Military Balls (bit of a vent)

[VAfamily1998]

I am a military spouse (enlisted) and we do a ball every year. We fundraise to pay the cost of our tickets (food, entertainment). We also do the dress swap that someone else mentioned. This event is organized by the FRG leader. Each wife brings in a dress and gets a ticket. Teh FRG leader (and other volunteers) organize dresses by size, color, etc. Each spouse with a ticket is then allowed to "shop" for her new dress. We only allow a 1 for 1 swap on dresses. We always secure childcare ahead of time from the hotel or a child care facility in the area. "Military Discount" is a phrase we use often!! Fake nails from Walmart can look just as beautiful as salon nails if you take your time. There are all kinds of videos on the internet that show how to do your own hair for special occasions and I use them for each ball.

That is an awesome idea about looking for "how to do hair" videos online!!! Thank you!!!!

 

[hmdavid]

That is an awesome idea about looking for "how to do hair" videos online!!! Thank you!!!!

My sister got married in the middle-of-nowhere New York over the summer, not a salon for miles. I youtubed videos on how to use hot rollers. My hair turned out great! There are also tons of vids for makeup application. Good luck!

 

[brergnat]

I don't really go to the USMC birthday ball anymore, since we had kids. They end up usually being somewhere out in who knows where. One year, no joke, the ball was held in Primm, NV (near Las Vegas). It was a three and a half hour drive from base!

My beef with the balls is that they always do them on WEEKDAYS. Duh...people work and kids go to school. It's so annoying that I've only been to one ball in the past 6 years (last year's ball, because it was actually on base at the club there).

OP, just don't go. It's really not worth it, especially since you are not good friends with any of the other wives. You'll just be sitting there by yourself kicking away at yourself for spending so much money to watch a bunch of drunk guys talking about work (which is what it always turns into).

 

[jsmith]

Ill play-lol-and yeah i think yours was alot-but not huge comparitively
Hubby is a senior NCO in the National Gaurd-once a year the govenor of the state he drills in (not the one we live in-the installation we are at is because of my civilian job) hosts a mandantory event for Field grades and sr NCOS-
our cost breakdown for this year

New Field artillery Red ballgown -because ive worn the same black one for years and hubby is tired of it-120.00 on sale
new bra to keet the girls in check in new gown-80.00
customer sevice stripes for dress blues ( did you know if you need more than 9 its a special order?) 87.00
having custom stripes put on-cause im not gonna do it-17.00
Two nights in a hotel-ball is on drill weekend and its this or take two cars so i can come home early-its a 200 mile drive-so-one car-140.00 ( gov rate)
Tickets-80.00
i do my nails all the time anyway-so wont really count that-but theres another 30.00
and my hair needs colored and cut anyway-but ill spend about 200.00 at the salon.
no child care-they are grown-thank goodness -but still $ 964.00 with out gas

 

[Disneywedding2010]

I'm a navy widow and as far as the "uniform allowance covering the expenses" that is a load of crap. My husband was enlisted and it didn't even cover HALF of what he needed.

OP - You have been given some awesome ideas from people on the board. I personally never went to any of the balls because my husband was enlisted and we didn't feel the need to go, so we didn't. Now, if he is an officer and is required to be there I'd just simply make him go and you can stay home with the kids.

 

[iheartdisney]

Former military, current career navy wife...
I LOVE going to the Seabee ball... we have gone since we were dating. I LOVE the "adult prom!" So I'll break it down...

1. Babysitting-- You said you are uncomfortable asking for favors from friends... my BFF and i have a deal. I watch her kids overnight when she needs it, she watches mine overnight when i need it. Its not asking a favor, so much as helping each other out. I would be wayyy more comfortable with my kids at home, in their own beds, with our boundaries than I would at a child care facility.

2. Tickets--I don't think have ever been over $50. Ours base has fundraisers YEAR ROUND to offset the costs. It is even broken down that each command on base os responsible for bringing in a certain ammount to go to the Seabee Ball fund.
But as a poster has stated, the prices go by payscale, so your MIGHT be more than the enlisted tickets. Just a thought. Not a judgement or opening a door to an arguement!
And, I have been to balls at the Regan Library, fancy hotels, at the base gym and one year, at an empty warehouse on base (seriously, they had to bring in trailers for bathrooms and used front end loaders as decorations.) I would rather pay the extra $20 to eat dinner somewhere nice and not at the gym. (or warehouse!)


3. Dress--I have 4 dresses I have accumulted, and have just been rotating them for the last 5 years! Nobody cares. Undergarments are another story. The Spanx alone are $30. Nails- $30. Hair- $25, or DIY. Usually DIY.

4. Uniform expenses suck, that is all there is to that. After the last time he had his medals mounted (ouch!) I told him if they tried to give him another award, give it back!

