Well the big/final year has finally arrived for my DS16, he will be a senior this August
. I have so many mixed emotions; I'm sad to see my baby grow up but all so proud of the young man that he is becoming.
The problem I have is that he’s my oldest, my first to go into 12th grade and I'm not sure of how this whole senior thing works. I don't know the time frame for when to do stuff like senior pics, ring, announcements, college applications and so one. Plus to make it worse he has a horrible school counselor. I wish there was a book called Seniors for Dummies. Anyone else have a DS/DD going into 12th Grade that has any advice?
I'm the mother of a Junior, but I've been teaching Seniors for almost two decades, so I think I'm qualified to throw a little information your way. First, realize that things vary widely from place to place, so don't take anything you learn here to be gospel truth. At my school, you'd already have received information in the mail about senior pictures (which we do over the summer), but you wouldn't be "behind" on anything else. Be prepared to see lots of information come home through homeroom on the first day of school: yearbooks, cap & gowns, graduation details. Since you don't quite trust your counselor, be sure to attend your fall Open House. Figure out which of your son's teachers seems to be on top of things, and ask him/her what a first-time senior parent ought to know (believe me, people call me all the time to ask me things that aren't my job at all -- like when cap & gowns'll be on sale). Also, your school probably has a website with this information, and they're going to provide you with information along the way. We send home newsletters, and we do the automated phone calls home for allllllll these things. And anytime you have a question, call someone at school.
College . . . I'm separating this from senior milestone type things. Do you have a couple schools picked out? Have you visited? Has he taken the SAT? With school a little more than a month away, the answers to these questions should be yes, yes and yes. If not, you need to get the ball rolling on these things right away.
I tell my students they should apply to schools in three categories:
1) The dream school, the stretch school. If everything went right in your life, the stars aligned, and you could go anywhere . . . that's the school we're talking about. Even if you think you can't afford it, even if you think you might not be admited -- apply. For someone, it'll work out. It's worth the admission fee to see if that someone is you. Seniors are often funny about these dream schools. For example, over the last year, my daughter has developed a fascination with Clemson. She's never been there, doesn't really know anyone who went there, but she wants to go because of their football team and reputation for outstanding school spirit. Clemson's out of state for us, and this is probably not going to happen. I've told her that we'll take a trip down there (it's no farther for us than some of the NC schools), and she should absolutely apply . . . but she should understand that unless she were to get a huge scholarship, it just won't happen.
2) The realistic school. Apply to 2-3 schools in this category. These are schools that you're fairly sure you'll be admitted to, that you're confident you can afford, etc. Know that you'll probably be attending one of these, so put the bulk of your effort into these schools. Visit the top choices
more than once. I'm thinking about a student of mine whose first college visit was to a small school -- she came back saying, "This is IT", although her parents weren't convinced, and money was an issue . . . then she visited a couple more schools, and when she returned for a second visit to the "IT" school, it had lost its shine in her eyes. She ended up at a different school. Also, don't choose a school that's a financial stretch for you (well, anything's a stretch); I'm thinking about a student I just saw a couple weeks ago: He was at the high school picking up a trascript so he could transfer from a 30K/year private school to a more affordable state school; after a year of paying those bills, his parents became less "pie in the sky" and decided that they couldn't do it for three more years, especially since they had two younger children who'd also need to be educated. So be realistic up front; transferring isn't a bad thing, but it's a hassel and something better avoided. Don't apply to more than 2-3 in this category; applying to more means that you haven't really nailed down what you want, and you're not being selective enough. Plus there's the appilcation fee (though there's a free application fee week sometime in the fall -- that's worth looking into).
3) The safety net school. If everything in the world suddenly went wrong. If your house burned down, and you lost your job and could no longer provide the financial help you'd expected. If he found he was going to be a father. If he became sick. If you became sick, and he was needed as a caretaker. If NONE of the expected money came through. If
something happened so that the world was no longer his oyster . . . what could he do completely on his own to START his education? Community college? A nearby university that he hadn't really considered? Having taught almost two decaes, I've had several students who've encountered tragedies during their senior year -- sometimes of their own making, sometimes just fate -- and I've always had respect for those who, even if they had to scale back their plans, moved forward with their education rather than just saying, "Well, I'm screwed." You might not even put in an application for your back-up plan . . . but it's wise to have one in mind.
Finally, about colleges . . . get a calendar and an accordian folder just for college materials. I bought my daugther a cute one at Office Depot. It has places for brochures, phone contacts, comparisons between schools (she loves that thing and is motivated by it, so I actually went back and picked up a second one, which I put away for my younger daughter). This year while she's a junior, we plan to visit LOTS of school, and I plan to take pictures for her to add to that folder to jog her memory.
Write in the deadlines for EVERYTHING -- application dates and scholarship dates -- and do not trust anyone else to remind you about anything. Dates, etc. aren't hard to find, but they're very easy to allow to slip by.
One more thing: A mother of three graduates with whom I'm casual friends told me that she's used a paid college counselor for all three of her kids. She says that he was worth every penny because he helped them pick out the kind of school they really wanted, helped them with the application process, etc. I googled this and was surprised at how many services like this are available within an hour of my house. They offer bus-tours for kids to visit 3-4 colleges in a weekend, they offer seminars, and they offer private services. I don't think I'm personally going to pay for this service -- we have great high school counselors here, and because of my job I know more than the average parent about college admissions . . . but IF I were really feeling clueless, I might seek out such a service. Also -- let me say this nicely -- her kids are nice people but not top-notch students, so they might've needed the help more than my kid.
True story--the valedictorian of my daughter's high school this year only applied to three schools, Brown, another Ivy that I forget, and our state flagship school. Rejected at all but our state flagship. My daughter said she was having a meltdown in school because a) the Ivies rejected her, and b) she got NO merit money from the state school. The reason is she did not apply for it---she thought it was automatic. No one in the counseling dept. told her to apply for this money. Also, just from reading (my own daughter is a senior this year) I know that many perfectly good applicants have to be rejected from the Ivies every year. I think Brown rejected over 700 valedictorians in 2008. This girl bought into the "0h, you're really smart, you'll get in" mentality, and no one told the poor thing the real facts. Another problem is that so many kids are applying to MORE schools, in some cases over 20. Sometimes kids will apply to every single Ivy in hopes of getting into just one because it really is kind of a crap shoot. Other times it is to see who will give the best financial aid package.
Yeah, I've known those students! I've known some for whom it worked out: They've "suicided" by applying to only one school, and it's worked out . . . and I've seen really good students fall on their faces by making assumptions. On the other end of the spectrum, I've seen mediocre students (the ones who should've either worked a few years to gain a little more maturity, or the ones who should've started at community college) who were rejected from even the schools they thought were their "safeties".
Part of this really isn't the student's fault. They're told over and over: "You can be anything you want to be", and so some of them assume this means that a 2.0 GPA will get them into the state's flagship school's pre-law program. We give so many second-chances in high school that students
think life works the same way! We parents, of course, know differently.
I'm a little teeny obsessed with this stuff (as a matter of fact, I'm working my way towards getting a certificate in college career counseling). And Dd is only 13! She has no idea what's going to hit her!
I have gathered tons of info about the college app. process and am anxiously awaiting the time that I can use it professionally.
That's what I'm not looking forward to, I know I'll be crying like a big baby.
I have a DD that will be starting this crazy thing called Senior year shortly and I am hoping that we can all start a college freshmen thread soon. I think the other threads have offered so much support to the parents as they send their sons and daughters off to college.
