MSNBC Article: "On Marriage: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"

[WriteDisney]

I just read this very depressing article about marriage and I wanted to see what the DIS' opinions are on the subject...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178/ns/today_relationships/page/2/

In any case, here’s my final piece of advice: avoid marriage — or you too may suffer the emotional pain, the humiliation, and the logistical difficulty, not to mention the expense, of breaking up a long-term union at midlife for something as demonstrably fleeting as love.

Do you agree or disagree? Do you think people can marry for life? Is marriage becoming obsolete?

 

[Geoff_M]

Do you think people can marry for life?

Yes... I've seen too many positive examples to say "no".

If you want to take the depressing social commentary one step further, check out this recent NPR story on the latest trend in human relations: Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Yes. I'm 12 years in, and I have every intention of keeping my marriage strong and healthy for at least the next 50 years!

My parents have been married 45 years, and my DH's parents have been married 48 years. Although many marriages do fail, there are lots of marriages truly do last "until death do you part".

 

[NY Disney fan]

I would like to preface my answer by stating that: I have many left-wing ideas, I am divorced, I vote Democrat most of the time, I am NOT a christian nor am I particularly religious.


I believe people can and should be married for life (unless there is emotional or physical abuse or some other circumstance that is unlivable). Marriage is there to keep families together and for families to build societies. This might sound hokey to some but I believe having a spiritual/Godly foundation in your marriage will keep you from breaking up.

 

[Arielle22]

I have been married almost 24 yrs. 6 of my 7 siblings are married from 26-6 yrs. There have only been 2 divorces in the group. One sister had a short first marriage and one sister in law had a first marriage.

I believe marriages can last. The 50% of marriage failure rate is quoted a lot. Of course on the other side it means 50% of marriages last.

To me, the article reads that a woman who has cheated on her spouse is trying to make herself feel better by saying it wasn't her fault the marriage failed but the idea of marriage itself that is wrong.

I got a laugh out of her saying children should live together with a group of women raising them. Who wants another woman telling you how to raise your children? If you need that, you can ask your parenting questions on the Dis.

 

[Disneyland1084]

My grandparents were married over 50 years. So yes, I believe marraiges can last.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

My grandparents were married for life, my parents have been married for almost 40 years, and I have two sets of aunt/uncles that have been married for just as long.

Maybe we're old fashioned, but both my boyfriend and I believe (For religious reasons) that a marriage is for life. We are going to be going through a discernment process to make sure we truly are ready. I know nobody plans on a divorce, but we will do everything in our power to commit to a lifelong relationship.

 

[HM]

I've been married for over 20 years. I totally think it's possible and desirable. My extended family has had a really good record with all my parents siblings with marriages of 45 years and more still going strong.

I can't even imagine getting myself into the situation where I could have contact with others outside my marriage that would lead to intimacy (either emotional or sexual).

 

[Disney Doll]

Yes, I think if the 2 people in the marriage are committed to having it last, it will. And I belive it about both gay and heterosexual marriages. The secrety to marriage is a commitment to make it work. Terrible circumstances (ie-abuse) aside, many marriages fail because the people "grow apart". It takes work to "grow together", but it is well worth it.

This comes from a woman whose parents have been married 56 years and whose late in-laws were married 40+ years before their deaths in 2001.

Truthfully, I think a lot of the "time-honored" traditions of the past are being thrown by the wayside in the name of "progress" and I think we will live to regret it.

 

[pisco]

I just read this very depressing article about marriage and I wanted to see what the DIS' opinions are on the subject...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178/ns/today_relationships/page/2/



Do you agree or disagree? Do you think people can marry for life? Is marriage becoming obsolete?

I think for the chronically self-involved (as the author and her friends all seemed to be) nothing will ever be good enough. For the rest of us who have a more realistic view of life I think marriage can work for life. It is ultimately a matter of having two people committed to that idea first. If you have that then you should be able to come out of the other side of anything that life throws at you together.

That article struck me as nothing more than a very long winded self defense for the authors destruction of her marriage and a rationalization for her selfishness.

 

[Singleminnie]

Although I am in the process of a divorce, I still feel marriages can last! My parents and grandparents are proof of that. I guess they made better choices than I did, but I will think twice before marrying again, now I have three girls to think about! BTW I have been married almost 15 years.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes I think some marriages can be for life but not all. I also don't believe people should stay married to eachother its truly not want they want. I believe that although couples go into marriage and expect to be married for life, things happen to change that and some marriages just aren't meant to be.

 

[Kim&Chris]

I believe marriages can last, as long as both parties are committed to each other completely.

Both my parents & DH"s parents have been married for 40+ years.

I've also seen the opposite, where they barely last a year or two. In those cases, I believe both parties knew from the start that they were making a mistake.

