need a little..... updated!!!! help!!!!!

[party of 3]

Ok, I QUIT my job!!!!! After 19 1/2 years I QUIT!!!! I just need a little "you did the right thing"....
My little man is 4 1/2 and my job was sucking the life right out of me. Every thursday night till 8:00, every saturday, once a month tuesday night meetings till 9:00/10:00.....really way too much. So I took a new job that I can be home at 4:05!!! No more thurs nights, no saturdays.... Am I kiddin' not to take it right? But I'm feeling guilty about leaving my co-workers behind! I know, DH says "what are you crazy? they would do it if they had the chance!" I gave my notice, now how am I going to go back for the next 2 weeks and work? I know in my heart of hearts it's the right thing to do for my little man, but feeling bad about leaving my customers, the place....lots of things. Lots of memories, right? Scared about the new job! How will I learn it?I know this one like the back of my hand!!!
Advice?????

 

[StitchIsOurHero]

You definitely did the right thing! Just the extra time to spend with your little man will make a BIG difference! I understand the guilt thing, but remember that you've got to do what's best for you and your family!

Sending you lots of pixie dust for a good 2 weeks adn a GREAT new job!!!

 

[saucymb]

Congratulations on making this huge decision! The guilt is normal, but when you start to feel it, just picture your little man's face and how thrilled he will be at the extra time you will now get to spend with him! Good luck in your new job.

 

[party of 3]

thanks for the nice words. i know i did the right thing, i just needed someone else to say it!!

thanks very much again!!

 

[PrincessNancy96]

You definitely did the right thing.. I would have done the same thing if I were missing my 5 kids.. believe me...especially if this new job is going to allow you more family time it is definitely the right thing. I'm know it's hard leaving the co-workers and customers behind but like your DH said, they would do the same thing if they had had the opportunity. Keep your chin up and get through these next two weeks and enjoy the family time you will be gaining with this new job!!!
Congrats!!!!

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

You did the right thing!!
Your loyality is to your yourself and your family first.
It's okay to feel bad or even guilty. That is the normal process for growth.
Just don't let yourself dwell on it. Pull out a picture of your little guy and remember that this will make a huge difference to him and his life.
Enjoy the time with him, 'cause it's going to go by fast.
Enjoy the newness of the next job.
You did the right thing!

 

[Mickster]

You totally did the right thing. He'll be 4 1/2 for only so long and you don't want to miss it! That is a fun age!

It took courage to quit your job. But you did it. Now take a deep breath and get ready for the next phase! Try not to second guess yourself. You did the right thing!

 

[ksjayhawks]

You did the right thing! It can be hard when you've been at a job for a long time as it becomes an important part of your life. However...
that little guy will be MORE than worth the pangs of sadness over leaving that you will feel!

 

[party of 3]

ok you guys, i need a little more help!
they are sucking the life right out of me!!!!!
you HAVE to work this sat and this one and come in on this day and that day to show us how to do this and that!!!

you HAVE to work columbus day weekend to show us this and that! really, i don't mind helping out, but the whole reason for leaving was to be with my family more, not less. they want me to work at my new job during the day and then work nights here until they find someone. you can not suck 19 years of stuff out of my head in such a short time. you HAVE to close out the end of the month on sept 30!!! i'll have my new job to close out, was my reply and they came back with, oh you can come and do it on oct 1st then!!! really, i don't want to leave on bad terms, but what are my options. everyone keeps telling me not to burn my bridges, but i don't see any other way.
it is sooooo stressing me out!!!

HELP!!!!

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

I'm not sure if this will help you or not. When I left my job before the birth of my first son, nobody there knew how to do what I did. I really did not want to come back with a newborn to explain things, over and over and over. So I made a "How-to" book to do my job. I took screen shots of menu pages and options and made a complete "Idiot's Guide" to my job. It took some time to do it right, but I never got another call about how to do something. AND after 10 years I still glowing recommendations from them.
Hope that can help you.
I honestly don't know what I would do if my old job kept harping on me that I HAVE to work holidays and after my two weeks were up. I'm such a push over that I would probably do it, 'cause I have no backbone. My sister however would say- "I can give you XX hours and that's it. Sorry about your luck if you can't learn it all in that time."

 

[piratesmate]

First, I missed this when you first posted but you're definitely doing the right thing! This is an awesome opportunity to spend more time with your little man! I screwed up big time & didn't leave a job that was requiring 60 hr/weeks & bringing work home besides (salaried) when DD was in elem.

Is your state an "at will" state? I'm in PA & employment is "at will" - meaning either employer or employee can terminate employment without cause at any time. i.e. You don't have to give notice & most people find themselves standing outside within an hour of giving notice.

