My husband has gone nuts

[delilah]

My husbands has gone nuts and is trying to make me crazy. I have an 11 yo son in 6th grade. For whatever reason, my husband signed him up for football. My son complains about football. So far, he has come home covered with bruises, and I suspect that he may have had a broken rib (or at least badly bruised). Today, he pretty went over the edge.

He left work at about 2 pm (his normal work day is 8-4:30), to bring my son to my office (across the street from school) to be certain he finished his homework before football practice. Keep in mind, I am a family physician, and I am seeing patients at this time. That is why I pay extended care $60 a week to watch my son betwee 3pm and when I get off work. At extended care, they have homework time. He gets to socialize with other kids from school. He gets a snack. And, he gets to play outside for a time.

My Husband dropped my son off at my office, and then announced that he was going back to the city to pick up another boy for boy scouts (also this evening, at the same time as football practice). I have a PTO meeting at 6:30 (same time as football), and was hoping to get a chance to eat something quick between work and the meeting. I don't like to eat dinner at 8pm.

I think my husband is disorganized and confused. My son finished homework at 5:20. I drove him to my home to meet my husband, and, now I am out the door to my meeting.

 

[Disney Doll]

I feel badly for you. You have a lot of aggravation with your husband.

 

[daisyduck123]

Been there, and doing that now!

I also have a DS11 in the 6th grade.

Last night he had both Boy Scouts (7:30-9:00) & football practice (6-8pm). We had to skip football entirely as the scout meeting was a dinner/ceremony.

I'm sorry your DS is not thrilled with football. My DS did not like it much back in July (yes, we've been practicing since then...M-F 6-8pm everynite!). The first week was rough, but now he truly enjoys it. Oh, and the bruises! Yes, he's had a lot of them on his arms.

 

[okeydokey]

Does your son want to play football? If not then he should not have been signed up. Since he has already committed to play this year I would make it very clear to hubby that he is NOT to bring some to your office again as it is your place of business.

 

[marlynnp]

Your husband signed your son up for football and your son never had any interest in playing???

 

[diznygirl]

In my book if your husband could sign him up without checking with you, then you can take him out of football without HIS permission.

As a family physician I don't think you'd be accused of overreacting to the injuries!

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Sounds like he's more than nuts! Good luck.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If the kid doesn't like it then why is he playing? Also, you are a physician and don't have a problem with your own son playing football with a possibly broken or badly bruised rib? Really?

 

[OceanAnnie]

I feel badly for you. You have a lot of aggravation with your husband.

Ditto.

I would have a discussion about the football. As in, I think it's a bad idea. The boy doesn't want to play. Don't make him. That is crazy. I'd tell my DH he could sign himself up for some adult league if it makes him happy.

Then we'd continue the talk about having a meeting of the minds on commitments and calendars.

I'd probably be the proverbial wet hen in this case.

 

[kpm76]

If your son is showing no interest in football and is getting injured, I think it might be time to find a safer, more enjoyable recreational activity. I also think your DH needs to respect the fact that you have a profession that does not make it easy to care for your child during working hours, which is why he is enrolled in aftercare. I am confused as to why your DH had to pick up another child for boy scouts? Is that typically his responsibility?

 

[JR6ooo4]

was your husband a big sports guy through his whole life?

we are missing details, like how was your son going to get to football. maybe hubby thought it was helping to bring him to you. is there an Iphone app that will auto coordinate getting between jobs and school and activities... Hehehehehee

Mikeeee

 

[darlak]

I feel badly for you. You have a lot of aggravation with your husband.

It does seem as though your husband is often at the root of some sort of drama in your life. I'm sure that must be very stressful for you, as well as for your children.

I have to agree with the poster who suggested that you take him out of football if he never wanted to play to begin with. What does your son want to do?

 

[delilah]

If the kid doesn't like it then why is he playing? Also, you are a physician and don't have a problem with your own son playing football with a possibly broken or badly bruised rib? Really?

Actually, I do have a problem with it. I am looking for some type of position statement from the Academy of Pediatrics regarding prepubertal children even playing football.

 

[kirbsam]

It does seem as though your husband is often at the root of some sort of drama in your life. I'm sure that must be very stressful for you, as well as for your children.

i was thinking the same thing. i seem to remember another post by this person with some husband drama. good call darlak.

