My son bites

[caitty13]

I was just wondering if this is normal or not. When I went and picked up my DS3 at preschool the teacher told me that he had bit twice that day. I asked him why he bit other children and he said that he bit 2 girls. Is it normal for kids to bit? How do you break this if you don't know what caused it in the first place.

He just started at this new center and I don't want to to kick him out for acting up. He is a good boy, just very hyper.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Some kids are biters. Maybe he doesn't realize how to express his anger or even affection. Biting isn't always because they are mad etc. Sometimes they get excited and it is a form of affection. I would speak to my child and try to explain to them that biting is a no no but give them other ways to express themself. I would also let the teachers know what your plan is so they can re-enforce it. Good luck!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My daughter went through a biting stage when she was about 18 months old. The best advice I got, which I'm sure will bring on an onslaught of comments, was to bite her back. My husband's grandmother told me to just bite her back every time she bit me, so she'd know what it felt like. Obviously, I didn't bite her hard, but hard enough to get my point across. After about a week, she got sick of being bitten and gave up. I'm not sure how this will pertain to you if he's only biting other children in school, but it worked for me. Maybe a time out in school every time he bites so he's away from the other children and has a chance to calm himself? I know in my daughter's case it was frustration that made her want to bite. Good luck. I'm sure this too shall pass.

 

[caitty13]

Thanks! I just get worried. I just hope it was a one time thing. We did talk about it and he said that the girls were calling him a baby.

 

[bellebud]

I remember my kids biting phases... I'd jump out of my skin anytime they toddled up to me and wanted to *hug* me (yea right - I learned after the first 1 or 2 bites!! mommy wasn't born yesterday! )

I was lucky in that they only bit me, so I didn't have to deal w/ it outside of the house... but ds was bit by an angelic-looking little girl at his 3yo preschool... in the eye she bit him (ouch!!) The mother was horrified (as was I at first at the sight of ds's eye - she really gave him a good one!), and the little girl of course got in trouble, etc, etc, and the mom had her draw ds a picture and say sorry. I recall overhearing the teacher say to the mom that they didn't "expect" biting at 3yo school... that it was more of a 1yo and 2yo behavior and if she did it again, she'd probably have to leave, no matter the reason for her biting (if i remember correctly, ds and she wanted the same puzzle or something, and possibly ds even took it from her). But I'm just a mom and not educated in early childhood development, so I don't know how true that statement is (about the age and behavior) and how right/wrong the teacher was about it, but that was the rule at his preschool.

 

[caitty13]

I haven't heard any rules about a child being kicked out due to bitting. Plus it was as severe as getting bit in the eye. Plus how can a child learn if they are just kicked out? That part worries me.

 

[brighteyes]

My daughter went through a biting stage when she was about 18 months old. The best advice I got, which I'm sure will bring on an onslaught of comments, was to bite her back. My husband's grandmother told me to just bite her back every time she bit me, so she'd know what it felt like. Obviously, I didn't bite her hard, but hard enough to get my point across. After about a week, she got sick of being bitten and gave up. I'm not sure how this will pertain to you if he's only biting other children in school, but it worked for me. Maybe a time out in school every time he bites so he's away from the other children and has a chance to calm himself? I know in my daughter's case it was frustration that made her want to bite. Good luck. I'm sure this too shall pass.

ITA. My DS used to do this when he was angry or upset. He picked it up from the other kids at the sitters, he used to get bit, so he did it. One day he went to take a chomp out of me, I grabbed his arm, bit him, and he was soo shocked just looked at me for about a minute then started crying. I felt so bad, but told him that hurts doesn't it? Do not bite anyone ever again, and he never did. Poor thing, I didn't bite hard, but it got the message across.

Stephanie

 

[bellebud]

I haven't heard any rules about a child being kicked out due to bitting. Plus it was as severe as getting bit in the eye. Plus how can a child learn if they are just kicked out? That part worries me.