If so, consider leaving before the two weeks is up....or at least [Btell[/b] them you'll leave sooner if they can't respect your wishes about working fewer hours. They are really taking advantage of your good nature & will continue to do so if you don't put a stop to it.

If yours is not an "at will" state, I'd still recommend that you don't cave to these demands. They're really unreasonable! Look at it this way...if, God forbid, something serious happened - like a disabling accident or hospitalization - they'd have to find a way to deal with your absence. It's possible to do it. They're just being lazy.

Since you talk about being there to close out the month it sounds like you're in the accounting end of things. There are employment agencies that specialize in temps with those skills. Be proactive. Find one and give the name to your current employer.

Be reasonable about helping someone learn your tasks, but not accomodating. Tell them you'll show "x" this task at 2:00 on Thursday. Don't put it a regular day's work & do the training after hours! That's what the 2 weeks notice is for!

One last thing...do not go back & work evenings for these people once you start your new job! It might seem reasonable to "help out" for a couple weeks, but this sounds like a company that will suck you dry if allowed!

 

[party of 3]

First, I missed this when you first posted but you're definitely doing the right thing! This is an awesome opportunity to spend more time with your little man! I screwed up big time & didn't leave a job that was requiring 60 hr/weeks & bringing work home besides (salaried) when DD was in elem.

Is your state an "at will" state? I'm in PA & employment is "at will" - meaning either employer or employee can terminate employment without cause at any time. i.e. You don't have to give notice & most people find themselves standing outside within an hour of giving notice.

If so, consider leaving before the two weeks is up....or at least [Btell[/b] them you'll leave sooner if they can't respect your wishes about working fewer hours. They are really taking advantage of your good nature & will continue to do so if you don't put a stop to it.

If yours is not an "at will" state, I'd still recommend that you don't cave to these demands. They're really unreasonable! Look at it this way...if, God forbid, something serious happened - like a disabling accident or hospitalization - they'd have to find a way to deal with your absence. It's possible to do it. They're just being lazy.

Since you talk about being there to close out the month it sounds like you're in the accounting end of things. There are employment agencies that specialize in temps with those skills. Be proactive. Find one and give the name to your current employer.

Be reasonable about helping someone learn your tasks, but not accomodating. Tell them you'll show "x" this task at 2:00 on Thursday. Don't put it a regular day's work & do the training after hours! That's what the 2 weeks notice is for!

One last thing...do not go back & work evenings for these people once you start your new job! It might seem reasonable to "help out" for a couple weeks, but this sounds like a company that will suck you dry if allowed!

well piratesmate you have hit the nail on the head!!!! they are sucking the life right out of me! that's why i'm leaving in the 1st place. really. i have no backbone. i can't say NO. and they know it!!!!
my husband says " are you ever going back there? even if the new job does not work out?" my reply was "never". so he says " then,burn those bridges. who cares. if you give them an inch they'll take a mile". so words of wisdom according to dh. also best friend,coworkers,mother, sister, niece, everyone i talk to tell me to just go.
it is an accounting thing, and i am the only one that knows how to do month end, quarter end, but the computer people say they will help them thru it. but i'm sure they don't want to pay the computer people, when they can just suck it out of me!!!(i was salary, so they have sucked me dry, believe me)
the whole reason is to be with my little man more, not less!!!!!
i am also afraid that they will call my new employer, and ask if i can stay another 2 weeks. god i hope not, but one of them (boss') are VERY pushey, and i would not put it past him. really.
how do i get up enought hutspa, (dh's word, i know not spelled right! to just tell it like it is??????
it is stressing me to the brink. really, i have not sleeped or ate in days. more poor little man, is just "muma are you sad". those were his 1st words this am. not even out of bed yet and knows that i'm stressed. i am not a drinker or a smoker, but believe me i could use a butt and a scotch right now!!!!!!

it's consuming my life. and it's spiraling out of control and i can't stop it. maybe dh is right, just go in there and say" that's it! i'm done." pick up my coffee cup and pocketbook and call it quits! really, what don't they get about "I QUIT!"
sorry if this has been too long, just venting.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

You can totally vent here. We are a very safe place for that. piratesmate is so right when she told to NOT go back after your 2 weeks are up. How do the people at your new job feel to you? If you told them about the trouble this job is causing you would they let you start there earlier?
Okay, the holiday thing - NO WAY!!! It is so after your two weeks notice. If you work your 40 hours for those two weeks, you are NOT burning your bridge if you don't do any extra. Any new prospective employer will not hold that against you. I mean really, say you have a huge bill come up, is this current company going to give you overtime to help pay it? I don't think so.
I like piratesmate suggestion about being proactive in finding a temp. There are agencies that specialize in accounting, find a contact name to give the current employer. And you have gone above and beyond your obligations.
Wish I could help you find a backbone, but as I'm missing mine, I'm no help there.
Best of luck.

