Military Balls (bit of a vent)

[KelliLee702]

I wonder if in the "support the troops - our husbands could be deployed (or maybe were deployed)" spirit a beauty school wouldn't be willing to cut a deal for hair and nails.

I bet they would be glad to do that! That's a great idea!!

 

[cm8]

I don't know who is designing for the military, but they should definitely consult the spouses for a few ideas!!!

I do!!! I do!! ( know who does the designing for the military..... it's a secret!.But I do agree they could at least ask us, since we KNOW what we look good in

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I worked on a post this summer that was largely civilian... I was in the directorate office and was shocked at the sheer number of events the director and deputy (and past that, the supervisors!) were expected at. I imagine it's similar for an officer. Could you maybe find a cocktail dress that's fancy enough for the ball, but classic/simple enough to be your "little black dress" for future events? (or future balls... )

Thank you to your DH for his service and to you & your family for the sacrifices you make from this proud Army civilian!

(on a slightly off-topic note, it seems like hair and make-up are a huge cost. I'm a student but I also freelance make-up artistry on the side, would it be offensive of me to offer free or greatly reduced services - I'm thinking like $5 or $10 to cover the cost of the products - when our post has events like this? It seems like the wives -- of military members of any rank -- might appreciate it, but I'd hate to presume)

Your offer is a wonderful idea and one that would be greatly appreciated!! If you don't mind my asking...What base are you closest too?

I don't know anything about military balls, but if this is an annual type of thing that you'll be attending year after year, you should pay attention to "cheap dress seasons". You can buy formal dresses for ridiculously low prices JUST AFTER prom season and New Year's.

If you buy a dress that's been slightly stained (as in someone wasn't careful while trying it on and got make-up on the dress) or has any type of small rip, it'll be cheaper still. Be sure to ASK. Very often they'll knock off something.

So keep an eye out for dresses, even if you don't have a "right now need". Some time back, I bought a formal that I love for $14. I've taken it on two cruises, so I've definitely had my money's worth from that purchase! I know my older daughter's going to her school's semi-formal every year, so we keep an eye out -- I've bought her great dresses, and I've never spent more than $40.

Being next to any kind of base the second hand stores usually have some gorgeous dresses year round---Also the bases usually have a second hand store of their own that sells dresses

I don't see why you'd need special lingere. Surely you have some type of strapless bra, etc. already.Of course she has the option of not going -- but as a non-military person, I'd ask this question: Are these balls genuinely just an entertainment thing, or are they important to your husband's career? Are you "expected" to show up?

They are entertainment. But some Soldiers are expected to go. It's kind of an unspoken rule that NCO's will go. And of course the COC is to be there. But there's no such expectations for the spouses (unless of course your married to Adm. Mullen or Barack Obama)

I ask this because although it's not official, I am absolutely expected to attend certain social events at my husband's office (again, non-military). I'm expected to show up dressed nicely, to make appropriate conversation, etc. I don't mind doing this because it helps him.

I don't agree with the fundraising idea. Fundraisers usually end up COSTING MORE out of pocket money, and they're extra work. BUT the OP's ideas on keeping costs down are valid. Perhaps she could join the committee and have some input on the venue? I'm sure she's not the only person who'd like to pay less for those tickets. Who IS rolling in the money just after college? No matter what your degree, no matter military or civilian . . . NO ONE!

Don't over-look, too, the military allowances, the secure job (which lots of people certainly don't have!), the health care, and -- if he stays in long enough -- the pension. It's easy not to add in all those advantages. Yeah, it's a tough, tough job, but not many jobs are easy. No one pays you to do things that're easy and fun.

FYI: Lest you think I'm anti-military (which I'm not), my husband desperately wanted a military career, but a minor physical disability kept him out of the service. He sometimes mentions that he regrets that. I would've been very happy for him to have gone that route.This makes lots of sense! I'm sure many other wives would be interested in such a swap.

 

[Evi]

I'm sorry but I personally think you've inflated the cost of everything so that you can frustrate yourself. If you think all of this is too expensive you shouldn't go you should let your spouse go without you.

