Money for Report Cards

[3"Mouse"keteers]

We always taught our DD that school was her "job". Adults get rewarded at their jobs so I feel kids should too. I do not see it as bribery rather as a reward for achievement. (it doesn't have to be money could be night out with mom or dad etc) When students hit senior year they begin to see that colleges also "reward" good grades-with scholarships! My DD is now in college and earning straight A's and has received many scholarships so she is still being rewarded for good grades, just not from her parents.

I totally agree! I was paid for good grades and continued to make them throughout highschool and earned several scholarships to college! Colleges don't hand out scholarships to people who make C's just because the person "tried as hard as they could". I would not go to my job if I was not paid, so by paying your child for good grades, it is preparing them for the real world.If I do not excel at my job (equivalent to making A's), then my boss will not keep me around just because I'm "trying my best".

I saved all of my money, so by the time I graduated, I had a decent sized savings account from being rewarded with money.

 

[dbmarie]

Why is the teacher giving an opinion on this parenting issue?

We are very involved parents and we do go to the school, help with homework, email the teacher and we drive her twice a week to a language to literacy program outside of school. I talk to her teacher almost daily about different stratgies to help our dd in school. Her teacher said, "I told the students that if they are trying their very best, then I will be happy and their parents should be happy, too." in response to our dd telling her teacher that we pay for S's (or A's).

 

[sndfan]

The only advice I think I would have here is that we try and show the kids how important school is-I can talk at them all day and it won't make much of a dent but the fact that we sit down with a snack and their books as soon as we get home and work on their homework together, and I check their school agendas daily, sign stuff that has to do with school, and they can see that I make it a priority, so they tend to, as well.

They also see me coming into school when I'm not working to each lunch with them and occasionally chat with their teachers. They also know the teachers and I email back and forth. I also check the teachers' websites to make sure the kids don't forget upcoming tests/reports/weird stuff.

We also go over all the homework/tests they get back to see if they felt that there were parts of the work they didn't feel strong with and wanted to talk about with us.

We also talk about the future, going to college, what sort of things they'd like to study, what middle school might be like. We talk about education in the sense that it creates opportunities to do what you want in life. The harder you work, the more opportunities you create for yourself.

My 4th grader wants to be a geneticist right now (wants to create chicken sized dragons), so one of the summer camps I signed her up for is a biological science camp.

My third grader wants to be a roller coaster engineer, so she's taking a rocket scientist camp.

Don't worry, I also signed them up for Rock Star camp.

But what I'm trying to say is, we as parents make their school a really big deal, so they think school is a really big deal.

Is it insanely time consuming? Yeah, and I remark to my husband sometimes that I feel like I'm back in school all over again (when was the last time you had to divide with decimals? Yep, that's what the 4th grader's working on now, oh joy.)

So, it's one option that works for us...

You hit the nail on the head! I show my DS that school is a priority, and I show him with actions, not just words. Things come very easily to my son, and he doesn't really need to study, but we do...I'm teaching him study skills that will come in handy down the road when he hits a subject that he really does need to study for!

 

[SLK1]

As a non-paying parent, and totally playing Devil's Advocate here, so what happens when there is no money attached to a certain task? Does your child then not put forth the effort to do a job well done, because no money is being used as a motivator? Some things just HAVE to be done "because I said so". I do not pay my older two children to watch their baby sister (unless I'm out having fun and it's not completely necessary) because they are part of this family and they need to help out and pull their weight. I also don't pay them to put away laundry or set the table or whatever. It is expected, as is good effort at school (again, total difference between a job well done and an "A"). I certainly don't get paid as a SAHM, but I do my job well because that is my job. When Daddy loses his job and there is no money to be given out (hopefully of course that doesn't happen, but you get the idea), then do the kids grades automatically tank because they're not being paid?

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I didn't read everyone else's response, but we don't reward the kids for good grades. We expect them to do their best, but that doesn't always mean A's either. As long as they are trying and putting forth the effort that is fine. We might celebrate with a nice dinner out or something, but that is not to be expected either, just at our discretion. Now the grandparents have on occasion given money or gifts for a good report card, but its not continual and merely on their whim more than anything.

 

[badblackpug]

We are very involved parents and we do go to the school, help with homework, email the teacher and we drive her twice a week to a language to literacy program outside of school. I talk to her teacher almost daily about different stratgies to help our dd in school. Her teacher said, "I told the students that if they are trying their very best, then I will be happy and their parents should be happy, too." in response to our dd telling her teacher that we pay for S's (or A's).

