My children talk to strangers!

[Magpie]

A comment in another thread got me to thinking about "talking to strangers".

Do you talk to strangers? Do your kids?

I don't drive, and the main bus to downtown runs past several "sheltered" workshops, a homeless shelter, and assorted other social agencies. As a result, my children and I would end up taking the bus with a lot of unusual people.

With the ones who were shouting, seem agitated or were talking to invisible people, I trained the kids not to make eye contact and stay clear. "Leave him alone with his imaginary friends, honey. Yes, I know he sounds like he's arguing with them, but they're HIS imaginary friends. He'll just have to deal with them himself." Sometimes we moved up to the front of the bus, to sit near the driver.

But with the rest...

Talking to strangers was definitely allowed. A friendly smile goes a long way. But you cannot, under ANY circumstances, tell them your last name, where you live or any other personal information. It was good early training for navigating the internet, actually!

Strangers often offered my children candy. The protocol there was to take the candy, say thank you politely, and slip it into a pocket. If the stranger asks, either say you're saving it for dessert or you're not hungry right now. I told the kids I'd trade them for something better later. Arguing with strangers or trying to refuse their gifts never leads to any good.

Some of the gifts strangers gave my children were hilariously bizarre. Surgical gloves! (I intercepted those and told the kids we'd save them for "later" - and later I told them why they weren't an appropriate gift.) A copy of Cosmopolitan, handed to my 5yo daughter! An actual eye testing chart with the different sized letters - the kids LOVED that one, and it made the bus ride immensely fun as people were asking my kids to test their eyesight.

Every bus ride was another opportunity to teach my kids a little more about interacting with the world. I taught them about safety, about boundaries, about courtesy and about acceptable topics for public conversation.

I love people! And I miss the days when just stepping onto the bus with my small children got half the passengers smiling at us immediately.

 

[Minnie_me]

I encourage my children to talk to strangers as well. They need to be comfortable around strangers because when you're out in the world -- most of the people around you are strangers! We strike up conversations with people while waiting in line, etc.

Gavin deBecker, author of "Protecting the Gift" writes about this. He writes that it is important for children to know HOW to talk to strangers. Then if they are ever lost or need help, they won't have that "NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS" mantra preventing them from getting the help they need.

So I'll often send my kids back up to the counter at a fast food place to ask for more ketchup or napkins, etc. They place their own orders in restaurants, etc.

 

[PatsGirl]

These two posts are very refreshing to read

 

[Magpie]

I encourage my children to talk to strangers as well. They need to be comfortable around strangers because when you're out in the world -- most of the people around you are strangers! We strike up conversations with people while waiting in line, etc.

Gavin deBecker, author of "Protecting the Gift" writes about this. He writes that it is important for children to know HOW to talk to strangers. Then if they are ever lost or need help, they won't have that "NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS" mantra preventing them from getting the help they need.

So I'll often send my kids back up to the counter at a fast food place to ask for more ketchup or napkins, etc. They place their own orders in restaurants, etc.

I read that book, too! I used to ask the kids to identify "safe strangers" when we were out together. "If you were lost or in trouble right now, who would you ask for help?" I always reminded them that YOU choose the stranger, the stranger doesn't choose you.

A few years ago, my 9yo son passed out while having lunch with his 12yo sister at the local pizzaria. First I knew about it was my son calling me on a stranger's phone. When I arrived at the scene, my daughter was standing on the corner with a young 20-something woman, waving at me. As my daughter was dragging me off to the ambulance the woman told me, "I'm so glad you're here! Your daughter wouldn't let me leave until you came." My daughter had found her "safe stranger"!

 

[paintnolish]

My children absolutely talk to strangers. They order their own food, ask where things are that they need (restroom, specifci item, etc.), and make polite conversation. For exmple, we were at he The Gap recently and the cashier asked how we were doing today. My son looked at her and answered, "Fine. How are you?" She was shocked. She said ADULTS usually don't answer with more than a grunt!
My son, specifically, loves to talk to strangers. If you've ever been near us in line at WDW, you'd know! I don't know if this thread was inspired by the GF teddybear lady thread, but he talked to her, too.

 

[C.Ann]

What's that saying? Something along the lines of:

"There are no strangers - just friends we've yet to meet.."

Of course we talk to strangers - unless intuition tells us otherwise.. Some of the nicest people we have ever met were "strangers"' that we struck up converstations with..

 

[Hannathy]

Yes my kids have always talked to "strangers" I hate the mantra stranger danger!!!

You learn very interesting things talking to people and I don't think my kids would be as well rounded or educated as they are if they didn't talk to strangers.

