Nicks2001
Earning My Ears
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Messages
- 49
This is going to be long winded, I apologize for that right now, but I feel like I need to get this out.
About two months ago my 104 year old (not a typo) great-grandmother fell in the middle of the night while walking without using her walker and broke her hip. She had surgery and was placed in a care facility and her hip healed, but she refused physical therapy and hasn't walked since. She's been refusing medication and she refuses to eat. She's now in a hospice waiting to die, and it kills me. She practically raised me, as my mother had a full time job, so we are close, I am her "favorite". She lived next door to us with my grandmother, so I saw her pretty much every day. Right up until the fall she was active, and even now she is still sharp as a tack, mentally; when I was little I used to say she was like Sophia from the Golden Girls, she always spoke her mind and was feisty.
I went to visit her today, and she told me that she is ready to die. I try to rationalize it by saying she lived a lot longer than most people, even twice as long as some. I tell myself that I got to spend 27 years with her, and that I'm lucky that I had that long of a time with her. I feel selfish that I don't want her to go. I know it's coming soon, and I don't know how to deal with her impending death. It's not like I never experienced death before, my grandfather died when I was 11, and my father died when I was 20. But I didn't feel the way I do now, about my great-grandmother. When I was little, like 6 or 7 years old, some nights I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about this moment. Now it's almost here, it's my worst fears coming true. I'm scared about how I will handle her passing. Today she said to me as we held hands "We had a good life together, didn't we?". What does one say to that? I wanted to bust out crying.
If anyone has any advice, or kind words, I can really use them right now, and thank you for letting me babble.
About two months ago my 104 year old (not a typo) great-grandmother fell in the middle of the night while walking without using her walker and broke her hip. She had surgery and was placed in a care facility and her hip healed, but she refused physical therapy and hasn't walked since. She's been refusing medication and she refuses to eat. She's now in a hospice waiting to die, and it kills me. She practically raised me, as my mother had a full time job, so we are close, I am her "favorite". She lived next door to us with my grandmother, so I saw her pretty much every day. Right up until the fall she was active, and even now she is still sharp as a tack, mentally; when I was little I used to say she was like Sophia from the Golden Girls, she always spoke her mind and was feisty.
I went to visit her today, and she told me that she is ready to die. I try to rationalize it by saying she lived a lot longer than most people, even twice as long as some. I tell myself that I got to spend 27 years with her, and that I'm lucky that I had that long of a time with her. I feel selfish that I don't want her to go. I know it's coming soon, and I don't know how to deal with her impending death. It's not like I never experienced death before, my grandfather died when I was 11, and my father died when I was 20. But I didn't feel the way I do now, about my great-grandmother. When I was little, like 6 or 7 years old, some nights I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about this moment. Now it's almost here, it's my worst fears coming true. I'm scared about how I will handle her passing. Today she said to me as we held hands "We had a good life together, didn't we?". What does one say to that? I wanted to bust out crying.
If anyone has any advice, or kind words, I can really use them right now, and thank you for letting me babble.