My son's threatening to punch a classmate!

[Magpie]

Sorry - not a Canadian thing. If my son had acted this way - grade 8 here too - he would have been suspended for 3 days and more than likely would have a visit from a school board psychologist. That kind of over reaction and threat to punch someone should be taken a bit more seriously. Sorry OP - don't see the humour in this at all. I would be concerned if it were my son. And if my son was threatened by yours...wow...I would be in the principals office to ensure something was being done about it.
Regarding the phone call - no cell phones allowed during the school day and if he wants to call me from the office the teacher may allow it during recess unless it's an emergency. If he would give "wanting to punch someone" as an emergency...time would be spent in the principals office and the phone call would have come from the teacher/staff.

Acting in what way exactly?

My son called me during recess from the school office. He told the staff he had a headache, and gave me the real reason when I questioned him on the phone. I alerted the teacher and the teacher dealt with it. No one was punched. Are you telling me that sequence of events would get your son suspended for 3 days?

Because I can tell you, if that was the case, I wouldn't have called the teacher and ratted out my son. I don't want to ever see him suspended for something he DIDN'T do.

We don't have a school psychologist. I asked last year when he was getting hives and they said they couldn't do anything for the boy until he was in high school. I had to find a private counselor for him on my own.

 

[Aneille]

Also I am not sure its clear to everyone due to the title of the thread but in the OP, she stated her son said he was scared he was going to punch another child to her.

Never did the OP state that her son ever go up to another child and threaten to harm them. Nor did he actually hit anyone. He told his Mom this. He actually just went to the nurse and did nothing at all.

Sounds to me like he had an issue with another child yesterday and did what we are all telling our kids to do. Get help, which he did get.

To the OP I think you are handling it fine. There is no need to punish a child because he got angry. He didn't act on his anger or threaten anyone. Plus, its working out well for you since he can talk to the counselor next week about it.

If a child gets upset enough that he wants help and then when he asks for it, the school suspends well...we can all see where that will lead. He should be praised and if anger is an ongoing issue then find out why he is angry so much. But the OP stated he generally is very mellow and laid back with his friends.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Also I am not sure its clear to everyone due to the title of the thread but in the OP, she stated her son said he was scared he was going to punch another child to her.

Never did the OP state that her son ever go up to another child and threaten to harm them. Nor did he actually hit anyone. He told his Mom this. He actually just went to the nurse and did nothing at all.

Sounds to me like he had an issue with another child yesterday and did what we are all telling our kids to do. Get help, which he did get.

To the OP I think you are handling it fine. There is no need to punish a child because he got angry. He didn't act on his anger or threaten anyone. Plus, its working out well for you since he can talk to the counselor next week about it.

If a child gets upset enough that he wants help and then when he asks for it, the school suspends well...we can all see where that will lead. He should be praised and if anger is an ongoing issue then find out why he is angry so much. But the OP stated he generally is very mellow and laid back with his friends.

Very well said

 

[ccgirl]

Just wanted to say; I hope they psychologist works out. Too bad the school didn't have a counselor that could work with him. Best of luck to you.

 

[Jennasis]

No no...I get it. I just don't see the humor in getting a phone call from the kid claiming he is AFRAID he is going to act out violently. I am very happy he chose to reachout in some way for help, and this kid IS asking for help (big picture). The situation is not funny. It's troubling and I am glad the OP is getting the kid some serious help.

It's just not a funny situation at all/

 

[cruisnfamily]

Acting in what way exactly?

My son called me during recess from the school office. He told the staff he had a headache, and gave me the real reason when I questioned him on the phone. I alerted the teacher and the teacher dealt with it. No one was punched. Are you telling me that sequence of events would get your son suspended for 3 days?

Because I can tell you, if that was the case, I wouldn't have called the teacher and ratted out my son. I don't want to ever see him suspended for something he DIDN'T do.

We don't have a school psychologist. I asked last year when he was getting hives and they said they couldn't do anything for the boy until he was in high school. I had to find a private counselor for him on my own.

Your schools have RECESS in 8th grade?

 

[Magpie]

Also I am not sure its clear to everyone due to the title of the thread but in the OP, she stated her son said he was scared he was going to punch another child to her.

Never did the OP state that her son ever go up to another child and threaten to harm them. Nor did he actually hit anyone. He told his Mom this. He actually just went to the nurse and did nothing at all.

Sounds to me like he had an issue with another child yesterday and did what we are all telling our kids to do. Get help, which he did get.

To the OP I think you are handling it fine. There is no need to punish a child because he got angry. He didn't act on his anger or threaten anyone. Plus, its working out well for you since he can talk to the counselor next week about it.

If a child gets upset enough that he wants help and then when he asks for it, the school suspends well...we can all see where that will lead. He should be praised and if anger is an ongoing issue then find out why he is angry so much. But the OP stated he generally is very mellow and laid back with his friends.

Thank you, very much. Should I change the title of the post, do you think? I didn't mean to give the impression that my son was threatening other children, to their faces.

