My Daughter Is Such A Brat...

[HonnyDipp]

You're right OP. She was very bratty and very selfish. You can remind her of this when she's older and has a daughter of her own one day. Now that my daughter is 16, every now and then I catch my mom smiling when my girl plucks my nerve. More and more I find myself apologizing to my mom now that I have a teen girl of my very own. You gotta love karma!

But don't let this one go. Let her know why you're pissed off. Even if she does roll her eyes at you, at least you know you set her straight.

Hang in there Mama, you're not alone!

 

[Goofyluver]

EXACTLY! I am just one year removed from being a teenager but this (what the DD did) sounds like something I would have done and the way the OP is reacting is the way my mom would've reacted. I don't know the dynamics of the OP's mother-daughter relationship, but my mom liked to invent these "power struggles" that she thought were going on between me and her. I don't know WHERE it came from but she was always convinced that I was trying to pull one over on her, trying to undermine her authority, etc. in a very paranoid way--like the "my house my rules" mindset taken to the extreme. TBH I would have asked my mom what the gift was because of the "my house my rules" thing--I would have thought, "Well, my mom knows everything about the house and she's in charge, so I'll just ask her." Completely innocently, and then she would've reacted the same way the OP is reacting--which is to say, overreacting. Unless you (OP) are SURE that your daughter definitely knew this was a gift for you and she said it in a very bratty, vindictive way, I can't figure out why your reaction is justified. Maybe I will chalk that up to me only being 20 but I just can't figure out how you are so sure that she was trying to be mean.

The OP's daughter said she knew the gift was for her mother and ruined the surprise on purpose because she didn't like her parents going in her closet. That's how she's sure.

How do you take "my house, my rules" to the extreme? When...it is your parents' house and their rules.

 

[joviroxx]

Here is how the conversation would have gone in my house:

DH: Did you hide something in my closet?
ME: Oh yeah. Its for so and so...
DH: Ah, ok.. was wondering why it was there LOL

It would repeat itself with any member of my family. There is respect for privacy and plain courtesy. I would be really troubled if I lived in home where something as simple as using someone else's closet to hide a gift for another family member would be equal to international espionage. I don't care how old you are.

OP, Im sure it hurt and Im glad she's apologized. Hope you guys have a great Christmas!

Rudeness is not a teenage trait, it's an ALLOWED trait.

WOW.....

What a complete and total disregard for a nearly adult person as a human being.

Really?

 

[MichelleVW]

That's what gets me. In previous years, they asked before hiding things in her closet. Now that their daughter's older, they think that they no longer have to ask. That seems very backward, to me.

She wasn't home to ask and I'm guessing that Dad just forgot to mention it to her or didn't see her....no reason for her to act like a brat.

 

[FayeW]

I so agree!!!

And, if the personal space thing has been an ongoing issue, and the parents are refusing to acknowledge or respect this, for the umpteenth time... yeah, I can see a hormonal teen reacting exactly the way the girl did!!

The only person who is making personal space an ongoing issue is you. You have boundary issues, we get that.

If she is home and in her room, we knock and wait for her to acknowledge before entering. If she isn't home, we go in and do what ever it is we need to do; grab some laundry, turn on her heat/air conditioning, play with her hamster if DD has been gone out a long time, whatever needs doing.

 

[Arielle22]

I am amazed at how many posters talk about her being almost an adult so that makes it ok to get away with not adult behavior. She shouldn't get it both ways.

I speak as a parent of 16 and 18 year old girls. I do go into their rooms and closets. I even open drawers and put things away. Perhaps it is because I shared a room with 3 sisters growing up and privacy was non-existent but I was never too hung up on it.

If my girls are in their rooms I knock before entering but I wouldn't think twice about opening the door and going in if they aren't there.

I have no reason to snoop on them. We don't monitor where they visit online and both are frequently out with friends and we don't ask for full details (know the general with who, where and for how long).

OP, like you I would be most upset because she did it deliberately to hurt me.

I try to live by my SIL's advice "I just want to get through these years without killing them".

 

[MichelleVW]

The only person who is making personal space an ongoing issue is you. You have boundary issues, we get that.

If she is home and in her room, we knock and wait for her to acknowledge before entering. If she isn't home, we go in and do what ever it is we need to do; grab some laundry, turn on her heat/air conditioning, play with her hamster if DD has been gone out a long time, whatever needs doing.

That is exactly how it should be in a house. No reason you should only enter your DD's room when she is present. People are being ridiculous.

