My Daughter Is Such A Brat...

[goofinoff]

YAWN. Parent that treat their children like prisoners of their home annoy me. Yes, they are your children, but its your JOB to teach them respect - and that means you actually have to show them the respect that you might ask back in return. It doesn't give you carte blanche to keep them under your thumb just because you can. If you don't want them rifling around in your business, stay out of theirs, unless they have shown you that they can't be trusted with that kind of privacy.

I have children - I give my 6 year old more respect than you are affording your teenagers (who are almost a ADULTS). I don't buy that 'MY HOUSE!!!!' stuff. They live there too. Just plain rude.

Seriously??? I don't have teenagers yet but I was one!! My parents were so "in my business" that I couldn't even sneeze without them knowing about it and you know what....I stayed out of trouble!! Don't give them a chance to show you that they can't be trusted! Why let it get to that point. My parents let me know that they have ways of finding things out and they did!! My friends that were out drinking and smoking pot....their parents had no clue to what they were doing, where they were doing it and who they were doing it with because they were more concerned about being their kid's friend than being their parent. My kid's have enough friends....they don't need me as their friend. They need me as their mother who plans on "being in their business!!"

Good luck to you when your child is a teenager!

 

[Aliceacc]

Teaching HS does not prepare you, in any way, to have a teenaged daughter. My dd's teachers, her friends' parents, pretty much anyone who has ever met her, thinks she is delightful. If she ever got in trouble in school, I'd be shocked. However, even at 15 1/2, she will still have infrequent temper tantrums, that she will only have in front of us. Irrational, hormonal, pathetic.

The OP's dd apologized, and mentioned that she was mad about something else, which was why she acted like she did.

Good luck raising one, instead of teacher one.

Thanks for the good wishes, and Merry Christmas.

I'll happily do both: raise my kids and "teacher" other people's. I love teenagers!

I'm not sure exactly what your point is, other than to disparage my comment that I'm familiar with teens, even though my oldest is only 13. How exactly it relates to what I had to say about the OP didn't really come across all that well. Apparently even your daughter's friend's parents don't understand what it's like to raise a teenage girl?? Aren't her friends pretty much the same age she is?

And "pathetic"? How very sad.

Ah, well, it's Christmas. I've voiced my opinion, the OP can take it or leave it.

I'm out. The young lady in question is starting to look a whole lot better mannered than some of the adults here.

Again, Merry Christmas to all.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what she hears.

You do make a good point!
There may be some truth to that!

However, with all due respect, and just tying to be helpful...
I would be a lot quicker to jump on the bandwagon here, about respect and tone... if the title to this thread had not been "DD is such a BRAT!!!!". That really doesn't give the credibility or upper hand.

And, you are def. right... Teenagers are not always, or sometimes even often, rational!!!

I think it helps if a parent is able to keep from letting every little word or action 'hurt' them. If she is able to push your buttons like that, and get the desired response, yes, that is what gives her the power.

I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and all of you are able to, over time, come to a better status quo on the whole 'respect' thing!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'm out. The young lady in question is starting to look a whole lot better mannered than some of the adults here.

Not to take sides here in this one exchange... but in this situation and this thread overall, I can whole heartedly agree!

 

[castmemberb4]

My Mother passed away when I was 34.
To this day I wish I could take back the things I said and did
through out my older teen age years.

 

[disneyred]

I have been told many many times.. teenager years and especially the girls ..
watch out.... I am now in the beginning phases of it and YEP............ I can also see that coming from mine....

 

[Planogirl]

While I realize that this is the Dis and that people enjoy the discussion and the debating and that's why this is still at the top of page one, I'm sincerely hoping that the OP has moved past it.

It's Christmas Eve. Anyone who is lucky enough to be with their families right now should be embracing that and putting aside the minor irritations that may have momentarily caused hurt feelings. I'm not taking away from the OP's initial feeling and need to vent, but I really hope you're not still stewing over it.

We've all done something that has hurt someone's feelings and for the most part I would think we'd go back and undo it if we could. I'm sure your daughter feels the same way, and refusing to let it go is not going to help the relationship. I'm not assuming either way that you're doing that... I'm just throwing it out there.

