my dd was drunk last night...but called for a ride(UPDATE pg2)

[poohandwendy]

Hi all,

Can't sleep...last night my 17 yo dd lied about where she was going and got drunk.

She said she was going out with a group of friends and her BF, but he wasn't driving because he is having car trouble. I thought nothing of it. Have fun, be safe, call me if you need anything, wear your seatbelt and love you. Her curfew is midnight, unless she calls to let me know why she will be late.

I was reading a book and not paying attention to the time (DH was asleep), next thing I know it is 12:45 and my cel phone rings...
(crying) "Mom, I don't know what to do"...(heart drops and then starts racing like I am running a marathon)...

"What's wrong hon, calm down, where are you?"

"I am in trouble" (hard to understand her with the crying...)

"Listen Jess, calm down, I need to know what is GOING ON, you NEED to tell me where you are...are you hurt?"

"No, I need a ride home. My friends are real jerks, everyone hates me, you are going to be so disappointed in me...I am so sorry, I am so stupid" (catching on to the slurring of the voice..)

"Jess, I am on my way, and there is nothing that you have done that I can't deal with, but I need directions...can you tell me where you are? Where is BF?"

"He's not here, I lied to him too. I told him I was going t a birthday party. He is going to lose respect for me..." (BF is strongly anti-drinking/drugs/smoking)

"Have the people with you been drinking? Using drugs? Has anyone hurt you?"

"Yes, we were drinking..., noone hurt me...do you hate me?"

"No, I love you no matter what has happened, you know that...but PLEASE tell me where you are...or get someone who can, so that I can help you"...

I finally got directions from one of the 'friends' who (I found out later) was MAD at my DD for calling me. They said she was making trouble and should have just taken a ride from one of the people she was partying with!!! They were 'all fine to drive' and she was just being a baby!


I woke my DH and told him that she had been drinking and called for a ride home, I didn't want him to come with me because I wanted him to think about what he said before he saw her. (he has a tendency to react first, rationalize later...we had always discussed how we would handle such a situation and he knew what I meant). He agreed and told me to NOT get involved with any of the other kids unless I had another adult there (like the police).

I picked her up and everyone had cleared out of the area because they were worried that I was going to call the police.

Got her home and she is now sleeping it off.

We have decided the best approach is to praise her for calling, express our disappointment with the drinking/lying, explain to her that she is not 'grounded', but taking a bit of time to reevaluate her actions and earn our trust again. Of course, there will much more to discuss, but those are the basics.

My DH talked to her BF while I was picking her up, he sent a text message to her other cel phone (a prepaid she had before this one that she still uses for text messages because it is free). My husband noticed her cel beeping and called his number, he said he hadn't seen her all night and was worried because se usually checked in before going to sleep. I am glad he wasn't involved, although I wish she had been with him instead.

I knew there would come a time we would cross this bridge in some way, shape or form...I am just glad she felt she could call and was smart enough to know she needed to...

I am haunted/relieved by the fact that the phone call I received last night could have been so much worse, with a much more scary outcome. But my heart is heavy.

Thank you for reading this far...I know pop daddy..long post...but this was a biggie for me...

 

[shortbun]

Hi! I don't know you but as I read your post I had tears in
my eyes. Your DD is a very lucky young woman for so many
reasons. 1st. she has you guys as parents and obviously trusts
you implicitly. 2nd she's made some great choices in friends,
citing her BF here and if he's the kind of guy I think he is, he'll
stand up for her and help keep her away from the other ones.
3rd. Last night could have been so different and much more
dangerous. she's safe and sound other than being somewhat
toxic.
I wish my family had been as close as yours. There were more
than a few times I wanted out of situations and I didn't trust
my parents enough to call them. Good job everybody. I think
some time to reflect on choices is a great idea with some leverage
of checking in every 1/2 hour when she is allowed to go out.
If my parents had been so connected, my life as a teen and
young adult would have been very different and much safer.
As it is now, my old friends and I often remark that we are
lucky to be alive.

 

[RUSHBURY]

Hi

I've read your post and congratulate you on the way you're handling the situation. If your DD didn't have such a good relationship with you she would have been unable to have called you for a ride home which, may have caused a completely different outcome. I, too, have a 17 year old DD and I am waiting for a similare situation, as seems to be quite common nowadays. MY DH works till 11.30pm and my DD catches a ride home with him at this time but no doubt this will change and then the worry will start to take over.

Good luck!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I think your response is excellent. There are many teens that would never in a million years call their parents to come get them.

Lori

 

[CEDmom]

I think you handled the situation great. I still remember being at the party in HS where some kids started doing drugs and drinking heavily. I just wasn't into that and was really nervous about even being there. I called my mom and she came no questions asked.

It's easy to give lip service but it's a whole other ballgame to actually do as you say you will. You held up your end where many parents would have gone nuts. Hopefully this situation won't repeat itself but if it does your DD knows she can call for help w/o paying a huge price.

 

[Dan Murphy]

A great story there, wemdy, so happy for everyone. If kids would only believe their folks when they say, 'please call'. So important. I think all will go well regarding this in the days ahead, seems like you all are on both the right track, and the same track.