Just wanted to say; I hope they psychologist works out. Too bad the school didn't have a counselor that could work with him. Best of luck to you.

I'm actually quite concerned about this whole psychologist thing, actually. I have no idea what to expect. I have a friend who knows something about it and she just keeps telling me my son needs to "work on his internal dialogue" - whatever that means.

Honestly, I waffle sometimes over whether he really needs to see anyone. The hives were pretty clear, which is why we decided to go this route, but on the whole... the kid has friends! He's popular, get invited places, and somehow manages to maintain a B average in the Gifted class even despite having a Learning Disability. I don't really see what he has to be stressed about.

Last year, however, he was in tears because he thought he "couldn't get less than a B". I tried to explain, "Hon, there's a whole marvelous C and D grade to explore, before you're even close to failing," but he wasn't listening to logic. So... I guess he sees the counselor.

 

[mickeywho?]

Acting in what way exactly?

My son called me during recess from the school office. He told the staff he had a headache, and gave me the real reason when I questioned him on the phone. I alerted the teacher and the teacher dealt with it. No one was punched. Are you telling me that sequence of events would get your son suspended for 3 days?

Because I can tell you, if that was the case, I wouldn't have called the teacher and ratted out my son. I don't want to ever see him suspended for something he DIDN'T do.

We don't have a school psychologist. I asked last year when he was getting hives and they said they couldn't do anything for the boy until he was in high school. I had to find a private counselor for him on my own.

I was under the impression that he threatened another student and then called you - sorry wasn't clear.
Your school may not have a psychologist on staff but the school board should have 1 or 2 (depending on the number of schools). If your school is not putting them in contact with you then you need to call the board office yourself and your trustee.
Your son has shown you he has some serious anger under the surface, and he's asking for help to deal with it. Moving forward you need to find him that help - or he will have some more serious issues ie suspension/expulsion if he takes it a step the wrong way. He will have even less support from teachers in high school, and as a parent the same will apply to you. You need to sort this out now.

 

[Magpie]

Your schools have RECESS in 8th grade?

Yep! It's K-8. My son has a morning and an afternoon recess, plus a break for lunch.

High school is when they do away with recess.

 

[ccgirl]

I would most definitely keep with the psychologist route. I hear you say he has friends, is popular, get grades etc.... Even people that have friends can and get good grades have anger/emotional issues. Getting angry to the point of wanting to punch someone and needing to call you sounds like an issue to me. If my DD said something like that to me it would be a huge red flag. I would not condone talking like that (not saying you do) and she knows that is not the way we handle issues. Kudos to you for looking for help for your son.

 

[Magpie]

I was under the impression that he threatened another student and then called you - sorry wasn't clear.
Your school may not have a psychologist on staff but the school board should have 1 or 2 (depending on the number of schools). If your school is not putting them in contact with you then you need to call the board office yourself and your trustee.
Your son has shown you he has some serious anger under the surface, and he's asking for help to deal with it. Moving forward you need to find him that help - or he will have some more serious issues ie suspension/expulsion if he takes it a step the wrong way. He will have even less support from teachers in high school, and as a parent the same will apply to you. You need to sort this out now.

I did ask. Our school board doesn't have a psychologist available at the primary levels. They told me to call my local hospital, if I was very concerned. I decided to ask around for a recommendation instead and found a local psychologist who has worked with boys my son's age before. I'm anxious about meeting him. He sounds good, but you never know...

Last year, my son's teacher tried to arrange for OT help for my son's LD and was told he's on a waiting list. I expect he'll drop off the list when he hits high school without ever seeing an occupational therapist. I did manage - after a great deal of runaround - to get him a laptop as per his Individual Education Plan. It worked pretty well for one year. But then the school decided the laptop had to be a "classroom resource" and he couldn't use it for homework any more. I ended up buying him his own laptop, which he says doesn't have the programs he needs for class.

It's very frustrating, and I'll be glad when he moves up to high school! It's a whole different system, and more flexible.

(I still think "He's gonna blow! is pretty darn funny. I'll have to save that story for his graduation, someday...)

 

[ThePetLady7]

After reading some of these responses, I'm wondering if some of you have actually spent much time around 12 year old boys.

 

[Minnesota!]

After reading some of these responses, I'm wondering if some of you have actually spent much time around 12 year old boys.

Ditto!

I am with the OP!

And we have recess here, as well, from K - 8. I don't know about the public schools, but I know that when I was in school...15 years ago or so...the public schools had recess until 8th grade, too..

 

[ccgirl]

After reading some of these responses, I'm wondering if some of you have actually spent much time around 12 year old boys.

Yes...all the time. Still don't condone talking/acting like that.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't think 8th grade boys are 12. I would say closer to 14 and a big difference.

the closest thing our middle school kids get to a recess if they finish eating before bell they can go outside.

