my 2 year old thinks time out is a game!

[snoopy5386]

So I just started doing timeouts with my 2.5 year old DD today. I give her two warnings and then a 2 min time out. She thinks it is a total fun game to play with me! I put her in the timeout spot and of course she gets up and leaves. I keep putting her back and she keeps running away, laughing the whole time. I don't speak to her or look at her, just keep putting her back. She doesn't get that it is a punishment. I have not been resetting the timer every time she gets up since this is the first day of doing this. How to I get her to understand that she is being punished not playing a game?? Either way it is working, diffusing the situation, but not the way I expected!

 

[RMulieri]

I know it sounds cruel but with DD I used to have to keep my hand on her shoulder and stand there without talking to keep her from getting up and thinking it was a game(it did work).Maybe somebody else will come up with a better method.

 

[Skyw]

It didn't work with my son until he got older. He used to do the same thing. It was hard on me!!! The idea is to get them to see what they did wrong and give them time to "cool" off. I gave up the special time out place and put my son in his room. He didn't like being removed from me and it didn't take him long to figure out that he didn't want to go to his room. It was easier to contain him. I don't know if that is the right answer..the Nanny may say differently....but it worked for us. He goes to his room now at age 5 to "cool" off and then rejoins the family when he is ready or after 5 minutes.

Good Luck. I understand your frustration.

 

[LadyShea]

I never understood the specific time thing. It seemed really arbitrary and didn't get to a desired resolution for me. My goal in discipline is to teach, and for DS to learn self control. So, we came up with a different method of time out, one I haven't seen anybody else use, but works for us (DS just turned 3).

Say the behavior is DS refusing to pick up a toy after being asked nicely once, then told the second time more sternly...he must stand in time out until he is ready to pick up the toy. If he says he will pick it up, we walk with him over to the toy and he either picks it up or again refuses. If he refuses, he goes back to the hallway door we use as the time out spot. If he picks it up, we praise him and hug him then the incident is forgotten.

He determines the time by his behavior, teaching him that he is in control of his actions, and the desired action eventually happens in that the toy is picked up.

If it's an issue where there is no specific action that can rectify it-for example hitting- we don't use time out. We remove him from the situation to someplace quiet and speak to him, explain we don't hit, that hitting hurts, and ask him to apologize. We only had to do this a few times, I can't even remember the last time DS hit anyone, but it's been at least 6 months.

 

[barnaby1]

We have never done a specific timed time out either. We also adopt the cool off period (we call it a time out for her to think and calm down). Almost the same as the above poster. If she does something which is unacceptable behaviour then I give her 1 warning and tell her she will go into the hallway for a timeout if it continues. She then gets put in the hallway if needed, I explain to her why she is there and tell her that when she is ready to behave (in whatever the problem is) then she can come back into the room with us. It usually only takes a minute or less and she comes to say sorry. We have a cuddle and all is forgotten. We started when she was about 18 months old so she is used to it and we don't use it very often but it is effective.

 

[LadyShea]

Cool barnaby, everyone looks at us like we're crazy. Nice to know someone else uses a similar method with good results too.

 

[Alesia]

LadyShea, I have 17 years of experience in daycare and preschool and I agree completely!

Time out doesn't work for children under 3 or 4. The only way for a punishment to work is to make it fit the crime. If everything your child does gets the same punishment, her behavior will escalate. If she draws on the walls, make her clean them, and don't let her do anything else until the job is done (although you should be reasonable in your expectations.)

Another thing to keep in mind is that at 2, you cannot reason with them. They simply do not understand everything that is being said to them. They pick up more from your tone of voice than the words you use. Be firm and use simple, direct sentences.

 

[playswithstars]

So I just started doing timeouts with my 2.5 year old DD today. I give her two warnings and then a 2 min time out. She thinks it is a total fun game to play with me! I put her in the timeout spot and of course she gets up and leaves. I keep putting her back and she keeps running away, laughing the whole time. I don't speak to her or look at her, just keep putting her back. She doesn't get that it is a punishment. I have not been resetting the timer every time she gets up since this is the first day of doing this. How to I get her to understand that she is being punished not playing a game?? Either way it is working, diffusing the situation, but not the way I expected!

Whenever we do timeouts with kids at work there time does not start until they stay seated. Though I wouldn't suggest this until she's a little bit older.

Before we do the timeout though we do get down to their level and calmly explain what they did wrong to get the timeout.

I was watching super nanny the other night and these kids never heard the word no from their parents. The first time they tried to do a timeout with the one boy it took them 2.5 hours. The whole time they just kept putting him back in his spot without saying anything until he stayed there.

