My Great Aunt's Advice about Vacations

[arminnie]

I never had a vacation with my parents as a child because we were so poor that sometimes even basic needs could not be met. No money for wants in the days before credit cards. So what. It didn't really matter. It wasn't a matter of making a decision to save vs. going - it was just that vacations were not possible.

I was able to take my parents to London for a vacation for their 50th wedding anniversary just before my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer 4 months later. We had also had a 50th wedding anniversary party that they both said was the best day of their lives.

I am now in my 70s and have recently developed a medical issue that severely limits my mobility. My international travel days are now over. But I am so glad that I have had the travel experiences that I had. I've been to Asia, Australia and Europe many, many times plus many other places like Grenada and Costa Rica. Most people don't get to do that - so I can't complain that I am now restricted in where I can go.

But I can still go to WDW with very little restrictions because they are so accommodating.

 

[klbrow11]

My friend died two weeks ago from cancer. He was 33. You dont know how much time you have.

Our family values vacation and family time above all else. We would rather not have stuff and live in a small home and have extra for vacation. We did buy DVC which my husband talked me into. Every other trip or tickets and food is not charged. We typically do a couple trip, big family trip, and a short trip at the end of the year. I dont want to leave my daughter money..I want to leave her memories.

 

[DaisyJ]

The thread about vacations and charging them to Credit Cards got me thinking about something my great aunt told me when I was young that changed my thinking and that I am still always mindful of.

She told me that she and her husband were always, always savers. They put money away and didn't do much else. They had big plans how they were going to on trips and see things and do things as soon as he retired. Well, he retired and a month later fell over dead.

Because of their saving, she lived a comfortable life until she was 102, when she passed (fully mentis compos) in her sleep. However, until she died, she regretted that they hadn't done anything together when they'd had each other. He never got to go on all those trips; they didn't get to discover any of those wonderful places together.

Her advice was to be frugal and save, but not to the point that you don't have adventures now. Enjoy each other and have some special moments and adventures today, because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

That savings also allowed her to live a long, financially comfortable life.

 

[Monykalyn]

Thank you for posting this! It is coming at a time where I needed to see it.

I am still young and just this past week signed for my first apartment with my significant other. I've never moved out of my parents' house except for college and I have always been very smart about my money - I currently save a lot, paid off my car in 10 months, and have been paying a lot more than the minimum on my college loans to get ahead. I've been freaking out about moving out because I know I will not be able to save as much as I currently am, but am coming to terms with that being ok because this is a part of life! I need to learn that while I do need to save and be responsible, it is also ok to go out and do things for 'you' sometimes.

My daughter is same way- very much a saver. When I took her on her senior trip (she requested D.C. And just her and I) I took her out to eat a very nice restaurant. She freaked about the menu prices - we had a nice talk about splurging when you can afford it (trip was planned and saved for) and enjoying what you can.

I lost my parent s very young- we were fortunate to live within a few hours drive of some spectacular national parks and monuments in Midwest/west. Family trips are precious times.

Yes saving for future is important but knowing the point at which the future means you aren't "living now" is just as important

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

The thread about vacations and charging them to Credit Cards got me thinking about something my great aunt told me when I was young that changed my thinking and that I am still always mindful of.

She told me that she and her husband were always, always savers. They put money away and didn't do much else. They had big plans how they were going to on trips and see things and do things as soon as he retired. Well, he retired and a month later fell over dead.

Because of their saving, she lived a comfortable life until she was 102, when she passed (fully mentis compos) in her sleep. However, until she died, she regretted that they hadn't done anything together when they'd had each other. He never got to go on all those trips; they didn't get to discover any of those wonderful places together.

Her advice was to be frugal and save, but not to the point that you don't have adventures now. Enjoy each other and have some special moments and adventures today, because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

My grandmother used to say this often. "Do it while you can!" She died last fall at age 99 but had been a widow since age 62. So many things they had planned to do and never did. She eventually took a couple bus trips to upstate NY with a friend but she would always say it's not the same without your mate.
She is also the one who pleaded to me at age 21 to start saving for retirement. Pay yourself first! She would say.
She is the reason I started saving so young, not my parents.
For anyone who can get some wisdom/advice from older relatives, it really can make a difference in your life.

 

[marymargaretblanchard]

Haven't seen the thread you referenced. My dad's advice was to never charge anything you couldn't pay off at the end of the month, and that advice has served me well. Having special moments and adventures does not need to be costly.

