Mood swings and 11 year old girls.

[castleview]

Normal…or am I a bad parent?

DD11 has been in that lovely pre-hormonal phase for a while now. But lately she's been saying that sometimes she'll just get sad for no reason at all and has to fight from crying. I've told her that can happen at her age - she's also sensitive and compassionate, so she may be more susceptible to it - and that she should try and think positive when she's going through those emotions. Am I missing something here or is this typical? It's not effecting her school work or friendships. She hasn't been that dramatic either. But she is wondering why it happens.

 

[freddog]

Normal…or am I a bad parent?

DD11 has been in that lovely pre-hormonal phase for a while now. But lately she's been saying that sometimes she'll just get sad for no reason at all and has to fight from crying. I've told her that can happen at her age - she's also sensitive and compassionate, so she may be more susceptible to it - and that she should try and think positive when she's going through those emotions. Am I missing something here or is this typical? It's not effecting her school work or friendships. She hasn't been that dramatic either. But she is wondering why it happens.

Wow, I could've written that about my almost 11 yo daughter. Her doctor feels it's likely hormonal, but since she has a family history of depression and the fact we've been going through a tough time, her doctor set up an appointment with a counsellor to make sure it's nothing more.

 

[Magpie]

My daughter is 14 and she still get "the blues" sometimes. It started when she was about 11.

If your daughter isn't showing any other signs of severe distress (grades dropping, social isolation, unable to get up in the morning, problems sleeping, changes in appetite, bouts of uncontrollable weeping, etc...), then just give her a hug and tell her it's hormones.

My daughter is now able to come home and say, "I'm feeling sad today, Mom. I know there's no reason for it, so I'm just going to curl up with a good book this evening. Let me know when it's time for dinner."

But it was rough for awhile when she was younger. I had to sit her down a few times and ask her, "Look, is there a REASON you're sad? Because if there's no reason, then it's probably just your hormones messing with your brain chemistry. Take a deep breath and just go with the flow."

Chocolate helps! So does a warm cup of tea. A hug. Playing with a pet. Exercise, sunshine, good food and lots of sleep!

 

[punkin]

My mother used to tell me "it's your foolish childhood bidding you farewell". I say the same thing to my 11 yo. Really, I think it's completely normal.

 

[mjkacmom]

Super normal - dd14 is MUCH easier now.

 

[castleview]

My mother used to tell me "it's your foolish childhood bidding you farewell". I say the same thing to my 11 yo. Really, I think it's completely normal.

Love this answer. Thanks for the replies everyone. I just spoke with a neighbor whose daughter is a year older than mine. She was pretty casual and said "Yeah, mine went through that last year. Now she's just a *****"

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds pretty normal from what I've observed.

 

[BelleRocks]

Another mom of a DD11 here....sounds like our everyday life.

I'm just teaching her to deal with it as best she can, do what makes her feel better, as long as she doesn't take it out on others in the family. Mixed success so far!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I have an 11 year old girl and a 12 year old boy and I have made it a point to talk to both of them about the realities of depression at their age. I do think it is normal, but that doesn't mean I think it's ok to make light of it, in fact I take it very seriously. Both of my kids are already knee deep in puberty and the swirling hormones and social demands of their ages can do some serious damage to their moods. BOTH of my kids have told me at one time or another that they think they are ugly, which breaks my heart but which I also think is normal so I told them so. I never knew a kid at that age who thought they were good looking, all of them have noses and ears growing out of sync with the rest of their faces, curves coming and hair popping up not to mention surges in testosterone in boys and PMS for girls. It's all new and all of them are going through it so there isn't a hint of sanity among their friends which makes everything even worse.

I don't think there is a solution to making it better for either of them, just the hope that understanding what is happening might help them to keep their feelings in perspective.

 

[starrzone]

Wow, I could've written that about my almost 11 yo daughter. Her doctor feels it's likely hormonal, but since she has a family history of depression and the fact we've been going through a tough time, her doctor set up an appointment with a counsellor to make sure it's nothing more.

I have an 11 year old girl and a 12 year old boy and I have made it a point to talk to both of them about the realities of depression at their age. I do think it is normal, but that doesn't mean I think it's ok to make light of it, in fact I take it very seriously.

Thank you both for recognizing the signs of depression in your kids. I started puberty at about 11, but the getting sad for no reason at all and crying didn't go away. I learned 3 years ago that several family members suffer from depression, and that I have it too. My father said he saw changes in me way back, but thought that I was "just antisocial"...please, PLEASE, if you see any behavior in your preteen that seems outside of normal "teen stuff", take them to see someone. I know that if my parents had done something 17 years ago, I wouldn’t have had all the problems I did for almost 2 decades.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

In an adolescent psych class many, many years ago, a professor said something to me that stuck and has become a watchword in my family.

If a grown woman had the hormones coursing through her body that a girl going through adolescence has in her body, she could commit murder and get off for insanity.

You would not believe how much better that has made several girls in my family feel, as it's said with a hug and obvious pride in how well they're handling the hard part of growing up, along with a follow up that if things get too bad, we're not adverse to going to counselors in our family or taking medicines that help out, because needing that is is like needing a dentist when your permanant teeth start coming in.

 

[Geoff_M]

A 5th Grade teacher we know said that the girls are her biggest challenge in the classroom "because Santa brings hormones for Christmas!" She says that each year her classroom goes through twice as much Kleenex in the 2nd half of the school year than the first.

 

[disneygals]

My mother used to tell me "it's your foolish childhood bidding you farewell". I say the same thing to my 11 yo. Really, I think it's completely normal.

I love this! (mom to 3 teen girls!)