Mini MIL rant

[Amberle3]

Not that my MIL is mini... although she is rather petite...

It's been a few days since this all transpired, and I'm still a little ticked/bewildered by it, so I thought I'd vent.

As you can see by the countdown we're getting married in Vegas in a few months. Last week DFi was talking to his mother about the wedding/reception and was informed that (according to her) no one will show up for the reception on time. The wedding is at 2:30, the reception at 6, they're not in the same place. According to MIL everyone will be late to the reception because they'll want to gamble after the wedding, and people will actually show up at 7 or 8. She says "it's the American Way". Now MIL & FIL immigrated to the US 30 years ago, so she's been there long enough to know that's just not true.

DFi told her that no, it's not the American Way, it's not anyone's way - it's just plain rude. So she told him that if he kept that attitude, he wasn't going to have any friends. WTH?!

I don't know if she's just going all wacko because she has 2 sons getting married this year and has no say in either wedding or what. But she's definitely getting weirder the closer we get to the big day.

I told DFi that instead of arguing with his mom he has to learn this handy phrase: "That's nice - is Dad there? Can I talk to Dad?"

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I wouldn't let you future MIL get to you. Just plan the reception the way you have been planning it from the beginning and enjoy your big day. If people are that inconsiderate that they would rather "gamble than show up on time" then that is their problem. I doubt you will have to worry about that, but your MIL is probably the one that wants to gamble and come later which is why she is giving you a hard time about it. Just a word of caution: It will probably only get worse once you're married. Don't give in now or she will expect it every time!

 

[chrissyk]

If you have a PITA MIL-to-be, your DH needs to set boundaries NOW.

As for the wedding...if I got married in Vegas, I'd be lucky if my mom and most of her family came to the wedding or reception at all! They'd all get into the gambling and forget why they were in Vegas in the first place I'm not kidding. My mom took the gambling bus to one of the CT casinos, and then she forgot to show up when it was leaving. Apparently they paged her a bunch of times over the loudspeaker (she claims she didn't hear it), and then they had to send someone to find her! Your MIL is correct that some people get so sucked into gambling that they would either be late to the reception or else not show up at all. Hopefully none of your friends have this problem, but I certainly know that my own mom does

 

[auntpolly]

People get crazy around weddings. Remember in "Father of the Bride" when Steve Martin picked a fight in the supermarket about hot dog buns?

I think parents are even more stressed than they realize when their kids get married and can exhibit some very jerky behaviour. Try to let it go in one ear and out the other. (It will be good practice for when you have kids!!
pain in the neck MILs turn into pain in the neck grandmas!)

 

[Amberle3]

My tactic with MIL is this: smile, nod, ignore.

DFi on the other hand, well for whatever reason he just can't do that. He has to respond, react, and argue. I keep telling him to just let her say whatever it is she wants to say - it's not going to make a difference to anything. Unless she's actually telling people to come late (which I don't think she is, but you never know). But the reception is set, the invitations and printed and out, and there's nothing she can do about it.

And I think that's the problem for her - the "nothing she can do about it" part.

Thank goodness we live not only in different countries, but at the opposite ends of the countries.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I think from the perpective of a MIL, they are looking at their son getting married as "losing" him, so they act all kooky and drive their child away somewhat, then they can blame their rotten DIL for taking their son from them.

I will give oyu an important piece of advice when dealing with in-laws...both yours and his ...present a united front. When an issue is coming up, either large or small...you and your DFi/DH discuss it, comes to an agreement about how oyu will handle the situation, and then when it has to be presented to the in-laws, you support each other.

My late DMIL was a stickler for holidays. Her other 3 "children-in-law" had no other holiday commitement to another set of parents due to geography, so all her children, spouses etc were always at her house for the holidays. Well, my family lives close by. The Christmas before DH & I married, I was at his house at some point during the Christmas holiday season, and DMIL said "Well, next year we'll have more people here for Christmas because I expect MY children at MY home for the holidays". Well, I was perfectly willling to share, alternate, do a Christmas Eve/Christmas day thing...whatever. But there were times when I knew that my brother and SIL mght want to have us over etc. DH and I discussed it and decided to do an alternating thing, every holiday (Thanksgiving with my side,Christmas with his side, Easter with my side and so on). When Thanksgiving rolled around the next year, we told all involved of the plan, stayed united when questioned, and it worked out fine.

United fornt....thats' the key. And neither one can crumble or be intimidated when it comes time to present the united front.