and I could not take the stress so DH and I sat down with my father and we agreed that with the cost and the planning and mom being ill we should just cancel the at-home reception. Mom passed and that was the most horrible thing that could happen. But in the end canceling that reception saved my sanity.

Maybe because I lost my mom, I can't say for sure, but anyone who complained about not coming to the wedding and then we canceled the at-home reception, they still came to my showers and still sent cards. We knew we wouldn't get a bunch of presents or money, nor were we looking for that, but a lot of family acknowledged the event in some way.

I see your father's point of view, and I'm sure he's very excited to show you off, his daughter the bride, but ultimately you have to be the one to decide. If you can't do it you have to just say I'm sorry but we can't do it. I know it is a very difficult thing to do, to please your family and make yourself happy too. All I can do is send you a hug and wish you lots of luck

 

[Soon2BDDavis]

You know, Jessica? I am going through the same thing. My fiance' has no concept of what all of this entails, so he wants to invite the entire world. We decided not to have a traditional wedding to save money, and now he wants to invite all one million of is relatives to Orlando, too! I originally wanted a destination wedding for the same reason JandJ did (because I did not want to fool with family), but it seems that I am stressing either way. I think that we both are going to have to make some hard decisions. Since it our day, we may appear selfish, but we are going to have to do what we have to do.

 

[JonetteA]

Here is what we are going to do for an at home party for friends and the family that wants to come. We are just going to have it at the house. No stress, no mess. We are going to get BBQ and buy some pop, and maybe have cake or brownies. And if people want to watch the wedding on the video they can and look at the pictures. We are not going to rent a space or get all fancied up. Just casual and FUN. (and inexpensive)

 

[PookieB]

I can say I had the same problem also. I wanted a intimate wedding (10 people or less) because I would have never made it down the aisle with 100 people there. So I had to scratch all my friends and other family and just do immediate family. It worked out great..I was very relaxed.We originally planned a at home reception but because of the cost and my husbands mothers heart surgery it was cancelled 2 months before the wedding and honestly it was a big relief. I could focus more on the wedding and honeymoon. The best part is in August my in-laws threw a engagement party and everyone got to celebrate with us ..so we just left it at that. I still may send out announcements when I get the wedding pictures back, depending on cost. So I understand your stress. Just remember to do what makes you happy..its your wedding! GL

 

[bettyann29]

We were going to have a destination wedding on a beach in Jamaica with only our kids there but after having to listen to parents, siblings grumble we decided to do a wedding here at home.. Yikes.. it is so much more detailed than I was looking forward to.. My best friend told me tonight she will be my maid of honor.. so I am really looking to her to help me with this.. Its very overwhelming..

 

[twojo21]

we invited family & a few close friends to wdw for our dw & all others will receive a wedding announcement with a wedding photo. the people whom we love & are close too will be at the dw celebrating with us. were not having an at home reception.

if you want an at home reception & can afford it, it is a nice gesture but not necessary. since your dad wants the ahr ask that he plan it then & keep it casual. best of luck.

27 days to go!

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Thanks everyone for the advice! We are still debating right now on what to do. I'll keep you updated though!

 

[melmel]

We're doing an at home reception. It's almost 3 months after our wedding, but Christmas was in there so we needed more time. All we're doing is deli trays, bbq, soup, and sides. We are having another wedding cake but that's the only hint that this is a wedding party. Everything else is LOW key. No dress, no dancing, none of it. We are having it because like your family everyone was complaining to us too. We did rent a hall but only because there are so many people, and it's just a room no catering no sit down meal, none of it. As for the fear everyone will think it's a money grab, we've had no one think that (amazingly) I was afraid of that too. We've had some people ask about registries, and some haven't. We've basically told anyone who asks that it's their decision what they do, that wasn't the original intention of the party, but if they want to they are welcome to bring something.

What you could always do is tell your family that if it's that important to them, then they can plan it. Our moms are throwing us our party. While we had total say, we also didn't have to put out all the work for it. I'm helping but it's not my job. Much less stressful.

Melissa

 

[KerTggr]

My suggestion is get someone else to do it. We decided on a disney wedding not because it's less planning, but because it's Disney. The less planning/stress is just an added bonus. We are only inviting 2 friends and our families to this. My sister (MOH) is going to host an at home reception for us. This is probably going to be mostly our friends at that point, so we are going casual (it helps that our song is "Forever in Blue Jeans") and she is just ordering in food (from a local mexican place - pretty cheap for the taco bar) and is going to have our pics out, a laptop if people want to see the others or order any, and music playing. She is planning on just making cupcakes for people to have as wedding cakes.

 

[MEME]

I was in the same dilemma last year. We had an intimate wedding planned for October 2005, with about 15 guests. This was indeed the easy part of it all. However, my husband's immediate family is at least 60+ and they all have been waiting and anticipating our wedding for years. My husband could not stomach not having a reception for his close net family. However, I knew all of the planning was up to me!

Although, I dreaded the additional cost and time initially, I am so pleased that we did have a post-wedding celebration. It was fabulous! The plus side also is that I was able to order the wedding cake of my dreams (you can view it at: Click here and then scroll to find the "Dots and Monogram Cake" . It was sooooo beautiful.

