My DD12 in trouble........

[AC7179]

I have no idea.
Since my daughter turned 12 she lives in trouble.
Not the kind of trouble like skipping school, drinking, drugs, or sex, but the kind of trouble that comes from not being able to keep your mouth shut.
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY.
She has lost all brain to mouth function.


She had been watching a dvd on her dad's computer yesterday afternoon when I notice a PopIce wrapper on the computer desk. The wrapper is empty, but everybody knows that sugar water juice gets a little sticky.

Here is our conversation.

"DD, you are NOT supposed to have these out of the kitchen or dining room! I noticed wrappers left at the computer the other day when your friend was over and I meant to fuss at you about them then. You know you are not supposed to have them out here. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"The next time I see a wrapper out here, I am going to smack you, do you understand?" (Okay, yes this was an idle threat and no you shouldn't make idle threats and no, we do not beat our children, but SERIOUSLY I thought it wouldn't be an issue since I was making myself so perfectly clear.)

"Okay."

So last night I went to take my sister home, come home, and she is watching her program on the puter and there is another empty pop ice wrapper!

"DD! What is this?"

She picks it up really fast.
"Oh!"

"DD, I made it perfectly clear this was against the rules this morning! You choosing to do this anyway was direct disobedience!"

She just looks guilty.

"What did I tell you was going to happen if you did it again?"

"Uhhh, you would smack me."

"That's correct. I'm not going to smack you, but you are turning off the computer and going to bed. NOW!"

Then she had the nerve to get mad at ME. WTH?

"You don't TRUST me!"

"To do what?"

"Eat by the computer!"

"You're right. I seem to remember an incident in which you spilled your chocolate milk all over the keyboard and wrecked it."

"That was in JANUARY! You don't trust me! Besides you had a soda in your car that exploded one time!"

Geez, I had been trying to block that out. What. A. Mess. However, how sad that this is not about me.

"This is about you disobeying and not about me at all. You have to earn trust back and you're not doing that by directly disobeying. Go to bed."

Are you kidding? Who has taken my daughter and replaced her with this kid?

She was just going to have to go to bed early, but because she was disrespectful after she got in trouble.

Tell me this will end soon.

 

[cepmom]

oh boy. I remember those years. In fact, I'm still going through it some days and DD is 16 now

The good news is that it will get better. The bad news is it will probably get worse before it gets better

 

[tiggger1]

The same thing is going on with my friends daughter but she is only 9! She doesnt know when to shut her mouth and walk away! Her mom will ask her to do something and her DD will completely ignore her. When her mom askes her again its the "umph" roll eyes "no" so the mom will take away something like the pool and the daughter gets made at her saying she takes things away without warnings and that she is so rude...which usually ends her in her room. Its driving my friend batty and messes with her day because her DD is always punished.

 

[TTFN]

Mmmmmmm...yep, it's gonna end soon (if by soon you mean 7 or 8 years).

 

[cheyita]

My 10 yo is in about the same place. Welcome to puberty, I guess.

Unfortunately, with another girl three years behind, I've got quite a few years of "attitude" ahead of me.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

My DD is the same way. She has her moments. She's 14. It only gets worse.

 

[mom2rb]

I teach gymnastics. My girls are between 7-13 years old. My six 11-13 year olds give me WAY more problems than my twenty 7-10 year olds. Sorry, it's just the age.

 

[AC7179]

That is SO not what I wanted to hear.

My husband and I were NOT practicing reponsible family planning when we failed to gauge the fact that we would have one turning 2 and one turning 13 the same year!

 

[Aimee K]

I feel your pain!

We have a no food or drink rule at our computer. If it gets broken, computer privs are taken away. Luckily at 12, phone, tv, and computer privs mean something, so she tries.

And them getting mad at YOU for punishing them, well, I think that's just the nature of the beast.

