my poor children are deprived

[disykat]

I don't let them have free days from school
They don't trick or treat past childhood
They don't watch adult movies during childhood
I don't call them at school (or even drop in to see them!)
I spend under $150 on each at Christmas
They don't have tv's in their rooms
They don't get to drink soda at dinner

I'm sure there are more. I thought I was normal until I started reading internet message boards! Good thing I don't let them surf the net unsupervised - they could catch on to how deprived they are!

I don't really mean to be controversial because I'm sure most people do at least one of the above, but am I the only person who is always constantly surprised at how differently I appear to think from the rest of the DIS?

 

[IceQueen777]

My mom had those same rules (plus many more) for me, which is why I went nuts in my teen years trying to rebel.

I'm not trying to be controversial either, but I try not to be so strict with my kids. I don't want them to feel so stifled that they have to rebel.

 

[Gupsmom]

I don't want them to feel so stifled that they have to rebel.

Funny you should say that. My parents were laid back. I never got into any real trouble because I could be very open with them. I had 3 friends growing up who I thought had ridiculously strict parents. All 3 of them decided to go away to school. All 3 of them got out and partied. They were so out of control that 2 of them are still trying to get their lives in order 10 yrs later.

That's not in reply to the OP. I'm not saying the OP is that way at all. I just don't think issues like trick or treating or seeing my child during their school lunch twice a year have anything to do with being a "kind" parent vs being "mean." I have the time and the desire to drop in for lunch a couple times a year. You might not, or choose not to. Neither of us is the superior parent because of issues like these. Like you said, it's just being different. I agree that I am also different than a lot of dis-ers. I was amazed at the Christmas $$ spent too, but everyone can do what they want with their money..and their kids.

Jess

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by disykat
I don't let them have free days from school
They don't trick or treat past childhood
They don't watch adult movies during childhood
I don't call them at school (or even drop in to see them!)
I spend under $150 on each at Christmas
They don't have tv's in their rooms
They don't get to drink soda at dinner

I'm sure there are more. I thought I was normal until I started reading internet message boards! Good thing I don't let them surf the net unsupervised - they could catch on to how deprived they are!

I don't really mean to be controversial because I'm sure most people do at least one of the above, but am I the only person who is always constantly surprised at how differently I appear to think from the rest of the DIS?

Well only two of them are not me LOL....I dont call her at school and she doesn't watch adult movies. I have no problem with her drinking soda with dinner since she drinks so much milk the rest of the day and she doens't watch adult movies because she is only 4 and has no business watching them....though I know at least one of her friends ( 5 years old) watches south park regularly! I watch that myself but I can not imagine my child watching it at 5 years old!!

 

[LisaZoe]

It is very normal to believe that others think as we do (in pyschology this is referred to as a feeling of "false consenus"). When we learn how differently others think or behave, it's always a surprise... if not a shock.

As for your list, not all apply yet for my DD as she isn't even 3. However, she:

* Doesn't get to stay home from day care unless she's sick. I don't want her to start getting an idea that it's OK to skip day care and have it carry over to school. I tell her if she stays home, it is because she is sick so she has to stay in bed and rest - and resting on the couch so she can watch TV is not an option.
* Wears Halloween costumes that are age appropriate and we only trick-or-treat at 4 or 5 homes of friends - and she doesn't get all the candy even then.
* Doesn't get to watch my movies - hers are all G rated and even then I'm in the room with her 95% of the time she's watching them.
* Has about $250 spent on her at Christmas for gifts from Mom and Santa. About half of that is for clothes since she's still outgrowing things regularly. Most of the toys she gets are educational in some way, i.e. puzzles, games that help teach reading & math, etc.
* Has no TV in her room
* Only gets soda for "special" occasions and then only if she's had enough other nutritious drinks the rest of the day
* Expected to help out around the house on age appropriate tasks, such as putting her own toys away, putting her clothes in the laundry hamper, putting her plate, bowl, cup, etc. in the kitchen, taking out the garbage (OK, she actually jumps to help with that one otherwise I'd let her off the hook for a while ).
* Has few clothes that are name brands or have character or movie ties. All are age appropriate (well, maybe the gold lame' dress she's shown wearing in my sig isn't average toddler wear but it is machine washable and cost less than many Disney princess costumes).

 

[Disney_1derland]

Has few clothes that are name brands or have character or movie ties. All are age appropriate (well, maybe the gold lame' dress she's shown wearing in my sig isn't average toddler wear but it is machine washable and cost less than many Disney princess costumes).

