My Mother the Drama Queen (warning--rant_

[poohandwendy]

I did tell Mom that I thought she should though, because my mother was being her usual unreasonable self. This isn't the first time I've gone head to head with my own mother over something like this.

***as an objective outsider***

When I read your posts, I see you as soft on grandma and tough on mom, probably because it is much easier to be hard on those who were hard on/raised us. I wonder if your mom has the same feelings towards her mother (your grandma) as you have for your mother? She may think her mother is a drama queen, selfish, unreasonable, etc.(the same things you think about your mom) She probably has just as many reasons to find fault in her mother as you have to fault yours. You can see clearly the 'wrong' in your mom, she can clearly see the 'wrong' in hers...

See the pattern? You have an opportunity to make a difference and stop it before your daughter(or son) is doing the same thing...by setting an example of NOT taking the bait that leads to unhealthy and hurtful power struggles.

Just food for thought. (and my 2 cents.., LOL)

FWIW, I wouldn't take ANY side on this one, because it wouldn't be my place to tell my mother how she should handle hers. (unfortunately, my maternal grandmother died before I was born, but my great-aunt (like a grammy to me) and my mom have the same issues at times)

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I think you're right, poohandwendy. TOV seems to be furious at her mother for "demanding" the stroller" but totally unsympathetic to her mother when her grandmother "asked for" the money. I think the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. and she's allowing herself to get wrapped up in this drama. it's very hard not to bet wrapped up in it when it's your own family.

 

[Pamlur]

Not going to state any opinion on the personal relations, but on the insurance.

With "whole" life insurance, the cash value builds up and interest on that eventually pays at least most of the premiums. DH's insurance is already at that point, and mine is close (he's had his longer).

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I can't imagine what a 90 year old is paying yearly. I agree with what another poster said...cash it in. If your grandmother needs money, that's what she should do.

Like I said...I am not privy to all the intracacies of my grandmother's finances and I'm not sure what kind of insurance she has. Every time I talk to her, she tells me about how she's worried she won't leave us 'enough'. I keep telling her it doesn't matter but she keeps worrying about it anyway. Me especially it seems, since I seem to be the only grandchild who hasn't screwed their life up too badly.......yet. Two of my cousins (brothers, incidentally) are close to my age and already divorced with kids. One cousin, who is about 20 years old, has been divorced twice and is constantly fighting with his father (my uncle). My sister, like I said, got pregnant out of wedlock and is living with her boyfriend, which while fine by me, is NOT fine with my grandmother. My brother has been in several near-trips to jail and had some incidences with the law concerncing speeding tickets, breaking city curfew, etc. How I got to be the 'normal' one of the bunch, the one who 'did it right', I have absolutely NO idea whatsoever. I guess I'm just lucky, or made better choices or something. Either that or I am just less crazy than the rest of my family.

I talked to Mom yesterday. She has, for the time being, made up with Grandma. I can't wait to see how long that lasts.

PaW--I'm going to try my darnedest not to be like my mother when I raise my child. I know I have several things going in my favor, namely the father of my child will actually BE around to help out and help me raise the boy. I also know the warning signs of depression (which my mother has had for years) and know how to get help (something my mother never did). I also made the right decision on who to marry, not marrying someone who is either totally wrong for me (like with my real dad) or marrying someone who is a dictatorial, manipulative, tightfisted , nearly manic-depressive jerk who likes to terrorize me and the kids(my stepfather).


TOV

 

[wilderness01]

OMG what a post. Just my opinion but try and focus on your pregnancy. The joy of having your own child is so great........Any more thought given on this will take away from the joy of your upcoming big event. It sounds like there are some very deep rooted issues with your mom. Sorry for that. Maybe after you become a parent it will become clearer how hard being a parent actually is. Or maybe it will really justify your feelings of your mother being a little on the mad side! Either way, being a parent made me see things different and you will as well. Some things remained the same as far as my relationship with one of my parents (sad but true and the truth is the truth no matter how you look at it) but I tended to give a little more slack on some different issues after I became a parent and "lived" how hard it really was. It sounds like your relationship with your mother is toxic. Don't let it get in the way of your relationship with your own special little person. Good luck.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

It sounds like your relationship with your mother is toxic.

You hit it right on the head, wilderness...right on the bloody head. If my mother had been a better mother (and had perhaps not married two of the most idiotic men on the planet in the process), our relationship MIGHT be better. Maybe.....


TOV

 

[Duchie]

While I don't have any opinions on the main topic at hand, I just wanted to let you know how much I sympathize with you on having a drama queen in the family. My family is full of them and it just makes me nuts sometimes! I love them all dearly and most of the time I just let them enjoy thier dramas while I patiently listen and say "Uh huh..." a bunch. But every so often they get to me.

Keep your chin up... in a few days you'll have something else very cute to occupy your thoughts - you don't need to be extra stressed right now. Your DIS buddies will always be here!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I'm trying not to be stressed over this Duchie but like I said..sometimes my mother just gets to me.

I swear that woman needs therapy.......


TOV

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I'm not trying to be rude and I hope I am not; I'm just trying to give you a different look at things. Everyone has a hard life growing up and everyone experience things differently. I am going to give you an example of my family. My sister has basically the same thought of our mother as you do to your mother. My sister will blame my mother for most of the things wrong in her life or things that have happened in the past. My sister thinks my mom is munipulitive, rude, mean and some other things. However, I don't think my mom is any of those things. MY mom was not the best parent and she made a lot of mistake, so she was not perfect. I am not a perfect parent and I am making mistakes. Yeah, my mom says some things and she does some things I do not like, but she does not mean to hurt my feelings, ect. My mom wants everything to be perfect and things go wrong and then it all starts with my sister. My sister doesn't see it this way. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is - forgive the past- things that happened with your mom and stepfather. If you can't you need to see some one because it will effect your child.

Sorry you are going through this and again I'm not trying to be rude or mean.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I have forgiven her for a lot of things Pluto...or I've tried to anyway. Perhaps I"M who needs therapy. It just seems like that compared to other parents I've known, esp DH's parents, she was such a failure as a mother and my fathers (real dad and stepdad) weren't much better though I'm sure they tried their best.


TOV