My Daughter Is Such A Brat...

[Planogirl]

I think that some people are blowing this out of proportion. Not the OP because I can understand why she would be hurt. But so many are acting like this girl should be sent to reform school or something when there's no indication that she does such things on a regular basis. She acted bratty and then apologized so it would appear to be over.

Many teens will have their bratty moments. I think that parents should react to those moments and not go veering into bizarro world. But there is no wrong or right when it comes to raising kids - it depends on the family and the individuals involved IMO.

 

[Art 1]

I spotted an inexpensive cookie jar at the store the other day and decided against buying it, but told my husband about it after I came home. He went the next day and bought it, and hid it in our 17 yr old daughter's closet, to wrap later for a Christmas gift for me.

For reasons known only to her, our daughter just came into the kitchen and asked why it was in a bag in her closet, naming exactly what the item was. Now, she knew perfectly well it was a gift, as we have been hiding gifts for each other in our childrens' closets for years and she is well aware of it. I am certain she was reasonably sure that it was a gift for me. She was pissed off that her father put it in her room without discussing it with her (she was at work when he brought it home) so she purposely and intentionally ruined the surprise of the gift he had purchased for me.

FTR, I am not upset about knowing about the gift ahead of time. I was 100% sure when I told him about it that he would go and buy it, and really, how excited is somebody going to get about a $15 cookie jar? I am however really steamed that she intentionally ruined her father's surprise for me. It was one little add on gift that he knew I would like and I think that he is hurt that she would deliberately ruin his surprise.

I am pissed off with her for being such a brat, and if I am going to be really honest, my feelings are hurt too, because she did it purposely because she knew it was my gift.

It's stupid, it's just a little gift, but I am really just feeling sad because it just seemed so hateful.

Your dealing with an amateur brat if that's the worst.

 

[okeydokey]

Yes, he went into her closet... period... Without her knowledge, permission, without her being present

'Close' isn't even a possibility here.
He did it.

He didn't go 'close' to her closet...
He went INTO her closet.

Unless she is paying the mortgage, it is not her closet.

 

[daisax]

If she came to YOU and honestly apologized, I'd let it drop since she knows how disappointed you are in her behavior.

If you barely coaxed a "SORry! But you guys need to stay out of my stuff!" out of her, take one of her presents tonight, look at her father, say "Is this the ______?" (knowing that it is) then look at her and say "Oh, SORry!"

 

[Gigi22]

Haven't read the entire thread. I do agree that the young lady was being a brat. That said, if I were her parent, I would be tempted to explain the meaning of "karma" to her. She needs to know. Also let her know that, when she has children who misbehave, you will not hesitate to remind her of this event and the meaning of karma.

 

[doxdogy]

OP for what it is worth, I am on your side. She was definitely being a brat and a little snot. Your house, your closet.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Of course the daugher behaved badly!
I think everyone can agree on that.

But, what really makes me go is the complete lack of basic respect and personal boundaries for any human being.

While I would never find the daughters reaction to be okay, the huge overriding factor here with the OP and several other posters is the lack of basic respect and human dignity shown by the adults. And, at this point, I continue wonder about an adult parent who, without giving any thought to the situation and issues in a broader light, is quick to come out publicly and basically announce, "my daughter is a brat". Not good. The title of the OP, and the comments that followed have definitely colored my perceptions and opinions.

Do these adults really hope to have a positive and respectful relationship with their teens when they turn 18, once they have spent 18 years without showing that kind of positive respect???? Sometimes the seeds that one has sown....

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Of course the daugher behaved badly!
I think everyone can agree on that.

But, what really makes me go is the complete lack of basic respect and personal boundaries for any human being.

While I would never find the daughters reaction to be okay, the huge overriding factor here with the OP and several other posters is the lack of basic respect and human dignity shown by the adults.

Do these adults really hope to have a positive and respectful relationship with their teens when they turn 18, once they have spent 18 years without showing that kind of positive respect????

You must not have children of your own.

 

[Promomx2]

I definitely feel your pain on how a dd can hurt your feelings without caring. I'm currently at my dd (25) after driving 8 hours and I know nothing about anything. Everytime I say anything, she has to comment ugly. And I've told her to chill and be nice, but to her she's fine. The only reason I'm keeping my mouth shut is so I can be here with my grandson. Even my ds (16) came up to me and said "sorry mom" after dd said something. I plan on just waiting till I get home and then letting her know how terrible she has been. Merry christmas to me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

You must not have children of your own.

