Moderator please close this thread.

[chris1gill]

I've read the posts Having a 16 year old I can tell you, given the opportunity he will eat me out of house and home and then go to the store to buy more! Now there's a cultural difference here so he may not feel comfortable saying he wants to go to the store to buy "X", make sure you ask him every once in a while if he wants to run to the store to buy anything you don't have in the house (of course he would pay for that). I see he was nervous about not paying at the grocery store when you went, if that's the case, I would come up with odd numbers, 22.00, 37.00, something that will appease the Aunt and make her think you just didn't randomly pick a number out of the air, afterall, you can't just get to 22.50 without thinking about what it really costs right? Well, you can, you just don't have to say

It sounds like he's been polite and helpful in the house, that's wonderful! Have you taken him on any excursions that might be of interest to someone coming from a different Country? Something unusual to him?

Good luck to you, the money part is odd, but I think you can work it out... and be sure to let him pick the foods he wants that are in addition to whatever you buy.... seriously those teens can eat you out of house and home

 

[pantherlj]

Sounds like she wants him to see what "the real world" is like. Maybe it would be a good idea to tell her to send $250 and whatever is left over, you'll send back with him.

Then, when he gets to your house, the first thing you do is taking him grocery shopping. Let him see how much the things he likes to eat cost. If he goes to the movies, wants to buy a book, etc, he can see how quickly the money goes.

Just a thought

Have fun with the visit!

 

[semo233]

To clarify every one assumptions and questions. My cousin is 17 and he already graduated high school. He has been with us for over a week now. He is amazing compare to most teenagers. He is respectful and he is helpful around the house. My aunt is not trying to pass on anything other than she can not achieve what she wants my cousin to know at home. She is divorce because they could not agree on the way to raise the children and while she likes discipline and chores that is not what her ex thinks. Her ex was very spoil growing up and that is the way he feels it should be. They spend half the time with mom and half the time with dad so it will not work for a long period. If my aunt says you have to do all your laundry dad will make sure his laundry is done by the maid before he is dropped off. My cousin does not work and have never work and probably will not work until he graduates college. My family feels that if they do well in school and they can afford it then there is no need to put more on their plate. He has volunteer to do things around the house and I leave him chores to get done while we are gone to class. Nothing crazy just his stuff and some help around the house. While he is here he will do his own laundry, clean his own bathroom, etc. He helps with the dogs and cats too. I also took him grocery shopping and when we go out to eat he always asks what is his part. At first we said nothing, but to make my aunt happy we started to ask him to leave the tip. My aunt has been clear to me that she wants to pay for his part. The money was given to him to budget for this month by his parents. So overall yes the money will be coming from the parents just not directly given or handle by it. We went grocery shopping last weekend and he asked how much he should give me. I said nothing and he said "my mom is going to get mad at me if you say nothing so I am going to tell her so she gets mad at you." As I always been taught I should never been a burden and I should always ask even when I was invited. My aunt has been very clear about it her not waiting to pass any of the costs of him being here on us to us. Other than that we are helping him with his English which it really has not even any work because it is already so good. I do not feel like is a burden I love spending time with my family, but I will also not like it to be any tension between my aunt and me. So I figure I could come ask for an amount that sounded "right" since we do not have kids and I do not know how to get a number that sounded "right" to her.

As for the comments of what kind of a mother she is. The thread was not about that and I think she has done a wonderful job as her kids are really great, much better than most kids I meet their age. Just because they live different than what is "normal" does not mean she is a bad mother or that she ever slacked of on her children.

Thanks for all of you that answer my question.

OP, thanks for the clarification!! Your explanation here changes my view of the situation! Does the nephew understand what the mother wants him to learn? Knowing that he is helpful and polite and willing to contribute changes a lot. If my nephew was in this situation, I would let him pay for some things, but then give the money back to him if there was something he really wanted to buy that is not available in his home country. If he is a GUEST in my home, he would end up paying for very little! If your financial situation allows it, of course.

 

[disneybound31]

He has the money. She is not sending her the money. He has to look after himself and do chores, which it is not what he does at home.

To me this sounds like a JOB for YOU...like they are expecting YOU to teach him the real ways of the world which is not something THEY are prepared to do...why would they burden you with the responsibility to teach him about things which they are not willing to make happen themselves?!

Give the house maid a paid month off and teach the child yourself (parents, not OP) how to do laundry, vacuum, budget, mow, etc...

Honestly, since this sounds like a JOB they are handing you then I would ask for a $ per hour amount...whatever you feel your personal time is worth. $20 an hour? For every waking hour you will be responsible for showing him the "real world". ON TOP OF the $ they give you for food and electric....JMHO

 

[disneybound31]

What country is the Aunt/Cousin from that creates such a difference in understanding? It sounds like it is going well so far....continued good luck!

 

[Massillon Dad]

....so since when is it a bad Idea for a healthy 17-year old guy to have a SUMMER JOB instead of sittin around playing video games/texting/being waited on catered to? ..we are talking planet Earth, right?

 

[fakereadhed]

Don't see what's so bad about the boy seeing how the other half lives. Kid swap if you will. I think learning that people without money to fulfill every whim who take care of their own houses and meals are happy with what they have is a great lesson for him! His mom came up with a solution to give him a reality check on how spoiled he is, and isn't expecting OP to pay for the experience either!

I would ask for at least $200 per week.

 

[bumbershoot]

I want this thread close. I got the answer that I wanted and I am not interested in answering off topic questions. Please close this thread.

FWIW, until the extra questions prompted your big post with more of an explanation, I would have found it absolutely impossible to answer your question. I didn't understand the relationships, the situation, or really anything until your explanation.

So "off" topic questions are often not that "off" at all...

As it is, I'm still finding it really hard to answer. You've had him for a week, so you should know very well how much extra you are spending so far on him. Use that info and multiply it by 4.

Sounds like he's a good kid already. Even if his mom is frustrated by his dad, obviously the cousin knows that *someone* does the laundry, etc etc.

 

[cel_disney]

FWIW, until the extra questions prompted your big post with more of an explanation, I would have found it absolutely impossible to answer your question. I didn't understand the relationships, the situation, or really anything until your explanation.

Why in the world would you need all of these things to answer how much it costs for a teenager??

I think roughly 100$ a week is a good start - but you could also offer to keep a running total for groceries and give a number based on actuals the end of the week, plus a nominal fee of say - 5$ a day for lodging costs.

Good Luck OP! Sounds like a nice thing for all of you!

 

[luvsJack]

....so since when is it a bad Idea for a healthy 17-year old guy to have a SUMMER JOB instead of sittin around playing video games/texting/being waited on catered to? ..we are talking planet Earth, right?

She already explained that this is just the way it is done in her family.

And it doesn't sound like he is being waited on or catered to. Don't have to have a summer job to be doing something productive.

 

[BBandDisney]

 

[gina2000]

I would ask for about 25% of his $$$. I wouldn't use it (unless necessary) but this way he gets an idea of how much food and a room would cost in the real world. Actually that number may be a bit low but he's a teenager and starting with that number is fair.

If he's driving a car, he should expect to contribute to filling the gas tank. If he's entertaining friends, he should expect to contribute toward extra snacks. If he goes out to dinner with you, let him pay his share.

It sounds like his mom is trying to prepare him for college and money management. Most kids don't really know how to manage money and I think she's spot on trying to force him to examine his expenses relative to his spending money, regardless of whether he has earned it or not.