My 23- year old daughter is Hurting over an ex-boyfriend

[Eeyore'sthebest]

There are too many unknowns here. Did she break up with him or did he dump her?

How serious was this relationship.

Cardinal rule? Seriously? If they are my EX, why do I care who dates them. If my friend (and I doubt this is a BFF) wants to date the loser, who am I to stop them?

This is why you shouldn't stay 'good friends' with an ex boyfriend. If you are still 'good friends' your relationship isn't over.

If the the DD is good friend's with the girl she needs to talk to her about her feelings for the guy or talk to the guy about getting back together.

Sorry, but it sounds to me like this is a case of I don't want him...but I like that he still wants me and now that he is moving on I don't like that.

This is spot on!!

 

[Boxley]

The Cardinal rule depends on the situation. If your DD was dating the guy for a good amount of time and then dumped her and quickly moved on to the friend, then it is breaking the cardinal rule. Yet, if she and her ex dated for not as much and there was some time in which your DD could heal, then this situation would not have been that bad. Yet, it is apparent that your DD is hurt. I say she remove herself from these two people and spend some quality time with herself, be there for her though because she will still need a shoulder to cry on.

It all depends on the situation yet in this one it is apparent that there IS something to be upset about.

 

[sbell111]

who is still a close friend of hers - i guess one of her friends is trying to date him now and my daughter feels bad because she has to witness it.

her ex-boyfriend doesn't understand why she feels hurt. i'm going to tell her that if she still has feelings for him, maybe they could get back together and if not, this is just something that happens - it's part of life.

i just wanted to get other feelings about this.

A check of the rule book shows that friends shouldn't date the exes of their friends.

 

[threecrazykids]

The only way to completely get over someone in a quicker manner is to not have them in your life, sadly.

This quote made me think of a time when I was a freshman in college and my great grandmother (God bless her soul) was so annoyed that my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I went off to college and I was just distraught. I will never forget when at her ripe age of 89 told me with the straightest face...

"The only way to get over one man is to get under another!"

What grandma says that!!?? LMAO She never did like the guy anyway...

 

[dawson5]

I don't know these cardinal rules, apparently we missed that in the handbook but being open/honest with a friend, they should know that this will hurt your daughter. If they were a true friend, they would not do that to her. I think your daughter needs some space from the "friend."

How long ago was the relationship? If it was when she was 16 or something, I think she needs to let go and move on. If this was just a recent break-up, it's pretty thoughtless of the friend.

*disclaimer= my bff introduced me to my husband. she dated him in hs. before ever going out with him, i spoke with her, she had no romantic feelings for him at all. twenty-four years later, she is still my best friend. we were in each others weddings, i am godmother to her oldest daughter.

 

[DisTeach1]

who is still a close friend of hers - i guess one of her friends is trying to date him now and my daughter feels bad because she has to witness it.

her ex-boyfriend doesn't understand why she feels hurt. i'm going to tell her that if she still has feelings for him, maybe they could get back together and if not, this is just something that happens - it's part of life.

i just wanted to get other feelings about this.

Well, getting back together may not be up to her...he is the one calling the shots. If she was my daughter, I would tell her not to have any contact with him for a while...Why does she want to maintain contact if they broke up...that is just a recipe for disaster, in my opinon, and should be discouraged. Don't just assume they can get back together.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

This quote made me think of a time when I was a freshman in college and my great grandmother (God bless her soul) was so annoyed that my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I went off to college and I was just distraught. I will never forget when at her ripe age of 89 told me with the straightest face...

"The only way to get over one man is to get under another!"

What grandma says that!!?? LMAO She never did like the guy anyway...

She sounds like someone I would have loved to meet!! Sure tells it like it is.

 

[LoraJ]

I don't know these cardinal rules, apparently we missed that in the handbook but being open/honest with a friend, they should know that this will hurt your daughter. If they were a true friend, they would not do that to her. I think your daughter needs some space from the "friend."

How long ago was the relationship? If it was when she was 16 or something, I think she needs to let go and move on. If this was just a recent break-up, it's pretty thoughtless of the friend.

*disclaimer= my bff introduced me to my husband. she dated him in hs. before ever going out with him, i spoke with her, she had no romantic feelings for him at all. twenty-four years later, she is still my best friend. we were in each others weddings, i am godmother to her oldest daughter.

See, I don't think that is breaking any rules. Your friend no longer had any romantic feelings for him. The OP's daughter seems to still be sorting through her feelings. When I was around the OP's daughters age, something similar happened to me. I was dating a guy for maybe nine months, not that long, not horribly serious, but I definitely had feelings for him. He didn't treat me very well and I could not take it anymore, so I broke it off with him. I was NOT over him. A month later I found our phone bill ripped up in the garbage. That seemed odd to me. I pieced it together. My roommate, who was supposed to be my best friend, had placed several calls to him starting the day after I broke things off with him. She was sneaking around with him. When I confronted her she was like "we are just friends" but I had heard otherwise from mutual friends. I told her that although I was not seeing him anymore I was not over him. And when I busted her that she was "dating" she had a stupid justification for it. I just felt beyond betrayed and moved out and ended the friendship. Also when I found out, he stopped seeing her right then. It was just a game to him. Of course a month later he came back begging for me. A friend of mine works with him now and he still thinks it was just some big game and jokes about it.

I had such horrible trust issues after that. I don't think I have had any really close female friends since then.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I will never forget when at her ripe age of 89 told me with the straightest face...

"The only way to get over one man is to get under another!"

What grandma says that!!?? LMAO She never did like the guy anyway...

Are you my sister??
I just typed out what DGM said to me one night, read it, and decided it would get me points. Let's just say that my DGM had the same dirty mind as yours. And yes, her comments always left me going like this .

 

[DisTeach1]

The best way to get over someone, something, some situation, is to move far away from it as possible, and that's what you need to be telling your daughter, not to go back to a situation that is hurtful. She needs to end all contact with him, and her friend, including IM, Facebook, friends, everything. Then she won't have to witness it.