 

[crazee4mickey]

Aaaaw......DD is becoming a teenager!
You'll be amazed at what they do remember and what they choose to forget!
Now you just have the next 5 to 6 years of this, brings a tear to my eye thinking of the first time my kids left their brain elsewhere

 

[SC Minnie]

We have a no food or drink rule at our computer. If it gets broken, computer privs are taken away. Luckily at 12, phone, tv, and computer privs mean something, so she tries.

Same rule at our house. What I don't understand is why they leave the evidence????

I truly believe that around this age when the hormones start flowing that the common sense brain cells start receding.

 

[Aimee K]

Same rule at our house. What I don't understand is why they leave the evidence????

I truly believe that around this age when the hormones start flowing that the common sense brain cells start receding.

So true. I hate to teach them to be sneaky, but all they have to do is throw away the wrappers, and we'd probably never know.

 

[nowellsl]

That's exactly why I quit buying capri sun drinks for my daughter years ago - I found those things everywhere! Just don't buy anymore PopIce!

 

[SC Minnie]

So true. I hate to teach them to be sneaky, but all they have to do is throw away the wrappers, and we'd probably never know.

Throw away the wrappers and wipe up the crumbs and no one is the wiser. DD hasn't quite caught on yet though. But you know, if she did clean up after herself in there I wouldn't mind as much (except for drinks).

 

[minkydog]

Welcome to the teen years! You have witnessed the first shot across the bow. Lash yourself to the nearest mast and try your best to stay in open water.

Seriously, as a parent you have to toe the line and you did the right thing(minus the lame "I'm gonna smack you" line--don't say it if you don't mean it, especially at this age. Teens will hold you to absolutely every word you utter. ) Try your best to listen more than you talk. And just love her, no matter what. Relationships last a lifetime, for better or worse. Don't make it worse.

Cathy--mom to John,19;Eleni,13; and Christian,11 One down, two to go

 

[Horseshoes]

I have a DD14, its just the beginning. Remember to pick and choose your battles. There will be many.

 

[ADisneygirl]

Sorry to agree with the other posters, but this is just the beginning. Kids need to respect us and our rules, but they do get testy about it. And they do bring up your past errors in judgment when you are talking to them about them, and they do argue about fairness, and they do argue about punishments/restrictions. Welcome to the teen years.

All I can say, is choose your battles, or you will be battling often.

 

[ohiominnie]

UGH! mine just turned 12 and we're starting this.

I agree. No threats if you don't follow through. Which means you have to stop and THINK about what the threat is going to be before saying it. Believe me....many a times I've been upset and said "That's it, no more TV for the rest of the day!!!!!" Then comes 4:00 and I'm sick of "I'm bored" and *I* need a break and I WISH I wouldn't have taken away TV!!

Find what she LOVES. If it's TV, that's what you threaten her with. If it's computer time, or phone time or game boy time or WHATEVER.....Then if xyz happens, then you lose ______ fill in the blank."

But you HAVE to follow through. These pre-teens and teens will see right through you if you don't and your threats become idle threats and then they pull more of their crap b/c they don't fear the consequences.

Kids need to know the parent is in charge and in control.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Tell me this will end soon.

Sorry...have to laugh. My dd is 15. No end in sight.

Effective punishments for teens...

1) Disabling computer until "_____" is done. (Get alot of work out them for some strange reason.)

2) Wake them up EARLY to do chores. My 15yo was woke up at 7am to pick up dog poop. It is trash day.
She was supposed to do it yesterday.

3) Cleaning...cleaning...and more cleaning.

If she is eating at the computer and this is a hard and fast rule...disable it.

 

[Mom21]

The same thing is going on with my friends daughter but she is only 9! She doesnt know when to shut her mouth and walk away! Her mom will ask her to do something and her DD will completely ignore her. When her mom askes her again its the "umph" roll eyes "no" so the mom will take away something like the pool and the daughter gets made at her saying she takes things away without warnings and that she is so rude...which usually ends her in her room. Its driving my friend batty and messes with her day because her DD is always punished.

UUUMMMMMMM. Am I your friend? I have a 9yo and she does the same thing. And yes, it drives me batty.