The extra money we had to flip was well worth it in the end because our family was so supportive and happy for us. We ended up renting a beautiful indoor banquet facility that had a full kitchen, banquet hall, dance floor with wood burning fireplace. It was just really nice! It was at a hidden park located here in Indy. It was fall so the trees were covered in autumn leaves, it had a lake with a water fountain and even some picnic tables. The facility had its own tables and chairs (really nice) and held 150 people. The weather was perfect!

Our actual wedding date was October 4, however we stayed in Disney for week. Therefore, we booked our post-celebration for Oct. 16 ---> which was a Sunday. We had a buffet style dinner, punch, champagne and cake.

We saved $$ by being able to bring food to the facility (no catering cost). My mom hired a friend of hers who is a cater, but at a substanially lower cost because she really only prepared the ham, vegetables, meatballs and dinner rolls.

We purchased chicken and fruit trays from a place called MCL. I rented the punch bowl fountain and made the punch by purchasing supplies (concentrated punch) and 7-Up. My husband purchased bulk champagne from COSTCO, which is where I was able to also buy some decorating flowers (they sell 2 DOZEN real, long stem roses for $13.99).

All in all it was worth it to see my family, his family, combined enjoying each others company and celebrating our love.

If you need any tips, feel free to pm me.

Oh, by the way, I did my own elegant invitations for my wedding and post celebration too, this saved $$. I got all my kits from Target on sale !!! (I was able to get 25pk invitiation kits for $3.99 ---they included bows too)

 

[Mary626]

I am in the same boat right now!!! I'm having a custom wedding, so I've actually invited most of our friends and family, but of course since it's in florida most can't make it... But my mother in law really wants to have an after-wedding reception to invite all those people who can't make it..

well in my opnion, if they can't make it then it's there fault!!! But I agreed, thinking at first it would be like 15 close family members or so.. maybe just do something at the house you know, order some pizza whatever..

but now it is turning into this huge thing where this family and that family should be invited, and my fiance says he wants so-and-so invited too because they're like family, and then so-and-so are like family too... and it's like arghhhhhh!!!!!!! I don't like being the center of THAT much attention and I don't want it to turn into a huge ordeal!!!

But my mother in law is paying for it and it's really important to her so I don't know how to ssay "no" just because I don't want a huge ordeal made out of this..

Anyway, I obviously have no advice since I'm going through the same thing lol! Goodluck I hope we can both find a good compromise with our families

 

[friendofgusgus]

Jessica-

We are having an at-home reception, by our own doing, for a lot of the reasons your dad has mentioned to you. My grandmother will not be able to make the trip and I really don't think it's fair to her to allow her to see me in my gown only in pictures. Plus, there is just not enough room for even our immediate families in the 18 guests allowed, so we were able to have some of them "un-invite" themselves - they felt much better not making the trip to Disney knowing that they would still have a chance to celebrate with us.

We did choose a place that will do most of the work for us - we are having a buffet brunch on 12/31/06 at 39.95 pp including our cake and bar (plus tax and service, of course) but they do all our decorating for us and the buffet means that people will mingle without my having to worry about a band, entertainment, etc.

Even with our at-home reception costs, our wedding will be less than $10K for both Florida and home, and that's right on our budget.

And as an aside, I have not found planning a destination wedding to be less work - there are still all of the ceremony decisions to be made and the travel plans as well. Just a thought...

Good luck!

Jennifer
12/11/06
Intimate
Wedding Pavillion/Commanders Terrace

 

[Codie]

The at home reception was the easiest thing I did...find something easy! The reception hall i found did everything (and for cheap). We were worried about the "money grab" appearance, but we did not hide that it was a cocktail reception and not a sit down reception. I wore my dress, my dad got to invite all his business people, i invited my whole office (about 30 people) and dh's office, and all the family that griped about having to go all the way to florida. It was easy and it was just like an additional shower but larger and much more profitable;-)

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Thanks everyone for the advice. We decided to go ahead and have the at-home reception, but my mom is doing all the running around, we just are the "yes", "no" and "veto!" people now. Luckily we found a place at a local winery that is $250 for tables, linens, chairs, plates, set up, take down, etc. And it is an indoor room with a large patio attached. This way we can have the outside reception we wanted but have a place to go if it rains! We also wanted sort of a cocktail buffet rather than a sit down meal, so for $15 a head we get cheeses, fruit, pumpernickel bread with spinach dip, honey garlic meatballs, veggie platter and croissant sandwiches.
I decided that this was really important to my dad and family, so if they want to plan most of it, then fine by me. If all I have to do is get dressed and drive over, then OK!

 

[Laurafoster]

I had the same issue with my family! Luckily once i mentioned it was a disney wedding they all got excited and cancelled their own plans to join us! same cannot be said for my fiances family! His aunt and uncle + their kids who he is really close to has said sheis unable to fly and could we get married at disneyland paris? and the other aunt and uncle said they cannot afford to go - which was fne, untill the spent over £1000 on a new PC and both the aunts+uncles have now booked a holiday in greece together in the summer - meaning basically they dint want to go.

So i said im not throwing an at home reception for people who cannot tell me the truth at least!