Murdered Brooklyn boy

[kinntj]

I pray for his family and community to find peace through this tragedy.

 

[java]

A reminder by Gavin de Becker, the leading security expert in the U.S, in his book, The Gift of Fear, is: Teach your kids to always ask a WOMAN for help. He says that males, in all times, all cultures and all species, are the deadlier of the species.

If that little boy had been taught to ask a woman instead, for help, they could have simply walked right by that heinous monster and she would have walked him all the way to his mom.

I am guessing that the mother may have told him if lost to look for another Hasidic person to ask for help. Unfortunately, evil comes in all kinds of costumes. I see kids of all ages walking alone in the city,Particularly in the summer. 13th avenue near 44th isn't the greatest neighborhood to begin with. But it breaks my heart to think of what that poor family is going through right now.
My kids and I are going to have another talk today. You never get into a car with someone unless they know our secret word. In an emergency, if I have to ask a friend to pick up one of my kids I tell them a "password"

 

[Snowflakey]

Absolutely awful My heart goes out to the family.

 

[snapppyd]

I am guessing that the mother may have told him if lost to look for another Hasidic person to ask for help. Unfortunately, evil comes in all kinds of costumes. I see kids of all ages walking alone in the city,Particularly in the summer. 13th avenue near 44th isn't the greatest neighborhood to begin with. But it breaks my heart to think of what that poor family is going through right now.
My kids and I are going to have another talk today. You never get into a car with someone unless they know our secret word. In an emergency, if I have to ask a friend to pick up one of my kids I tell them a "password"

The password is a good idea. I know the men on the boards will jump all over me, but I agree, ask a woman for help.

I'm in NY and I wish they would stop showing the video of the suitcase in the dumpster

This guy actually had the kid wait on the corner while he went to pay a dentist bill and USED HIS CREDIT CARD How do people like this manage to function in society and go undetected for so long?

 

[MrsPete]

... I usually told my kids to ask police/store workers etc.

Yeah, I always told my kids to look for a store worker -- a person in a work uniform. I thought a person surrounded by co-workers, a person who couldn't just disappear without notice, who wasn't just loitering without reason would be more likely to be helpful, less likely to be a psychopath. (Police, of course, are probably the best option, but they're not usually standing around in places we frequent.)

I don't think "Look for a store worker" is bad advice, but nothing is going to be 100% good. Perhaps "Look for a WOMAN store worker" is better advice. I have read numerous things about how more men are on both ends of the spectrum: More men are geniuses, more men are mentally ill and unable to make it in the world. Women are more likely to be average -- and an average person would help a child.

 

[NY Disney fan]

This case teaches an important lesson. Many children and parents think that children are older and more mature than they actually are. The parents walked the route with the boy a few times before. The boy knew the way, the parents believed he did. The boy got lost doing it by himself. This story just kills me. If I was the mother of this child they would have to sedate me.

 

[joviroxx]

I can't even begin to imagine what that family must be going through. How do you recover? That poor child, how terrified he must have been.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I can't even begin to imagine what that family must be going through. How do you recover? That poor child, how terrified he must have been.

At the funeral the boy's father thanked God for giving him 8 years with the boy. Wow. That is just amazing.

 

[Terry36]

My heart is hurting for this poor family and that sweet child.

This guy actually had the kid wait on the corner while he went to pay a dentist bill and USED HIS CREDIT CARD How do people like this manage to function in society and go undetected for so long?

I agree. It's mindblowing....

This case teaches an important lesson. Many children and parents think that children are older and more mature than they actually are. The parents walked the route with the boy a few times before. The boy knew the way, the parents believed he did. The boy got lost doing it by himself. This story just kills me. If I was the mother of this child they would have to sedate me.

Me as well.

 

[Imzadi]

I don't think I have ever heard of that... I usually told my kids to ask police/store workers etc. You can be sure my 9 year old will be told this today!
There is nothing to stop a predator from seeing a child look lost or worried and approaching them... i did not see any of the video of this poor child meeting the murderer.
( this is no judgement on this family.... you can prepare all you want and still have the misfortune to have an animal like this enter your life.....)

The password is a good idea. I know the men on the boards will jump all over me, but I agree, ask a woman for help.

This isn't about a debate with the men here. I hope they are mature enough to get past their ego issues. This is a LIFE OR DEATH ISSUE. The LEADING security expert in the country, Gavin de Becker, a male himself, says the odds and statistics of a woman being a pedophile or predator (working alone) are infinitesimally small compared to that of running into a man who is one. Those are FBI facts. This situation alone PROVED it. He didn't seek out the boy, the boy stopped HIM.

How many cases do you know of where a woman, acting alone, not as part of a couple with a male pedophile as her mate, has committed famous molestation/rape murders of children?

In the case of Adam Walsh, his murderer (male) was believed to have been driving around, cruising the shopping mall, when Adam was put outside. Predators LOOK for opportunity. That is taken away when the child asks a woman for help instead.

Megan's law came about because a MALE pedophile was living in her neighborhood. She accidentally knocked on his door. Again, opportunity presented itself.

Almost all serial killers are male. (Exception: Carolyn Warmus.)

Pretty much, the famous women who murdered children, murdered their own: Casey Anthony, Susan Smith, and Andrea Yates, who drowned her five kids. They didn't go around killing other people's children.

Gavin was on Oprah several times talking about this issue. He says the reason you don't tell them to find a cop or man in uniform is BECAUSE pedophiles will dress up as one and approach a child. Like you told your kids, (not blaming,) children have been told to trust men/cops/security guards in uniforms. The predators are one step ahead.