I honestly don't know how they learn if they're just kicked out (again, I'm just a mom and have 2 kids, so that's the extent of my experience with all this)... but I totally see where a school can't let a room full of children be possible victims of a biter day after day. I'd pull my kid from a school that allowed a known biter to stay after a few chances (I'm not saying kick them out for the first offense, but if my child was biten twice by the same child and the biter was just allowed to stay for a possible 3rd time, i'd have a real problem with that). Of course all biters outgrow the stage, but I don't know what makes them outgrow it (and I don't know if discipline helps or not... I just remember jumping away from my kids, I don't remember if I disciplined them for it). Sorry I couldn't be more helpful... it's hard when our kids do things they can't control.

 

[HonnyDipp]

I know some may disagree. But my DS went through his bitting stage. He bit me hard one day, so I bit him back. That ended it right then and there, once he learned that it hurt, he stopped doing it.

 

[DevilDuckie]

I was just wondering if this is normal or not. When I went and picked up my DS3 at preschool the teacher told me that he had bit twice that day. I asked him why he bit other children and he said that he bit 2 girls. Is it normal for kids to bit? How do you break this if you don't know what caused it in the first place.

He just started at this new center and I don't want to to kick him out for acting up. He is a good boy, just very hyper.

Biting is serious and needs to be addressed immediately. It can be grounds for expelling a child from a preschool because of the danger it poses to other children. The infection risk from a human bite is *huge* if they break the skin. I mean, really and truly nasty. Worse than a dog bite.

My son's preschool had a two strikes rule on biting. Second offense was an immediate call to the parent to come and collect their child and make other arrangements for them.

My stance with the kiddo would be that it is not okay *period* and that there is not a cause good enough to justify it so cut it out NOW. Why he's biting other children is not the issue I'd raise with him. At 3 I'm betting you can communicate absolute noes to him and this should be one. It matters that he may not bite and why he may not bite but I don't think his motive for the biting is relevant.

 

[famofsix]

Thanks! I just get worried. I just hope it was a one time thing. We did talk about it and he said that the girls were calling him a baby.

You need to tell him people are not for biting and act out ways to react when he is frustrated. He really is too old to be biting.

How is his language development?

I would also be sure that the teachers are looking out to intervene if he starts to get frustrated so that they can redirect his behavior and model appropriate problem solving skills.

 

[caitty13]

I am worried about it. The thing is he doesn't do it at home or around me and it was the first time it had happened at school. So what do you do if you don't see it happen? Punishing after the fact isn't going to do anything.

All I wanted was to know if others have had to deal with this same issue? My son is three but he just turned three.

 

[kim_o]

My son was a biter from 12 - 18 months. Only thing is...he didn't bite if he was anywhere around me. He bit me once, and I bit back and that ended it. But he was still biting at daycare. There was one day that I picked him up from daycare and be told him bit three children in one day. There was nothing I could do about it because his languauge skills weren't there and I wasn't there to discipline him when it happened. I was also concerned over the supervision that he was given the opportunity to bite three kids in one day. The biting only started after he had been bitten on several occasions. So it was definitely a learned behavior from there. We switched daycares and have never had another bite incident.

Biting is very serious and can really cause harm to other children - and I have heard of kids being expelled for it. But your DC is at an age where the language skills are a lot better and he should understand "no biting". Where was the teacher when the biting happened? What was done afterwards? What kind of discipline measures were taken? It is virtually impossible to discipline a child that young after the fact, so you'll have to work with the daycare to determine how it can and should be handled.

 

[JeremyGNJ]

My daughter went through a biting stage when she was about 18 months old. The best advice I got, which I'm sure will bring on an onslaught of comments, was to bite her back. My husband's grandmother told me to just bite her back every time she bit me, so she'd know what it felt like. Obviously, I didn't bite her hard, but hard enough to get my point across. After about a week, she got sick of being bitten and gave up. I'm not sure how this will pertain to you if he's only biting other children in school, but it worked for me. Maybe a time out in school every time he bites so he's away from the other children and has a chance to calm himself? I know in my daughter's case it was frustration that made her want to bite. Good luck. I'm sure this too shall pass.