I don't think the tickets are over priced I think they are about average or low for the kind of event your attending and the city your in. You could split the cost of parking by doing ride share with anther couple. You could buy your dress on sale or at a consignment shop or borrow from a girlfriend. Really special undergarments. Sorry but if your dress requires spanx etc then it doesn't fit right get another dress. Cost of having hair, nails and makeup done I want to laugh. Ok first off if you pay to have those things done every time you go out why are you complaining about them now? I figure you normally don't so why would you need to now? Do them yourself, no makeup artist out there could do my makeup better then I can. If you don't know how to give yourself a mani/pedi, do your own hair or makeup its time you learned these are skills one needs to posses.

I think your frustrated because you can't spend what you want to spend but that doesn't mean your unable to make this happen if you want to. I think its a bit much to be so frustrated over something so trivial. Honestly take a step back and find a solution to each of these things thats bothering you in an affordable fashion and if that's not working and if its still upsetting you this much you shouldn't go. Its not worth attending if your going to feel you overpaid and you don't enjoy yourself.

I also come from military family background and have lived with DF on an e vs o salary so I know whats doable.

 

[LisaInNc]

Your spouse has to go, you don't. Most of your expenses seem unnecessary. It seems like you just wanted to complain.

Hair, makeup and nails done? Do it yourself. Wear something that you already have. Go to a consignment store and find a dress there.

stop being such a diva!

sheesh...parking. You can awlway find street park and walk a block or two.

If you take your kids on the base you have to make a sack dinner. oh how terrible. You would have to feed them anyway.

In this economy it seems pretty funny that is what you are complaining about.
Lisa

 

[rparmfamily]

I almost spit out my coffee all over my netbook, while reading this! Right?!? Really how many uniforms does 1 man need? There is NO way that the clothing allowance covers any where close to what we've had to put out for uniforms, especially the past year! Gotta love the Navy!

Exactly!!! Plus he does reenlistments so he's always wearing his dress uniform,etc too. On Friday he wore 3 different uniforms in ONE DAY! And yes, the uniform allowance was bigger last year to cover it but I know it didn't cover everything...plus I swear a few times a month he's picking up something...new cover, new belt, etc. Something is dirty or scratched or faded. Plus the shoes and the boots!

DH used to be aircrew...so flightsuits, jackets, patches,etc were also needed. Sheez...

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I think the cost of the ball is crazy high, but because you're near D.C., I'm not surprised. My husband has been in 27 years, and when the cost/inconvenience of an event is high, I don't go. He has to, I don't. If it will cost you more than you are comfortable spending, don't go and don't feel guilty.

If you want to go, then go and have a great time! I'd like to go, but dh has been deployed for the last three. To be fair, ours are never anywhere near the cost that yours is. If you go, have a great time and don't feel guilty...and don't let people make you feel bad about your post!

 

[lovegrumpy]

My dh well not go to a Military ball. I have ask many times. The last one for r area got canceled.

 

[soonerfan2008]

Your spouse has to go, you don't. Most of your expenses seem unnecessary. It seems like you just wanted to complain.

Hair, makeup and nails done? Do it yourself. Wear something that you already have. Go to a consignment store and find a dress there.

stop being such a diva!

sheesh...parking. You can awlway find street park and walk a block or two.

If you take your kids on the base you have to make a sack dinner. oh how terrible. You would have to feed them anyway.

In this economy it seems pretty funny that is what you are complaining about.
Lisa

That seems a bit harsh. You must not know much about the military because if you did, you would know that there are some posts and commands where it is very much expected for spouses to attend events such as this. I've seen
service members get a talking to (unofficial) about the lack of participation if their spouses are not at the bake sales, FRG meetings, Family Days, etc. Yes, the OP has some options to save some money, but how is her vent any different than the dozens of people on here griping about the cost of school supplies or fundraisers?


And to those who want to talk about how well military officers are compensated, maybe you should consider the educational requirements, as well as the intense responsibilities and liabilities. I don't think John Q Public has to personally sign and accept responsibility for millions of dollars worth of equipment and not come close to making 6 figures, as even junior officers must do.

