Mistreated by teacher

[Planogirl]

So you think that this is mistreatment? Maybe we don't know the whole story but it doesn't sound like much. Plus, with high school and I presume college coming, you ain't seen nothing yet.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Careful here. There are states that have laws against recording conversations without the knowledge of the other party and can result in severe criminal charges.

Thank you!!!! I posted that earlier and was told I was wrong. I guess it is a state thing because it's illegal here (or at least it was a few years ago).

 

[lookingforward]

I am confused, is this an 'incredible private school' or a school with 'on going problems' that have been going on all year?

I think your DD is telling you what she wants you to hear and that they teacher will have an entirely different take on your DDs classroom attitude and performance.

My thoughts exactly! First of all, how incredibly unprofessional that another teacher is speaking to a parent via telephone at night, discussing the other teachers job status. THEN, she speaks with your daughter...a child... and tells her that the teacher in question is having personal issues????? If this is really happening it is obvious that the school is not so incredible at all. YIKES.

As a former guidance counselor I am shocked. I spent a great amount of money on private schools for my kids in south florida and realized that the only thing money buys you is smaller classes. It does not buy you better teachers or better treatment. There are mean teachers everywhere, for whatever reason. Sometimes they don't like the child, sometimes they are suffering from illness and cranky, sometimes they are unhappy at home, sometimes the kid is difficult. There a million reasons. When my kids complain about an unfair teacher I investigate, speak with the teacher, try to stratagize with my kids and then finally, if needed, speak to administration. I also remind my kids that life will deal them unhappy, unfair people. Whether in college, on the job, in a store, etc. and that they need to develop coping mechanisms for that.

I send my best wishes to you and hope that your daughters experience becomes easier.

By the way, my kids are now in top public schools ( and IB curriculum elementary and a top school of the arts) and never happier. I get a better response from their teachers now then I EVER did at the private schools I paid so much for. (and that means more trips to disney for us )

Good luck and best wishes!

 

[momof2inPA]

And seriously, $20,000 a year. Thank God my univeristy tuition doesn't cost me that much, I'd be in serious debt.

There are a couple in the Pittsburgh area-- Sewickley Academy and Shadyside (I think).

 

[momof2inPA]

Satin, as in frilly womens undergarments, or bed sheets?

My husband worships satin if it's worn right.

 

[bosstoboss]

So you think that this is mistreatment? Maybe we don't know the whole story but it doesn't sound like much. Plus, with high school and I presume college coming, you ain't seen nothing yet.

The OP lives in NY, I'm sure they have seen more than you ever know!

 

[momof2inPA]

I've been subbing, and the other day a 2nd grader burst into tears because she got a question wrong. I wasn't exactly sure what to do, so I just ignored her. When she raised her hand to answer another question, I gave her another chance, and she got it right. However, I wouldn't bother to worry about an eleven year old's feelings. There's too much curriculum to cover.

 

[robinb]

I am confused, is this an 'incredible private school' or a school with 'on going problems' that have been going on all year?

I think your DD is telling you what she wants you to hear and that they teacher will have an entirely different take on your DDs classroom attitude and performance.

ITA. The other piece of the puzzle here is that the 11-year old is having problems in the teacher's subject. Hence the mention of needing to build the girl's confidence and needing to hire a tutor. The girl is continuing to struggle in the class, gets an answer wrong and is embarrassed in front of the class. Hmmmm .... who is to blame? The girl? The class? The teacher? Yes! The mean old teacher! In fact, it was this mean teacher:

When the teacher asked her why - in a very can't be bothered way and mean way, my dd said to never mind and changed her oponion. My daughter says that she told her to not call out again unless she wants to answer the question! And it was told to her by staring away from her in a very mean, hatred looking face!

magical4us4: There is no doubt that your DD is having problems with the teacher. What is not clear is that the teacher is having problems with your non-AA DD. Of course you should talk to someone about your DD's problems. That is a total no-brainer. You said that you worked with the teacher on this already. That's great! Since I don't know how many times you've discussed it, it's not clear to me if going to the Principal is the right next step. Especially when it looks like your DD is trying to move blame for her poor grades from herself to the teacher. I would suggest that you tread lightly with allegations about the teacher. Kids have a way of wrapping us around their fingers. We want to protect them so much!

 

[magical4us4]

RobinB
Thanks for your reply, but my daughter is not doing bad in math, she is an "A" student in math. The tutor that I have for her is to go over all her class work.

Also there have been many suggestions that there is more to the story, there is, but I prefer not to explain most of it, as I see there is a lot of negative comments on this thread. I just wanted to vent a little, but it turns out that most of you vented on me!

Thank you and goodbye.