Yes, I have a teenaged son.

I believe in basic respect for other human beings and some level of personal boundaries, at any age.

Unless my teen gave me very good reason to have to push these aside, for their own well being.

It is more than the basic facts of the case here.
It is the underlying attitude that I would have to disagree with.

I would respect basic personal space unless necessary.
It is no better for a parent to call a teen derogatory names than it would be for the teen to call such names.
Honestly, how can a pot call the kettle black?

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I definitely feel your pain on how a dd can hurt your feelings without caring. I'm currently at my dd (25) after driving 8 hours and I know nothing about anything. Everytime I say anything, she has to comment ugly. And I've told her to chill and be nice, but to her she's fine. The only reason I'm keeping my mouth shut is so I can be here with my grandson. Even my ds (16) came up to me and said "sorry mom" after dd said something. I plan on just waiting till I get home and then letting her know how terrible she has been. Merry christmas to me.

I hope your trip gets better. Merry Christmas

 

[gina2000]

What saddens me the most about the situation is that the daughter has taken a perfectly innocent, totally silly ritual and destroyed it. As a parent that would hurt me beyond belief because she derailed the pleasure derived from the family ritual instead of playing along with it. Family traditions are sacred and the daughter just decided that the ritual was less important than her own desires. I would be bewildered and hurt and I'd never hide anything in her closet again.

But I'd remember it every single Christmas when I had to hide a gift. I think that's a sad legacy to create.

 

[Jennasis]

I must have been the only teen on the planet who never cared if my parents went in my bedroom. I had no expectation of privacy...we were all sharing the house. Any of us could go into anyone else's room anytime. At Christmas, we knew not to go poking through mom's closet or under the bed unless we wanted to spoil our own surprise, so we never peaked.

Yeah, the OP's daughter was being a brat. So what? What are you going to do about it in the grand scheme? Let it ruin Christmas? You let her know you were angry/hurt, she apologized...one would assume it's over. Maybe have a discussion about boundaries and your expectations in your home (after Christmas).

Choose your battles.

 

[bumbershoot]

While I don't make it a habit of rooting through my teen's closet, the fact remains that it's MY house and MY closet. If I need to store something in it, I damn well will.

Heck yeah.

And I'm a very respectful parent to my son, I don't keep anything his room, I generally let him know when I'm going in it (and he's only 7), BUT we're already having the conversations that the door is NOT to be locked (even though we have a little key pokey thing to unlock it from outside), and that we do get to come in when we feel we need to.

I have 2 teen girls and I would be annoyed if they intentionally ruined a Christnas suprise....not because of the gift because of the mesan-spiritedness of it.

YES. It was just mean of the daughter.

She did it because she didn't want them to go in her closet of THEIR house? yea, the bedroom door: off , closet door: off.

That's definitely what my mom would have done to me! She gave me basic privacy (though...my room was immediately off the living room, so there wasn't much privacy to begin with, it was just the semblance of privacy), but the overriding concept was that she was the Queen and the Boss and had the right to enter if needed.


Even when I moved back in with her and her husband after grad school, even though they did treat me kindly and didn't charge rent, didn't charge for food, etc, I knew the underlying rule. If she needed to go into my room, that she was sweetly providing me, she could, even though I was 25.

What saddens me the most about the situation is that the daughter has taken a perfectly innocent, totally silly ritual and destroyed it.

i agree 100%. Years down the road, this could have been seen as a really lovely tradition, that she might have followed as well. But now it will be tinged with bitterness. Just a little, bit it'll be there.

And this is SO close to when she'll probably be leaving home!

I left for college when I was 17...the December I was 17 was the last one I spent at *home* (though I didn't know it at the time...didn't know my mom and stepdad would divorce, my mom would re-find the love of her life and move across the country the week after I went to college, and I'd never live in that house again). To ruin that last December was just unthinkable.

 

[goofinoff]

I spotted an inexpensive cookie jar at the store the other day and decided against buying it, but told my husband about it after I came home. He went the next day and bought it, and hid it in our 17 yr old daughter's closet, to wrap later for a Christmas gift for me.

For reasons known only to her, our daughter just came into the kitchen and asked why it was in a bag in her closet, naming exactly what the item was. Now, she knew perfectly well it was a gift, as we have been hiding gifts for each other in our childrens' closets for years and she is well aware of it. I am certain she was reasonably sure that it was a gift for me. She was pissed off that her father put it in her room without discussing it with her (she was at work when he brought it home) so she purposely and intentionally ruined the surprise of the gift he had purchased for me.