I'm a very proud military wife who has been married to a man who has been an enlisted reservist, an FA officer (love the red socks) and is now in the JAG Corps. And trust me, a military wife who wants to complain about the high cost of an expensive event is certainly entitled.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

That seems a bit harsh. You must not know much about the military because if you did, you would know that there are some posts and commands where it is very much expected for spouses to attend events such as this. I've seen
service members get a talking to (unofficial) about the lack of participation if their spouses are not at the bake sales, FRG meetings, Family Days, etc. Yes, the OP has some options to save some money, but how is her vent any different than the dozens of people on here griping about the cost of school supplies or fundraisers?


And to those who want to talk about how well military officers are compensated, maybe you should consider the educational requirements, as well as the intense responsibilities and liabilities. I don't think John Q Public has to personally sign and accept responsibility for millions of dollars worth of equipment and not come close to making 6 figures, as even junior officers must do.

I'm a very proud military wife who has been married to a man who has been an enlisted reservist, an FA officer (love the red socks) and is now in the JAG Corps. And trust me, a military wife who wants to complain about the high cost of an expensive event is certainly entitled.

Well said.

If anyone would like to take over DH's student loans then feel free. The Army only pays for so much then we paid for the rest. Right now he is back in Grad school for the 2nd time because he changed branches after 12 years of service and in order to be promoted and obtain one of the better assignments he needs a certain amount of business hours which he didn't get with his previous science based degrees.

I mentioned this thread to DH the other day. He was quite shocked when I told him I wasn't the only Army wife that loathed the Mess Dress and the Stetson.

OP - there is a thrift store at Ft Belvoir that you may want to check for formal dresses.

 

[VirataMama4]

Your spouse has to go, you don't. Most of your expenses seem unnecessary. It seems like you just wanted to complain.

Hair, makeup and nails done? Do it yourself. Wear something that you already have. Go to a consignment store and find a dress there.

stop being such a diva!

sheesh...parking. You can awlway find street park and walk a block or two.

If you take your kids on the base you have to make a sack dinner. oh how terrible. You would have to feed them anyway.

In this economy it seems pretty funny that is what you are complaining about.
Lisa

WOW! That is pretty harsh and mean! Completely uncalled for, if you ask me.
The OP was complaining about the total cost of the evening, and has already said she more then likely won't be going. But they still will have to pay for her DH to go and for parking for him, and it will still be an expensive night. Close to $150, which is alot in this economy and with 4 kids!

She's already said if she goes she would NOT be getting her hair, nails, or make up done.

She wasn't complaining about having to pack a sack meal for the kids, she was upset about them not having the ball on base, which of course would've been easier for most. She has 4 kids, $130 for babysitting isn't such a crazy price. Which she wasn't upset about except that it is a BIG expense, especially in this economy. Along with having 4 kids goes that some SAHM would not being willing to trade babysitting with her. If she lives 40 min. from the hotel that could easily be a hour away from her home, I completely understand her not feeling comfortable with having a local teen babysit.

Parking... Um, have you ever tried to park on the street in the DC area??? It is not ALWAYS available a couple of blocks a way, no matter what time of day. Street parking is the one thing DC doesn't have a lot of!


OP, I hope it all works out for you and your DH. I still think $111 per person is A LOT for tickets to a Military ball.

 

[wtccheermom]

That seems a bit harsh. You must not know much about the military because if you did, you would know that there are some posts and commands where it is very much expected for spouses to attend events such as this. I've seen
service members get a talking to (unofficial) about the lack of participation if their spouses are not at the bake sales, FRG meetings, Family Days, etc. Yes, the OP has some options to save some money, but how is her vent any different than the dozens of people on here griping about the cost of school supplies or fundraisers?


And to those who want to talk about how well military officers are compensated, maybe you should consider the educational requirements, as well as the intense responsibilities and liabilities. I don't think John Q Public has to personally sign and accept responsibility for millions of dollars worth of equipment and not come close to making 6 figures, as even junior officers must do.

