My poor boy...

[Magpie]

My 12yo son called me from school just now, in tears and saying he wants to come home. Why? He's sick. Stomach hurts, throat hurts, head hurts, doesn't think he can stand up... Oh, and by the way, he's just got his fourth C grade in Science, failed five tests in French, and he doesn't know what he's doing wrong and he's sure he's failed his whole year.

I can't pick him up because I have a homeschooled student coming by for a Math lesson in less than an hour. So I reassured my son that I'd know if he'd failed, that there's a whole bright shiny D grade below C so he's got a cushion anyway, and I'd really like him to try to stick out the rest of the day. But I think he's planning to track down his big sister and get bus tickets off of her so he can come home, whether anyone says he can or not.

Oh Lord... This isn't the first time this kid has melted down, but usually he saves it for home. He has been diagnosed Gifted/LD and is in Gifted classes, but is supposed to also be getting support for his LD. Anxiety has been an issue this year, especially lately (he even started coming out in hives a few times), and I've talked to his teachers about it.

Anyway, since I can't be there myself, I've just called the school and talked to the vice principal. She's going to try to find my boy, and talk to him. She's also going to talk to his Science teacher and his homeroom teacher and find out what's going on.

Poor kid...

 

[Mermaid02]

I'd go get him.

 

[Magpie]

I'd go get him.

I don't have a car, and this isn't the first time he's had an illness that turned out to be a bad grade. I don't want him coming home every time he has an anxiety attack - especially since it gets instantly better the moment he steps off school grounds. I'd rather he dealt with it and moved forward.

The rest of the day is supposed to be a showing of "The Blue Earth" documentary. Very relaxing.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh it is so hard to know what to do in these situations I took the same approach you did for a while--leaving her to try to relax there on her own (not from bad grades but a stressful school situation which was setting of stress induced asthma--it got better at home but did not go away). Things just kept getting worse and worse and the attacks were worse and took longer to end. We finally started looking into new schools (the issue was more her than the school, but we finally decided we needed to find somewhere she fits better). The first week at the new school she came home on Wednesday and said it was the first time all year she was not exhausted from the stress of school by mid week and that she felt so much better. She is still an anxious kid, but now just a normal anxious again.

So the point of all taht is I do not blame you AT ALL for trying to see if he can learn to cope and not "rescuing" him. But if it does get worse you may want to thi of other ways to help him get to a point that he can help himself.

 

[punkin]

poor baby. poor mommy.

Just hug him when he gets home and tell him you love him no matter what and are proud of him for hanging in there and not giving up.

 

[npmommie]

I'd go get him.

I would go get him too

 

[minniecarousel]

My 12yo son called me from school just now, in tears and saying he wants to come home. Why? He's sick. Stomach hurts, throat hurts, head hurts, doesn't think he can stand up... Oh, and by the way, he's just got his fourth C grade in Science, failed five tests in French, and he doesn't know what he's doing wrong and he's sure he's failed his whole year.

I can't pick him up because I have a homeschooled student coming by for a Math lesson in less than an hour. So I reassured my son that I'd know if he'd failed, that there's a whole bright shiny D grade below C so he's got a cushion anyway, and I'd really like him to try to stick out the rest of the day. But I think he's planning to track down his big sister and get bus tickets off of her so he can come home, whether anyone says he can or not.

Oh Lord... This isn't the first time this kid has melted down, but usually he saves it for home. He has been diagnosed Gifted/LD and is in Gifted classes, but is supposed to also be getting support for his LD. Anxiety has been an issue this year, especially lately (he even started coming out in hives a few times), and I've talked to his teachers about it.

Anyway, since I can't be there myself, I've just called the school and talked to the vice principal. She's going to try to find my boy, and talk to him. She's also going to talk to his Science teacher and his homeroom teacher and find out what's going on.

Poor kid...

Is the school year over today or tomorrow? Poor guy. Maybe he needs more help at school.

Hang in there, Mom.

 

[Marymom]

I have a 9th grader who is gifted/LD. She does wonderfully in school but I do not allow her to be in advanced classes for English and History. She also does not participate in gifted, even though she did in Elementary school. For her, to be in a class of overachievers would just frustrate her and she would compare herself to them. Her "giftedness" emerges from visual spatial aptitude, not academics. Art and Math is her forte. Her foreign language choice is sign language. (very visual)

Find your son's strengths and try to direct his subjects where his aptitude is. It sounds like he is frustrated. It is a difficult road, but I wouldn't change a thing. I have enjoyed watching my daughter excel in her gifted areas but still have compassion for those who learn more slowly.

 

[Magpie]

Thank you, everyone!

This is the last real week of school. All grades have to be in by Friday, and then it's basically make-work for the rest of the year, and they'll get their report cards on the 25th.

We'll be travelling most of July, but when we get back in August I'm going to call his doctor and make an appointment so we can find out what kind of help he can get for anxiety.

This year has been his worst yet, and I don't want to go through this again next year. His LD is almost all in his motor skills (both fine and gross), while his giftedness is in everything else, so easier classes wouldn't really help. He'd still be struggling to get words down on paper and he'd no longer be challenged intellectually. He's supposed to get help in the classroom (ie dictating test answers to the teacher), but he refuses to ask for it, because he's embarrassed. I don't know what to do about that...

 

[*BTMRR*]

Poor guy. Twelve is a rough age, even without any extra challenges like LD.

 

[mamacatnv]

MagPie I can relate to you 100%
My DD has illness induced anxiety, the child can puke at the drop of a hat or as her shrink said "she has the gag reflex a bird would envy!"