FTR, I am not upset about knowing about the gift ahead of time. I was 100% sure when I told him about it that he would go and buy it, and really, how excited is somebody going to get about a $15 cookie jar? I am however really steamed that she intentionally ruined her father's surprise for me. It was one little add on gift that he knew I would like and I think that he is hurt that she would deliberately ruin his surprise.

I am pissed off with her for being such a brat, and if I am going to be really honest, my feelings are hurt too, because she did it purposely because she knew it was my gift.

It's stupid, it's just a little gift, but I am really just feeling sad because it just seemed so hateful.

I'd be pissed too. Yeah, she's 17 but I don't think it should just be brushed off as "well, she's a teenager."

Frankly 17 is old enough to know better. She's gonna be 18, almost an adult- no excuse for hateful behavior.

You can say "pissed" on the Dis??? I'm shocked!!!!

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Yeah, the OP's daughter was being a brat. So what? What are you going to do about it in the grand scheme? Let it ruin Christmas? You let her know you were angry/hurt, she apologized...one would assume it's over. Maybe have a discussion about boundaries and your expectations in your home (after Christmas).

Choose your battles.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yeah, the OP's daughter was being a brat. So what? What are you going to do about it in the grand scheme? Let it ruin Christmas? You let her know you were angry/hurt, she apologized...one would assume it's over. Maybe have a discussion about boundaries and your expectations in your home (after Christmas).

Choose your battles.

Amen!
Another voice of reason!

 

[Swan4Me]

What saddens me the most about the situation is that the daughter has taken a perfectly innocent, totally silly ritual and destroyed it. As a parent that would hurt me beyond belief because she derailed the pleasure derived from the family ritual instead of playing along with it. Family traditions are sacred and the daughter just decided that the ritual was less important than her own desires. I would be bewildered and hurt and I'd never hide anything in her closet again.

But I'd remember it every single Christmas when I had to hide a gift. I think that's a sad legacy to create.

I agree-really bratty behavior

I remember one Christmas, my Dad telling me about hiding Mom's presents in our closet-I was thrilled to be in on the surprise

 

[MELSMICE]

YAWN. Parent that treat their children like prisoners of their home annoy me. Yes, they are your children, but its your JOB to teach them respect - and that means you actually have to show them the respect that you might ask back in return. It doesn't give you carte blanche to keep them under your thumb just because you can. If you don't want them rifling around in your business, stay out of theirs, unless they have shown you that they can't be trusted with that kind of privacy.

I have children - I give my 6 year old more respect than you are affording your teenagers (who are almost a ADULTS). I don't buy that 'MY HOUSE!!!!' stuff. They live there too. Just plain rude.

And parents that have not been through things (let's just say the teen years here) annoy me.

Your princess is only 2, but guess what? She will be a teenager someday.

Yes, she will. Our DD's have been treated with respect their entire lives. They still became teens though & those lovely DD's I have can still come out & do things that I would have never imagined.

We deal with it, but I sure learned to "never say never" a very long time ago.

None of us thought our precious little girls would ever grow up to be mouthy teens, and we all treated them with respect.

It's very, very easy to parent 2 and 6 year old girls. It's very difficult to navigate the same teen waters. So I'd suggest you be a little more sympathetic to the OP.

As always, until someone is at that stage first hand, they have no clue.

 

[mhsjax]

YAWN. Parent that treat their children like prisoners of their home annoy me. Yes, they are your children, but its your JOB to teach them respect - and that means you actually have to show them the respect that you might ask back in return. It doesn't give you carte blanche to keep them under your thumb just because you can. If you don't want them rifling around in your business, stay out of theirs, unless they have shown you that they can't be trusted with that kind of privacy.

I have children - I give my 6 year old more respect than you are affording your teenagers (who are almost a ADULTS). I don't buy that 'MY HOUSE!!!!' stuff. They live there too. Just plain rude.

YAWN, talk to me when you have teens. And yep, we fall into the my house rule, my teens and pre teens know it. They have nothing to hide. WE check closets for messes and to tell them to clean them up, we glance, we don't snoop. They don't care, and if they did, then all they have to do is keep their closets clean and we won't look.

The father probably opened up her closet put the bag in and closed it, no snooping involved. I even keep some of my DD clothes in my closet, and she is more than welcome to go in there and get them without asking me. So yep, she is treated like an adult in that area, she goes into my closet, I will go into hers, Enough said.