I almost fell off my chair! We have lots of dress up clothes (I'm a huge day after halloween shopper!) and the fun of it is that it's not normal toddler/preschooler wear but I hear you on the age appropriate thing because I cannot believe how hard it is to find little girl clothes that don't look like they belong on a 20-something in a club. Thank Goodness I can sew!

 

[charabby]

Originally posted by Disney_1derland
I cannot believe how hard it is to find little girl clothes that don't look like they belong on a 20-something in a club. Thank Goodness I can sew!

I read statements like this over and over again on the boards, but I honestly have no problem finding age appropriate clothes for my girls (6 and 8). I shop for them at Target, The Children's Place, Gap Kids, Kohl's and Land's End and we find tons of stuff that's made to play in and isn't sleazy. Sure, I see some sleazy clothes at most places, but we just pass those by. Guess I'm lucky.

 

[Disney_1derland]

I read statements like this over and over again on the boards, but I honestly have no problem finding age appropriate clothes for my girls (6 and 8). I shop for them at Target, The Children's Place, Gap Kids, Kohl's and Land's End and we find tons of stuff that's made to play in and isn't sleazy. Sure, I see some sleazy clothes at most places, but we just pass those by. Guess I'm lucky.

My daughter is 4. We shop at Target, The Children's Place, Old Navy, Kohl's and Kids R Us. I think the problem is there is a big jump in maturity from 4 to 6 or so and the clothes on 'the other side of the aisle' are perhaps more appropriate for 6 and up. I don't feel like they are all appropriate for a 4 year old. I'm NOT a conservative person at all but find myself feeling more and more conservative where my child is concerned. It's odd. I do see more non-appropriate clothing than things I would let her wear.

 

[LisaZoe]

Disney_1derland - I consider costumes different from regular clothing. My DD does have dress up clothes - and I'm planning to get to the stores the day after Halloween to get more variety. She mostly has "princess" clothes and I want to have some gender neutral things to balance it as well as to give her male friends and cousin dress up items they'll want to wear (no matter how cute I think they'd be in a princess dress, few will put one on ).

charabby - I agree that it isn't too hard to find cute, fashionable clothes that are age appropriate. Sometimes the challenge is to find them without some character on it or a large logo/brand emblem (I can't see paying brand prices just to advertise for that brand). I usually shop at Wal Mart, Target, Children's Place and outlets for Osh Kosh, Carters, Gap Kids and Old Navy. I have to admit that I kind of picky. I don't want things that are too cutesy or frilly but that also aren't too plain. So far, my DD is pretty happy with my choices. I hope that this continues once she reaches the age where peer pressure comes into the picture.

 

[Disney_1derland]

The morning after halloween if you can be at Target right as they open you will catch great halloween deals! I usually pick up 3 or 4 new things every year. You name it, we have it! My dd is starting to outgrow her dress up stuff so I guess this year i'll be buying the next bigger sizes up! I can't believe how fast she is growing these days!

 

[charabby]

Originally posted by Disney_1derland
My daughter is 4. We shop at Target, The Children's Place, Old Navy, Kohl's and Kids R Us. I think the problem is there is a big jump in maturity from 4 to 6 or so and the clothes on 'the other side of the aisle' are perhaps more appropriate for 6 and up. I don't feel like they are all appropriate for a 4 year old. I'm NOT a conservative person at all but find myself feeling more and more conservative where my child is concerned. It's odd. I do see more non-appropriate clothing than things I would let her wear.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry, I was thrown by the '20 yo club hopper'. In that sense, I have been lucky. My girls are relatively small so it's easy finding age appropriate clothing for them. My 6 yo wears 6 and my 8 yo is in 6X/7. One thing I've noticed is that prices go up dramatically from the toddler sizes to 4-6X.

 

[tidoublegger]

I don't let them have free days from school: Me neither


They don't trick or treat past childhood: What age is this? mine can go if they dress up until they're seniors in high school!


They don't watch adult movies during childhood: I agree: mine can watch movies that are age appropriate


I don't call them at school (or even drop in to see them!): Me neither, but I've dropped off a forgotten item on occasion if it's important. It doesn't happen very often and I think they're only human. If it became habitual, I would not do this for them.


I spend under $150 on each at Christmas: That's really easy for my younger ones...the older ones, it's a bit more given the cost of things these days. I try to cap it at $200 for the teens though and really hunt for the sales!


They don't have tv's in their rooms: Absolutely not!!