In 4th grade we realized the getting sick at school and before school was getting out of hand and with the help of our Pediatrician we found a wonderful Psychologist. The interesting thing was the Shrink met with DH and I not DD, as he said, she was a kid and was not really aware of what the issues were, we needed to give her tools to help her deal with her anxiety without making the anxiety an issue since it is not going to go away. The anxiety will always be there its how she copes with it that will make all the difference.

He asked us to give him 8 weeks and at the end of 8 weeks if we thought he was full of it he would help us find another shrink. BEST 8 weeks we ever devoted to something, the best thing we ever did for our DD.

She is also very bright and attends a high achieving charter school. She just finished 5th grade and is headed to the Charter Schools middle school. She is excited and we are thrilled for her.

Your son needs to learn to cope, you are on the right track, if he does not learn to handle his anxiety it will cripple him as he gets older.

One of the tricks our shrink had us do the first time she got "sick" after we started with him was we stayed home with DD that day. We made her stay in bed, no books, tv, games, pets etc. We told her that she needed to get her rest and needed to feel better so that she could return to school. We were instructed to check in on her every hour or so but no stimulation, also she was given light soup, crackers etc...... The idea was that she needed to learn to make a choice, to go to school and cope or to stay in bed and be bored out of her mind.
I swear to you it only took once!
The following week when she woke up with a tummy ache I said "you can either go to school or you can stay home in bed all day and rest so that you are ready for school tomorrow, it is your choice. If you chose to go to school, do not call me at 10 to come get you, go to the bathroom, throw up if you must, rinse your mouth out and go back to class"

Another thing we learned was that DD needs about 10 hours of sleep a night. She was not getting nearly enough sleep and we instituted a strict bedtime that we still follow.

It has been a year and a half since we ended our 8 weeks and we have a healthy happy child who while she still deals with anxiety she has learned how to manage it, how to make choices that work for her and how to get her hiney out of bed and to school and stay there.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, I know how hard this is to see your child struggling with anxiety

 

[DisTeach1]

Well, as a special ed teacher, I guess I will give you my opinion...

I have had students in special ed who are gifted and talented. Being in special ed does not mean you are not intelligent...it usually means you have some underlying issue that impacts your success in school, and you need support for that issue, whatever it is.

However, I think your son is trying to tell you something...maybe he is under too much pressure to succeed in school. Advanced classes are tough and rigorus. I find often the teachers don't have the patience to deal with anxiety. They expect the kids to be up to a certain performance level, so he may not be getting all the support he is supposed to have. That is a possiblity. Plus, he could be comparing himself to gifted students who do not have an underlying disability...this could increase his anxiety because he sees it is easy for other students.

You say this isn't the first time your son has called. Maybe he needs to be put on a different program with more support that will help him with his anxiety. In any case, I would listen to him and try to make changes for next year.

Because really...it doesn't matter how gifted and talented he is, if anxiety is getting in the way of his school performance, something needs to change.

 

[fimac]

Thank you, everyone!


This year has been his worst yet, and I don't want to go through this again next year. His LD is almost all in his motor skills (both fine and gross), while his giftedness is in everything else, so easier classes wouldn't really help. He'd still be struggling to get words down on paper and he'd no longer be challenged intellectually. He's supposed to get help in the classroom (ie dictating test answers to the teacher), but he refuses to ask for it, because he's embarrassed. I don't know what to do about that...

What support does he have for his motor skills apart from dictating test answers ? Does he use any assistive technology in the classroom ? Would he be willing to use a laptop in the classroom ? The school should be able to apply for a laptop to help him over come motor skills disabilities.

 

[4nana]

Bless his heart, it sounds like he's having a really tough time and I hope the VP can talk to him and assure him it's going to be ok.
Hopefully this summer meet with doctor will bring some encouragement and help, so next year won't be as stressful. My heart goes out to your boy and you too.

 

[Magpie]

What support does he have for his motor skills apart from dictating test answers ? Does he use any assistive technology in the classroom ? Would he be willing to use a laptop in the classroom ? The school should be able to apply for a laptop to help him over come motor skills disabilities.

Last year he had his own laptop with a portable scanner and assistive technology. He took it with him everywhere and did all his homework on it. But this year the school board decided that all the laptops now have to stay in the classrooms and be available to ALL students - even though each laptop was applied for in the name of a particular student! My son can't take it home anymore, or keep his work on it. Each class now has a classroom computer, courtesy of an LD kid.

Obviously this doesn't work at all, so we ended up buying our son a little laptop of his own. It's good for writing, but it doesn't have all the bells and whistles. And lately he hasn't been using it as much.

Getting support for his LD is very frustrating, because he won't ask for help. And when they ask him if he needs help he insists he's "fine" and "nothing's wrong".

 

[Magpie]

Update:

My son stuck out the day and came home, still upset. Both his science teacher and the VP spoke to him. Unfortunately his science teacher told him that she was "confident he could bring up his grade with his group project" - which she obviously meant as "you have one more chance to succeed" but my son heard as, "I've got one more way to fail." And the VP assured him that his science grades haven't changed very much so he doesn't need to worry.

My son told me, "She didn't tell me anything helpful at all!"

"Well, what's the problem?" I asked.

"The problem is I can't get less than a B minus!" And he started crying.

"Oh baby, of course you can get less than a B-minus!" Honestly, I don't know where he's getting this idea from. He may be in Gifted, but his teachers are sweethearts, and no one's overly focussed on performance. There are absolutely NO consequences for getting less than a B... or even less than a C, for that matter. We've never put pressure on the kid to achieve a particular grade. All we've ever asked him to do is keep up with his homework and turn projects in on time.

So anyway, I told him all that. And I hope he believes me, but I don't know.

Here's hoping tomorrows better!

 

[Magpie]

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions, I know how hard this is to see your child struggling with anxiety

Thank you, I will!