...I don't think the teacher is being overly intrusive. If that is her theory, fine, and it is correct. A child should be rewarded for doing their best. "Best" is a very subjective thing, though. Some children can make "a's" with little to no effort, some children struggle to earn a "c." What you are saying is that your child is capable of an "A," but needs motivation to do the work required to earn it. As a previous poster said, some children are just more self motivated than others. I have one child that has no self motivation. She has been tested, she is capable of the work, she is lazy. I have one who is motivated by the grades and praise alone, and will work hard to get those grades and praise, and a 3rd, to whom it just all comes very easily, and he does not have to put forth much effort to get that "A." Each are motivated by different things. (or if need be, the loss of different things) We try to use those thins (or the loss thereof) to "motivate" the type of behaviors we want to see. For instance, the older 2 love clothes, the promise of a new outfit works miracles. The 3rd loves TV and video games. We use them to our advantage. It is just matter of finding out what motivates your child and using it to your advantage. e also don't hesitate to take away things if we do not like the behavior we are seeing.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

As a non-paying parent, and totally playing Devil's Advocate here, so what happens when there is no money attached to a certain task? Does your child then not put forth the effort to do a job well done, because no money is being used as a motivator? Some things just HAVE to be done "because I said so". I do not pay my older two children to watch their baby sister (unless I'm out having fun and it's not completely necessary) because they are part of this family and they need to help out and pull their weight. I also don't pay them to put away laundry or set the table or whatever. It is expected, as is good effort at school (again, total difference between a job well done and an "A"). I certainly don't get paid as a SAHM, but I do my job well because that is my job. When Daddy loses his job and there is no money to be given out (hopefully of course that doesn't happen, but you get the idea), then do the kids grades automatically tank because they're not being paid?

I can answer some of your questions.

Not all things in our childrens' lives are money-motivated. Good behavior is not money motivated. In this house it's you behave or you lose privileges, it's expected. We don't pay them to be nice to other people. We don't pay them to give Grandma a kiss. What is motivated by money are areas of life where *not* being motivated by money can be harmful.

We have a chore jar, with sticks with certain dollar values on them. They can either volunteer to do chores or I can ask them. About 50% of the time when I ask them to empty the dishwasher they don't remember to put the sticks in afterwards, and that's ok, it's no biggie for them, no biggie for me (low sunk cost, as economists put it). They know that doing chores is part of keeping the house going, and while they may grump, it's pretty good natured and they do it.

Until 2 years ago I was also a SAHM (I have mommy hours now), and I didn't get a check at the end of every other week, but I definitely have access to and use of any money my DH brings home, because without me being the "Chief Operating Officer of the X Family", as we call it, he couldn't do his job, either. So both he and I see his paycheck as our paycheck, even if my name's not on it. How well he does is directly tied to how well I support him as a wife, it behooves me to make sure he can do the best job he can.

Which leads to if he lost his job, we'd still pay the kids 10 dollars per A. I can't imagine us in an economic situation bad enough where I would change that. I'd eat ramen noodle soup for a week if that was required for them to get their money. What would change is that I would discuss with them the need for emergency funds and savings, and hope that they would make the choice to save a higher amount than normal based on the family situation. Again, it would be a good teaching opportunity.

 

[dbmarie]

I have one child that has no self motivation.

Exactly our problem she has no motivation. What have you done to motivate your child? We don't feel our dd's teacher is being intrusive so much as just telling us to accept the below grade level work our dd has been doing. I am not saying in anyway that's she is a bad teacher or wrong, I just don't know that accepting bad grades is a good idea for our dd.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

...I don't think the teacher is being overly intrusive. If that is her theory, fine, and it is correct. A child should be rewarded for doing their best. "Best" is a very subjective thing, though. Some children can make "a's" with little to no effort, some children struggle to earn a "c." What you are saying is that your child is capable of an "A," but needs motivation to do the work required to earn it. As a previous poster said, some children are just more self motivated than others. I have one child that has no self motivation. She has been tested, she is capable of the work, she is lazy. I have one who is motivated by the grades and praise alone, and will work hard to get those grades and praise, and a 3rd, to whom it just all comes very easily, and he does not have to put forth much effort to get that "A." Each are motivated by different things. (or if need be, the loss of different things) We try to use those thins (or the loss thereof) to "motivate" the type of behaviors we want to see. For instance, the older 2 love clothes, the promise of a new outfit works miracles. The 3rd loves TV and video games. We use them to our advantage. It is just matter of finding out what motivates your child and using it to your advantage. e also don't hesitate to take away things if we do not like the behavior we are seeing.

