my dd was drunk last night...but called for a ride(UPDATE pg2)

[Lynn CC]

While it must be hard to believe that this happened, you have obviously established a relationship with your DD that was built on trust, otherwise she wouldn't have called you!
We as parents hope that our children will have that same trust if the situation arises.
Our DS who is also 17 knows that he can call us for anything, when he needs us. Kids need to know that.
So here's a {HUG} for you, you all got through that scary situation.
DS hasn't gone out partying yet, we are hoping he doesn't in college either, but if he does I do hope he will do exactly what you daughter did!
All we can do as parents is keep the line of communication open and hope and pray for the best.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Just thank God that she called you. Too many kids think that they're "fine" to drive on their own.

 

[Serena]

You all did the right thing. And it sounds like you all will be just fine. The love and trust is obvious.


My dd did something similar. But she was out of town and didn't know where she was, so she didn't call. Her friend knew where they were at, but her friend got so drunk she ended up at the hospital.
My dd had the man she didn't know drive them back to her friends house. Luckily all the worst case scenerios didn't happen.
The girl's mom called the police and I had to pick my dd up at midnight. The friend went to the hospital, and then to jail. Since this was a common thing with her. I knew nothing of that.
My dd had to see a judge, was on house arrest for a while and all.

 

[CamColt]

Wow! You are lucky that you have done such a great job raising your DD to be who she is. Yes, she made a mistake, but who doesnt? The important thing is how you handle those mistakes and she handled it wonderfully!
So glad to hear things turned out the way they did.

 

[ebaynut31]

My daughter is only 10 and we have discussed the exact same situation many times. I just hope my DD and I have the kind of trusting relationship you two have.

Proud mom moment for me to hear of how everything was handled.

 

[winniedapooh]

I am so impressed. My DS is 15 yo and I pray that he will do the same thing your daughter did. DH & I have had this talk and our agreement is opposite of yours, he picks up and I sit and think with my head and not my mouth. She did a great job calling her and you both did a great job parenting her. She will have to learn the hard way now about how to earn trust back.

 

[poohandwendy]

Thank you for all of your kind words! Yes, we are very lucky. The scary thing is that, no matter how many conversations you have had about this sort of thing, you just never know how they will handle it. Because even great kids with great parents are afraid to make that call.

One thing I wanted to address was this (although you all made great points):

The next thing you do will be important to ensure that if she needed to she would call again.

This is so true, IMO. This is why I wanted my DH to collect his thoughts before seeing her. It is hard to balance the message "we don't want you to drink, but if you do..."

We had a long talk with her this AM, with many tears. It was a good talk, I think. Too many things said to mention here, but one thing that I really wanted to address with her was that she kept saying, last night, "My friends were too messed up to drive". I told her that she made the right call, obviously. BUT, even when someone doesn't appear "too messed up", they still are impaired when driving under the influence. They still cannot drive a car safely. I really want to drive that message home.

I know that she is proud of the way she handled it all in the end. She really should be. I also know that she is ashamed by the drinking/lying, I reminded her that, "God gave you the feeling of shame to remind you to do the right thing. But He also gave us unconditional love for you to handle ANYTHING you do with a loving heart. Don't ever feel you cannot look us in the eye with whatever truth you face. We are unbeatable when we work things through together, as a family. There is nothing that can take away our love. These truths will never change."

Thanks again all for listening...I was able to finally sleep after getting it all out...I slept well because she is safe.

I pray she does the same thing again if she needs to.

 

[Patio]

Wow, what a story!
You've obviously developed a very trusting relationship with your daughter and should be commended for it. And your daughter did the right thing by phoning you.

 

[lil mermaid]

Wendy,

I just want to add another compliment. You really handled the situation well. Your daughter knows that if she ever finds herself in this situation again, she can call you.

I am sure the whole thing was very difficult for all involved, but you should be proud of yourself.

I believe that although your daughter made a mistake, you should be proud of her as well. I am glad she is home with you and safe.

 

[CdnDisneyNut]

You shold be proud of your DD.
She and you did the right thing.
I friend of mine had an agreement with their DS; however it worked both ways.
If the parents were out and had too much to drink they could call their DS and he would pick them out no questions asked.

 

[luv2nascar]

it sounds like you all handled it well
nobody wants to get the late night phone call
but considering the options yours turned out pretty good
hopefully she has learned a lesson

 

[Disney Doll]

Thank God she made the call to oyu and didn't get int he car with one of her drunk friends. Thank God she wasn't so drunk that she was able to have the sense to call you. My father is a retired policeman, and I can remember him always saying "The worst thing in the world to have to do is ring a parent's doorbell at 2AM".

When I was a teenager, just knowing my parents were disappointed in me was always worse than any punishment.

 

[bjgrazi]

I'm so glad she called you and she's okay. This past week 2 - 19 y/o's were in a car accident where we live, one was killed and the other is in the hospital. Drinking and speeding were the cause. They were out at 2am on a weeknight when this happened.

 

[poohandwendy]

Well, she and the BF have talked and while he is POd with her about drinkin, lying and going out without him...he is glad she made the right decision in the end.

I hope this serves as a reminder to parents...keep the communication open, say it again and againa until they are tired of hearing it : "Call me for a ride NO MATTER WHAT has happened, we will work it out!"

to any teens that are reading this...PLEASE talk to your parents, please trust that they would rather bring you home drunk/high (whatever) than in a casket or the intensive care unit...you can see with this thread that that is the bottom line with parents. We can get over disappointment, you can earn our trust again. The fact that you call them, instead of getting into a car with a person who has been drinking... is a start.

If you cannot call them, please just do not get in a car where the driver has been drinking or doing drugs. I cannot stress this enough.

 

[ripleysmom]

Just read this. Sounds like you handled this in a way that will maintain your DD's trust. I hope that this has been a valuable lesson for her.

 

[Danauk]

Congratulations on bringing up such a thoughtful daughter and for being such understanding parents. When I was 17 (10 years ago) I was always the dedicated driver for my friends, I didn't mind as I was the only one with a car and I don't drink much anyway. Plus it is in my nature to look after people (to this day if I am going out with friends I will often offer to drive.) My parents taught me never to drink and drive (I will not ever have even one drink if I am driving) and so I never had to put my parents in this situation. I think in this day and age instilling these values into children is vital.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Wow, you reacted really well. It must have taken a lot of strength to not freak out at her. She must be a good kid, or why else would she have called you.

I'm so glad that everything turned out so well.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

What a story! I have a 15yo, and have told him this same thing time and time again. You have a built a bond with your daughter that we all hope we can have also. She is a very strong, independent girl to ignore her friends and do what she knew was right. My hat is off to you and your family. I wish there were more families out there like yours.

 

[Hillbeans]

Wow, what a story. It's so easy to forget when we become parents ourselves what it's like to be 17 again and be faced with all that peer pressure and temptation (at any age, really).

You and your DH sound like great parents. You handled this situation well, and it's nice to know that you have the relationship with your daughter where even though she's in trouble, she called you. Kudos to you.

 

[snoopy]

I reminded her that, "God gave you the feeling of shame to remind you to do the right thing. But He also gave us unconditional love for you to handle ANYTHING you do with a loving heart. Don't ever feel you cannot look us in the eye with whatever truth you face. We are unbeatable when we work things through together, as a family. There is nothing that can take away our love. These truths will never change."

Beautiful, and so true. Sounds like you balanced the fine line of letting her know you don't approve but you will always be there for her. Your daughter is blessed.