My sister bah Humbug'd Christmas for me!

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I love Christmas! All the joy, and peace that the Season brings is so special to me. And yes, part of Christmas is the presents, I love GIVING gifts as well as receiving them. Yesterday while talking to my sister, all she could do was complain that she has to buy for SOOOO many family members. I think basicly she resents that she is still single and all the rest of us have now married. She did mention this, because she used the words of "expanding family". I end up worrying that her gift won't be "perfect" for her, and it ends up ruining the joy of the whole evening. Of course there's more "intrigue" when it comes to this, but that is basicly it. she knows I love this time of year, but had to go on and on and on.

 

[sharbear]

My sister is the same way. She complains about buying presents and she has so many, blah, blah, blah.

Just turn a deaf ear to it.

 

[nativetxn]

Sorry your sister made you feel less joyful about your favorite holiday.

 

[RUDisney]

Why don't you start a family grab bag? We did this not so much to save money, but to make it easier for everyone since you only have to buy for one person. Alright, so I usually buy my grab bag's gift and my DH's grab bag gift, so I buy 2 gifts. I have 4 siblings, three of whom are married. We still buy for my youngest sister since she'll only be 12 on Christmas Eve and we buy for the kids, but there are only 4 of them (2 are ours) but I'm sure we'll eventually get to a children's grab bag, too. We set our limit at $75 per person. We all buy something for our parents. It really makes Christmas easier and more "fair" for the single family members.

 

[caitycaity]

we also have an expanding family on dh's side, and to be quite honest, we couldn't have afforded gifts for everyone on that side of te family this year. several other family members were in the same boat. so we decided to each pick a name out of a hat and buy for one person only. i think everyone is really happy with the new arrangement.

 

[dandave]

I think Christmas can become a burden, if things focus too much on gifts. The financial worries can bring you down. Maybe that's how your sis is feeling.

This was happening in our family a few years ago. Some of us had more to spend, but some really felt pinched. Now, we exchange $5 gifts with GM, GP, sisters, and BIL at our family party. $5 is very little to spend on each person, so you really have to put your heart (instead of your $$$) into each gift. We try to find a really great book, a delicious coffee, a favorite food, etc. It helps us focus on the person.

 

[Jenn]

My sister is the exact same way. I'm married w/ kids at 31, she is almost 30 and single, and our youngest sister Lisa is engaged at 29 and getting married next year.

She actually said - "It isn't fair that I have to buy for you and Jim, Lisa and Dave, Mom and Dad, and you guys only have to buy for me." I stood there with my mouth hanging open.

Then, we set a $25 per person limit and she told us that we should all have to spend $50 on her since she has to do double for us.

We ended up saying no gift exchange amongst the siblings - everyone still buys for Mom and Dad.

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I'm from a very LARGE family (my parents have 45 grandkids) ... we each buy for our Godchildren ($10-15) ... ending that practice when they turn 18 (I have 4 that I buy for). We get something for our parents, but sometimes it is little more than a fruitbasket or some other special food (at their age they don't want or need more "stuff").

That's it for the extended family. We also take a tag from the "giving tree" at church/work in order to make the holiday a little better for someone less fortunate.

Simple IS better!

 

[wovenwonder]

I am known to be the devils advocate when situations arrise. So let me play the 'Single Person' for a little a bring up something for you to think about.

I only have one income and have to buy at least three gifts for your family --- one together gift for DSister and DBrotherI, and two gifts (one for each of the kids). In return I get one gift from the entire family of 4. This may not seem like such a bad deal but when you have lots of siblings that all have families -- it could really add up.

My BIL is also 'single'. He buys graciously for all 4 in my family and never sqwaks about only getting one gift in return. He actually enjoys spoiling us.

I'm sorry that your sisters attitude is bogging your spirits. Maybe you can talk and come up with a gift exchange system that will suit everyone in the family.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

My MIL is ALWAYS depressed at holiday time. And she has NO problem sharing and spreading this condition with others! It starts in September. She has no reason to be depressed, she is in good health, has everything she desires (which isn't much) and we are all healthy and around her all year long. She even says she doesn't know why she gets this way she just does. There are only 4 grandchildren (all teenagers) and she worries herself to death over what to buy them even though we give her lists and tell her to pick only one thing.

Going to her house at Christmas has become a chore! It has kinda become a family joke. This year we solved the problem we are going on vacation with my Dad, who is a hoot!! With our oldest at boot camp the last thing we needed was her sharing her "joy" with us!

We just grin and bear it!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!

TK

 

[Snow White]

We just draw names for the kids, and then don't give gifts to the adults, it was just too costly for most of the family, and the adults had fun watching the kids open their gifts anyway! We all give to our parents tho, sometimes all going in on one gift, but most of the time we give individual gifts. Too bad your sister feels badly about it, maybe you could give her 2 smaller gifts instead of one large one?

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I thought about it today, and I think I might suggest picking names among us 3 sisters, our spouses, and my one cousin and his new wife. I don't want to include my parents in this, as I REALLY enjoy buying them gifts. We also have other adults that we buy for, but my sisters and I handle this differently as it is. So, maybe this would be a good compromise for her. Of course there are sister issues within this, and we'll see if my younger sister likes this.

 

[wovenwonder]

Originally posted by PRINCESS VIJA
I thought about it today, and I think I might suggest picking names among us 3 sisters, our spouses, and my one cousin and his new wife. I don't want to include my parents in this, as I REALLY enjoy buying them gifts. We also have other adults that we buy for, but my sisters and I handle this differently as it is. So, maybe this would be a good compromise for her. Of course there are sister issues within this, and we'll see if my younger sister likes this.

That sounds like a TERRIFIC compromise! They would be foolish not to agree with your suggestion. BUT then again -- haven't all of our families been known to be 'foolish' at times! Good Luck Girlfriend!

 

[disykat]

Frankly, I don't think it IS fair for the single sister to have to buy presents for everyone. I tell my sister every year to buy us a family gift and not to go overboard, because I realize this is a hardship for her. She buys for four of us - we buy for one. She usually buys for all of us anyway but at least the pressure's off and she has an out.

She is clearly trying to let you know that this is a hardship for her. Listen to her. Accusing her of ruining your Christmas because she doesn't want to give you presents is not fair either - give her a break! Tell her you enjoy giving gifts but it's okay if she doesn't want to. What's the fun of getting a gift you know she didn't want to give?

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

disykat, I did listen to her, so that is why I thought on it quite a bit today. I think that it is a good compromise what I posted a few posts back. I guess we will see what she says. That way she doesn't have to buy for everyone, but we just pick names amongst us older kids, so she would only have to buy one gift. She was quite clear that she "doesn't include the kids" (meaning the little ones) in this issue. As far as the other older generation, I do feel it is fair that we leave it how we have it. My sisters don't buy for everyone of that generation as it is, but I choose to do so. As far as spoiling Christmas, it isn't just about presents, I eluded to it when I mentioned the "intrigue" but didn't go into it, because trust me this post would get LONG!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Well, I had a chat with my sister and she is happy with what I came up with. What she was mostly worried about is that my younger sister might not be happy with it, since she just got married and suddenly now we should pick names. My older sister will mention it after Christmas and hopefully all will work out. Thanks for all of your good thoughts on this.