Need advice...can't think straight coz I'm too upset :(

[farjojo]

Hi all and thanks in advance for any advice.

As our countdown says, we are planning our wedding at WDW in May 2010. I have such a dilemma though and I've been sat here crying because I don't know what to do.

I have been talking to my mum this weekend and she has admitted that she is worried about the journey over on the plane and the amount of walking that would be involved when we are at WDW. She suffers really badly with her legs and back and can only walk short distances and realisticly, she doesn't feel that she will be able to make the journey. She said it has been worrying her since we announced our plans but that she would never want to miss my wedding.

I then suggested to her that we have the wedding at home and still have the Disneymoon with just our 3 kids......but......I really really want to get married at Disney!! I just know that if I insist on getting married at WDW, she will force herself to make the journey and that would make me feel like a right b***h!!

I have been looking at venues around where I live as well as at Gretna Green in Scotland (UK brides will know about this) but tbh my heart is not in it at all!! The problem is though that I couldn't imagine getting married without my mum with me as she is my best friend....but I don't feel like getting married now! OMG I sound so selfish but I can't help the way I feel. I just feel that I will have to get married somewhere over here that I am not 100% happy with.

What the heckers do I do??? Get married at home so I can have my mum with me.....or get married at Disney that feels so right in my heart but my mum won't be there. Our kids have been so excited about the Disney wedding too and I feel that we are letting them down too (just to add to my own guilt!!)

This is both mine and DF's 2nd marriage and we have both done the whole big family wedding before and we don't want that again. That was the idea behind going to Scotland so not too many would come along. What finished me off about Gretna Green is that it is apparently like a 'conveyor belt'....sitting in a waiting room til it is our turn to get married!!! That sounds like going to the dentist to me!!

Please excuse the long post but I have been sat here crying like a baby because I feel so low about my wedding now.

Jo x

 

[bridetobe789]

Take a deep breath... okay so How long is the flight coming over from there? Not clue about that? Maybe you can talk to her about her options .. such as definitely booking far in advance plane wise to have front row so she'll have more leg room-- she can even possibly get something from her dr to help her relax on the flight... then when you guys get here just make sure there is a wheelchair reserved so you can limit her walking. Everything as disney is so wheelchair accessible!! Maybe if you just put it that way and just reiterate how important it is for you to have your dream wedding at disney but how it wouldn't be perfect if she wasn't there. Hopefully if she knows her options and how easy you can make it for her maybe she will come around!

 

[Bolanette87]

Firstly,

My Fiancee's cousin got married at Gretna Green the other week, and I know what you mean about the Conveyor Belt thing.... It also seems very dull.... We weren't even at the wedding and I was just bored to tears looking at the photos.... (If my future MIL says: "At our Kerrys wedding...." once more to me I shall lamp her!!) so I truely understand why you don't want to do that.

I can basically only echo what bridetobe789 has already said... If you make the journey as easy as possible on her, and have options like a wheelchair, etc ready at the other end. If you explain this to her she might feel more positive about it all!

I do hope you get it sorted lovely!

Bob xoxoxox

 

[Starr W.]

I see plenty of wheelchairs and ECV's when we are at WDW. My late father had a bad hip and sitting on transatlantic flights weren't bad for him. We use to wheelie him through the airport.

Perhaps she's worried about something other than the flight/walking issue. Why don't you talk to her, it's not like you have to book the WDW stuff right now.

 

[torsie24]

Also, if you can spare the extra money, virgin's premium economy is only an extra couple of hundred £s but you get LOADS of extra width and legroom.

I've sat in the front row of premium and had about 10ft of empty space in front of me, and have never seen it fully booked. Would be a lot more comfortable for her.

 

[Starr W.]

Also, if you can spare the extra money, virgin's premium economy is only an extra couple of hundred £s but you get LOADS of extra width and legroom.

I've sat in the front row of premium and had about 10ft of empty space in front of me, and have never seen it fully booked. Would be a lot more comfortable for her.