 

[merryweather20]

She wasn't home to ask and I'm guessing that Dad just forgot to mention it to her or didn't see her....no reason for her to act like a brat.

Where is the "brat" part again? Her politely, and innocuosly asking where the suprise Rogue Cookie Jar came from?

 

[Robinrs]

WOW.....

What a complete and total disregard for a nearly adult person as a human being.

The important word here is NEARLY.

Until she pays for it, it is NOT hers.

She feels entitled to her space so she needs to take here NEARLY adult behind to an apartment complex and put her NEARLY adult money down to demand her SPACE.

Too many ALREADY adults allowing CHILDREN to run them. Without order you have chaos.

We can respect our children's space to a POINT. My son is VERY protective of his space but he knows his limits with what he can demand of and SAY to the person who supports him.

That is important for any NEARLY or ALREADY adults to know before they say what they feel they're entitled to to the WRONG person.

 

[MichelleVW]

Where is the "brat" part again? Her politely, and innocuosly asking where the suprise Rogue Cookie Jar came from?

She knew what it was.....that is the brat part. My 20 year old DD just said the same thing...that the girl was being a brat about it.

 

[MrsDuck]

I see two issues: 1) Lack of communication, and 2) Overreaction.

First, Dad could've avoided this by simply saying, "I dropped a gift into your closet -- feel free to peek. I'm going to wrap it later". If the daugther wasn't home, he could've left a note. Over the years my girls've hidden numerous presents for me and their dad, and they've always felt special to be in on the secret.

I don't see any hint that Dad did anything wrong here in storing the gift in a closet. He just should've used better communication to avoid the problem, even if they have a history of storing gifts in this way.

Second, the daughter overreacted when she spoke to her mom. It's reasonable that an almost-adult should've put two and two together, and she should've realized it was a gift. Even if her dad had dropped the ball in not speaking to her, she should've been smart enough to realize that no good could come from giving away his secret (after all, she doesn't have any way to know that Mom had spoken to Dad about the cookie jar earlier). She should've said nothing to Mom, and then later she could've been on firm ground to say to Dad, "Hey, I wish you'd told me that you were putting an item in my closet. For all you knew, I could've been hiding something for you in there!" Dad would've then thought, "Yeah, my baby's growing up. I should've behaved differently." And I bet he would've next time left the gift in the trunk of his car.

At the same time, Mom overreacted. She knew her husband was going to buy the cookie jar. No real surprise ever existed. So why be upset enough to tell strangers about the issue? Mom had no control over what happened, but she could've said, "Oh, I suspect your dad left that in there as a surprise for me. I wish you hadn't told me! Now I'm going to have to act surprised!" And that would've been reprimand enough to let the daughter know that she'd been out of line to give away her dad's surprise, and hopefully the daughter'd realize later that she should've kept this problem between herself and Dad.

Couldn't have said it any better myself.

 

[DVCLiz]

Where is the "brat" part again? Her politely, and innocuosly asking where the suprise Rogue Cookie Jar came from?

merryweather20, there was nothing polite or innocuous about the OP's daughter's request. Even the OP's daughter has admitted she did it on purpose to be mean, so I don't think you're going to get much support if you continue to pretend otherwise.

She knew what it was.....that is the brat part. My 20 year old DD just said the same thing...that the girl was being a brat about it.

My girls, who are 18 and 23, would totally agree with your daughter.

 

[Goofyluver]

The important word here is NEARLY.

Until she pays for it, it is NOT hers.

She feels entitled to her space so she needs to take here NEARLY adult behind to an apartment complex and put her NEARLY adult money down to demand her SPACE.

Too many ALREADY adults allowing CHILDREN to run them. Without order you have chaos.

We can respect our children's space to a POINT. My son is VERY protective of his space but he knows his limits with what he can demand of and SAY to the person who supports him.

That is important for any NEARLY or ALREADY adults to know before they say what they feel they're entitled to to the WRONG person.

Say it, girl.

Hallelujah and an Amen.

*I'm feeling religious today, I guess, bein' as it's so closed to Christmas.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Say it, girl.

Hallelujah and an Amen.

*I'm feeling religious today, I guess, bein' as it's so closed to Christmas.

That's worth at least 10 points.

 

[Goofyluver]

That's worth at least 10 points.

Sometimes you just gotta take a stand.

 

[krcit]

The important word here is NEARLY.

Until she pays for it, it is NOT hers.

She feels entitled to her space so she needs to take here NEARLY adult behind to an apartment complex and put her NEARLY adult money down to demand her SPACE.