They don't get to drink soda at dinner: My 16.5 year old dd absolutely loves Barq's root beer and *gasp* she does have it with dinner on occasion. The younger ones only are allowed soda on occasion. At dinner it's milk or spring water.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

In general I'd say that parents need to pcik their battles.

I'm on the strict side--kids are expected to do chores. Not a lot of chores on school days, but on the weekends they have more.

I don't give them days off from school, but can sure understand parents who give them an occasional days since the parents have days off throughout the year. Can see that flip side.

If a teen wants to dress up and trick or treat AND will use good manners I have no problem with it. My older kids don't, but I have no problem with it.

I'm selective about movies. I read about the movie and decide what is objectionable. My kids are 16, 14, 11, and 4. I'm very careful with my youngest, but I don't decide to let or not let my older kids watch a movie based on the rating. There are a lot of PG13's that I won't let my middle two watch, and others that I would (ie don't want them watching sexually explicit movies).

I have no reason to drop in on them at school. I used to volunteer at the elem school and will when my 4yo starts. That's showing involvement in the school and their education, so I'm assuming that's not what the OP meant.

We don't go overboard on holiday presents. My kids are not lacking in that department, but I don't think that they have too many "things".

NEVER will they have tv's in their bedrooms. That is a battle that I will fight. Well, never meaning as a child. If my daughter decides to live at home and go to college then I would let her have a tv in her room. Same goes for a computer.

They don't normally drink soda period--dinner, lunch, snack, etc. It's considered a treat. It's not that they never have it, but just not a normal part of their meal and diet. Now ice cream after dinner is a different story.

My kids do complain because I won't let them do certain things, go places with people I don't know, etc, etc. My daughter will be 17yo in a couple months and she doesn't have her license yet and won't until I feel that she is VERY ready. Mean mother? Nope, I tell her that my main job is to do my best to help her grow into a responsible, mature, ALIVE, adult.

T&B

 

[decker96]

disykat -- We do all those same things, so you are not alone.
Although, I'm not sure what you mean by "childhood" on the trick-or-treating thing and my oldest is only 7 so it's not an issue right now.
As far as movies go, I don't even let my 7 year old watch PG movies unless I've seen it first!
No TV in their rooms, ever and no soda at dinner ever, no matter how old they are! They are 7, 4 and 1 and none of them drink any soda now, except a little 7UP if they have an upset stomach. I tell them they're not old enough yet. When they ask how old they have to be I tell them when they're as old as one of their cousins. I started telling them this when he was 8. He's 11 now and they still haven't figured it out! LOL!!
Christmas is usually around $150 to $200 per child, that's it.
The only time I would ever call any of them at school is if they needed to change their mode of transportation home (like if I was going to pick them up instead of having them ride the bus for some reason) and even then I'd leave a message with the secretary for the school to get to my child/ren. I wouldn't need to speak to them directly. This has happened once and we had no problems.
Anyway, I don't let what others are doing bother me. I'll raise my kids how I want to and they can raise theirs how they want to. Everyone is different. And as far as your kids complaining that they are deprived (I already hear from my DD7 that this friend or that friend can watch this show or movie or has a TV in their room), they'll get over it!!!!

 

[Beauty]

I'm very open and honest with my child. I have the firm belief that if he doesn't hear it from me he will hear it from someone else so we are VERY open with our son.

The free days from school haven't come up yet, hes only 13..although we have taken him out to go to Disney a few times. As he gets older if he grades are good I can see giving him free days. My mother always knew where I was. I can't tell you the number of friends I had who skipped school or made up stories to their parents.

As for trick or treating that is entirely up to him.

Movies depend on the movie. I will usually watch it first and then go from there. He doesn't get to watch anything but he has seen a few rate at R movies, especially if they are scary which he likes.

I've never gone to his school to see him and I've never called him for any reason but if I wanted to I better be able to

Humm we do buy more expensive presents as he gets older. He got a drum set for his birthday.

As for soda, he does drink Coke but thanks to his football coach he is only allowed one per day and the rest of the day its water of Gatoraide!

I have a very close relationship with my son. Don't get me wrong I am his parent and I will disapline him if he needs it, but he hardly ever needs it. We are very open, there are NO topics that we won't discuss with him. He is very aware of what is out there and what the consequenses are. There is a little girl in his class who has extremely strict parents. She isn't allowed to go to dances, she isn't allowed to talk to boys on the phone, she can't watch any movies that aren't G rated.....we are talking about a 13 year old little girl! She has an older sister who is rebeling right now something horrible because of her upbringing.


He does have a TV, DVD player and CD player in his room.