Hey thanks for that info, I'll put that in my memory bank(DH is really tall and loves extra leg room).

 

[farjojo]

Take a deep breath... okay so How long is the flight coming over from there? Not clue about that? Maybe you can talk to her about her options .. such as definitely booking far in advance plane wise to have front row so she'll have more leg room-- she can even possibly get something from her dr to help her relax on the flight... then when you guys get here just make sure there is a wheelchair reserved so you can limit her walking. Everything as disney is so wheelchair accessible!! Maybe if you just put it that way and just reiterate how important it is for you to have your dream wedding at disney but how it wouldn't be perfect if she wasn't there. Hopefully if she knows her options and how easy you can make it for her maybe she will come around!

Thanks for the reply. I think the flight is 8hrs+ so it is quite long. I did mention the wheelchair option to her but it didn't go down too well tbh. I am going to speak to DF on Wednesday when he gets back from work and see if he can think of some way around this.

Firstly,

My Fiancee's cousin got married at Gretna Green the other week, and I know what you mean about the Conveyor Belt thing.... It also seems very dull.... We weren't even at the wedding and I was just bored to tears looking at the photos.... (If my future MIL says: "At our Kerrys wedding...." once more to me I shall lamp her!!) so I truely understand why you don't want to do that.

I can basically only echo what bridetobe789 has already said... If you make the journey as easy as possible on her, and have options like a wheelchair, etc ready at the other end. If you explain this to her she might feel more positive about it all!

I do hope you get it sorted lovely!

Bob xoxoxox

OMG you have hit the nail on the head....DULL!! I wanted a wedding that we and the kids would remember always and Disney just ticks every box for me. I think I will definately have to talk to her again about how I feel.

I see plenty of wheelchairs and ECV's when we are at WDW. My late father had a bad hip and sitting on transatlantic flights weren't bad for him. We use to wheelie him through the airport.

Perhaps she's worried about something other than the flight/walking issue. Why don't you talk to her, it's not like you have to book the WDW stuff right now.

I think you may be right about other issues worrying her....I think it is the journey and the walking but also the expense too. Both of my parents are in their 60's and my mum worrys about saving all the time incase my dad has to finish work. I think it is also bothering her that if she comes to WDW with us, my dad has said he won't come. He is a bit of a stubborn old boot but my mum said that he just doesn't want to go there. I know that Disney is not really my mum's idea of fun either really so that makes it more difficult as she isn't excited like we are.

Also, if you can spare the extra money, virgin's premium economy is only an extra couple of hundred £s but you get LOADS of extra width and legroom.

I've sat in the front row of premium and had about 10ft of empty space in front of me, and have never seen it fully booked. Would be a lot more comfortable for her.

This could definately be an option for her but tbh, we couldnt all sit in Premium as we would have to pay for 5 of us (me, DF and 3 sprogs). With the expense of the wedding and holiday for 3 weeks after, this is a no-no for us.

 

[Bolanette87]

OMG you have hit the nail on the head....DULL!! I wanted a wedding that we and the kids would remember always and Disney just ticks every box for me. I think I will definately have to talk to her again about how I feel.

I think you may be right about other issues worrying her....I think it is the journey and the walking but also the expense too. Both of my parents are in their 60's and my mum worrys about saving all the time incase my dad has to finish work. I think it is also bothering her that if she comes to WDW with us, my dad has said he won't come. He is a bit of a stubborn old boot but my mum said that he just doesn't want to go there. I know that Disney is not really my mum's idea of fun either really so that makes it more difficult as she isn't excited like we are.

Its more the fact that my future MIL thinks it (Gretna) is the most original and amazing thing ever....

Listen Hun, it might not be their idea of fun, but it is your one and only Wedding day so you should do what you want. It's the one day where you can! Plus which, you have given her some options (Eg, wheelchair) and its her who doesn't like those options. You have tried.