I'm a very proud military wife who has been married to a man who has been an enlisted reservist, an FA officer (love the red socks) and is now in the JAG Corps. And trust me, a military wife who wants to complain about the high cost of an expensive event is certainly entitled.

And the funny part about it is most of it is equipment that as a battery commander they may never see or use except when doing the change of command inventory. My DH hand receipted everything out to NCO’s in his battery to avoid being financially responsible for any lost items. I think they also don’t understand that officers and senior NCO’s are held to a different standard when it comes social to functions because it is expected of them to attend them and it is often joked that the function is their offical place of duty for the evening.

 

[LisaInNc]

That seems a bit harsh. You must not know much about the military because if you did, you would know that there are some posts and commands where it is very much expected for spouses to attend events such as this. I've seen
service members get a talking to (unofficial) about the lack of participation if their spouses are not at the bake sales, FRG meetings, Family Days, etc. Yes, the OP has some options to save some money, but how is her vent any different than the dozens of people on here griping about the cost of school supplies or fundraisers?

We are a military family. Have been for years. I personally love the balls.

Lisa

 

[Judique]

We are a military family. Have been for years. I personally love the balls.
Me DBF DD 9

Lisa

Yes, the balls can be fun! But they are also expensive. Are you the military member? Or is it your DBF?

OP - It's been quite a while since I've attended one (I've been to many!) but I can say after the first, you are not missing much if you decide to stay home. The only real issue is being there to support your spouse and the command, but the price tag is way too hefty! Kudos to you on being willing to go and doing your own hair etc. At least you are trying, but the expense is ridiculous.

 

[tweedlemom]

Just going on a little tangent--regardless of whether or not you choose to attend the ball, please thank your husband (for me) for serving his country and know that he is appreciated!

 

[esk]

DH and I are both military, going on 20 years

We hate the balls. Hate hate hate them.

Could be because the uniform is uncomfortable (ladies, if you haven't seen the AF Mess Dress, you haven't seen ugly....my cummerbund is basically my bra, my floor length skirt is too tight to walk in but the slit goes so high you can see my spanx and the jacket is just stupid. And nowhere to put my keys or phone! and to the PP.....just because I need spanx doesn't mean this thing doesn't fit, it doesn't fit anyone! Not even Gisele Bundchen would look good in this poor excuse for a formal outfit)

I've been on the planning committee for the ball at 3 bases now and we had massive moaning and groaning about tickets that were $60 each and that included a live show (Tops in Blue). $30 for a straight-up dinner and dancing were also deemed "expensive". Granted, I've never been stationed in the DC region so I can't imagine the COL there.

OP do you have fun at these things? We never do. We end up talking work (with other people, never with each other.....at every function, we arrive together, split to go with our respective units and meet up to drive home....so lame) and do you know the other spouses/wives? I mean, will you spend the evening checking your watch?

I wouldn't go, if you think you'll be bored or be irritated about it. I sure would be irritated about it....if I spend $500 on an evening out, I would want to go somewhere that I wanted to go, with people I wanted to socialize with, and eat what I wanted instead of whatever my chicken or beef choice was.

If you don't go, DH's career will probably survive. (I'm an officer and I know when I can get away with skipping and when I can't) I don't know your DH's unit or branch or office, but he can always say you were sick, can't find a sitter, lost your contact lenses, have a phobia of hotel food......

 

[grits98]

Don't over-look, too, the military allowances, the secure job (which lots of people certainly don't have!), the health care, and -- if he stays in long enough -- the pension. It's easy not to add in all those advantages. Yeah, it's a tough, tough job, but not many jobs are easy. No one pays you to do things that're easy and fun.

FYI: Lest you think I'm anti-military (which I'm not), my husband desperately wanted a military career, but a minor physical disability kept him out of the service. He sometimes mentions that he regrets that. I would've been very happy for him to have gone that route.This makes lots of sense! I'm sure many other wives would be interested in such a swap.