On one of the shows, they showed a mock scenario where a child pretends he lost his mom in the middle of the shopping mall. Once another mom got whiff of the situation, hearing the kid call out for Mom, she headed over to the child, just as the suspicious looking male predator (planted there for the video scenario,) got to the kid first and was about to take him away "to help him look for his mother."

As soon as that mom heard what the mock predator said, it was like a maternal alarm went off - not only in her, but about two other mothers, who weren't even paying attention, dealing with their own kids, until that maternal alarm went off in them. It was amazing. They heard that mother telling the predator to leave the kid alone, she'd help him.

But, he insisted they were fine and was about to walk off with him. The mother grabbed the kid by the arm & put the child behind her. Then the other mothers gathered around, including a couple more. They almost ganged up on the predator until he left!


They showed another scenario where the "lost" kid when up to a mother, who already had her hands full, pushing a stroller, another kid in tow, loaded with a few shopping bags, and hurrying through the mall. As soon as he told her he couldn't find his mom, she stopped dead in her tracks, looked around for his mom, pulled him closer, asked where he saw her last, and she wheeled around to go back in the direction he pointed, talking and soothing him the whole while.

I've also witnessed myself (a couple of times) when a kid gets lost and a woman comes over to help. Usually another woman, a stranger to her, goes over to watch her, to make sure the first woman really IS helping the kid find his mom. (I'm standing by watching the two of them. ) The mother shows up & is embarrassed (but relieved) to find TWO moms with her kid.

This is what our maternal instinct does. It takes a village to watch over a kid. And when we know one is in trouble, for the most part, women help out.


BTW, I also was NOT blaming the boy's parents. It's a shame they didn't know to tell him to look for a woman. This is a friendly warning to help you all.

 

[java]

At the funeral the boy's father thanked God for giving him 8 years with the boy. Wow. That is just amazing.

He doesn't know the details of how he died. He doesn't want to know. What he said is just beautiful.

 

[3smithboys]

This story just breaks my heart. I can't even imagine what that poor child went through.... and what his parents are going through. I am going to talk to my three boys tonight again about what to do if they are ever lost or approached by a stranger. My twins are 8. I agree that what the father said was beautiful...

 

[snapppyd]

Ugh, it's on the 12:00 news

 

[FergieTCat]

This is heartbreaking. At least his family has strong faith in their religion. I don't think I could deal with it.

 

[LukenDC]

I'm one man who will not bash posters for telling their children to approach a woman for help. I can understand and appreciate risk reduction.

My next comment is not directed at anyone on the DIS or anything that has been written in this thread. What I resent is the implication that all men are suspect or all men are potential predators. That is unfair and not a healthy message for boys to hear. When I was a kid in school, I hated attending presentations on sexual abuse because it seemed like a mandatory session of male bashing.

 

[Angelhalo]

I always have told my children to find a mom with children. Good advice.

Good point. I used to teach a program called Escape School where I taught children how to escape from abduction situations and I adamantly do NOT believe in "Stranger Danger". When you need help a stranger can be someone who can help you immensely! What we need to teach the children is how to attempt to discern a good stranger from a bad stranger. Choosing a mother with children is a great example. Does it mean it will always 100% be a good choice? No. But it increases the odds that you are making a good choice.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

sooo terrible.

 

[Missy1961]

This story just breaks my heart. There are no words.

 

[Aisling]

When my kids were small, i taught them to always find a lady to help them if they got lost or needed help if they ever were separated from us. It's hard for men to hear that, because I know the vast majority of men are decent, but asking a woman for help lessens the chances of danger.

One thing that makes this sadder is that the guy who did this was also an Orthodox Jew and wore a yarmulke. That poor boy may have felt a sense of safety asking "one of his own" considering how close-knit that community is. I don't know if that thought crossed his mind, but it makes it sadder if it did.

Another thing, the boy's parents must have been extra protective by Orthodox Jewish standards around here. I see very young Jewish children all the time walking here and there by themselves, crossing streets earlier than the non-Jewish kids. Again, I think it's because of the sense that the Jewish neighborhoods are safe and the people trust each other, even other Jews who are strangers.

What kills me is that this was the FIRST time the mom let him walk alone. I heard he had been asking her because other boys at his daycamp made fun of him for being picked up every day, so she finally said ok. My heart breaks for her.

 

[snapppyd]

When my kids were small, i taught them to always find a lady to help them if they got lost or needed help if they ever were separated from us. It's hard for men to hear that, because I know the vast majority of men are decent, but asking a woman for help lessens the chances of danger.

One thing that makes this sadder is that the guy who did this was also an Orthodox Jew and wore a yarmulke. That poor boy may have felt a sense of safety asking "one of his own" considering how close-knit that community is. I don't know if that thought crossed his mind, but it makes it sadder if it did.

Another thing, the boy's parents must have been extra protective by Orthodox Jewish standards around here. I see very young Jewish children all the time walking here and there by themselves, crossing streets earlier than the non-Jewish kids. Again, I think it's because of the sense that the Jewish neighborhoods are safe and the people trust each other, even other Jews who are strangers.

What kills me is that this was the FIRST time the mom let him walk alone. I heard he had been asking her because other boys at his daycamp made fun of him for being picked up every day, so she finally said ok. My heart breaks for her.

Does anyone remember the Etan Patz case? The same thing - the first time she let him go to the school bus alone he was taken. I can't begin to imagine how a parent can move forward after something like this.