Miscarriage, followed by anxiety and depression (long)

[mommyof3rookies]

I promise you it gets easier! I had 3 miscarriages and an etopic pregnancy, I also have 3 children now, I also have PCOS. That's not to say you will follow my same history as I was not diagnosed until after my dd was born, after my miscarriages. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my angel babies, I call them my butterfly's. I would not pick and choose between any of my children, but I can't change anything, all I can do is love them all and take care of the 3 that are here with me. I had a really rough time early last year where I was questioning everything again, I cried for my butterfly's, but I believe they'll always be a part of me and I never want to forget them. Nobody in my family has had a miscarriage except me, so when they would say "Everything happens for a reason" I wanted to scream at them, in their defense they had no idea how I felt, they could not sympathize or empathize. They were not being mean they just were making futile attempts to be understanding, I had to tell them not to talk to me about it for my own sanity and I think it was better for me and them. If I was in the dumps they just had to deal with it, I made no excuses nor did they expect me to. It does get easier, if you need to talk you can pm me.

 

[cmac609]

I am soooo sorry for your lost. I have been there and completely understand how you feel. I lost my first children Victoria Santina when I was 6 months pregnant. I had a placenta abruption which caused premature labor. She will be celebrating her 7th birthday in heaven on 2/21. Then less than 4 months after her death, I had a miscarriage (molar pregnancy) at 12 weeks. The devastation of not knowing if I would ever be able to have more children.

However, with proper doctor care and medication, I had two boys. My oldest was born at 32 weeks due also to a placenta abruption after being on complete bedrest for 8 weeks prior. It was very depressing and stressful. But well worth every effort. My youngest was full term however, I was on bedrest for 7 weeks with him also due to premature labor....

The pain does lessen but never goes away completely. There will be moments that are worse and others that are better.......keep you in my thoughts...email me any time....

Support groups help alot. One that helped me is cristinsprayer@yahoogroups.com

 

[chrisw127]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had several miscarriages between my oldest and my twins. Each one was different. Some I handled pretty well, some not as much, and the length of the pregnancy really didn't effect how I felt with the loss.

I recommend this blog to a lot of women:

www.julia.typepad.com

The blogger is famous in infertility/miscarriage circles (been interviewed by lots of news outlets, has a column in Redbook, etc.) and has a lot of great insight. She's also very down to earth and funny. I will warn you, she has twins, you're likely to get a lot of new baby entries, but her archives are very useful and I believe she has links to a bunch of infertility/miscarriage bloggers. For me, having an outside source that "got it" was really helpful. My husband had a hard time understanding how I felt and I think, in a way, it was helpful to my marriage to have other sources to go to.

Good luck to you and your husband.

 

[ZPT1022]

I haven't read any responses so here goes.

I totally understand

I have PCOS and endometriosis. I was told I'd never get pregnant again on my own. I've been off birth control for close to five years (since my twins were born), excepting short amounts of time on the pill to lessen the endo symptoms and try to control some of the three month long periods I seem to be prone to

Amazing of all amazing things I got pregnant in late summer. I miscarried in the fall, I think two days before our wedding anniversary. It was horrible. It still is horrible. I should be over 3/4 of the way through my pregnancy but instead here I am, about as unpregnant as it gets.

It still bugs me. I think once the due date passes in April, it should lessen but I think that on some level this will always be with me. We're going to IKEA this weekend to go shopping- some shelves for our master bedroom closet and a desk for the computer so I can have my scrapbooking desk back. I can't help but think we should be buying a crib and a dresser for the baby that should be coming soon.

I want to be getting ready. I want to be buying clothes and diapers and all that stuff.

My sister in law, who didn't even think she wanted kids but finally let her husband pressure her into it, gave birth in October, shortly after my miscarriage. Yeah, I'm happy for her, and I'm glad she finally gets it about being a parent, but watching her pawn the baby off on DH and him rocking the baby and stuff, it just about killed me. And at Christmas, when half the family doesn't even realize what we've been through and they're all preaching about how great babies are, yada yada yada......... I know no one means anything by it, and how can they if they don't know, but it still hurts.

Then there are the people who ask if we want more, and the ones that tell us if we do, we'd better hurry up because the twins will be five and we're pushing our luck age-gap wise. Or almost worse, the people who say "you don't really want MORE, do you?"

And my kids ask why we can't have a new brother or sister.

My cousin is pregnant and due within the next two months, I forget exactly when. I'm supposed to go to the shower this weekend. I really can't. I swear, I really am happy for her, and she needs something positive right now having recently lost her mom, but I just can't go. I bought a very nice gift and I'll send it along with my mom but I really don't think I can handle it. I was so upset at the store looking at cards tonight, all the cute little messages about "best time of your life" and "awaiting your little miracle" and so on.

Ugh, it's so hard. I didn't think it would still be this hard. I think the only thing that reassures me at all is that DH occasionally shows that it bothers him or at least he understands that it bothers me- things like the baby shower, and his sister's baby- he gets why that is upsetting for me.

I don't really have any great advice, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. You can feel free to pm me, if you want my email address I'll share that too.



~Becky

 

[ZPT1022]

I forgot to add that I am so sorry about your mother's inappropriate comments with the dinner and whatnot. Sheesh. Even if they don't get the emotional side of it, the medical side is bad enough.