Spending twelve pages talking about what a brat someone else's child is doesn't really scream FA LA LA to me.

ITA. I was here to relax a little after a busy day and people are still discussing this? The OP and her daughter have hopefully moved on and are enjoying the holidays together.

I also don't understand jumping on people who don't have teens. Discussion involves a lot of opinion and I don't see any child rearing experts here. Whatever that is...

Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone!

 

[Disney Doll]

Of course the daugher behaved badly!
I think everyone can agree on that.

But, what really makes me go is the complete lack of basic respect and personal boundaries for any human being.

While I would never find the daughters reaction to be okay, the huge overriding factor here with the OP and several other posters is the lack of basic respect and human dignity shown by the adults. And, at this point, I continue wonder about an adult parent who, without giving any thought to the situation and issues in a broader light, is quick to come out publicly and basically announce, "my daughter is a brat". Not good. The title of the OP, and the comments that followed have definitely colored my perceptions and opinions.

Do these adults really hope to have a positive and respectful relationship with their teens when they turn 18, once they have spent 18 years without showing that kind of positive respect???? Sometimes the seeds that one has sown....

Actually I was quite aware for all the years that I lived in my parents house that it was their house and therefore their rules. I lived there until I was a young adult and there were "house rules" which were obeyed or you, young adult, could find another place to live. Those rules included no drinking to excess, no drugs, no boyfriends sleeping over and I would display a certain amout of basic respect would would include, but not necessarily be limited to, not being intentionally hurtful to others living in the house. I was also quite well aware that there was no privacy if they thought there was reason to not offer me privacy. There was also a basic amount of everyone having access to all areas of the house and frankly, hiding Christmas presents somewhere fell into that category.

Funny thing is, I have a very good relationsghip with my parents to this day. We are very close and I am WAY over 18 at this point.

My 17 year old self would have had a few VERY bad days had I behaved like the OP's daughter. Particularly if I had referred to my parents as "you people" and told them they were disrespecting me because they asked me to participate in the normal running of the household. After they were done I would see just how hard life as a teenage prisoner could be.

"You people are disrespeting me"...honestly?????

OP, all you can hope for is karma. She'll have a 17 year old someday.

 

[horseshowmom]

You know, when I read some of these responses, it's no wonder teenagers are so screwed up.

The teen needs privacy. The teen was upset. Cry me a river.

The kid knew exactly what she was doing, ruining a Christmas surprise because the people who pay for every single thing she has had the audacity to hide a Christmas gift in her closet without asking Her Highness's permission.

And then she turns it around when she needs a ride that she has the best parents in the world.

The kid would be doing a lot of walking if she were mine.

I was going to say pretty much the same thing.

The girl needs more than just to apologize and to basically say that she was getting even because she was mad at her mother about something else. The next time she wanted something, I would remind her that when we treat people badly we often get results that we don't like. It would be a little while before she was back on good footing. What she did was done maliciously and shouldn't just be taken care of with a lukewarm apology. Honestly, she needs to be taught a lesson for her own good.

And regarding the putting of the gift in her closet, I cannot believe the invasion of privacy police here. The man hid a gift in her closet for goodness sakes. My daughter could have put something in my closet, and I would never have thought twice about it, and she wouldn't have thought anything about my putting something in hers. Talk about going overboard.

 

[horseshowmom]

Actually I was quite aware for all the years that I lived in my parents house that it was their house and therefore their rules. I lived there until I was a young adult and there were "house rules" which were obeyed or you, young adult, could find another place to live.
Funny thing is, I have a very good relationsghip with my parents to this day. We are very close and I am WAY over 18 at this point.

My 17 year old self would have had a few VERY bad days had I behaved like the OP's daughter. Particularly if I had referred to my parents as "you people" and told them they were disrespecting me because they asked me to participate in the normal running of the household. After they were done I would see just how hard life as a teenage prisoner could be.

"You people are disrespecting me"...honestly?????

Isn't that the truth!

 

[Sandy321]

I admire the OP dis post this thread - so many of us have felt that way with a teenage dd in a moment of frustration - I completely understood and admire that the OP did post!

Glad you came back with the update - I am so in the same place you are!