My Mum and my Fiancees family aren't happy about a lot of things we're doing for our wedding, but its your wedding day so you should do it how you want.... Having said that, I know its an easy thing to say, but it's harder to do so you have my total support!

Bob xoxoxox

 

[gemmybear83]

Its more the fact that my future MIL thinks it (Gretna) is the most original and amazing thing ever....

Listen Hun, it might not be their idea of fun, but it is your one and only Wedding day so you should do what you want. It's the one day where you can! Plus which, you have given her some options (Eg, wheelchair) and its her who doesn't like those options. You have tried.

My Mum and my Fiancees family aren't happy about a lot of things we're doing for our wedding, but its your wedding day so you should do it how you want.... Having said that, I know its an easy thing to say, but it's harder to do so you have my total support!

Bob xoxoxox

I totally agree with Bob . I can tell with what you have written that you really want this disney wedding, you can go through all the options with her and tell her how much you want here there and I hope she understands.

 

[lurkyloo]

An ECV may be more appealing to your mom than a wheelchair, since she will be more independent in one. Apparently there are many private companies in Orlando that rent them for less than Disney charges, too!

 

[BecBennett]

I feel for you. I sometimes think bugger it, I'll just have a small wedding here and then a massive round the world - Disney included - honeymoon. But then I think of our options here, and everything is so run of the mill. You can compare wedding photos here and not be able to tell the difference between one wedding and the next.

Then I get really angry at all of the people who poo-pood our idea of a Disney wedding and think to myself, "well if I have a local wedding I'm not inviting them" because if they don't want to make the effort to come to our wedding, then I wont invite them to any... But then I realise that's a little selfish. But hey, if you can't be selfish for your wedding when can you be selfish!!!?

 

[Raspberry Bubbles]

Enormous hugs to you. You really deserve to do as you please for your wedding day. There were so many people on ECVs whilst we were there, all independent, all having fun. I hope you get to sort something out ~ perhaps your H2B could talk to your mum "in secret" and explain to her how upset you are? I know that sounds manipulative, but it's YOUR wedding day. I had lots of problems myself about going over, and I kept trying to think of ways around it, but there was just nothing that made me smile about getting married where I lived. I wanted to get married where I loved instead.

If there's any information I can give about the trip, let me know. I'd be more than happy to help.

 

[MegKate]

Oh Jo, I'm so sorry you're going though all this I was looking around for answers to your problem, and I think the DISabilities board people may be able to answer some questions about ECV's and such. I know I've been looking into it because I have some mobility limited guests coming, obviously not from such a distance though.

Has your mum ever been to Florida? There is a ton of stuff there to do that has nothing to do with Disney - my parents are vehimentally anti-Disney and my stepmother is mobility limited. She has congenital heart failure, so she has to have a ECV because she can't exert herself. She and my dad rent a car and go to all these (what I would consider) dull places around Orlando. And they have a blast! So if your parents are coming here, make sure they know that the entire state isn't just Disney World! (Even though it often times seems like it).

I'm going to keep mulling this through my brain - I'll PM if I think of anything intelligent. It's 5:30am here and I still haven't fallen asleep and I have to be up at 8am to go off to work, so excuse this if it's not cohesive.

You know all us DISBrides have your back on this - we'll all think of some way to get you through this, and to your beautiful wedding. Hugs from across the pond

 

[farjojo]

An ECV may be more appealing to your mom than a wheelchair, since she will be more independent in one. Apparently there are many private companies in Orlando that rent them for less than Disney charges, too!

Thanks Carrie...I have looked at the ECV so that could be an option.

I feel for you. I sometimes think bugger it, I'll just have a small wedding here and then a massive round the world - Disney included - honeymoon. But then I think of our options here, and everything is so run of the mill. You can compare wedding photos here and not be able to tell the difference between one wedding and the next.

