my do itself master bathroom renovention

[joeokw]

I am in the middle of our master bathroom renvovention. And my DW and I are at loggerheads over this project. This my first bathroom that I am doing. I decided to do it myself to save lotsa buckos. We had 5 guys come in give us estimates for what DW wanted. they ranged from $10750 to $13500 . I said WOAH!!! and I said I will do it myself and they said good luck.
My DW picked out all the stuff she wanted of course out voting me of my likes telling me I had no taste. I am doing all the backbreaking work myself like ripping all the tile, walls , breaking up the floor... hauing all the debris out of the house.. putting up all the wonderboard and now I stopped because we can't agree on any thing. She wants every thing her way and everytime I say " lets compromise " she says "I have given in to you all my life and I want my way" so I say "Ok you can do the rest of this" so she calls up her Dad to finish it and my FIL says" no way" JOe (me) has some say in this" So now the bathrooom sits undone . I refused to do no more until she gives in. What would you guys do in this situation?

 

[SuiteDisney]

Oh, just do it the way your DW wants. You probably have no taste.

Bathrooms are a big deal to women. We spend a lot more time in there than you and believe it or not, we like it to be relaxing and even romantic. This is where we go to escape. It has more to do with how a woman feels about herself than what color the toilet is. Now, if doing the bathroom the way your wife wants will make her feel romantic, don't you both win in the end?

 

[lil mermaid]

I would tell her I'm sorry and proceed to do it her way

 

[jel0511]

I would have insisted that DH hire a contractor, or the bathroom wouldn't have been done at all!!! But seriously, I agree that your wife should let you have a little input on how the bathroom is going to look, aren't you showering in there too!!!

 

[RitaZ.]

Joe~ I feel for you. We are in the process of having our bathroom renovated and it's not an easy job. Our shower had a shower pan leak, so we decided to do it all new and get rid of the harvest gold tile/toilet, etc. It's not a big bathroom, but tearing up the tile was a huge task and really hard work! I think you're brave for taking on this job!

As for the disagreement problem, I think that you and your DW have to reach a compromise. Period! Have you asked her how she would feel if you demanded the bathroom be done completely YOUR way? There are so many products/choices available for bathrooms, there has to be something that the two of you can agree on.

Good luck!

 

[wdwoldtimer]

You might consider a divorce lawyer, it's cheaper than hiring a contractor.

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by lil mermaid
I would tell her I'm sorry and proceed to do it her way

EXACTLY!

 

[Tess]

If I were you, I'd give in pronto. From your post it seems to me as if she's done her fair share of compromising (your statement that she feels you've gotten your way all her life). At least that is her perception.

The rule of thumb in our 21+ years of wedded bliss: if it's an indoor decorating decision, it's mine; outdoor landscaping and vehicles--my husband's.

I don't get why you are complaining about the "backbreaking" labor issue--you are the one that decided to do it on your own to save the "buckos" right? Sounds like you want to change the rules now that you know the job is more difficult than expected. Didn't you also say you'd already purchased all the materials? The decorating decisions must have been made before you began. Use your talents and get the job done--life's too short to sweat the small stuff--power struggles rarely end up with a winner.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[amid chaos]

Yeah...you need to suck it up and get to work!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok lets say you do have her "give in". Now she will be unhappy with the renovations and you will never live it down. Is that what you want?

 

[Luv2Roam]

lil mermaid -- LOL

I have a friend who hires a contractor to do ALL her work. (Been married 30+ years) And it's for this very reason. As she puts it -- A contractor doesn't care how stupid he thinks her idea is. He just does it.

DH does the majority of our work -- and he has done PLENTY over the years -- more than most people can even conceive.

It's great you can do the work. But it is a joint effort. Agree a compromise would be good. But sounds like she feels she has done more than her share of that over the years.

So what would be so bad by doing what she wants?

DH and I have compromised a lot. I certainly didn't get 100% of what I wanted. But I usually got what was needed, or maybe just in a different area.

In the end you will benefit from it too. Unless it's dangerous or costly, just go with it. It's not worth the underlaying problems it can cause. It is only a bathroom afterall. (And have you heard of passive agressive behavior? )

Hey -- that could be a song -- "It's A Bathroom After All. It's Bathroom After All. It's a Bathroom After All. A small, small, john."


Good luck. Keep us posted.

I wish I had a nickle for all the times I heard, "This is the stupidist idea you have had yet!"
Translation is = This is a lot more work than I wanted to do and I am throwing a tantrum! (married 27 years)
I hear it on every project, large or small.
Think I will get the name of a contractor!

 

[JESW]

Could you tell us more on what each of you wants and what the big differences are? Are you really far apart in what each of you wants? More details please!

Jill

 

[chris1gill]

Yup, I agree with the majority of posters here... This is her bathroom.... If she is ANYTHING like me, the master bath is very important to her... I mean, our master bath is like the make or break of a house!!!

Unless she's asking you to do something strange or unsafe, I'd let her have her say in the bath...

By the way, my DH just let me pretty much design our entire new house, in his case, he really had ZERO design skills LOL... I was there with the drafting tools and graph paper!!!

 

[annemariec]

Give Michael a call from "Designing for the Sexes", on HGTV. He does wonders and everyone is happy!

Annemarie

 

[jamsmom]

Maybe you could pick out the shower head and let her pick out everything else?

 

[Beauty]

Okay this is cracking me up! We just finished my bathroom renovation. John (DH) did everything exactly like I wanted and then when it is done (Well almost I still have to hang pictures) he preceeds to tell me its ugly....I love it! I've had two people fall in love with it already!!

Laura is right though, bathrooms are really a big deal to us women and frankly we don't care if you think its ugly.......besides if you make her happy, she makes you happy, right?

 

[jamsmom]

Originally posted by Beauty
besides if you make her happy, she makes you happy, right?

Isn't that the truth!!!

 

[joeokw]

We have not picked out the materials yet. We had water damage and I decided to do all the demolition now so I have time during my vacation in the summer to do the rest of it. Yes I DO understand how important bathrooms are to women. I wish we had the money to hire someone to do it what she wants.. but I just can't see paying someone thousands of dollars on somthing I can do myself. It is just like throwing money out the window. I gave her the option of picking out anything she wants without any cost restraints, because I am doing it myself. The estimates given by the contractors was for a modest renovention.
Anyway, I guess I sound like I am a Neandathal to most of you.

 

[jfulcer]

Originally posted by joeokw

Anyway, I guess I sound like I am a Neandathal to most of you.

Well, I for one, already knew this from extensive late night chatting. Just do it the way she wants you to. Then when it doesn't look good she cant blame you.

"But honey, you chose that tile color. You are the one the had to have that bidet!"

Just be careful when you're putting the toilet in you don't slip and fall and hurt your leg.

 

[joeokw]

Jeff I do miss those late night chats. We are stuck on a few things. She wants a jacuzzi, but the bath room is small ,even the contractor said it is not a good idea for that room. She would like a pedestal sink but i say where would we put all of our toiletries and towels , especially if the jacuzzi takes up more room? and of course colors and type of tile. She likes natural stone and wants to put a heater under the floor to keep the feet warm. I say if we go with ceramic tile the floor would not be as cold. So we are at loggerheads.