As you admitted, you know nothing about what it is like to live married to a military member. Please do not imply to those of us who do that we should just be happy about all the advantages we have. If anyone has been part of a military family for more than a year, then they are likely well aware of the advantages and the disadvantages. The health care is not as great as you seem to think it is, the pension is not as much as DH deserves, and the job is more than tough. There are not many jobs in which people volunteer to go into a war zone. When the military member returns, he/she may have PTSD, be severely injured, or worse. With all due respect, your flippancy is not warranted. With all of that being said, my family and I are happy to support my DH in his career choice. Although we knew it would be difficult, we are proud to be serving our country in this regard. I will now get off my soapbox since the OP NEVER asked for your platitudes nor did she ask for mine. A little empathy is all that was needed.


And to the OP, I completely understand your situation. DH was assigned to the Pentagon a couple of years ago and I agree that the DC area is soooo expensive!!!!! And, without additional pay (for more than just BAH), it makes things difficult. Good luck. I'm hopeful that the traffic will at least be better than usual on the night of the Ball (assuming you attend)!

 

[grits98]

DH and I are both military, going on 20 years

We hate the balls. Hate hate hate them.

Could be because the uniform is uncomfortable (ladies, if you haven't seen the AF Mess Dress, you haven't seen ugly....my cummerbund is basically my bra, my floor length skirt is too tight to walk in but the slit goes so high you can see my spanx and the jacket is just stupid. And nowhere to put my keys or phone! and to the PP.....just because I need spanx doesn't mean this thing doesn't fit, it doesn't fit anyone! Not even Gisele Bundchen would look good in this poor excuse for a formal outfit)

I never understood how the AF could do such a terrible job on the ladies' mess dress!!!! That is the best description I have ever read about its oh-so-flattering details! Wish I could meet the man who designed it. And, I'm willing to bet it was a man b/c there's no way any woman would have done such a disservice to the female body!

 

[stm61]

I never understood how the AF could do such a terrible job on the ladies' mess dress!!!! That is the best description I have ever read about its oh-so-flattering details! Wish I could meet the man who designed it. And, I'm willing to bet it was a man b/c there's no way any woman would have done such a disservice to the female body!

it's not just the mess dress, though that one is the absolute worst of the bunch. I've been in 26+ years and have never had dress shirts or jacket that fit. The AF just can't seem to realize that women come in as many sizes and shapes as the men do. Just because you're tall, with long arms, does not automatically mean you weigh 300 lbs! I've got size 22's, which they tell me is the largest they stock, and the sleeves are to short, the shirt itself is to short, and the shoulders are to narrow. I wear it once a year or so when I'm absolutely forced to and my commander knows I will not be saluting him because if I try I'll either strangle myself or rip the shirt and jacket lol. And no, I'm not paying to go to a tailer and have them custom made either!

 

[flick]

As you admitted, you know nothing about what it is like to live married to a military member. Please do not imply to those of us who do that we should just be happy about all the advantages we have. If anyone has been part of a military family for more than a year, then they are likely well aware of the advantages and the disadvantages. The health care is not as great as you seem to think it is, the pension is not as much as DH deserves, and the job is more than tough. There are not many jobs in which people volunteer to go into a war zone. When the military member returns, he/she may have PTSD, be severely injured, or worse. With all due respect, your flippancy is not warranted. With all of that being said, my family and I are happy to support my DH in his career choice. Although we knew it would be difficult, we are proud to be serving our country in this regard. I will now get off my soapbox since the OP NEVER asked for your platitudes nor did she ask for mine. A little empathy is all that was needed.


And to the OP, I completely understand your situation. DH was assigned to the Pentagon a couple of years ago and I agree that the DC area is soooo expensive!!!!! And, without additional pay (for more than just BAH), it makes things difficult. Good luck. I'm hopeful that the traffic will at least be better than usual on the night of the Ball (assuming you attend)!

Thank you for wording your comment nicer than I would have. I took extreme offence to this post. People who have no clue about the military really need to think before they comment. My DH has been Active Duty for the last 18 years and I am VERY proud of him and what he does. This is not an easy life. Out of those 18 years he has been TDY and deployed for almost 10. After this last deployment my DH did not come back OK. Anyone who thinks that the military allowances, the secure job, the health care and the pension makes up for that really needs to be slapped.