Then I get really angry at all of the people who poo-pood our idea of a Disney wedding and think to myself, "well if I have a local wedding I'm not inviting them" because if they don't want to make the effort to come to our wedding, then I wont invite them to any... But then I realise that's a little selfish. But hey, if you can't be selfish for your wedding when can you be selfish!!!?

Oh I know what you mean...everything is sooooooo sameish (is that even a word??? ). I think that as much as I adore my mum, it is our wedding day and I have just spoke to DF on the phone and he said truthfully he was so disappointed that we were not getting married in Florida.

Enormous hugs to you. You really deserve to do as you please for your wedding day. There were so many people on ECVs whilst we were there, all independent, all having fun. I hope you get to sort something out ~ perhaps your H2B could talk to your mum "in secret" and explain to her how upset you are? I know that sounds manipulative, but it's YOUR wedding day. I had lots of problems myself about going over, and I kept trying to think of ways around it, but there was just nothing that made me smile about getting married where I lived. I wanted to get married where I loved instead.

If there's any information I can give about the trip, let me know. I'd be more than happy to help.

Thanks Sara-Jayne (hope thats how you spell it!). I am going to talk to my mum tomorrow and just be really honest with her. I'm not willing to spend money over here on a wedding I don't even want.

Oh Jo, I'm so sorry you're going though all this I was looking around for answers to your problem, and I think the DISabilities board people may be able to answer some questions about ECV's and such. I know I've been looking into it because I have some mobility limited guests coming, obviously not from such a distance though.

Has your mum ever been to Florida? There is a ton of stuff there to do that has nothing to do with Disney - my parents are vehimentally anti-Disney and my stepmother is mobility limited. She has congenital heart failure, so she has to have a ECV because she can't exert herself. She and my dad rent a car and go to all these (what I would consider) dull places around Orlando. And they have a blast! So if your parents are coming here, make sure they know that the entire state isn't just Disney World! (Even though it often times seems like it).

I'm going to keep mulling this through my brain - I'll PM if I think of anything intelligent. It's 5:30am here and I still haven't fallen asleep and I have to be up at 8am to go off to work, so excuse this if it's not cohesive.

You know all us DISBrides have your back on this - we'll all think of some way to get you through this, and to your beautiful wedding. Hugs from across the pond

Thanks Meg.

Obviously I have calmed down a bit now (good job really because my nose was stuffy and red from crying....not a good look )

I know that my mum would be more agreeable to the trip if my dad would come along but tbh, he is a bit selfish like this. He has always been like this....because he has no interest in visiting Florida or anywhere in the US, he won't go. I even tried o lessen the 'Disney' element of the trip by telling him that they could hop on a plane and go to Nashville (he is a huge C/W fan)....still a big fat no-no.

I think it would be better for just me, DF and the kids to go....that way we don't have to entertain anyone and can have the day we want. Don't get me wrong, I would have my mum there in a heartbeat but its not her wedding day, its ours. I have to consider what DF wants too and he doesn't want to get married in the UK either. I think I have to consider his opinion too (for a change )

Thank you all for yours words of advice and comfort....I knew I could rely on you darlings on here to sort my head out!!

 

[linzwylie]

I've not got any original ideas that I can offer, just the same as the other girls really, but their advice is great. So talk with your mum, explain her options and most of all explain how important this is to you all and not just to you.

I'm sure she will come around, if not, steer her to this board and we will bring her round for you

Thinking of you

Linz xxx

 

[topsy]

I think someone else suggested this but if you can afford to do it, why not spring for a premium/first class type seat for your mum, that way she can get lots of legroom and even fly the whole way laying down if she wants to!

I also think that hiring a wheelchair/motorised scooter is a good idea, loads of people go buzzing around on those things!

Talk to a planner at WDW for advice too, they can probably suggest some more low-key things which your mum can do when she's over there if she doesn't feel up to going around the parks. There is so much more to WDW than just the hustle and bustle of the theme parks.

Good luck, and remember that although you want your mum to be there, it is still your day so you have to make yourself happy too.