My Son's Getting Married Tomorrow and I'm Unexpectedly Sad Tonight

[darlak]

Tomorrow afternoon my DS25 is getting married. I've been fine with it all these months of planning. I really like his bride to be and feel like the 2 of them are a perfect match. Then tonight, after everyone else at my house was in bed, I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of loss and profound sadness. I have no idea why, but all I can seem to do is sit here remembering the day we brought him home from the hospital and all the childhood milestones of his life.

He's my only son, but he isn't my first child to get married. Two of my daughters are married and I never had this sudden onset of...well, honestly, it feels like grief, before their wedding days.

He isn't just now leaving home either. It's been over a year since he last lived here. All I can think of is that maybe I was busier when my girls got married. I've been included and have a couple of small jobs to do, but as the mother of the groom, I just don't have as much to do as when I was mother of the bride.

Truthfully, I think maybe I'm just feeling like he doesn't need me anymore. Anybody else feel this way when your son was getting married?

 

[Katy Belle]

My kids are still young, so I have not been through this yet. Is he your last child to get married? That could be part of it.

After DH and I got married we went on our honeymoon and then went to my parent's house and opened our gifts. All of his and my families were there, and good friends. When it came time for us to leave, to drive to our new home in a different state, I was Soooooo sad. I had lived away from home for years during college, but it just hit me. Something so final. Not the same as your situation, but it sure reminded me of my feelings.

Have a great wedding!
Katy

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm so sorry. I can't even fathom it yet. I'm having a struggle with my current 16 year old being in his Junior year of high school...and the soon to be searches for colleges. He's an only child.

 

[kellyg403]

I think you are correct...I felt the same way. I was so busy when my dd got married that I didn't really have time to do much thinking. With DS my part was easy and it left a lot of room for pondering.

It will pass. I even cried about a couple days after the wedding thinking wow, he is all grown up.

Kelly

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I can imagine. (I think it will get better, though.)

 

[minniebeth]

Sometimes I think it's just different with girls and boys. My kids are still young so I can't imagine them yet starting their own life, but I get especially sad about my DS growing up. He has always been my little buddy. My girls are wonderful and I think will always need their moms at some level. There is definately a different transition when a son starts a new life with his wife.
Best wishes to your son and his new marriage! I'm sure you will find much family happiness with your new daughter-in-law. (I love the way some say "daughter-in-love", as they gain a new 'daughter' through love...)

 

[agnes!]

I'm so sorry. I can't even fathom it yet. I'm having a struggle with my current 16 year old being in his Junior year of high school...and the soon to be searches for colleges. He's an only child.

I'm in pretty much the same boat...except I have a DD not a DS.

agnes!

 

[Rose&Mike]

 

[mamamia]

my "baby boy" just started high school on Tuesday. He's 14. All summer long, I was sad. My family laughed at me because I cried every time I thought of him being in high school. He's my youngest. When i tried to explain it to people, they just didn't understand. I'm happy that he's in high school, but a part of me is sad because my little boy is growing up. And that's a good thing. Right? I mean, my goal has been to raise happy, healthy children who will become a productive member of society. So. I should be happy. My DD is in her second year of college and my other DS is a Jr. in high school. I was okay with the older two going to high school and all. But, there's just something about my youngest. I have always been a stay-at-home mom (occasionaly working during the holiday season for extra money) and I sort of think that in a few years none of my kids will need me. I'm the mom who drives them and all their friends everywhere. I'm the mom at every swim meet, etc. I really love being a mom. I think as they get older, my role will change and that scares me. I want them to be independent but I want them to need me. That doesn't even make sense, does it?

Anyway, Congratulations to your son and his new wife. I hope you enjoy the wedding

 

[FayeW]

There is an old saying:

"A son is a son 'til he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter all of her life"

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, I felt the same way when oldest DS got married!

Don't worry, AFTER the wedding you will be much better. Believe me!

Tuffcookie

 

[MIGrandma]

I completely understand how you feel. My son got married at 18, 2 weeks after he graduated high school. I felt like I wasn't completely "done" in raising him, it was "too soon" and, like you, as the mother-of-the-groom I wasn't involved much in the wedding planning process. It's hard to "let go", to "cut the apron strings", but it will get better.

 

[Jennasis]

Aww...it'll pass. Of course it's sad seeing your baby growing up (and maybe a bit sadder seeing his mom replaced with a wife?). DH said to me just yesterday, "nobody cried at our wedding." I just looked at him like he was insane. His mom sobbed like a school girl the whole time!

 

[XYSRUS]

Of course I feel for you as a mother of all boys, but remember you raised him to be a beautiful, productive, happy adult, which will help him to be the best husband and father (if that's what they want) in the world. Congratulations!

 

[DMickey28]

Your post made me tear up. My DS is 2.5.

 

[fun4me]

There is an old saying:

"A son is a son 'til he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter all of her life"

As a mom of three boys I just have to say that I really hate it when I hear people say that.


OP---

 

[diznygirl]

We always need out mothers, don't we? Of course, they don't need to make a sandwich or tie our shoes - but they are still needed.

Stock up on tissues for the wedding!

 

[minniecarousel]

I hear ya, OP! My sons are 27 & 29 and I was very involved in their activites when they were growing up. They are both married and sometimes I just really miss my little boys! I am so lucky that both couples live near-by and we can see them weekly (if we can plan around their busy schedules!) The rougher time for me was when they were away at college.

I understand your "sadness". It helped me that I could see that both of my boys were madly in love (& still are!) with very lovely young ladies. (I really hit the jackpot with both of my DILs!)


Hang in there - and make sure your mascara is waterproof!

 

[shortbun]

Tomorrow afternoon my DS25 is getting married. I've been fine with it all these months of planning. I really like his bride to be and feel like the 2 of them are a perfect match. Then tonight, after everyone else at my house was in bed, I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of loss and profound sadness. I have no idea why, but all I can seem to do is sit here remembering the day we brought him home from the hospital and all the childhood milestones of his life.

He's my only son, but he isn't my first child to get married. Two of my daughters are married and I never had this sudden onset of...well, honestly, it feels like grief, before their wedding days.

He isn't just now leaving home either. It's been over a year since he last lived here. All I can think of is that maybe I was busier when my girls got married. I've been included and have a couple of small jobs to do, but as the mother of the groom, I just don't have as much to do as when I was mother of the bride.

Truthfully, I think maybe I'm just feeling like he doesn't need me anymore. Anybody else feel this way when your son was getting married?

Aw, you're making me cry. As the mother of a boy, I can so relate. Keep your DIL close and you will never lose your son. My MIL sees more of my husband now than she ever did when he was 16-30 before we got married. I'm the reason. 'Honey, how long since you talked to your mom?"

Hey, have a wonderful wedding Mom!!