My 4 yr old is making me crazy!!!

[preshi]

He just wont listen... it took me 3 hours to get him to bed tonight!! I tried in order, reading to him, taking away his toys, ignoring him,staying in his room, turning off the night light once it got dark. Finally now he's asleep...(i think)

He doesnt listen, runs around mocks me and then hits me (which I just ignore) time out doesnt work, spanking doesnt work... I've tried talking to him calmly, i've tried yelling. I understand he's been through alot of stress over the last few months but this is insane... any suggestions?

I feel like a bad mommy!!

 

[KimRaye]

You're NOT a bad mommy! He's testing you and, his boundaries!

Keep strong and, I mean strong-willed, too!

My 5yo has recently learned what 'punishment' means and, she does NOT want any more of that! (She can't go out and play - Yes, this is more a punishment for me but, she doesn't know that yet)

I also use the 'counting to 3' approach. I don't tell her anymore that I'm gonna count....I just tell/ask her to do something once or twice, when she doesn't/hasn't done it, I start counting...IF I get to 3 (only once, in the beginning) she's in trouble. She's always moving on or before 2~

Stay tough Mom!!

 

[robinb]

{{hugs}}

You are not a bad mommy! You have an active/spirited/snot-burger of a child. I have one too. She exibits the same behaviors as yours does at the tender age of 3.



Here is a list of a couple of books that I have found helpful in the last couple months since I have "cracked down" on my DD's non-complience. I was ready to strangle her! I use bits and pieces from all 4 books.

1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas Phelan
The Manipulative Child by E.W. Swihart Jr.
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child by Rex Forehand
Raising Your Spirted Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

I mostly follow the 1-2-3 Magic with timeouts in my lap or locked in her room. Hitting me is no longer ignored and she gets an automatic "That's 3." time-out for hitting, punching, kicking, biting or scratching me. She actually starts to hit and then stops now .

Good luck! You and your 4 year old will make it through this alive and well!

 

[SnowAngel]

My 6yo used to be the same way around 3 or 4. She used to scream bloody murder when we tried to get her down for a nap. I mean the kind of scream which is high pitched and goes into you.
She's still pushes the limits now and is high spirited but we try to be firm and consistant and seems to be working. She's maturing and is actually a sweet kid now

 

[snoopy]

I'll second the suggestion of 1-2-3 Magic. If used to the letter, it works everytime! Raising Your Spirited Child is another good one.

With kids, consistency is key. Not that I'm always consistent, LOL! But I find when I do stick to the principles learned in 1-2-3 Magic, my kids are much better behaved.

 

[peg2001]

Can someone share the basic premise behind 1-2-3 Magic? I have a sweet tempered obediant DD6 and a fiery-tempered boundary-testing DD3. Bed time is our biggest challenge right now too.

Peggy

 

[goofygirl]

Why don't you get your kids to run around and do physical stuff during the day so that they will conk out at night? I know kids are full of energy, but if you wear them out enough, they will wind down. I'm not speaking from experience, its just what I've observed.



(I'm glad I have cats! Though they can drive me nuts too!)

 

[preshi]

Thanks everyone.

Austin runs around all day long.. he even went swimming yesterday... He's just full of energy and well he's 4 years old... i understand that he's learning and growing...

Heading to the bookstore after work.

 

[jfulcer]

We found that consistency at bedtime worked the best for us. There was a list of things we did in a certain order. That helped her get ready for the notion that she was going to bed. Here is what we do:

About an hour before bedtime she (and sometimes Mommy and Daddy) would get their pajamas on for a 'Jammie Party'. The 'Party' would involve eating some popcorn, reading some books, snuggling, sitting down to watch part of a movie, etc.. This helped her wind down some. The we'd (at the same time every night regardless of darkness - daylight savings time really screws up sleep habits for my kid)

brush our teeth
make sure there were no dirty clothes on the floor
take our vitamins
get in bed (laying down) for a few pages of a book or short Disney story
2 or 3 minute backrub

Generally by this time, she would be calmed down enough and go to sleep. If she complained she wasn't tired, she still had to lay in bed, and wasn't allowed to play.

