NATION FACING SHORTAGE OF ECONOMIC SLOGANS
Americas Slogan Reserves Nearly Depleted, White House Warns
Americas supply of meaningless economic slogans, such as Corporate Responsibility and Small Investors Retirement Security, has been drained almost dry in the past few weeks as President Bush made a series of banal speeches in the hopes of talking up the flagging economy.
That is the message from senior White House aides, who say that Americas slogan reserves were taxed to the breaking point this week at the Presidents Economic Forum at Baylor University.
People seem to think that meaningless economic slogans are a renewable resource, one Bush aide said. That is simply not the case.
As the stock markets went into a free-fall this summer, President Bush was forced to make a series of meaningless cheerleading speeches in front of slogan-bedecked backgrounds, a decision that may have triggered the nations current slogan shortage.
Senior aides have been scrambling to develop new slogans, but much of their handiwork is instantly consigned to the dustbin, such as the recently rejected idea of President Bush delivering a speech in front of the slogan, Will Work For Food.
We had high hopes for that one, but the focus groups hated it, one aide said.
For his part, President Bush acknowledged the slogan shortage in a speech last night in Austin, where he spoke in front of a background adorned with the words, Seeking New Sources of Slogans.
Coming up with a plan for an economic recovery will be hard, Mr. Bush told his audience. Coming up with a name for that plan will be even harder.
******Borowitz Reports***********
Americas Slogan Reserves Nearly Depleted, White House Warns
Americas supply of meaningless economic slogans, such as Corporate Responsibility and Small Investors Retirement Security, has been drained almost dry in the past few weeks as President Bush made a series of banal speeches in the hopes of talking up the flagging economy.
That is the message from senior White House aides, who say that Americas slogan reserves were taxed to the breaking point this week at the Presidents Economic Forum at Baylor University.
People seem to think that meaningless economic slogans are a renewable resource, one Bush aide said. That is simply not the case.
As the stock markets went into a free-fall this summer, President Bush was forced to make a series of meaningless cheerleading speeches in front of slogan-bedecked backgrounds, a decision that may have triggered the nations current slogan shortage.
Senior aides have been scrambling to develop new slogans, but much of their handiwork is instantly consigned to the dustbin, such as the recently rejected idea of President Bush delivering a speech in front of the slogan, Will Work For Food.
We had high hopes for that one, but the focus groups hated it, one aide said.
For his part, President Bush acknowledged the slogan shortage in a speech last night in Austin, where he spoke in front of a background adorned with the words, Seeking New Sources of Slogans.
Coming up with a plan for an economic recovery will be hard, Mr. Bush told his audience. Coming up with a name for that plan will be even harder.
******Borowitz Reports***********