 

[Scurvy]

If I'm understanding your situation correctly, there are two separate problems going on here. One is the fact that your husband decided on his own that your son ought to play football. If your son had no interest in playing and still doesn't want to play, then I think you should allow him to drop out. He shouldn't be forced to play a sport that he doesn't want to play so that your husband can enjoy being a football parent. The fact that he's already been injured is another complication - if his rib is actually broken, I would think he shouldn't be playing at least until it heals.

The other issue is the time problem. If it is important to your husband that your son plays football, and if your son wants to play, then your husband needs to figure out how to accomplish that without expecting you to watch you son while you are at work. The other child that he went to pick up - is that also part of your family or it just a random child? Because I really don't think it's appropriate for him to disrupt your workday so that he can go pick up a different child for yet another activity, unless it's a family member. Football (and all the practicing associated with it) is very time consuming. If it's a priority for your husband that your child play football this year then he needs to be the one to find the time required to keep up with all of it.

 

[bumbershoot]

Actually, I do have a problem with it. I am looking for some type of position statement from the Academy of Pediatrics regarding prepubertal children even playing football.

Your husband needs that to be OK with taking DS out of football?

In my house, I'm the one with the body-knowledge, and I'm the person who decides what is appropriate, body-wise, for DS. Hubby's knowledge comes into play with, say, what type of martial arts DS will start with, and at what age, but if, say, hubby wanted him in Thai Kickboxing, even if DS were older, I would pull the body-knowledge card and not allow that. No position statements needed.


If this is what is needed I'm really sorry. I'm SURE there are studies done of the growth plates, at the very minimum, of such rough sports involving running, cutting, etc. Your son's knees will likely be messed up earlier than they should be by starting this early, and he might end up shorter than he should have been from the pounding of the running etc. And so on and so forth.


Regardless, why not do an xray on your son (I assume you have a machine in your office) to check out the fractures you suspect; if his coach knows he has fractures and STILL lets him play...well then you've got a horrible coach, and DS should be pulled from that dangerous team on THAT regard!

 

[disykat]

I remember some of your past posts about your husband's inappropriate behavior. Given his past history, the armchair psychologist in me would say he had some sort of guilt about going to pick up this other boy and somehow thought if he picked him up from school and deposited him with you it would be okay?

 

[IDoDis]

Actually, I do have a problem with it. I am looking for some type of position statement from the Academy of Pediatrics regarding prepubertal children even playing football.

I'm not a doctor, but studies like this one have shown that playing football helps the younger boys develop stronger bone mass.

http://www.pponline.co.uk/encyc/football-children.html

My DS is in much better physical condition because of football. Initially he was luke-warm with the idea but after talking with his pediatrician about a 14 pound weight gain in one year's time, we decided he needed to be more active in sports. He choose football, and hated it at first. However, by the end of the first season, he said he couldn't wait for the next year's season.

 

[Pugdog007]

I'm not a doctor, but studies like this one have shown that playing football helps the younger boys develop stronger bone mass.

http://www.pponline.co.uk/encyc/football-children.html

My DS is in much better physical condition because of football. Initially he was luke-warm with the idea but after talking with his pediatrician about a 14 pound weight gain in one year's time, we decided he needed to be more active in sports. He choose football, and hated it at first. However, by the end of the first season, he said he couldn't wait for the next year's season.

That is a UK link, where their football is our "soccer," a very different sport.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Actually, I do have a problem with it. I am looking for some type of position statement from the Academy of Pediatrics regarding prepubertal children even playing football.

Excuse me for being harsh but who really gives a rats behind what the Academy of Pediatrics has to say? It doesn't take a degree to know that a child with a broken or bruised rib should not be playing football! Do you honestly need a statement from someone to back that up? You are the child's parent. It is your job to see to it that he is well taken care of etc. If my child was hurt, I wouldn't care if my DH was an ex-NFL player, they would not be playing any sport that would make the injury worse. That is common sense. Why can't you just say "Little Johnny is not playing football. He has an injured rib. The end." Also, why on earth would his own father want to risk his health like that? I have no problem with kids playing football but they need to play safely. Sorry, but playing with a possible broken rib is not safe.
I am sorry for being so blunt but I am completely amazed that you need proof to show your dh why your injured son can't play football. I guess I just though that a parent (both of you in this case) would not want to risk their child's health.
Good luck.