I was given this advice as well, and I follow it to a T. Even though I charge almost everything I have never paid interest on a card, but I have earned lots of rewards! I'd rather spend my money on travel than on credit card interest.

 

[hsmamato2]

as soon as I read OP's post the 'Up' music started running through my head.... anyway I think the story is about balance- save for comfort's sake,(otherwise her long life would have been more difficult) but balance it with making memories together. One doesn't cancel out the other,and I'm assuming every single family member who passed was comforted knowing that they left their loved ones in an ok place financially too.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

That savings also allowed her to live a long, financially comfortable life.

All the extra because they never, ever spent any of it when they were younger let her travel to a lot of places - she traveled the world in her 60's, 70's and 80's.

Alone.

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

If I can add, my situation was similar. Second child with autism and all our time and money spent for therapies. When she was 9 in 2003 we took her and our 10 year old son to Disney the first time and it was amazing. We continued taking her on many trips to many places and in August of 2016 she had such a fit at Disney we had to leave the resort and fly home ASAP. She has since refused to go anywhere. We are working on adjusting the meds. I am happy that during her good years we took the kids to Disney and other trips and have good family memories. My advice is don't go into dept but when you can go , go as tomorrow may not be an option.

 

[North of Mouse]

I agree about not putting off trips together. Dh & I have always done that (and with our 3 children when they were home). But, we always traveled/vacationed within our means - never went in debt to do it - enjoyed it so much more knowing it was affordable.

We laughingly tell our grown (self sufficient) children that we are spending their inheritance, and they are totally on board with it!
Our paid for home, cars, etc. will be their inheritance even if nothing else is left! No regrets with any of us.

 

[Arielle22]

My father died after a long illness at 50. DH's dad died at 50 after being hit by a car. His mom suffered a major stroke at 60 and spent the last decade of her life in a nursing home. My mom died of breast cancer at 62.

DH and I have always tried to balance savings with enjoying the present. Our Disney trips were mixed with camping trips or a car trip. We saved for each Disney trip so we could splurge while there. All the while we have contributed to our 401k while paying our bills.

1.5 years ago, DH had a TIA (minor stroke) at 50. He has made some adjustments to his routine and had many dr visits but still works, does repairs on the house and rides his motorcycle. I know if anything, God forbid, were to happen to him, that we have had many years together and many good memories as a family.

I tell my DDs that moderation in everything is important.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I agree with the OP.

We never vacationed as children. Not because my parents saved instead of used that money for vacation but because they could barely cover basic needs.

I want to vacation while I'm able bodied and young. Sure I want to travel after retirement but it'll be a different kind of vacation experience I'm assuming. I live in a smaller house, try not to have a car note and I don't buy $200 shoes like I did in my youth. lol To me vacationing is more important than things and that's how I justify it. But I won't give up my manicures, pedicures and hair appointments. We still manage to save money also. Sure that 5K for Disney could go into a savings account instead but you can't take your money with you when you go.

When we give bad news and a patient has to have a big surgery with the chance of lots of complications/death/paralysis we do have patients who push it back a few months and go on that trip they've been meaning to go on. That right there tells me to vacation while I can within reason

 

[Clare Voince]

You need a balance in life.

My mom died at age 53. We traveled to Disney every year, as well as many shorter weekend trips. After she died, we all said how happy we were that we took all those trips when we did. She had planned to transfer her job to the Tampa area when my Dad retired, but they never made it.

On the other hand.. I work for Social Security. I talk to people every day who are in a desperate situation because they didn't save or plan their retirement. Most people are not aware.. Social Security is only meant to replace 1/3 of your income!! It was designed to work with pensions, which most people don't have these days, and personal savings. Most people live longer than they think they will, not less.

So yes, live life to the fullest, but don't be Aesop's grasshopper either.

 

[dprincessmom]

I'll add a conversation I just had with my Dad - we are planning a quick mini trip and invited my parents so it will be a 4 generation trip. Dad said they were going and "spending our inheritance." I quickly fired back to my Dad that the memories would last longer than any inheritance and to spend away. I think you have to live through something that you have no control over (for me it was losing my husband 2 months before I turned 43) to truely understand how precious our time is and make better decisions about how to and who with you will spend this precious resource.

