Need a Little Encouragement

[Dr.Cinderella]

Hi everyone, I absolutely love reading this website because I can't wait to marry the love of my life someday at Disney where Ive always dreamed of getting married. My boyfriend and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary together in a few weeks, and we have known we wanted to marry eachother since a few months into our relationship. Recently, we have been talking about getting engaged soon a lot and even looking at rings! I am 23 and in medical school so we aren't going to be able to get married for quite a few years still, so originally I wasn't really expecting to get engaged yet but I have been so excited about it lately because it seemed like it was coming soon. However, my boyfriend is 26 and has recently decided he wants to go back to school to get a better job. I am very happy for him, but we talked about it and it seems like it will basically take getting engaged off the table for a couple (2-3) more years. I am pretty upset about this, but I don't want to tell him and make him feel bad about it and I just feel like theres no one I can talk to about it. Did anyone else have to wait a really long time before getting engaged or married, and were you happy about it in the long run? I know I shouldn't be upset because we are still pretty young and wont be getting married for 5-7 years anyways (when I am done with my residency yikes!), but it is just hard not to be upset. Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me. Thanks!

 

[RangerPooh]

While we didn't delay our engagement I did want to say hang in there. Long engagements are not uncommon, besides it gives you more time to plan what you want Another thought is that there is no reason why you can't get engaged now, if he;'s concerned about the cost of the ring you can always go simple but elegant now and upgrade/add to it later. While I don't know what your wedding visions inlcude, you could always plan an escape wedding for the near future that's just you and a few others and a larger wedding (at Disney) once you finish school. DH and I got married while still in college and don't regret it (that was 5 years ago and he's still working on his PhD program).

 

[Tink&PirateMama]

Hi everyone, I absolutely love reading this website because I can't wait to marry the love of my life someday at Disney where Ive always dreamed of getting married. My boyfriend and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary together in a few weeks, and we have known we wanted to marry eachother since a few months into our relationship. Recently, we have been talking about getting engaged soon a lot and even looking at rings! I am 23 and in medical school so we aren't going to be able to get married for quite a few years still, so originally I wasn't really expecting to get engaged yet but I have been so excited about it lately because it seemed like it was coming soon. However, my boyfriend is 26 and has recently decided he wants to go back to school to get a better job. I am very happy for him, but we talked about it and it seems like it will basically take getting engaged off the table for a couple (2-3) more years. I am pretty upset about this, but I don't want to tell him and make him feel bad about it and I just feel like theres no one I can talk to about it. Did anyone else have to wait a really long time before getting engaged or married, and were you happy about it in the long run? I know I shouldn't be upset because we are still pretty young and wont be getting married for 5-7 years anyways (when I am done with my residency yikes!), but it is just hard not to be upset. Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me. Thanks!

We were married young as well (about your age), just after graduating undergrad, but I was still in grad school, and our engagement was only about 9 months. Most of my friends married somewhere close to that age, some going on to PhD's or med school, so I'm not sure I knew anyone that waited for higher education for engagements or marriage, plenty of my friends in medical school were starting families, even. However, I do think if your focus is school, the one reason to wait on getting married is kids- it takes a LOT longer to do the programs with children... and you might not be able to spend as much time with them as you like either. That looked really hard from watching the people I knew.

If it's about the money for the ring... we had THE HARDEST time finding a ring, and so I wore for about six months a 'promise' ring he gave me as a gift, then I wore a ring we found on vacation that he proposed with for several months, nothing expensive for an engagement, but it had meaning to us (but whenever I was asked by people once they heard I was engaged to see my ring, they would be really confused!). We looked forever, driving really long distances to different jewelry stores and nothing felt right. One day we were talking to my grandmother about it, and she pulled out of her safe the most perfect ring, neither of us knew existed, an antique from her aunt, which had the most beautiful love story behind it, and that was THE ring. It was so funny, looking back how frustrated we were trying to find a ring and it was because the right one wasn't there yet. n expensive ring to start! And now my husband just proposed with a more traditional diamond engagement ring (much to my surprise!) a few weeks ago when he set up this disney 10 year. And in a couple of days we pick up the set from sizing (!!) that we'll be wearing on our right hands now. So I was definitely an example of an engagement without a typical engagement ring.