Dan

 

[marlasmom]

You handled it exactly right. I had a deal with all 3 of my kids - if they drank, were riding with someone who drank, or were just uncomfortable - call - no matter what time and we would come - no recriminations. My son called once - he had not been drinking but his friend had and was so seriously sick I took him to the hospital. Your dd will always know that you trust her.

 

[Poohbear123]

You raised her right, know this by her actions last night....so, she drank, all teenagers do it, mine did it, but they NEVER came home drunk, now they are in thier 20's and my DD has a family now....life goes on...my DS is a designated driver for some of his friends that DO drink, he gets calls at 12-2 am and gets up and gets them.

 

[crz4mm2]

I agree that your DD is a lucky young woman to have such wonderful parents! Of course you are disappointed, we all would be, but she did do the RIGHT thing by calling you.
I hope my DD would do the same thing (call me!).

My best to you and your family.

 

[Robinrs]

Amazing story!

You are to be commended.

I was the kind of kid that was ostracized for being so close to my parents, didn't matter to me, THEY meant more to me than my friends did! They established a trust and relationship with me that I cherished, and did till their death.

Know that you've done the same thing. This is proof of it. All kids get into situations they think they're adult enough to handle, the proof of their character is HOW they handle it. Do they turn to their peers or to their authority figures? Who do they love and trust more?

And good for her to have a BF like that!!

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[Pooh's Pal]

next thing I know it is 12:45 and my cel phone rings...

A parents worse nightmare! The dreaded phone call!! Thank God it was her and not the police or the hospital!

I have a 17yr. old DD also....and hopefully she too will call, if and when she chooses to drink. But you've done exactly what I've always said. "No matter where you are, no matter what you've done, no matter how bad the situation is.....just call me! I'll ALWAYS come get you, no questions asked!" (Until later of course! )

I can tell you've done a great job raising her and hopefully she will call again if the situation ever arises again....peer pressure is sometimes a horrible thing....thank goodness she choose to call you and not listen to them!!

 

[4greatboys]

I think its great that she felt she could call you even though she knew what she did was wrong. Sounds like you guys are handling the right way--many parents tend to go overboard the first time so then the teen just shuts them out. She needs to know everyone makes mistakes but there are consequences for those actions.
My oldest is 16 and just now starting to go out with his friends that drive. I hope in the same situation he would call me too.

 

[Desnik]

Wow what a story. What great parents you are!! Your daughter did the right thing by calling and you should feel proud to have this kind of relationship with her. She trusts you. At her age my parents were the "enemy". I have been in many terrible situations but never called them because I knew they would just kill me. Teenagers do stupid things sometimes but, the way your DD handled a bad situation really shows her good character. I think you handled it wonderfully and the idea of not grounding her, just having her take a break to reflect is so amazing. I only hope I can be that great of a parent to my kids.

First thing I would do when she wakes up is give her a big hug!!!

 

[Kitty 34]

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you.....that was quite a night for you! You handled it well. I sure hope my boys are smart enough to call me when and or if they are ever in an uncomfortable situation.

 

[tmli]

My parents always told me the same thing, but I never believed I could trust them enough to do it. More than once I drove with someone I shouldn't have, or found myself in a situation I wasn't comfortable with.

Obviously you've done something right--she called. The next thing you do will be important to ensure that if she needed to she would call again.

My ds is only 7 so I'm not there yet, but I would think emphasizing the fact that she called and how grateful you are for that, while still discussing the fact that she lied in the first place would have worked best for me as a teenager.

 

[HappyMommy2]

I am so thankful the call was from your daughter and not from the hospital! I can only imagine how your heart must have been racing!

Your daughter's behavior (lying, drinking underage) was not excusable, but I'm glad she realized that, and it sounds like she learned a hard lesson the relatively "easy" way! You've clearly worked hard over the years to instill her with a good conscience and with trust in you, and that really paid off last night!

Wow, it makes me shudder to think what might have happened.
So glad your DD is safe.

 

[Patricia]

Oh My! What a story! The goose bumps started on the line which says that it's 12:45 and the phone rang....

I have a recently turned 18 dd and wait, as you do for the phone to ring each time she goes out that door.

Your daughter handled this so well, I am impressed with her. She did we have taught our daughter to do, call and ask for help. We will come get you no matter what. You must have done an exellent job of making her see that you meant it.

Kudos to all involved. Her " friends" need a re-check on what is important, but thank God she is smarter than that.

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart for all involved! Excellent story!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

im 19 and have a 17 year old brother...i have never been in the situation to drink because i am on medications, but my brother has...my parents have also always said call, no questions asked....He did this one time..(he didnt do it first and got caught, so next time he called)
but it worked well and he knew he could call...im glad your daughter call;ed and she is home and safe!

 

[nativetxn]

You are a good Mom, Wendy. I'm so glad your daughter trusted you enough to call you to come get her and that she is back at home safe.

Katholyn

 

[dvcfamily41801]

Good for you, I am glad that everything turned out okay. It is so great that you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter that she could actually call you and talk to you. I can only hope that I have the same relationship with my son.