And I actually have a 12 yr old boy and if he ever called me from school expressing his anger was so bad he thought he was going to punch someone and a teacher at the school thought there was such a reality of it happening that they had to run over there right then, not talk to him later that week or even later that day,but immediately, so it couldn't happen. And he needed to take a walk to calm down before returning to class, then I would be very worried and getting him anger management help before something could happen that would get him thrown out of school and possibly criminally charged.

At our high school if you physically attack another student there is a very good chance the police officer will be taking you out in handcuffs.

 

[mickeywho?]

I don't think 8th grade boys are 12. I would say closer to 14 and a big difference.

the closest thing our middle school kids get to a recess if they finish eating before bell they can go outside.

Grade 8 is age 12-13 here. And yes, they would have 2 x 15 min recess. One in am and one in pm. Lunch is 15min followed by 45 min recess.

OP - has he had a doctor's visit lately? We're dealing with puberty here too (fun isn't it?) and while my son hasn't shown any over aggressiveness (yet?), it was something my dr mentioned being aware of at his checkup last year. It may be worth looking into...

 

[MushyMushy]

To be fair, it wasn't the OP laughing, it was me. I get the stress she's going through right now at her son's age. She's probably got a long road ahead of her, and hopefully some day she can look back and laugh too.

She did exactly what she should have done. She called the school and alerted his resource teacher and made sure it was handled.

 

[Magpie]

I don't think 8th grade boys are 12. I would say closer to 14 and a big difference.

the closest thing our middle school kids get to a recess if they finish eating before bell they can go outside.

And I actually have a 12 yr old boy and if he ever called me from school expressing his anger was so bad he thought he was going to punch someone and a teacher at the school thought there was such a reality of it happening that they had to run over there right then, not talk to him later that week or even later that day,but immediately, so it couldn't happen. And he needed to take a walk to calm down before returning to class, then I would be very worried and getting him anger management help before something could happen that would get him thrown out of school and possibly criminally charged.

At our high school if you physically attack another student there is a very good chance the police officer will be taking you out in handcuffs.

Here Grade 8's have to turn 13 before January 1st. So this time of year there'll be a mix of 12 and 13yos. (Mostly 13yos.) None of them will turn 14 until after January 1st.

I stood in the hallway and watched the boys in line last year. There were kids pushing and shoving, play-punching, and a couple of boys put hockey helmets on and began headbutting each other... but since it was all in good fun and no one was shouting, the teacher didn't intervene.

My son was knocked down by another boy and he scraped his knees rather badly last year, but it happened off of school property and wasn't witnessed by an adult, so he was told nothing could be done. It's pretty rough and tumble being a boy here.

I've never heard of a kid being arrested. A friend of mine's 7th grade son once got so angry at another boy he began throwing chairs around in the lunch room, but nothing happened there, either. He wasn't even suspended. And hey, my kid isn't anywhere near THAT angry or out of control! But as it happens, he will be seeing the same psychologist my friend's son sees, so that's cool. (She gave me the recommendation.)

 

[Magpie]

Grade 8 is age 12-13 here. And yes, they would have 2 x 15 min recess. One in am and one in pm. Lunch is 15min followed by 45 min recess.

OP - has he had a doctor's visit lately? We're dealing with puberty here too (fun isn't it?) and while my son hasn't shown any over aggressiveness (yet?), it was something my dr mentioned being aware of at his checkup last year. It may be worth looking into...

You know, I've been wondering about puberty. He's right smack in the middle of it - voice changing, getting fuzz on his upper lip, easily distracted... He keeps forgetting to change out of his gym clothes and wearing his shorts home. He has two pairs of jeans in his locker right now!

I've asked him three days running to bring them home and he can't seem to remember. I'm considering sticking post-it notes to his forehead in the morning.

 

[ccgirl]

Here Grade 8's have to turn 13 before January 1st. So this time of year there'll be a mix of 12 and 13yos. (Mostly 13yos.) None of them will turn 14 until after January 1st.

I stood in the hallway and watched the boys in line last year. There were kids pushing and shoving, play-punching, and a couple of boys put hockey helmets on and began headbutting each other... but since it was all in good fun and no one was shouting, the teacher didn't intervene.

My son was knocked down by another boy and he scraped his knees rather badly last year, but it happened off of school property and wasn't witnessed by an adult, so he was told nothing could be done. It's pretty rough and tumble being a boy here.

I've never heard of a kid being arrested. A friend of mine's 7th grade son once got so angry at another boy he began throwing chairs around in the lunch room, but nothing happened there, either. He wasn't even suspended. And hey, my kid isn't anywhere near THAT angry or out of control! But as it happens, he will be seeing the same psychologist my friend's son sees, so that's cool. (She gave me the recommendation.)

Holy cow! I can't believe the school condones that behavior. Then again, I am used to watching the kids fold their hands between classes and no talking either. Both boys and girls do this K-8. They are all extremely respectful to one another and would get in huge trouble if someone hit another person, never mind threw chairs around. Good luck with everything. I'm sure it's not easy.