Wow.

 

[dbmarie]

As a non-paying parent, and totally playing Devil's Advocate here, so what happens when there is no money attached to a certain task? Does your child then not put forth the effort to do a job well done, because no money is being used as a motivator? Some things just HAVE to be done "because I said so".

There are of course rules that you make as a parent that are "because I said so" I don't think that works for testing or school performance. I can't be there all day telling her that she must finish this test or write the correct answers down. I wish it was that easy.

 

[badblackpug]

Wow.

"Wow" all you want. She is lazy. Period. This is the child that is more than happy to do the bare minimum, just to get by. ...and by the way, I don't need your judgment, when you become the perfect parent, you can judge. I, for one, will admit neither I, nor my children are perfect.

...OP, what we do to motivate is similar to what you do, only we do add some punishments in, too.

We "reward" good grades, and good behavior. Usually with "stuff" because that's what motivates her. She likes clothes, jewelry, shoes. We reward behavior with things like that. I might surprise her with the jeans she "reeeallly" wants if she gets a good grade on a project, or I see that she has put a lot of effort into doing a really good job at something a school. I try to do it on a spontaneous basis, though, not necessarily a "if you do X, I will buy you Y" situation, although I have, and will use that. "If you get all "a's" and "B's" on your report card I will let you do X." Or if she asks for something I may use that as a motivator such as if she asks for an expensive pair of shoes I will say "whether or not you get them depends on your grades." I will also take away privileges and things depending on her behavior. I will take away computers, phones, ipods, video games, privileges to go out for incomplete or late work, and anything below a "C" is automatic restriction for the grading period. (no TV, radio, phone, computer for schoolwork only, and no extracurricular activities)

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Not judging your parenting.

I am judging your choice of words.

Words are *incredibly* powerful.

I think you could have made a better choice of words, therefore perhaps looking at your child in a different light.

I just don't know what good can come of pegging a child as "lazy".

And hooo, boy, I am so not perfect. I'll freely admit that I mess up with my daughters on a fairly regular basis. They'll tell you that too .

But first you gotta KNOW when you're messing up, otherwise how will you ever get better?

And if you were my friend, and you were sitting next to me, and you called your kid lazy, I'd say hey, friend, you know, there are better words to use that aren't so limiting or defining, like "a child that hasn't found her passion yet."

You can ask my best friend, we check each other all the time-we've both had some good parenting "saves" thanks to each other...

 

[badblackpug]

Not judging your parenting.

I am judging your choice of words.

Words are *incredibly* powerful.

I think you could have made a better choice of words, therefore perhaps looking at your child in a different light.

I just don't know what good can come of pegging a child as "lazy".

And hooo, boy, I am so not perfect. I'll freely admit that I mess up with my daughters on a fairly regular basis. They'll tell you that too .

But first you gotta KNOW when you're messing up, otherwise how will you ever get better?

And if you were my friend, and you were sitting next to me, and you called your kid lazy, I'd say hey, friend, you know, there are better words to use that aren't so limiting or defining, like "a child that hasn't found her passion yet."

You can ask my best friend, we check each other all the time-we've both had some good parenting "saves" thanks to each other...

I am not talking to my child, I am posting on a message board. You can use whatever euphemisms or politically correct terms the school provides "not working up to potential" "lacks motivation" "lacks drive" "needs to review priorities" but we all know what they mean. So I am calling it like I see it. Some children, (and adults, for that matter) for whatever reasons, are just not the hard workers that others are. It sounds as if the OP's child and mine are very similar (although mine is much older) they require a bit of "motivation" (or we can call it bribery) to do more than the minimal requirements. ...and with my child it only goes for the things she does not enjoy, if it is something she is interested in or enjoys doing she will include minute detail. ...but if she finds it "boring"....forget about it!

 

[Aristomommy]

As a non-paying parent, and totally playing Devil's Advocate here, so what happens when there is no money attached to a certain task? Does your child then not put forth the effort to do a job well done, because no money is being used as a motivator? Some things just HAVE to be done "because I said so". I do not pay my older two children to watch their baby sister (unless I'm out having fun and it's not completely necessary) because they are part of this family and they need to help out and pull their weight. I also don't pay them to put away laundry or set the table or whatever. It is expected, as is good effort at school (again, total difference between a job well done and an "A"). I certainly don't get paid as a SAHM, but I do my job well because that is my job. When Daddy loses his job and there is no money to be given out (hopefully of course that doesn't happen, but you get the idea), then do the kids grades automatically tank because they're not being paid?