The best advice i have for your both is to listen to your heart, it will guide you where you need to go... and I would really share your feelings with your boyfriend, and see how you both feel about all of this to make some decisions. I remember feeling uncomfortable bringing it up to my DH back then, he had these ideas that we had to do all kinds of things to get married, because he wanted to be the best he could be for me before we actually got married. And he didn't realize I already thought he was

Good luck!!

 

[Chilly]

I have been with my DF for over 8 year now and it'll be over 9 years when we get married. Just think the longer you wait the more money you can save and the better wedding you can have.

 

[littleangie]

me and my DF have been engaged since february 24, 2007. We had decided that we both wanted to wait to have the wedding till we are both out of college. So if you get engaged now its okay to wait a while to have the wedding. Think of it this way you will have longer to plan the wedding.

 

[Dr.Cinderella]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I did talk to him about it some more and he is pretty upset about it too, so I am trying not to make him feel worse. It is mostly a money issue, since he has to pay for school again now, and he also wants to be able to afford to buy me a really nice ring. Which of course I really do appreciate! He also would just like to be more stable financially and in his career before we get engaged. Its just tough waiting for so long when you have known what you wanted all along. I do wear a promise ring though that he got me two years ago that is beautiful, its white gold with a heart with two small diamonds in it. Thanks again, and Id appreciate any one else's input as well too.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

Hi everyone, I absolutely love reading this website because I can't wait to marry the love of my life someday at Disney where Ive always dreamed of getting married. My boyfriend and I are celebrating our 5 year anniversary together in a few weeks, and we have known we wanted to marry eachother since a few months into our relationship. Recently, we have been talking about getting engaged soon a lot and even looking at rings! I am 23 and in medical school so we aren't going to be able to get married for quite a few years still, so originally I wasn't really expecting to get engaged yet but I have been so excited about it lately because it seemed like it was coming soon. However, my boyfriend is 26 and has recently decided he wants to go back to school to get a better job. I am very happy for him, but we talked about it and it seems like it will basically take getting engaged off the table for a couple (2-3) more years. I am pretty upset about this, but I don't want to tell him and make him feel bad about it and I just feel like theres no one I can talk to about it. Did anyone else have to wait a really long time before getting engaged or married, and were you happy about it in the long run? I know I shouldn't be upset because we are still pretty young and wont be getting married for 5-7 years anyways (when I am done with my residency yikes!), but it is just hard not to be upset. Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me. Thanks!

Being in emergency medical services (EMS) for well over 12 years...I can understand this. DF and I were together 7-almost 8 years before our engagement and then it will be another 2 before we actually get married. So, there is a lot of waiting time for us. I've know doctors who wait until after residency and some that don't even wait to get out of med school....Either way, hang in there...I was anxious to get my ring...but looking back on it I wouldn't have it any other way...

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

engagement is just a state of mind..if you are really committed to each other, you don't need a ring or a status

My DH and I were together for 10 years before we got married but we were never "engaged"..

you are young!

 

[twiu]

Why is an engagement such a big deal? If you're both happy and you know you'll be together, just think of the wonderful memories you'll make until then. Not to sound like a downer, but once the wedding is over.. it's a bit sad (at least in my opinion). Just think.. you'll have more time to plan your dream wedding. If you really think it's meant to be, then time is just a little simple element. You have the rest of your lives together.. why rush? Mostly at your age.. you have the rest of time with each other. What's 4 - 5 more years?

 

[OceanGdss]

i agree above...... i mean..if you're going to spend your life together, i wouldn't be upset over waiting a few years. Heck, being engaged is kind of aggravating....you get WAY too many questions...and like mentioned above, once the wedding is done..its done. Thats it, no more gifts, no more interest, no more anything. You'll never be a bride again....are you really anxious for that??