So, it comes down to the people themselves. I don't usually pay attention to statistics

 

[Kim&Chris]

Truthfully, I think a lot of the "time-honored" traditions of the past are being thrown by the wayside in the name of "progress" and I think we will live to regret it.

I agree

 

[ead79]

I couldn't disagree more with that article. I absolutely believe that marriage is still relevant today.

I do agree with the author that it takes work. Notably missing from the article in my opinion are examples of what she did to work on her marriage before her divorce. She mocks the idea of a date night and says she was too busy for that; the point of a date night is to carve out time to make your marriage a priority--no one said that would be easy. She also mentioned that her kids were involved in tons of activities and her focus was on them. I believe that is a key to one of the issues in her marriage right there--I believe your spouse should be your first priority. It's not always a popular viewpoint in today's society, but I believe children benefit from seeing their parents work toward having a good marriage.

I think as a society these days, we don't want to stick with marriage as soon as we are no longer happy. Sometimes happiness takes work, and sometimes everyone goes through difficult periods. I think we as a society have not put enough focus on the commitment portion of the marriage vows and instead focus too much on "happily ever after." My husband makes me wonderfully happy most of the time, but that takes work. Sometimes you have to rely on the bedrock foundation of commitment rather than on emotions that can be fleeting.

 

[Camicar]

Can marriages last for life? Sure.

Should they? Whole 'nother question whose answer depends upon the value of the individual relationship.

I see no value in maintaining a relationship just for the sake of maintaining it. For example, my maternal grandparents had a loving and enjoyable relationhip up to the end. Therefore, their lifelong marriage was a good thing. My paternal grandparents loathed each other and therefore, their lifelong marriage was an exercise in sadomasochism cloaked in 'good' Catholicism.

I'd also say that many of us have entered into our marriage intending that it last a lifetime, but sometimes our partners change in ways that do not make that hope a reality.

 

[Pigeon]

This might sound hokey to some but I believe having a spiritual/Godly foundation in your marriage will keep you from breaking up.

The statistics don't really support that. According to the Barna Group, which researches many facets of religious experience, atheists and agnostics have a lower, but statistically indistinguishable difference in divorce rates than most Christian groups.

Sure, marriages can last a lifetime. I'm an agnostic who has been married 28 years last week. We decided to go for 29. Dh and I both have very large families and only one divorce in the whole bunch. My ILs have been married 63 years.

I agree with a pp that people do have different expectations, and some who are not having their every wish fulfilled 24/7 may bail out on marriage. If you've got kids, I think you have an obligation to try very hard to make it work.

But I also think that the very low divorce rates of generations ago were not necessarily a good thing. People in general, and women in particular, used to be trapped in abusive, destructive, miserable relationships and I don't think that's anything to celebrate, either.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I agree with you that low divorce rates generations ago were more a sign of women not being able to just leave and go out and get a job. Wives were kind of trapped and they put up with a lot of abuse. The children that came from marriages like these vowed they wouldn't put up with this. That is why I believe the divorce rate has increased over the decades.

 

[pearlieq]

All other arguments aside, I think marriage is still relevant as a practical relationship.

Marriage is a legal and financial practicality. It would take many complicated and legally challengable documents to replace what my marriage certificate does. I know my spouse can make medical decisions for me, acquire health benefits for me, share privliged information with me, can seamlessly inherit and distribute my property, etc. It's very useful and one of the reasons I'm very pro-gay marriage. It simplifies many challenging issues.

Also, humans are social creatures and work best (in my opinion) in cooperation. There's no way DH and I could have the life we have today without each other. I was there for him when he was broke and vulnerable. He's there for me now as we struggle with my mom's fading health. Neither of us would have been able to survive as well on our own, and marriage codifies the pact we made to help each other out.

There are plenty of other valid emotional and spiritual arguments, but the idea of marriage as a streamlined power of attorney and mutual assistance agreement are enough for me to keep it relevant as a human institution.

 

[joviroxx]

I believe Marriage can and should be relevant. Unfortunately, I think marraige is just becoming another victim of the "me"mentality and doing what feels good for the moment.

We've become a society of hit and run. We do things to make ourselves feel better and people make life changing decisions on a whim without carefully considering consequences. Decisions about having children , overspending, buying homes to marriage have become about ME and what I want (since its my life and its nobody else's business and all) and we, as a general society, have stopped paying attention to how personal decisions affect us all in the long run . We've become a society where we don't really suffer consequences because there is always a "reason" why its not our fault , things aren't fair and nobody should "suffer". We've lost personal responsibility and a hard work ethic and marriage just seems to be another victim of this.

So, people try and redefine marriage to fit into our own little world. But marriage to me is a serious thing, it creates family which is the basis to so much success and failure and I wish it would be seriously. If you marry rashly, its not marriage that failed.

but, hey, thats just my opinion LOL!