Need advice on a hard choice, not dis related!! need opinions from mom's!!

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm having the same problem DD is 8 months and I work full time but have been getting home around 6 p.m. most evenings after I pick up DD those are Bankers hours and she gets dropped off at 745 we leave the house at 715 long day. I have been thinking of going part time we can't really afford it but at the same time. It's a very long day for DD in Dayare. What would be yor opnion?

KELLY

That has to be rough on both of you. You mentioned that you need the money, but how much is daycare? Around my neck of the woods it runs about $1600+ a month. Would it work better if you worked pt and maybe traded off care of your dd with dh? This way you didn't have to pay for daycare so it would balance out. I know how scary it can be to stop working or go part time- but believe me- you will make it work if that is what you choose. I was a bit nervous to stop working too but it somehow works out. I hope this helps. Whatever you decide good luck!

 

[1stWDWtrip]

I'm having the same problem DD is 8 months and I work full time but have been getting home around 6 p.m. most evenings after I pick up DD those are Bankers hours and she gets dropped off at 745 we leave the house at 715 long day. I have been thinking of going part time we can't really afford it but at the same time. It's a very long day for DD in Dayare. What would be yor opnion?

KELLY

When my daughter was born 7 years ago, I figured out what I spent on daycare to have her and son both in daycare plus the extra gas to run them there and pick them up... I was not really making much money. Not enough to be worth a 40 hour work week!! I might have brought home 15% - 25% of my actual take home pay when all was said and done. We might have been out the money each week, but after you deducted all of those other expenses for the daycare, it pretty much evened out. I never regreted quiting my job and making a few changes to "make it"!!

 

[budbeerlady]

I have an only also. I was at home in the beginning but as much as I love DD I am a better mom when she and i are not together 24/7. DD loves being with other kids, she doesnt even want to stay home with me anymore. She wants to go out and have lunch, play with some other kids. (I have created a mall monster!!!!) Give it a try, it would be good for your only to see you interact and for themselves also with other kids. I agree you would need a back up plan for if your child or yourself was sick.

 

[Kelnstephen]

Daycare is only 240.00 a month. My mother owns a daycare so I get a great rate it is the same full time or part time. I'm lucky I know. But I do think she is there to long.

Kelly

 

[100AcreWood]

I'm having the same problem DD is 8 months and I work full time but have been getting home around 6 p.m. most evenings after I pick up DD those are Bankers hours and she gets dropped off at 745 we leave the house at 715 long day. I have been thinking of going part time we can't really afford it but at the same time. It's a very long day for DD in Dayare. What would be yor opnion?

KELLY

That is a long day. Would you consider providing day care for 1 or 2 other kids? I'm not sure how much in home providers make but that may provide enough income to stay home.

 

[Suzanne74]

I am a SAHM to a 4yr old dd and TTC another right now. I considered being a nanny to another child but only if it was in my home. I opted not to do it and we just make do with one salary. If you can afford not to I wouldn't unless they would consider bringing the baby to my home and offer me a car seat so we could all go out and do things like the mall, shopping, parks, playgrounds etc...

9 hrs couped up in someone else's home is A LOT for you let alone your child. You didn't mention your child's age but none of her/his stuff would be there and if your child is a baby, 2 babies are tough, if not then you would be spending a great deal of time feeding, changing and holding the baby which would take away lots of time with your child or cause you to feel some pressure on the whole situation.

Maybe consider doing it but take a child that is your childs age so they can play and make sure it is in your home. That would be worth it, IMO.

HTH

 

[kizmac]

The fact that you say that you can deal without the extra cash, but the cash would be nice has my opinion swaying towards saying---don't take the job. Honestly, the more you make sometimes can get you in trouble by making you become relient upon that money and then you are trapped. For instance....SIL was a SAHM for quite a few years, the older kids were in school and she decided to pick up a waitressing job to aid in paying off their debt. With in six months she not only still had most of that debt but now had a brand new truck and a new camper. Years went on and she had two more kids who are now young at 2 & 5 and she can't be the SAHM with them because she is trapped into working. Sure she made her own bed, but she had more money and made more bills and many people do end up doing the same thing.