 

[SmallWorld71]

I had major problems with DD when she was younger. Here are some guidelines from a behavior therapist that I took a class with looking for some answers.
1) Save the time-outs for the big things- hurting someone, hurting oneself etc... as opposed to something like not putting a toy away. Too many time-outs and the effectiveness is lost.
2) If a child won't sit in time-out, hold them there. Holding a child is not cruelty! Set the timer. Let her know you are putting her in time-out and if she gets up simply say I will hold you until the time-out is over and don't say another word until it is over. The first few times it was really hard as DD would scream and scream. But, after sticking to it a few times it began to work very well and helped DD calm down much more quickly than she had before we started the method. This can work very well with kids who are sensory seekers as DD is.

Good luck!

 

[snoopy5386]

thanks for the advice everyone. My DD is a pretty good kid, I never have trouble with her hitting, writing on walls, etc. The problems I have with her are her not listening to me when I ask her to do something. Today I put her in timeout the first time because when I told her it was time to brush her hair she ran away from me screaming. I gave her two warnings and then put her in timeout. The 2nd time was when she refused to throw her yogurt container out (she left it lying on the carpet), same thing 2 warnings then a time out. These are the sorts of problems I have with her - putting away toys, cleaning up after herself, sitting in her carseat, listening in stores, etc. What do you suggest?
I have tried a firm tone of voice and reasoning with her, neither one of these work. It just turns into a power struggle and ends up with me (or DH) yelling or physically and forcibly making her do whatever task and her crying. So we are mad and she is upset. The timeout thing seemed like a way to diffuse the situation a bit. I had read the book 123 magic and I am using their system. Two warnings or two chances for them to change their behavior and then a timeout. No yelling, reasoning, cajoling, just say first warning, second warning, time out.
I do try to use playful techniques (I have read playful parenting as well) but I am looking for something else for when my energies are low and tensions are high.
And she will be 3 in the beginning of April and most definitely understands what we are asking of her.

 

[SmallWorld71]

thanks for the advice everyone. My DD is a pretty good kid, I never have trouble with her hitting, writing on walls, etc. The problems I have with her are her not listening to me when I ask her to do something. Today I put her in timeout the first time because when I told her it was time to brush her hair she ran away from me screaming. I gave her two warnings and then put her in timeout. The 2nd time was when she refused to throw her yogurt container out (she left it lying on the carpet), same thing 2 warnings then a time out. These are the sorts of problems I have with her - putting away toys, cleaning up after herself, sitting in her carseat, listening in stores, etc. What do you suggest?
I have tried a firm tone of voice and reasoning with her, neither one of these work. It just turns into a power struggle and ends up with me (or DH) yelling or physically and forcibly making her do whatever task and her crying. So we are mad and she is upset. The timeout thing seemed like a way to diffuse the situation a bit. I had read the book 123 magic and I am using their system. Two warnings or two chances for them to change their behavior and then a timeout. No yelling, reasoning, cajoling, just say first warning, second warning, time out.
I do try to use playful techniques (I have read playful parenting as well) but I am looking for something else for when my energies are low and tensions are high.
And she will be 3 in the beginning of April and most definitely understands what we are asking of her.

With something like the yogurt container, putting away toys etc... a couple of other options:
1 - If she doesn't listen you could just tell her to let you know when she is ready to pick up the container (or whatever it is and walk away). Eventually, she will need you for something, ie "Mommy, can you read this book to me?" and you can say "Sure sweetie, as soon as you throw away your yogurt container." In the end, you have gotten what you want without any power struggle.
2 - You could physically walk her to the container, take her hand over hand and pick up the container and throw it away together. Again, there is follow through with no power struggle.

Car seats, of course, are non-negoitable so you have to be tough there.

Stores are tricky. If she won't listen you can either leave or have the store full of people staring at you pretending that they could've done it better.

 

[Alesia]

With something like the yogurt container, putting away toys etc... a couple of other options:
1 - If she doesn't listen you could just tell her to let you know when she is ready to pick up the container (or whatever it is and walk away). Eventually, she will need you for something, ie "Mommy, can you read this book to me?" and you can say "Sure sweetie, as soon as you throw away your yogurt container." In the end, you have gotten what you want without any power struggle.
2 - You could physically walk her to the container, take her hand over hand and pick up the container and throw it away together. Again, there is follow through with no power struggle.

Car seats, of course, are non-negoitable so you have to be tough there.

Stores are tricky. If she won't listen you can either leave or have the store fool of people staring at you pretending that they could've done it better.

I agree completely.