Since we are talking it theory, I can tell you what happened with us. When we have used a reward (money or otherwise) and then stopped the reward the good behavior has continued on its own. When DD needed some incentive in her organizational skills, we made a friendly bet on how long she could keep her school desk organized. When the bet was over, not only did she receive her reward, but also learned a valuable lesson that she can be organized when utilizing certain strategies. So now, she is more organized and never comes to me asking for a reward.

This quarter in school we have another challenge in school that involves money. I know that when she if finished, the good work will continue regardless of money. Sometimes kids need an extra incentive to go beyond what they have done before and there is nothing wrong with that.

As far as things like babysitting and chores, we have establish our own family rules. I don't pay for chores and she has to do them each week. Once she is old enough to babysit, she will get paid just as I pay neighbor down the street . Each family has their own rules and the OPs teacher should respect them.

 

[erincon23]

I don't think there's anything wrong with calling your child "lazy" to other adults, out of the child's hearing range, if that's what they are! I have one lazy child -- and not just in school work, and one who's not lazy, but just really more interested in his passions -- and yes, he's found his passion, and it's not schoolwork -- than in studying. Call it like it is! And yes, I've told that lazy child that I do consider him lazy not in anger, but in a discussion about finding some kind of motivation -- whether we like to do them or not, certain things have to get done, and not "calling the kettle black" and phrasing it in PC language will not inspire them to do better! Poor baby, you're not lazy, you just haven't figured it all out yet -- yeah right, at least by the time they're in middle school, they know how to do it and they know how to manipulate their way out of it. They had better learn to get over that laziness and just do it because that's what's required, whether you want to (mow the lawn, finish that report) or not. And I have a big streak of lazy in me as well, so I know where he gets it from (as I sit here at nearly 9 a.m. still in my pajamas, with tons to do to get ready for our trip to WDW on Friday ).

Paying for grades -- we expect our sons to make honor roll, and they get no incentive for that. But we reward high honor roll -- the younger has trimesters, so he would get $35 per trimester for making high honor, and the older has semesters, so he would get $50 for high honor. And due to their traits listed above, we have sadly not had to pay out on these offers to the children. They also have consequences when they don't make honor roll (if they weren't capable of it, we wouldn't require it, but they're both smart kids).

- Erin

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

This is from one of my favorite websites:

Manifesto for Children

Don't be afraid to fall in love with something and pursue it with intensity.

Know, understand, take pride in, practice, develop, exploit and enjoy your greatest strengths.

Learn to free yourself from the expectations of others and to walk away from the games they impose on you.

Free yourself to play your own game.

Find a great teacher or mentor who will help you.

Learn the skills of interdependence.

Don't waste energy trying to be well rounded.

Do what you love and can do well.

 

[SharkyGoddess]

I don't pay for good grades either. My kids have been honor students their entire school "life" so they know now, it is simply expected of them. They also know nothing below a B is acceptable. Chores, now those I negotiate a fee for. Simply because it's the things I despise doing

 

[jennifer293]

Our dd8 teacher sent us email about how we should reward our dd for doing her best and not for S's. I feel this isnt' encouraging her to do her best. I don't know if I'm wrong or not. What do you think?

Maybe you should send DD's teacher a note and ask if you can come and grade he/she on their performance and if you feel a good job is done you might give the reward of letting he/she continue to teach your child..

Or you could tell the teacher to mind their own business which is what I would do!!!!

 

[SLK1]

Put me down in the "I Got A Lazy Kid" column. My 13-year-old simply isn't interested in school. Period. She loves her friends, loves softball, loves shopping, loves her family and siblings, but doesn't want to put for the effort to do well in school. Just like I am lazy about cleaning bathrooms - I don't like it; therefore I avoid it and am "lazy" about it. Stop trying to sugarcoat everything when it comes to kids. They are resilient and can handle words. Now if you smacked her face while calling her lazy...hmmm, that might be a tad different!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Paying for grades is the easy way out. Rather than help a child develop intrinsic positive character traits, it teaches them to behave like dogs. Ring a bell, and get fed.

Like getting paid to do a job?

Please don't refer to other people's children as dogs, even in an analogy, it's not a positive character trait.