My ex is a #$&% !

[frannn]

On today of all days (Mom's Day) my bipolar ex decides to tell me he's going to take me to family court because they are going to start garnishing his pay (again) for the 13K he is in arrears, and he can't afford it. I have been more than fair (I am getting very little for two children), and have never sent in the paperwork for the automatic cost of living increase, never talked badly of him in front of the kids,etc. He tried everything he could to get out of paying for years- working off the books, jumping from job to job, etc, so their stepdad and I took care of mostly everything for 9 years. He hardly even saw them for the past few years, and didn't pay even when times were good. Fast forward to this year, DD17 is bipolar 1, dropped out of school, is with an abusive significant other, is violent, etc, etc, etc. She went to stay with her dad late Dec. Problem is, this is her legal address, and has to remain so till about July for DH to cover her medical ins. At that time, DH's ins policy will renew with Obama's new healthcare laws. Tried to explain this to ex, that if he waits till July to make that her legal address, we may be able cover her till she's 26. He was not hearing it, just cares about himself. I can't have her back here because its not safe for the rest of the family. She'll be 18 ths month, but NY doesn't have emancipation. I think legally we are responsible until she's 21. She won't get a job, won't follow through with GED. I bring up the bipolar with regard to both of them because even though she is with him for a few months now, I am put in the middle of bizarre situations with them almost daily. This is so stressful and frustrating....is there anything I can do? BTW, I am paying for my other DD's college education, and he is supposed to be responsible for half, but I'm not holding my breath.

 

[rie'smom]

I don't have any advice but I'm very sorry for your trouble. It has to be heartbreaking dealing with your daughter.

 

[bdcp]

Why do you think you're legally responsible for her til she's 21? She's legally an adult at 18. Emancipation is for minors which she will not be at 18.

 

[frannn]

Why do you think you're legally responsible for her til she's 21? She's legally an adult at 18. Emancipation is for minors which she will not be at 18.

I could be wrong. Betcha he'll try to get child support from me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If they come knocking on your door can you refuse her? Do you have a family law attorney?

If she is threat to your family, then you need to exhaust everything to keep her out of your house.

Sad to say, but personal safety has to be in the forefront. In other words a JUDGE better produce a document forcing me to take my dd in legally before I open the door to her.

Sorry and hugs.....

 

[happily single]

I have no experience with NY law, but I agree with others who say once she is 18 she is an adult. End of story.

But a few questions/thoughts:
1. How will dh insurance find out if she "legally" changes her address?

2. What's the big deal if she does get cut out of dh's insurance? Let her ex figure out how to pay her bills

3. Let your ex come after you for support-Then pull all the same crap he pulled all these years

4. I agree that if you feel she is a threat then she needs to remain out of the house until she straightens out. No doubt your ex is simply enabling her right now

Other than that, things will get easier. Wait six months and see, I promise

 

[LuvOrlando]

What makes you think NY law has no emancipation for minors? I think it is a case by case basis and has to be discussed in family court but it does, in fact exist. She is out of your home of her own choice, as long as you don't let her back in I believe she or you, can seek legal emancipation. You can seek it if : He or she has established a home and is financially independent. She can seek t if no-one is taking care of her financially, and considering your exes behavior it sounds right. I think you really need a family law attorney to help you but considering the amount of mental illness involved and her age I can't imagine it wouldn't go through.

Also, I think it would be best if you do not engage your ex, you really need an attorney who can act as a buffer.... and your DD really needs an advocate of some kind between the disability, the stress in your relationship with her, your lack of leverage (ex playing her against you), and your ex's illness. Try "The alliance for the mentally ill", maybe they can help you with her, and she should qualify for "The Legal Aid Society" as well. But her representation and yours should probably not the one and the same. You and your current DH really need protection. This illness is a beast and the two of them, ex & DD can really make your life a horror if they team up on you.... which is a very real possibility. You don't want the 2 of them to gang up on you and seek $ because they lie & say were neglectful, 2 on 1 can be hard to defend against and with this illness you never know what will come flying out of their mouths. if it were me, I'd prefer to spend a few hundred now on an attorney and get ahead of the pair of them then try to undo the damage later on, and it can be massive.

Sorry you had such a rough day

 

[3boymthr]

I think, if I'm correct, that no matter what you will not be able to cover her past 19 or what ever the non-school age child age is on your DH's insurance, because although your DH is covering her now, IIRC, she must be his "Natural or Adopted" child, not his step-child, for the National Health Care insurance thing to work. And since you, the natural parent, are a dependent, not the the subscriber, and dependents of dependents are not covered under the national health care revision, your child may not be covered. You may want to check with his insurance carrier, but that is the way that we read the regulations at work.

 

[dallastxcpa]

I feel for you. The child support offices were I live have more cases to handle than they have case workers to work them.

I am the conservator (legal guardian) to three children who are not my biological children. I have two deadbeat parents to deal with. I hope you are able to get this worked out. I know the stress of these things can be very taxing. here is a big hug for you

 

[southern_redhead]

All I can add is that I know that must be incredibly sad and stressful for you and your husband. I'm so sorry this is going on in your lives.

 

[MomRN]

I had to be emancipated when I was 19 to have my dad quit paying child support. AND I had been living on my own since I was 16. BUT, my mom said if anything was done so she wouldn't receive the money she would report me as a runaway, and it me living on my own was for the best, so my dad went with it.

I was in college though, so I'm sure that mattered.

I still remember going in front of the judge.... so nervous (for what, I don't know...just didn't know what to expect) he raised his right hand to start the "swearing in" (is that what it's called?) and I waved to him. He got a kick out of that.