 

[cruisnfamily]

I don't let them have free days from schoolMe neither

They don't trick or treat past childhoodWhat age would this be? If they want to put on a costume and use good manners I'm good with it for a while yet.
They don't watch adult movies during childhoodI'm in total agreement! and this is a hard one as apparently most parents allow their kids to watch anything!
I don't call them at school (or even drop in to see them!)Well, I volunteer 1 day a week split between the middle school and the elementary school and I do usually have lunch with DS while I'm there.....Is this what you meant? I think this is a good thing as I am involved in his school and I get to meet lots of the kids and I really know what's going on.
I spend under $150 on each at ChristmasThis is a hard one...I'd love to say yes but unfortunately the answer is probably no. I try hard to keep costs down but things are so expensive.
They don't have tv's in their roomsNor do mine! Nor will they for a long time to come. Possibly in their late teens, we'll see.
They don't get to drink soda at dinnerMine don't drink soda at home, period. Never! But, if we're at a restaurant or McDonalds or something DD12 will normally order a sprite. DS8 doesn't drink soda at all, not even if dying of thirst....he can't take the bubbles, freaks him out.


Well, in my DD12's words I'm a "big meany-head" said with a smile and a wink but I think that deep down she appreciates having limits and I don't think she resents it or will rebel. Time will tell I guess.

OP, how old are your kids?

 

[RedNeckChik13]

My mom followed a lot of those same thoughts...but a few of them sort of went out the window over the years...esp now that I am 18 and my lil bro is 16. Her rule on school and missing days was simple...if we had straight A's...we could miss school. But only up to the number of days that would still allow us to exempt exams...usually 2 a semester or 4 a year. She didn't worry about it cuz we kept our grades up. This was only in middle and high school. We were not allowed to trick or treat when we were little. The first time I trick or treated was the 6th grade. Before that we lived in a bad area and since we don't celebrate Halloween we just went to the fall festival at our school. Now, we can go if we want...she says we are old enough to make our own choices. My mom was the same with the movie thing...esp R movies. She didn't call us at school and we didn't call her except for in sick situations. She did come to lunch a few times but only on Mommy and me type days. The Christmas thing...she used to not spend that much because we couldn't afford it. We are older now and things are expensive and Christmas presents include such necessities as clothes so she tops off at 300...she told me last year. We aren't alowed to have tvs in room other than I just got one but I am in college now. And we don't drink a lot of soda at the house although its slighty futile cuz if we want soda we can drive ourselves to get one. My mom wasn't strict and she wasn't lax..she found a happy medium.

 

[poohtown]

my kids are deprived too so welcome to the club. Mine are 16 and 9.

- it's rare to have soda, candy, or anything along that line in the house.

- the 16 year old does have a tv in her room but it only gets channel 3 so she only uses it to watch a dvd.

- they both have chores and don't get an allowance

- the tooth fairy brings less than a dollar and Santa only brings a few toys and usually something handmade.

- both get to watch movies but they get to watch them with dad and mom.

-they have nice clothes, although not necessarily designer, and are expected to take care of them (even dd9 does her own laundry).

- dd16 has a cell phone, but she also has a job and pays for it herself.

-if they do something wrong, they are expected to apologize (whether to a friend, family, etc.) If they make a mistake, they learn to correct it and not blame someone else.

and you know what? I like my deprived kids!!!

 

[Lucky4me]

I don't do everything you don't do except Trick or treating.
They can go as long as they are willing to dress up appropriately and be humiliated when thier friends drive by and catch them at it.

DD went last year with a couple of friends at age 17. I figure that was a sight better than most kids her age who were out that night smoking up and drinking.

As far as what I read here-I am never surprised, but often angered when I read about any kind of child neglect or abuse.

None of the things you listed constitutes that as far as I'm concerned.

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by disykat
I don't let them have free days from school
They don't trick or treat past childhood
They don't watch adult movies during childhood
I don't call them at school (or even drop in to see them!)
I spend under $150 on each at Christmas
They don't have tv's in their rooms
They don't get to drink soda at dinner

I'm sure there are more. I thought I was normal until I started reading internet message boards! Good thing I don't let them surf the net unsupervised - they could catch on to how deprived they are!

I don't really mean to be controversial because I'm sure most people do at least one of the above, but am I the only person who is always constantly surprised at how differently I appear to think from the rest of the DIS?

Wow, my kids must be spoiled. I have let them do all of the above except for the calling them at school. They also have TVs and DVD players in their room and I spend more then that on Christmas.