I personally would pass. Unless you really need the money.

ETA: I just reread your post and 9-6 in someone else's house 5 days a week I would not even consider it for that fact alone. Also, DD only has a short time left and then school starts...enjoy that time with one another. I agree with the other poster on offering to be a back up maybe.

 

[luvmy2sams]

If money is not an issue, then I would run the other way...fast. Those are awfully long hours for you...not to mention for your DD. It would be a big adjustment for everyone, and getting around town with someone else's child is never as easy as you think it's going to be. I might vote "yes" if the hours were a lot less and if you had the option of watching the child in your home. Otherwise, it sounds like too much of a sacrifice, no matter the money involved.

I volunteered to watch an acquaintance's almost 3-year-old son during the school year beginning last August...11am to 3pm only. It seemed like a great set-up...my DS2.5 and this boy could play, and I wouldn't be tied down with him when school was out and DD was home. Within a week I knew that it was a big mistake. The boy was taking huge doses of prednisone, which made him extremely violent, and has other emotional issues I was previously unaware of as well. His mom's solution was to whack him with a spoon, which never would fly in my house. Whack my own kids....possibly .... but never someone else's child. Nothing worked with this little boy, and believe me, I tried everything to get through to him. I sucked it up, though, because I'd made a commitment, and because the woman's DH had recently deployed to Iraq. With 3 other kids, she had enough to deal with without having to look for another sitter. We couldn't go anywhere because you never knew when/if he was going to fly off the handle and try to hurt either himself or someone else. Fast forward to the middle of April, and after 2 weeks of him peeing all over my house while his mom insisted that he was potty trained, I told her something had to give. Bottom line...my DS resented him deeply...wanted nothing to do with him because of the unpredictable outbursts and still screams "No Moose (the boy's nickname)!" every time we see him at the school. I could have done kartwheels down the school hall when she told me she was going to find another sitter for the boy, and I'll always regret those months that I spent dealing with someone else's child instead of enjoying my own. Harsh words, I know, but it's the truth.

Good luck with making a decision that you and your family can live with.

 

[jennilouwho]

After thinking it over some more and reading the other posts, I think you probably shouldn't do it as well. I think I'm in a different situation where I've been with this family so long that it's a little more appealing. They have tons of toys at their house already, I can take the kids where I want (grocery shopping, etc), I am switching to part time... Things like that. If it's a new client, then I do think 9 hours a day will kill you! Especially if your child is away from all of her things. Could you maybe work Tuesdays and Thursdays and they could hire someone else for Monday, Wednesday, Friday? Then if you or the other care giver gets sick, you could cover each other?

 

[hollyb]

After thinking it over some more and reading the other posts, I think you probably shouldn't do it as well. I think I'm in a different situation where I've been with this family so long that it's a little more appealing. They have tons of toys at their house already, I can take the kids where I want (grocery shopping, etc), I am switching to part time... Things like that. If it's a new client, then I do think 9 hours a day will kill you! Especially if your child is away from all of her things. Could you maybe work Tuesdays and Thursdays and they could hire someone else for Monday, Wednesday, Friday? Then if you or the other care giver gets sick, you could cover each other?

Hardly think being away 9 hours a day will kill anyone. I did it for 7 years with both of my kids. They were with me and had friends to play with, while I made awesome money. Shocker no one died.

 

[Mainebound]

I'm a stay at home mom and have been for the past year. I have the chance to either stay home and get as much quality time I can with DD while she is little since she is going to be our only child (no flames had a rough pregnancy) or I can be a nanny 5days a week and bring DD with me to watch a 4mo old little one. It would be 5days a week 9am to 6pm so full time.

Yes we can deal without the extra cash, but yes the extra cash would be nice also.

