Now that V-day (Vasectomy) has come and gone it is time to tell all in between moments of repositioning my sore (and black and blue) body part.
One hour prior to V-day I eagerly chewed, swallowed, and swished/gargled 5mg of Valium (not that I was worried or anything
). Actually, the Valium didn't really seem to have any effect on me. All in all Sonja and I were very pleased with the doctor. When we arrived the Doctor had me strip from the waist down and gave me a piece of paper to cover myself with to walk across the hall into his "surgery room". Sonja was in the waiting room (although we both wanted her in there). The doctor had me lay back on the table and began to wash me with warm soapy water. Next came the betadyne wash (nothing like the feeling of a cold liquid running down your testicles and over my..... well.....). Next he draped a surgical dressing over my midsection and pulled my testicles through the hole in the middle (kind of looked like a big ol' orange turtle in the middle of a blue lake).
Now, let me describe the doctor..... He's Indian/Middle Eastern in his 60's with a comb-over hairdo from hell. Very intelligent and obviously knew what he was doing, but needs to stick to his day job and quit the stand-up comedy. I told him that both Sonja and I wanted her present for the surgery. He said "Are you sure she wants to be in here?" I told him I was.... He then said "Are you SURE that you want her in here?" LOL ... I told him I was. So, in walked my sweetie. Of course, I could see the disappointment on her face when she saw that I was not in stirrups (as we had previously joked about me getting my "turn in the barrel").
To the Doctor's credit, he was trying to take my mind of the HUGE needle that he was about to stick in my scrotum (okay, granted, it was only about half an inch long and as small in diameter as a piece of thread, but when they're aiming it at your netherregions, just like the side mirror on the car, things are larger than they appear...) He jabbed it in rather fast, which surprised me, but it was relatively painless - just a slight prick (no pun intended)
.
Unfortunately, I never got to watch him make either incision (I watched the rest of the procedure though). He only had to fish around for a few seconds before he found my first Vas Deferans. The most uncomfortable thing was the tugging that I could feel elsewhere inside of me, not painful just weird. For a moment I wondered if he was going to pull my tongue down my throat after it.
After he exposed it outside of the incision, he clamped it and began to tie knots with surgical thread on either side of where he intended to cut it. He then took his handheld cauterizing tool and burned it in two. That was pretty much the extent of the procedure. After that he just let the two ends slip back inside on their own. He then began to cauterize blood vessels in my scrotum that had begun to bleed. After he had the bleeding stopped he stitched that incision shut.
At this point, I thought the whole thing was going pretty well, but was ready for him to be done. He started numbing up the other side for the next incision. Following jabbing me a couple of times with his ice pick he started grabbing some of my flesh with his clamp to see if I was numb..... OWWWWWW..... "okay, a little more anesthetic...", he said.
Then he started commenting about having injected some into my testicle 
OMG!!! That caught me a bit off guard (although I didn't know that he had). After he had made this incision (I was propped back up on my elbows again), he started fishing around for my other Vas..... Well, this one wasn't such a piece of cake as the first. He started making comments about how far down this one was and was taking an exceptionally long time (comparatively) to retrieve it. (Sonja told me that he was REALLY digging around in there this time). After he got in there up to his elbows he retrieved it and followed the same procedure, except this time when he was using that cauterizing iron it sent a pain clear down my right leg for a second . "Let me put a little more in there..." PUUUHHHHLLLEEEEZZZZZZ, (I had to lie back down at that point). It wasn't an excruciating pain, but it sure got my attention.
So, he closed me up and put Neosporin and gauze on me and then Dr. CantUseEnoughFrickenTapeMonster starts wrapping me up like a mummy (or a pinata; you choose). I made an off-hand comment about using a little more tape, but that didn't slow him down. He said "Oh, it'll come off in the shower no problem..." YEAH RIGHT
.... So, he then wrote prescriptions for pain meds 
and antibiotics.
The pain is very tolerable, most of the time. It really resembles the dull ache you feel several hours after being kicked in that area (by a longshoreman in steel-toed boots)
There was a fair amount of bleeding that night, but nothing too bad. I was, however, a bit awestruck in the morning when I saw these huge (read H - U - G - E) bruises on my scrotum that extended up the underside of my.... yeah.
I really feel pretty okay, in fact Sonja and I took the boys to the local Science Museum. I spent most of the time sitting (and moaning) but I was able to get around. I try to do stuff around the house, but I get told to go sit down everytime I do. So, that's pretty much it..... Okay, who's next?
