Need Advice/Thoughts Re:Good Friend and her Wedding *UPDATE PG 2*

[kbeverina]

Our rehearsal dinner was probably my favorite part of our whole wedding. It was a true celebration, all the family and friends closest to us. I've felt that way about most rehearsal dinners I've attended. At the reception you're trying to spend time with everyone, especially those you don't see as much. The close family and friends in the wedding party aren't the focus of your time.

I think your friend's idea is not well thought out. I don't understand having a wedding party if you're just having immediate family to celebrate afterward. It's like having your cake and eating it, too. Choose one or the other. If you don't want to host the wedding party afterward, you need to give that part of your wedding up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree, I loved the rehearsal dinners, I don't think they are foolish at all. Some of them were very wonderful & touching. It is your "last chance" to be with your family single.

 

[RUDisney]

I liked my rehearsal dinner as much or more than my reception. The rehearsal was in a Legion Hall. It was "catered" by me, my Mom and MIL. It was just our family and bridal party. It was cozy, inexpensive and fun.

How can you invite people to be in your wedding and to celebrate your joy and not want to have a meal with them? I don't get it. A meal doesn't have to be a sit down affair, it can be hors deuvres, cake, etc. The sharing of food tradition goes back for centuries. It shows your appreciation for those who have given of their time and congratulations on your special occasion.

We didn't want a penny from our parents, but we made sure that we did what we wanted to do and we made sure to feed our guests and treat them in a special way.

Your friend needs to know the perception that people will have of this idea of hers. You can't undo an embarassing moment once it is past.

My BIL and SIL got married on a Saturday night with just their immediate families present. Afterwards, they chose to go out to dinner by themselves. They did this because they were certain that my MIL would ruin their vision of the perfect day. They were probably right since she had a big part of breaking up his first marriage.

But, I think they were selfish to not want to share a meal with their guests. But, then again, we were told of the wedding and invited to the ceremony on the Friday before it took place. To each their own... but you don't insult someone by inviting them to a wedding just for a gift. For them, it was like eloping, but with immediate family present.

 

[Laura]

Not having a rehearsal dinner doesn't sound that bad. It's the "I'm taking the 'rents to dinner after the rehearsal and you get to pay for my bachelorette party after we're done eating" idea that bugs me.

And having cake and punch after a wedding wouldn't cost much; I can't see why they couldn't do that for an afternoon wedding.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Aimeedyan
They will be having a wedding of sorts, to please her parents

She already feels that her dream wedding is ruined anyways because her dream is to elope with her FI.

Ugh! They should get married the way THEY want to, not the way the parents want it!!!!

 

[Aimeedyan]

Well, went to dinner with her last night and I was DREADING it because I just knew i was going to have to say something to her...

Turns out, once again, she's totally changed the wedding around, and is very happy with how things are going to be. Her mom told her that there was NO WAY she was having people fly in from the North East and not feed them dinner or have a short reception... she said that what her mom said made sense, and they've abandoned that idea. She seemed at peace about it, and is excited about the plans.

His parents have BEGGED to help pay for the wedding, and they have accepted their help once they realized how badly they wanted to help. PLUS, her parents finally convinced them that they should take their money and support.

So, she's having a beautiful wedding at a church in Dallas, followed by a hor deurves reception at their banquet hall following... And his parents are hosting a Rehearsal Dinner at a restaurant in Dallas the night of the rehearsal. They still have plans to take the families out to dinner, but only after the 2 hours reception (not in lieu of). They still want to go out with the bridal party late that night, but are going to host this as well in thanks to the Bridal Party, not expecting us to pay.

So it worked out without me having to say anything! She has become a beaming bride to be, and came to dinner armed with pictures of her bridal gown =) She's now the Julie I knew before

Thanks for all your advice!

 

[Winka]

I skipped right over to the update...all I can say is THANK THE LORD!!!

 

[jcemom]

How wonderful that everything is working out...and that YOU didn't have to be the one to say anything!

 

[Octoberbride03]

I totally understand your feelings from your first post. I don't have time to go through all of the other posts now, though i did see 1 that said you should wait till the wedding is closer to comment on the situation.

I completely disagree. Comment NOW, while plans are still up the air. Before any deposits are made on a wedding venue. I understand that they don't want a reception or anything like that. But trust me, June weddings are mega-popular. And just finding and reserving a wedding site is gonna be a challenge, and require a deposit months in advance if they want more than a few guests.

I'd just tell them, that i know how much they'd rather elope than put on a wedding and in the interest of encouraging a full elopement, then you're pulling out of the ceremony. Send them brochures of places to elope if you want. There are lots of couples who still elope and they have nothing to feel guilty about if that's what they wanna do.

Course, if Dh and i had really wanted to elope, we would have announced our engagement but not a wedding date. And at some point we would have just gone off and gotten married and sent postcards, saying that we did it!

 

[Octoberbride03]

That's what i get for not seeing an update.

 

[RUDisney]

I am truly glad that everything worked out for the best.

 

[Mimi Q]

Glad it all worked out without you having to say anything to your friend. Sounds like it will be a lovely wedding.