This worked good because once she got used to it, parts of it could become praise/punishment. IE if she goofed around while brushing her teeth she may loose the backrub part. On the flip side, if she was good during the day she would get extra pages read, or more of a backrub.

She's 6 now and still relies on that schedule and reminds us if we miss or forget parts.

For punishment during the day, we used something I heard on Dr Phil - we found her 'currency'. What makes a difference to her. For her, it's the stuffed animals she sleeps with. Taking her other toys away doesn't work cause she will find other things to do. Taking away going to see Grandma doesn't work cause she knows eventually she will be able to see her. If we threaten to take 'her guys' away with a 1-2-3 count, that generally snaps her in line.

I agree with another poster - hitting/scratching/etc is ground for immediate punishment, no matter what. It's very disrepectful to you and will only get worse.

Good luck!

P.S. (oh, Goofygirl... having them run around to work off energy never worked with DD. She had/has boundless energy. Wish she could share some of it.. )

 

[Robinrs]

Sounds like you have alot of great advice here. I hope it helps. My aunt's grandson sounds like yours. He is a bundle of "I'm going to TRY you". I've found that he is truly begging for attention. I've found even my BIG kid will drive me crazy when he wants attention.

Goofygirl, I have four cats that I love and one son... it's not the same. Your constant insistence on jumping in on children's threads when you seem to hate them makes me wonder about your intentions.

Methinks she protests too much == Shakespeare.

 

[lizzie64]

Originally posted by preshi
He just wont listen... it took me 3 hours to get him to bed tonight!! I tried in order, reading to him, taking away his toys, ignoring him,staying in his room, turning off the night light once it got dark. Finally now he's asleep...(i think)

He doesnt listen, runs around mocks me and then hits me (which I just ignore) time out doesnt work, spanking doesnt work... I've tried talking to him calmly, i've tried yelling. I understand he's been through alot of stress over the last few months but this is insane... any suggestions?

I feel like a bad mommy!!

Preshi,

We must have twins separated at birth. My 4 year old has me at my wits end. He is such a good kid, but lately, he is unmanageable. He also beats up on his 2 year old brother.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I'm heading to Amazon right now to order 123 magic.

 

[cinmell]

Wow, I feel so much better after reading this thread! My daughter is 2 and a half and a bundle of enery and very independent. She wakes up between 7:30 and 8:30am, doesn't nap and won't fall asleep at night until 9 or 9:30 (even with reading, lights out, etc). We try to have a consistent routine at night but doesn't work. She could walk and run all day and still doesn't make a difference with her sleeping habbits. She doesn't listen and can be very fresh and wants to do everything herself. I might have to buy 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, I'll take all the help I can get.

 

[lizzie64]

Originally posted by cinmell
Wow, I feel so much better after reading this thread! My daughter is 2 and a half and a bundle of enery and very independent. She wakes up between 7:30 and 8:30am, doesn't nap and won't fall asleep at night until 9 or 9:30 (even with reading, lights out, etc). We try to have a consistent routine at night but doesn't work. She could walk and run all day and still doesn't make a difference with her sleeping habbits. She doesn't listen and can be very fresh and wants to do everything herself. I might have to buy 1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, I'll take all the help I can get.

Hey cinmell,

Amazon.com. Just ordered it. about $14

 

[cinmell]

Originally posted by lizzie64
Hey cinmell,

Amazon.com. Just ordered it. about $14

Me too! I should have paid extra for express shipping !

 

[Disney Doll]

He's 4...it's his job!

 

[lizzie64]

Originally posted by cinmell
Me too! I should have paid extra for express shipping !

maybe we could have gotten a group rate !!

 

[LarryE]

spare the rod spoil the child

Thats what my parents always taught me.

It may not work on every child but my grandparents wouldn't let my uncle and aunt disipline my cousin, now at 15 he trys to destroy everything he can get his hands on, chews, smokes cigars, won't behave, and back talks his parents, given the fact that he doesn't do this to his dad because he is a friend to him not a father but he treats his mother like crap.