 

[georgina]

To me it is not really a question of spending the kids' inheritance. With a 96 year old mother and 92 year old mother-in-law, both in assisted living with extra care needs, and a father-in-law who lived into his 90's with Parkinson's, I don't want to be dependent on my kids, who all live far away, for my care.

We're enjoying life, my DH just retired at 63, and we are still able to take active vacations and travel - just took the whole family to Ireland for 2 weeks, where we hiked, biked, sea-kayaked. Sure nothing is guaranteed, but I still believe in saving for the future and do not regret spending less when we were younger.

 

[luvbwv]

I totally agree with you aunt's advice! My husband was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 29, he was in and out of remission until he died at the age of 53. Because of his illness and being off of work a lot during treatments, money was sometimes tight. We still manged to visit WDW many times while the kids were young. (Yes, sometimes we had to put part of the trip on credit cards.) Our last trip was taken 4 months before he died, I thought that we should postpone that trip because he had just found out that he was sick again and I knew the bills would start coming quickly. At that time our my son was 27 and my daughter 22. Our kids spouses had never been to Disney and DD was pregnant with our first grandchild.
I DO NOT REGRET any of the family vacations we took, even the ones we had to charge! We have some of our best memories from those vacations. Eight months after he died we took another family trip with my new 6 month old grandson, when we returned home I purchased DVC with some of his life insurance money. He has been gone 3 1/2 years but his love for his family & of course Disney is still going strong!!

 

[ajwolfe]

I agree whole heartedly with her! We aren't crazy with our spending but we do believe in making memories and taking trips while our kids are young. The day when they don't want to hang out with us as much is looming and I want to savior every second we've got!

 

[Leelo]

My husband I have been told may times by our elderly neighbors and friends to "Travel while you can" and to "Spend your money on experiences with loved ones and not as much on things." A lot of our elderly friends did the same as the OP mentioned and were saving to travel at retirement but lost their spouse before fulfilling those dreams. We do not know how much time we have together so we always make sure to have fun and go on trips and adventures. My husband grew up very poor and did not go on family vacations as a child so taking trips together is so special. We are very financially conservative and do not use credit cards so we enjoy making a trip budget and saving up. It is part of the experience for us! It is like a challenge with a reward at the end. Of course, we also save for living after retirement and leaving a legacy for our heirs when we pass away. We like to have a plan and a balance. I love learning from the older generations and thank you to the OP for sharing your story! Very wise advice.

 

[loves to dive]

Very wise woman. My parents lived with the "can't take it with you so might as well spend it now" philosophy. My daddy worked overseas and mama lived with him until she was diagnosed with Lupus and had to move home so he came home on his vacation every year, which was 2 months. Up until that point they took lavish vacations all around the world (note I said they, I'm one of 6 and we were all grown by the time daddy got the job overseas, until that point we lived month to month). They did o.k., not great after that but when he retired at 72, I had to support them (5 totally worthless older brothers didn't help). I paid for their house, I paid for mama's drugs, car insurance, all big expenses, daddy's ss covered the rest, he didn't have retirement. Would have been nice had they saved a little and did a middle ground sort of thing. Personally, I'm middle ground, I don't plan on taking any with me but I also don't plan on having my son support me. I take vacations, pay for them with the cc and pay it off every month. About every 2 or 3 years honey and I take an expensive dive trip to somewhere semi-exotic. I have no debt, the only debt honey has is the house and it has lots of equity in it. He is self employed so no retirement, I have a 401K.

 

[sk!mom]

The thread about vacations and charging them to Credit Cards got me thinking about something my great aunt told me when I was young that changed my thinking and that I am still always mindful of.

She told me that she and her husband were always, always savers. They put money away and didn't do much else. They had big plans how they were going to on trips and see things and do things as soon as he retired. Well, he retired and a month later fell over dead.

Because of their saving, she lived a comfortable life until she was 102, when she passed (fully mentis compos) in her sleep. However, until she died, she regretted that they hadn't done anything together when they'd had each other. He never got to go on all those trips; they didn't get to discover any of those wonderful places together.

Her advice was to be frugal and save, but not to the point that you don't have adventures now. Enjoy each other and have some special moments and adventures today, because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

I agree to a point but be sure that you aren't rationalizing overspending. Check out the "paying for college" threads and notice that some with many many trips in their signatures might have been better off finding a balance between saving and spending.