What would you do, I'm having a very hard time deciding if this is what I would want to do. My hard part is thinking that DD would be in this persons house without all her toys and her bed and out of her area she is used to, but I could bring in some extra money.

Thanks

I haven't read the whole thread, but honestly, as I read your post, the way your descirbe it, your choice is already basically made. You obviously place a very high priority on spending time with your DD, you are concerend what the move would do to her, and you characterize the job not as a necessity but as "nice extra money". So it seems like you should not take this job now. But maybe leave the door open to another job in 6 months or next year.

Either choice would be ok in the long run, I am sure. I have worked full time since my boys were infants and we have a fantastic family and they are fantastic children. We all need to make our own choices as mothers and get support for them.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Nancyg56]

I can't tell you what is best for your family, but I can share my thoughts. I left my job to watch my DGD for my DD and SIL. DH thought I might like to watch another little girl so DGD would have someone to play with, and I would have extra spending money. I thought about it because there did not seem to be a downside, but decided against it. I did not want to compromise DGD if the other little one was not feeling well, or decide against taking her to her play dates and activities at the Y if the other little one did not adjust. I also was afraid that being with Nana might turn into a daycare environment instead of a great day. For us, this was the best decision because I get to enjoy her, and she has my undivided attention. I know that I may have felt differently if I was the Mom instead of the Nana, (I don't have the stamina at 49 that I had at 29) but in the end determined to live without the extra money.

Whatever you decide, best of luck.

 

[jennilouwho]

Hardly think being away 9 hours a day will kill anyone. I did it for 7 years with both of my kids. They were with me and had friends to play with, while I made awesome money. Shocker no one died.

Well, I don't think it will literally kill her. But it sounds like her DD is older and this baby is so little there won't be much there for her daughter to do. If she was the same age as the DD, then I think it could work out well. I just know once the twins I nanny turned 2 1/2 I said that I would either need carseats so we could get out once in awhile or I would have to be done. Being trapped in the house for 8 hours a day is not for me. I would not keep working after my baby gets here if I didn't have the relationship with the family I nanny for, that I do. I don't know. I thought she should try it at first, but the more I thought about it, it probably wouldn't be all that fun for her or DD. I wish her luck in making her decision!

 

[Sherri]

Time goes by so fast. Its a tough call. I say if you can swing staying home then I would choose that. I stayed home with my kids, but got very lucky to get a part time job at our local YMCA. It was the best because I opened up and worked 5:30am-8:00am and every other weekend. It was so nice because in the morning my husband was with them and they were still asleep anyway, and every other weekend it gave them time with him since they were always with me. Best part was the free family membersip I got and discount on swim lessons and such.
Being a nanny can be rough. Then what if your child is sick, do you still go to work? What if the other children are sick, if you bring your child will your child get sick? There is a lot to consider. Now that my kids are 13 and 14, I am glad that I did what I did. I still work very part time during to school year, no weekends and no summer. Of course some of my friends who had two "real" incomes moved on to big and better homes and such. But I am perfectly happy with my choice. No regrets for me. Well atleast as far as choosing not to work goes. Good luck.

 

[goodeats]

It doesn't sound like a good idea to me. What if your daughter got hurt at the house and your attention was diverted and something happened to the baby? Or what if your daughter did something to the baby?(Not intentionally of course, but these things happen). It would put you in an awfully awkward position. The hours are awfully long too.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

I think it's a tough call for any mom to make. Generally, the research that I'm familiar with shows that there's no substitute that's as good as mom for very little ones. Great Britain has been doing the nanny thing for a long time, so the research is pretty solid. On the other hand, GB continues to have nannies, so it's also not the end of the world either.

Since you'll be with your daughter, it could be great for both kids. After all, lots of moms have two kids! Since you said you don't plan on having any more children, your daughter will always be an only child, so the interaction might do her some real good.

My concern would be the liability issue. What happens if something goes wrong? Are you going through a company that will provide insurance for you?
And what happens when your daughter is sick? If both of those bases are covered, I'd say go for it.