One hour prior to V-day I eagerly chewed, swallowed, and swished/gargled 5mg of Valium (not that I was worried or anything
). Actually, the Valium didn't really seem to have any effect on me. All in all Sonja and I were very pleased with the doctor. When we arrived the Doctor had me strip from the waist down and gave me a piece of paper to cover myself with to walk across the hall into his "surgery room". Sonja was in the waiting room (although we both wanted her in there). The doctor had me lay back on the table and began to wash me with warm soapy water. Next came the betadyne wash (nothing like the feeling of a cold liquid running down your testicles and over my..... well.....). Next he draped a surgical dressing over my midsection and pulled my testicles through the hole in the middle (kind of looked like a big ol' orange turtle in the middle of a blue lake). Now, let me describe the doctor..... He's Indian/Middle Eastern in his 60's with a comb-over hairdo from hell. Very intelligent and obviously knew what he was doing, but needs to stick to his day job and quit the stand-up comedy. I told him that both Sonja and I wanted her present for the surgery. He said "Are you sure she wants to be in here?" I told him I was.... He then said "Are you SURE that you want her in here?" LOL ... I told him I was. So, in walked my sweetie. Of course, I could see the disappointment on her face when she saw that I was not in stirrups (as we had previously joked about me getting my "turn in the barrel").
To the Doctor's credit, he was trying to take my mind of the HUGE needle that he was about to stick in my scrotum (okay, granted, it was only about half an inch long and as small in diameter as a piece of thread, but when they're aiming it at your netherregions, just like the side mirror on the car, things are larger than they appear...) He jabbed it in rather fast, which surprised me, but it was relatively painless - just a slight prick (no pun intended)
.Unfortunately, I never got to watch him make either incision (I watched the rest of the procedure though). He only had to fish around for a few seconds before he found my first Vas Deferans. The most uncomfortable thing was the tugging that I could feel elsewhere inside of me, not painful just weird. For a moment I wondered if he was going to pull my tongue down my throat after it.
After he exposed it outside of the incision, he clamped it and began to tie knots with surgical thread on either side of where he intended to cut it. He then took his handheld cauterizing tool and burned it in two. That was pretty much the extent of the procedure. After that he just let the two ends slip back inside on their own. He then began to cauterize blood vessels in my scrotum that had begun to bleed. After he had the bleeding stopped he stitched that incision shut.
At this point, I thought the whole thing was going pretty well, but was ready for him to be done. He started numbing up the other side for the next incision. Following jabbing me a couple of times with his ice pick he started grabbing some of my flesh with his clamp to see if I was numb..... OWWWWWW..... "okay, a little more anesthetic...", he said.
Then he started commenting about having injected some into my testicle OMG!!! That caught me a bit off guard (although I didn't know that he had). After he had made this incision (I was propped back up on my elbows again), he started fishing around for my other Vas..... Well, this one wasn't such a piece of cake as the first. He started making comments about how far down this one was and was taking an exceptionally long time (comparatively) to retrieve it. (Sonja told me that he was REALLY digging around in there this time). After he got in there up to his elbows he retrieved it and followed the same procedure, except this time when he was using that cauterizing iron it sent a pain clear down my right leg for a second . "Let me put a little more in there..." PUUUHHHHLLLEEEEZZZZZZ, (I had to lie back down at that point). It wasn't an excruciating pain, but it sure got my attention. So, he closed me up and put Neosporin and gauze on me and then Dr. CantUseEnoughFrickenTapeMonster starts wrapping me up like a mummy (or a pinata; you choose). I made an off-hand comment about using a little more tape, but that didn't slow him down. He said "Oh, it'll come off in the shower no problem..." YEAH RIGHT
.... So, he then wrote prescriptions for pain meds and antibiotics.The pain is very tolerable, most of the time. It really resembles the dull ache you feel several hours after being kicked in that area (by a longshoreman in steel-toed boots)
There was a fair amount of bleeding that night, but nothing too bad. I was, however, a bit awestruck in the morning when I saw these huge (read H - U - G - E) bruises on my scrotum that extended up the underside of my.... yeah.
I really feel pretty okay, in fact Sonja and I took the boys to the local Science Museum. I spent most of the time sitting (and moaning)
but I was able to get around. I try to do stuff around the house, but I get told to go sit down everytime I do. So, that's pretty much it..... Okay, who's next? 