 

[princesspumpkin]

*sigh* where do i begin??

when i was in a private school, the teachers didn't bother with me at all. they only cared about the kids who's parents had lots of $$$ and we were middle class, so i was barely ever paid attention to.

when i went to middle school/high school i went to a public school. did it get better? no. of course not. i had an English teacher for both a study hall and then English right afterwards and the teacher did NOT like me. she was VERY very religious and i was always in her class with black clothes and different hair colors every week. she thought i worshiped Satin(i don't, by the way...thank you).

so this teacher would never even acknowledge me when i would ask for help, she would completly ignore me. and then at one point during the study hall, when i was doing homework, she came up to me and started asking me all of these questions about drugs, alcohol, and sex. i was shocked because i didn't do ANY of those things in high school, not even once! i mean, yeah i wore black, hair crazy hair, and listened to bands like TOOL, but i was pretty straight-edge. i had a job from the time i was 15 so i just went to school and worked.

so i was pretty upset by her comments and told my parents who got angry and called a meeting with the head Principal of the school, my "tower" Principal(there were 4 buildings in the school, there was too many kids and they couldn't have just one principal for everyone), my guidance counselor(we'll talk about her a little later), and a represenatitve of the School Board.


we all sat down and they asked all these questions and in the end, they all believed the teacher. who changed her story around to "we were talking about alcohol and drugs in class and that's how it came up" which, FIRST of all it wasn't brought up during class, she came over to me during a STUDY HALL. second of all why would those questions even be asked during an English class, anyway?? so, in the end......who do you think they believed?? a nice church-going Christian woman, or a student with black clothes and fire-engine red hair?? yep, they believed her.


so to the guidance counselor i mentioned. anytime i'd go to this woman, she just seemed annoyed by me. she was always very rude and was always putting me down. she was having kids come into her office to fill out college forms and i grabbed a few different ones and she stood up, grabbed them from my hand and said "oh, i don't think so. you won't ever get into any of these colleges, anyway. just fill out a form for the community college in the reception area and bring it to me when you're finished." and sat back down. i was pretty taken aback. i told a friend of mine in class later that day and she said "oh yeah, she did the same thing to me!" Apparently she also told the girl that she would only end up like her sister anyway, so why bother even going to college. nice, right??

but of course, no one would listen to any of the students. why would they? no one ever believes kids, when they talk. they only believe adults for some reason.

Boy, can I relate to your experiences. I have always said that human beings make up EVERY profession - therefore even teachers, social workers, nurses and, the President can behave in ugly manners. And you're right, many times, no one wants to believe a child (yes, children can bend the truth, but children are also brutally honest).
Many times during childhood, I was intimidated by teachers. I've been told "the teacher is always right" by a teacher who marked an answer wrong on a test. I was told "you'll never get into college with those scores" by the guidance counselor after seeing my SAT scores. Heck, one teacher got one of the students pregnant There are always three sides to every story (his, hers and the truth. Or in this instance, the student's, the teacher's and the truth).
Eleven is a tough age to stand up to a teacher. Teachers play favorites, teachers can be racist. Heck, teachers can be child molesters!
Students can be angels, students can be sneaky and students can be killers!
Bottom line, we can't judge.

 

[mariolatry]

It's always hard when it feels like someone is picking on your kid, but to be honest, that doesn't sound like much to be concerned about. What about sitting in on the class a few times? Even if you didn't witness anything suspect, the teacher would be aware that you're concerned. You and the teacher could address the issue as partners instead of with an antagonistic relationship.

 

[mytwotinks]

Thank you for your understanding. Yes, my daughter does know we have an appointment with the Principal. Also, she heard me talking to one of the faculty on the phone last night, and that teacher spoke to her this morning to comfort her and tell her that she didn't do anything wrong all year, and that the teacher is going through something in her private life

I haven't read through past this post yet, but this one gets me a little. I have a very well behaved 9 yo dd and I know for a fact that I cannot say that she "hasn't done anything wrong all year." I also don't want anybody else to say it to her or treat her as if they feel that way. Seems to me as if you think your dd is perfect in this situation???? Also......Is there such a thing as a 6th grade girl who doesn't need her confidence boosted? It's a hard age and I would prefer that my girls learn that while they are special to us, they can't expect the rest of the world to treat them any differently than others.

 

[Tiffer]

I personally was not calling you or anyone else a racist. My point was that if the teacher were not African American, race would not have been mentioned at all. What also upsets me, is that this was referred to as reverse racism by another poster. Racism is racism, no matter who it is coming from. By referring to supposed racism from someone of African American dissent as "reversed racism", this is in fact directing a sort of racism at them as well.

I disagree. My DD once had a French teacher/teacher assistant in school who was rude and picked on my DD and I swear it's because she's Asian. I have never experienced anything like it before or since.