I definitely agree with this! Bite them back. Not playful biting either. Bite them hard enough that they understand how and why a bite hurts.

Chances are they will stop, unless it's really an anger issue.

 

[famofsix]

I definitely agree with this! Bite them back. Not playful biting either. Bite them hard enough that they understand how and why a bite hurts.

Chances are they will stop, unless it's really an anger issue.

I think biting your child is a bad idea. What if he goes to daycare, bites a kid and tells his teacher that's what his mom does

There are better approaches to the problem.

 

[stacy6552]

Biting is not typically age appropriate for a 3 year old. I learned this when our son started biting at age three. If he's suddenly biting at this age, I think you really have to look into why. We found that our son had sstarted biting because another child was a big time grabber and our son figured out that he if he bit the child he could make him let go, and not loose his grip on whatever he had had. We took the other child out of the mix, by moving our son to another class and working with him on better ways to handle that situation.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I think biting your child is a bad idea. What if he goes to daycare, bites a kid and tells his teacher that's what his mom does

There are better approaches to the problem.

When I originally suggested it I didn't say it was a good idea, simply one that worked for me. I'm also the type of person who doesn't really think passed my own front door, so it never crossed my mind that this could be a problem if she repeated it. Good point.

 

[hildasmuriel]

When my son went to bite my finger I popped his own finger in his mouth and said "bite that". He was so surprised he actually started to bite down and then realised it was starting to hurt. I said "See, that hurts, doesn't it? NO biting" He didn't do it again.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My daughter bit once -- at age 18 months in "mommy and me" with me and all the other mommies looking on. She started to hug this little boy and all the moms were like "how sweet" then suddenly she turned her head and bit his cheek. I was mortified! Turns out he had a brand new baby brother and he was biting his brother all the time so mom wasn't mad because she thought maybe he would learn his lesson.

The teacher told us that it sometimes happens when children get emotional -- whether happy, sad or excited. if they can't get their words out to express how they are feeling.

It's the same thing with hitting. We told her that biting was not okay -- neither was hitting. If she got mad she could hit a pillow, but not a person.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I used to teach in a preschool/daycare. Biting is a really big deal in those environments because it's so "contagious" and, of course, it hurts. They usually will kick someone out for it if it continues for a while. We usually gave it some time, but if your school get a lot of parent complaints, they will have to deal with it. Nothing makes a parent more upset than finding out their kid was bitten during school. Parents want immediate action a lot of times.

Most of the time, it's a communication thing. I would see it a lot in kids that weren't able to express themselves, and a lot of times the child being bit was one that was quite proficient with his/her language skills. The biter almost feels it's an unfair fight, and does what they can to keep up.

You don't see it a lot with the 3's because, usually, they are a little better at expressing their feelings. They can defend themselves with their words. Maybe work on teaching him the right words to use. If he's upset, and yells or screams, teach him to take a breath and help him to label his emotions. Don't give him anything without him asking for it with his words...milk, snacks, etc. In general, just encourage him not to be physical...set the example all of the time. If he yells at you or hits or pushes you or the dog or brother or sister...take him aside and explain why it's not okay and walk through it with him again.

As far as the biting...the minute you see him after school, deal with it. If they say he bit someone, get down on his level, in his face and say "No biting"...very firmly. We always used to say babies bite, animals bite...are you a baby or an animal? Good boys and girls use their words...biting hurts...do you want to hurt your friends? Biting is wrong." We would repeat it a few times. Obviously, we never did the biting back...we are teachers...not really okay to bite someone's kid!

Good luck...it'll pass. You don't see too many high schoolers biting!