Too many ALREADY adults allowing CHILDREN to run them. Without order you have chaos.

We can respect our children's space to a POINT. My son is VERY protective of his space but he knows his limits with what he can demand of and SAY to the person who supports him.

That is important for any NEARLY or ALREADY adults to know before they say what they feel they're entitled to to the WRONG person.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Sorry, but I don't feel sorry for you. Im sure it has something to do with her being almost 18 years old and not having her privacy respected. Is there no where else in your house that you could hide presents other than snooping around in her closet (what she felt, I'm sure).

It's their house...in my opinion, the teenager doesn't have a "right" to privacy.

 

[hereyago]

She did it because she didn't want them to go in her closet of THEIR house? yea, the bedroom door: off , closet door: off. until she can learn it's not about her and the world doesn't revolve her or until she is 18 and can get out on her own.

Ok, I went back and read every post: this isn't about them invading HER space in their house. the DF usually let's her know he is to put it in the closet. Her behavior was because she was ticked at OP for a previous incident and wanted to get back at her.

OP has said recently said brat has been rude and antagonistic lately.

I'd honestly have a sit down talk and figure out what is going on her with her. Is she worried about becoming a adult and have those real life pressures?

At any rate: any sort of behavior always has to have consecquences. You can't act like that in the real world and not expect some sort of reaction to it.

 

[castmember19]

I use my dd 18 closet to hide presents all the time. I go in when she isn't home she has no problem with it. If she did I would be wondering what she was hiding.....

I would too. I don't care if Mother goes through my closet and she always comes into my room just to leave things here. I'd only care if I have something to hide. That's just me, of course.

The OP is mad because her daughter asked her why there was a cookie jar in her closet. No one previously mentioned it to her, so she had no clue that her father put it there and it was a gift for her mother. The rest of that post is all conjecture and accusation.

EXACTLY! I am just one year removed from being a teenager but this (what the DD did) sounds like something I would have done and the way the OP is reacting is the way my mom would've reacted. I don't know the dynamics of the OP's mother-daughter relationship, but my mom liked to invent these "power struggles" that she thought were going on between me and her. I don't know WHERE it came from but she was always convinced that I was trying to pull one over on her, trying to undermine her authority, etc. in a very paranoid way--like the "my house my rules" mindset taken to the extreme. TBH I would have asked my mom what the gift was because of the "my house my rules" thing--I would have thought, "Well, my mom knows everything about the house and she's in charge, so I'll just ask her." Completely innocently, and then she would've reacted the same way the OP is reacting--which is to say, overreacting. Unless you (OP) are SURE that your daughter definitely knew this was a gift for you and she said it in a very bratty, vindictive way, I can't figure out why your reaction is justified. Maybe I will chalk that up to me only being 20 but I just can't figure out how you are so sure that she was trying to be mean.

Because OP's daughter ADMITTED she was doing it on purpose to be mean.

Whether or not her father should have put the bag in her closet (which I don't really see the big deal about), the daughter acted like brat. Plain and simple, she acted like a brat.

What kind of person would want to spoil a Christmas present for her parent? She wanted to hurt her mother. She wanted to see the disappointment on her mother's face. That is just down right mean and nasty. Sorry.

It's true. That's what off-putting about the whole thing. It doesn't matter if Dad should have asked, if it has happened before, if she wanted to make a point- none of that excuses selfish and bratty behavior.

The girl is 17. That's almost the end of the teenage spectrum, about time for her to start shaping up, growing out of the terrible teen attitude and acting like the adult she's about to be.

I'm sure that from this point on Mom and Dad will know a) not to hide things in their teens rooms and b) to ask before they do so. That's their lesson learned from this- but it doesn't change or excuse DD's attitude.

She knew what it was.....that is the brat part. My 20 year old DD just said the same thing...that the girl was being a brat about it.

My 20 year old self agrees.

 

[laura.anne]

The OP's daughter said she knew the gift was for her mother and ruined the surprise on purpose because she didn't like her parents going in her closet. That's how she's sure.

How do you take "my house, my rules" to the extreme? When...it is your parents' house and their rules.

Sorry, I accidentally skipped the post where the OP said DD admitted to being nasty on purpose. I saw it after my post.
My mom took "my house my rules" to the extreme by being verbally and physically abusive with "you live under my roof, I have the right to treat to treat you like crap" as the excuse. She was very manipulative and paranoid and though that anything I did--like shutting the bedroom door when I was changing--was me trying to hide something from her or pull one over on her.