 

[piratesmate]

Okay, if you can't get the hutspa you need how about getting the flu? Just call in sick every day until your 2 weeks are up! Or have your DH do it for you if you can't lie well.

Seriously, picture your little one's face asking you if you're sad...and then tell them. Or type a brief letter, seal it & give it to the receptionist on your way out to lunch...and don't return!

If the computer guys are able to help them through the transition, don't give your current employer the option of not paying them! Of course they won't want to pay the computer guys!

 

[KAMommy]

Oh, dear..I know exactly how you feel. Remember, I quit about a month ago...well, turns out I am still doing freelance for the bank. They realized after I turned in my resignation that no one else knew how to do the stuff I did - amazing!

They tried the same thing with me - "can you come down in the afternoons, since you are going to a family owned company?", "can you come in on weekends?".

I finally said (and it was hard) - NO, I am not going to give up all of my family time, and this is a new FULL TIME job, not something I am going to play at (which was their attitude). I was like you, I didn't want to burn bridges, but you may just have to say "this is how I will help nothing more".

Good luck!

 

[ddavis860]

Just to chime in here on the side of DH and your son. I would listen to DH and go with it. And I know if my DH was supporting me leaving a company that I had been with for so many years, and we felt it was the right thing to do for all the reasons you have stated already (i.e. being able to be with your family), then I started to spend time even MORE time at my "old job" my DH would be very...shall I say "difficult" to live with at home.

You are leaving because you want to be with your family. You job is just that...a job. I'm thinking that 2 weeks notice is plenty, they need to deal. Somehow you need to stop feeling responsible for your "old job". Emphasis on OLD.

Is the new job in the same company with the old job? I work at a hospital, and they can request that the employee stay in the position till a new one is in place. But if it is with a new company, they I agree with DH...BURN BABY BURN

And don't feel guilty or look back. You are doing this for all the right reasons. The old company will use you for as long as you allow it. Draw a line, and don't let them cross. Hold your head up, give them the 'Mommy Look" and say "enough." You really don't have to feel guilty for giving notice and leaving a job. Sometimes life changes and you need to move on.

{stepping off my soap box now}

 

[j_lehr]

Trust me - Do what is best for you and your family. In the end, that is all that matters and all you have left.

I am speaking from experience. I have been with my company for eight years...not as long as you, but I started when there was about 70 employees, now there are over 300. There are many things that I or only very few know how to do.

For several years, I worked insane hours...I missed out on a lot of my daughter's elementary school moments...out on her life period. She is 13 now, and its just in the last year and a half that I have finally become a mom that she can be proud to have. Before that, I barely saw her. Sometimes, I would have to go days without seeing my family, because I would be at work before she woke and after she was in bed. I was on salary...and constantly worked weekends/holidays as well. I also went through a divorce (work was the a big part (but not the only part) of why my husband and I fought all the time, of course now I don't regret that because I have a great guy in my life!!) I also lost several friends and really had no life of my own.

Long story short (or at least i will try) - I was a manger, I am good at what I did but they treated me like dirt. Sucked whatever they could out of me. I had finally transferred to another department so I could have better hours. Then the company was bought out, I was given a new manager who told me work was more important than my family and basically treated me like crap because I wouldn't work the crazy hours again. He demoted me and promoted a guy from my staff who had just been written up and who was on the verge of getting fired. I asked for a transfer. They refused, and I gave notice. I got the transfer after that. When I gave notice, it was after six months of dealing with the new manager and I was very stressed. I cried every day, at work and at home. I didn't sleep well. I was constantly sick.

I took the transfer only after several conversations with my new boss and a lot of conditions. Now I work normal hours. Sometimes my knowledge is still borrowed, but they know not to push me. No one ever thought I would give notice and quit. They would have just kept taking whatever they could.

And the worst thing? No one remembers the good (at least at my company). They don't remember the years of hours i put in, they remember when I put my foot down and stopped. And honestly I don't think they even noticed the hours while I was doing them, it was taken for granted. When I was going through my worst time, no one wanted to deal with me. No one supported me (at the company).

Bottom line - Your family should be the most important thing to you. When you get to the end of your life one day, you want to be able to look back and have no regrets. I am happier now than I have ever been.

Good Luck in your new job.

 

[lewdyan1]

I agree with what has been said. I wanted to add, my DH is a Controller at a large company and regularly uses temp accountants at all levels from clerk to assistant controller. If you want a recommendation of an accounting temp company let me know, and I will see who he suggests. He has had people with that 'only they can do this knowledge' and funny thing, the company is still running, somehow, someone always picks up where the other person left off.

Go and be free from them!