The school year is about 2/3 of the way over, if not more. She needs to tough it out. If there truly is racial discrimination, then your daughter is having an opportunity to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes..." Not everyone gets that opportunity. If she has a white teacher in the future who "favors" white kids, maybe she'll notice it and realize that it's wrong.

It is always interesting when someone doesn't like a child that others adore. My youngest child is beloved by almost everyone...she has red hair, freckles and a very bubbly personality. Everyone has LOVED her her whole life....except that the head coach at her gymnastics gym (where she spends tons of time) has never liked her all that much. As long as she isn't abused, I don't think it's all that bad for her to be around someone who doesn't think she hung the moon.

There was a guy in my law school class who was outstanding in every way....Editor in Chief of the Law Review, on the Moot Court Board, great grades, heck of nice guy....everybody loved him. Except, for some reason that we never understood, our Trusts teacher couldn't stand him. The teacher picked on him constantly, made fun of his name, was very cruel. The guy survived it and is very successful (but it's a good thing his MOM wasn't there to witness the treatment!

I agree. I had a "sit down" at the private school mentioned above and advised DD to suck it up as well. I subsequently removedher from the school as this person would have been the French/assistant from 1st-6th. She is in public school now and we are both very happy.

I would also not compare law school to elementary school , because its a different ball game, but I agree with your point overall. However, in my experience, the law review/moot court/over acheiver types usually end up being average lawyers at best.

RobinB
Thanks for your reply, but my daughter is not doing bad in math, she is an "A" student in math. The tutor that I have for her is to go over all her class work.

Also there have been many suggestions that there is more to the story, there is, but I prefer not to explain most of it, as I see there is a lot of negative comments on this thread. I just wanted to vent a little, but it turns out that most of you vented on me!

Thank you and goodbye.

I have been dying for a good YAGE!!!!! Thank you OP.

It's always hard when it feels like someone is picking on your kid, but to be honest, that doesn't sound like much to be concerned about. What about sitting in on the class a few times? Even if you didn't witness anything suspect, the teacher would be aware that you're concerned. You and the teacher could address the issue as partners instead of with an antagonistic relationship.

That is great in theory, however if something really was happening in the classroom, which I am not sure if there is a legitmate issue in this case or just an over-protective parent, but assuming the former, it is an impractical solution. The teacher is NEVER going to be "mean" to your child while you are sitting there. Tenure or not.

Sorry for any typos in advance...I am not big on spell check for Dis-ing

 

[olena]

I can't believe that there are educators out there that mistreat children like this and make them feel worthless.

There are and my brother and I still bear the scars. I'm sorry that your daughter has to put up with it. If the school is doing something about this, then hopefully that will be a step in the right decision.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

what is YAGe?
TIA!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

what is YAGe?
TIA!

Yet Another Grand Exit

 

[dcgrumpy]

The OP lives in NY, I'm sure they have seen more than you ever know!

What does that mean?

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Yet Another Grand Exit

oo thanks! i was trying soo hard to figure it out from a bunch of other threads too! haha! thanks again!

 

[mking624]

OP, my now 17 year old brother had a difficult time in grade school. He would come home crying almost every day and would do everything he could to not go to school the next day. This was in 1st grade. How pathetic is it that a 1st grader already hates school with such a passion? He refused to talk about it for so long and when the teacher was contacted, she wasn't much help. When my parents finally got him to talk about it, he told us that the teacher would have him stand up in the room (while everyone was sitting), have the students face him, and she would literally call him "stupid" and "idiot" in front of the class. Nice self-esteem boost, eh? When my parents confronted her about it, she admitted to it claiming it was supposed to motivate him!!! So my parents held a conference with the teacher and principal...teacher admitted it in front of the principal, principal defended teacher. It infuriates me to this day, and I'm just his sister...I'm sure my parents were even angrier than I was. My parents wound up pulling him from the school and they've been homeschooling him (and my other two siblings). My brother is dyslexic and does struggle with self esteem issues when it comes to his learning difficulties, and part of me honestly wonders if what that teacher did in any way still haunts him. I couldn't even imagine going through what he did. Now what my brother experienced was a sort of extreme. But what it showed me is that we can't always just assume that kids are trying to manipulate the parents into protecting them from the "mean old teacher" because sometimes the kid might be telling the truth. Kids feelings shouldn't be silenced or ignored, but rather explored to find out what's going on underneath it all. Now whether this turns out to be a child feeling insecure and taking things more personally than intended...or if it's actually a problem with the teacher, I don't know. But I do think it's a good idea to actually confront the situation and find out what's actually going on. And hopefully a good solution will result. Good luck!