 

[marielynn724]

wow as i was reading your post it was like you were reading my mind... my boyfriend is 28 and i am 22 (i know we are still young!) but we have been together for almost 4 years now. like you, we knew very early on that we wanted to marry each other. we both thought that we would just be able to get engaged as soon as we finished school. well that was a year ago and neither of us have been able to find full time employment yet, which means making plans for us is really at a stand still. we have gone ring shopping together and picked out a ring, but i know that he will never propose or feel comfortable getting engaged unless at least one of us has a job with proper benefits. this is really upsetting, as going through college together (oh yeah, he took a really really long time to finish school, he just graduated a year ago) was already a long haul for us and our relationship. oh and i also decided to go back to school part time to get a job. he says that he would be willing to marry me if i wasnt finished yet as long as he had a job. i feel like any time i tell him that im upset and tired of waiting he gets angry and says im putting too much pressure on him. but honestly, we really have no idea when we will be able to go ahead and get engaged. and just a few weeks ago my sister (who has only beenwith her boyfriend for a year) got engaged out of nowhere. i am trying to be happy for her but i can't help but to feel bad as it is already kind of a touchy subject for me. wow i am getting choked up writing this. i dont know what to say to you besides i know how you feel. theres nothing more i want in the world than to just get on with our life together already.

 

[Beep]

We were together for about 10 years before we 'officially' got engaged. For all those years before I wore a ring on my finger but it certainly wasn't anything flash! It was a silver celtic band and cost around £5.

When we officially got engaged it was in Goa and we had a ring made that was gold and diamonds. I absolutely love it because it reminds me of a wonderful place with a wonderful person but you know what? I would still be happy with my silver celtic band.

My ring is an 'all in one' ie it is my engagement ring, wedding ring and eternity ring.

I think if you want to be engaged you should be, and it shouldn't matter what ring (if any) you have. It really is a state of mind

 

[linzwylie]

DF and I have been together for 12 years, engaged for 11 and a half and only just getting married !!!

Dont stress over getting engaged, it will happen when its the right time, just enjoy your time together

Linz xxx

 

[Ashmagash]

I'm 22, in medical school, and have been with my boyfriend for quite awhile. We decided that while we're both in school it doesn't really make sense to rush anything. But I have heard that if you don't get married the summer after you graduate, there really is no time during residency. I wasn't a big fan of waiting another 6+ years to get married, so we're going to get engaged in the next year or so...we have a Disney trip coming up at New Years, I'm hoping he decides thats a good time... and we'll do a long engagement. That way I'll have plenty of time to make all the plans during rotations. (When we actually get some free time!) Either way, the only thing that matters is that you're together. Everything will work out

 

[Dr.Cinderella]

Thanks everyone for all your advice and encouragement, you have really made me feel a lot better. I also have a new option to consider now, my boyfriend's mother has offered to give us her engagement ring until he can afford the one of my dreams!

 

[Ashmagash]

You could always have it reset. Then it has meaning from being from her, and it can be something special just for you The diamonds are the major expense. Having it reset isn't too horrible. Good luck!

 

[marielynn724]

definately do not sell it! that would probably really hurt his mother's feelings a lot. i think just wear your promise ring until he can give you a the engagement ring that he and you both really want. that's what we are doing while we still have to wait.

 

[Wish on a Star]

I agree with the two messages above- she is probably picturing the jewelry being passed down through the family so I wouldnt sell it (A gift is not always really a gift).

I think having it reset would be a good idea- even if you decide to wait for your own ring- it could always be a necklace (and you would have a "something old" for your wedding)

 

[Dr.Cinderella]

Anyone else have an opinion of what you would do in my situation? Thanks again for all your help!

 

[twiu]

Wow. It's not about the style of ring.. it's about the commitment he's giving you. I understand wanting the perfect ring.. but due to your circumstances you should just be happy with the fact that he would give you something that is important to his family.

I don't know, personally (since you asked) I think you're more wrapped up in the idea of an engagement and what it should be like than you are about the actual reason for being engaged. With all due respect, I believe you're forgetting the reason for marriage and engagement. I really don't mean to be rude... but the ring should be the least of your worries if he is that wonderful of a person and is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.