Our rule has always been:

Talk to anyone you want, don't go anywhere with anyone.


That is all kids have to know to be safe.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Add me to the list of those who have children who talk to strangers (who, as C Ann points out often become friends). I think the stranger danger idea is very off base--much better to teach children how to speak to people, what is or is not okay from anybody (Stranger or not--most likely it will be someone they know who tries to hurt them if anyone ever does), etc.
Like others, I feel it is a very important skill to be able to communicate with a variety of people, get help when needed, etc. Besides, reaching out and meeting people makes life so much more interesting and fun

Just last week my son made friends with an older couple on our cruise. They teamed up for "Name that Tyne" and the couple was so impressed that he knew some Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly and Bobby Day tunes. They ended up going to see him in the youth talent show and everything. He had a blast teaming up with them after the initial game nearly every day and they seemed to really enjoy him.
My daughter? At 13 she take the train to school every day. We live in a tourist area and i cannot tell you how often I get a call from her saying she will be a bit late getting home as she is helping get some tourists onto the right train, on the bus to the castle, etc. She really enjoys helping and finding out where people come from, what they think of our area, etc.

 

[NMAmy]

DD grew up in a small town where everybody talks with everyone else. It gave her great confidence--I was really shy as a kid and I grew up in a place where casual conversation is not as common. I'm glad she has a skill that took me awhile to grow into.

When she visited my parents at about age 8, my dad was really tickled and told me, "We took her out to dinner and it was like going out with a 40 year old. She politely questioned the waitress about a menu item, ordered her own food without any prompting, and then made conversation." She started out by asking my dad, "So, Grandpa, did you do anything interesting today?"

 

[Magpie]

What's that saying? Something along the lines of:

"There are no strangers - just friends we've yet to meet.."

Of course we talk to strangers - unless intuition tells us otherwise.. Some of the nicest people we have ever met were "strangers"' that we struck up converstations with..

We shared a table at a restaurant with strangers just the other night.

My husband and I were waiting in line to be seated and we could hear the waitress talking to the couple ahead of us. Even though we could all see an empty table close by, the waitress was saying that she couldn't seat anyone because that was a table for four, and all of us in line were parties of two. The woman ahead of us glanced behind her and I grinned at her.

She grinned back and said, "Would you like to share a table with us?"

I said, "That's just what I was thinking. We'd be delighted!"

She turned back to the waitress and said, "We're now a party of four, and we'll take THAT table."

They were really nice people, and we had a terrific conversation over dinner with them!

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

This thread reminds me of a Criminal Minds episode. Morgan said "Whole generations of kids were taught about "stranger danger" when in reality, they are more likely to be harmed or abducted by someone they know." I'm paraphrasing here, but I think it's a great point.

 

[funkychunkymonkey]

I work at a daycare and once a week, all summer long, we take the bus to the libary. We have lots of special needs people on our bus. Its fun watching the kids chat with them. My favorite is blue man (wears a blue coat), he likes to tell us stories about when he was young. Nothing better than watching people smile at the 30 kids we troop onto the bus. The kids also chat over the fence to people who walk by the center. were right behind a hospital so we get lots of walk bys. One guy lives half a mile away but walks past daily since the kids LOVE to see his rescued greyhounds. I also talk to strangers. We were on vacation and I noticed DC 10 staring at the lady at the next table. So I look up and shes using sign language. I ran into her later and managed to have a nice chat with her with my limited knowlage of sign. Dc 10 thought it was so neat she tried to learn some sign to chat too!

 

[december]

My older kids love to talk to adults, and can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. I took dd11 and dd17mos to WDW 2 wks ago. We flew SW and had A19 and A20 boarding passes. Got on, and the plane was already full! Thankfully dd11 and I were able to sit close but not together (baby was in my lap). She ended up next to an older married couple going to WDW to meet up with their 2 grown daughters. In less than 2 hrs, dd11 had their whole life stories! Made the flight so much nicer for her.

Most older people just like to talk. No harm there, and often the kids end up actually learning something........

 

[C.Ann]

Most older people just like to talk..

And the kids do too!

 

[SandrA9810]

When I was working at Diseny, I met the strangest parents. They grounded into their kid's head that they could not talk to strangers. It was really sad as I was working and trying to do a special picture with the family.

Just cause nothing bad hasn't happened to a kid in Disney, doesn't mean they don't get lost in the parks. I did when I was like 13, for a few hours. I tried explaining the whole name tag thing, any one with that was a friend of Mickey and could help you. It was totally lost on the parents and the kids were hiding behind the parent's legs. And they were between 6-10 yrs old, not babies.

I feel sorry for those kids. They'll be the first to disappear.