5. Parking at the hotel issue, again, I think your base's ball commitee has dropped a few ...balls that is! Sorry, I couldn't resist!

6. Drinks--Ankle flask. Plus as the night wears on, people are usually buying rounds.

Like I said, it is really something that we look forward to, and I really enjoy the whole "prom" aspect, dressing up, going out, making him buy me flowers. Its nice!

 

[LovableGluttons]

My DH is retired Air Force.

He was enlisted and I was the breadwinner, working twelve hour nights in the civilian world with other civilians. I didn't have much in common with the other spouses.

My friends were always non military.

I went to one ball in twenty one years and thought the "traditions" silly. I definitely felt like a wet blanket so refused to go again.

Then again, I am frugal to a point and can think of things to do I would enjoy using that money instead. DH wasn't that into those events either.

OP, if you feel you would get $500 worth of fun out of going, please do it.

It would just really suck if you really wanted to have this night out and the expense prevented you from doing so.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Right, I'm probably not going...and Dh is required to attend as well...but of course I'm not

We don't have an FRG leader. This is unlike any unit I have ever experienced in 12 years of being married to a miltiary member. It is mainly civilian, and they do not deploy as a unit, so there is no need for any type of family support services. I have not met one other spouse from his unit, at all... There really hasn't been opportunity to. There was a family day, several months ago, but it was held in the middle of the day on a weekday--most spouses are at work, kids at school, etc.

I think my main gripe is the fact that the ball is held somewhere off base, which is causing so many additional expenses. Things like the dress, uniform upkeep, etc are of course expected, and would be the same regardless of where it is held. I think the tickets could be a lot more reasonable if it was held on base at a club, or a more local hotel--especially one that doesn't charge for parking.

Sounds like DH's office when we were in MD - mostly civilian but enough military around that as an officer he was "expected" at certain events. The branch military ball tickets were over $100 each but somehow we managed to be on leave during that one. We chose to live about a half hour away from post and loved it - less drama the further away you live!

In all honesty, I don't think any military member is "more than adequately compensated."

I have to agree.

Sad to see this thread took that "wearing my husband's rank" turn. Last time I checked we were all on the same side.

OP - is there someone you could fly in for a visit to watch the kids like another poster suggested? At the rate you are paying for babysitting you could buy a cheap plane ticket in/out of BWI on Southwest for a family member to come visit.

Have fun at the ball.

 

[edk35]

Former military, current career navy wife...
I LOVE going to the Seabee ball... we have gone since we were dating. I LOVE the "adult prom!" So I'll break it down...

1. Babysitting-- You said you are uncomfortable asking for favors from friends... my BFF and i have a deal. I watch her kids overnight when she needs it, she watches mine overnight when i need it. Its not asking a favor, so much as helping each other out. I would be wayyy more comfortable with my kids at home, in their own beds, with our boundaries than I would at a child care facility.

2. Tickets--I don't think have ever been over $50. Ours base has fundraisers YEAR ROUND to offset the costs. It is even broken down that each command on base os responsible for bringing in a certain ammount to go to the Seabee Ball fund.
But as a poster has stated, the prices go by payscale, so your MIGHT be more than the enlisted tickets. Just a thought. Not a judgement or opening a door to an arguement!
And, I have been to balls at the Regan Library, fancy hotels, at the base gym and one year, at an empty warehouse on base (seriously, they had to bring in trailers for bathrooms and used front end loaders as decorations.) I would rather pay the extra $20 to eat dinner somewhere nice and not at the gym. (or warehouse!)


3. Dress--I have 4 dresses I have accumulted, and have just been rotating them for the last 5 years! Nobody cares. Undergarments are another story. The Spanx alone are $30. Nails- $30. Hair- $25, or DIY. Usually DIY.

4. Uniform expenses suck, that is all there is to that. After the last time he had his medals mounted (ouch!) I told him if they tried to give him another award, give it back!

5. Parking at the hotel issue, again, I think your base's ball commitee has dropped a few ...balls that is! Sorry, I couldn't resist!

6. Drinks--Ankle flask. Plus as the night wears on, people are usually buying rounds.

Like I said, it is really something that we look forward to, and I really enjoy the whole "prom" aspect, dressing up, going out, making him buy me flowers. Its nice!

Great ideas!!!

 

[jsmith]

Sad to see this thread took that "wearing my husband's rank" turn. Last time I checked we were all on the same side.

I didnt see that at all-other than there was alot of hes was or is enlisted so we didnt go stuff-and the misconception amount enlisted people that the unform allowance covers officer uniforms. There is the additional misconception that enlist dont ever pay for uniforms-its all one and the same.
its definately a spendy proposition-but i always enjoy them-get to see people i havent for a while-catch up on things and step away from work for a bit.

 

[littlezar]

Our expenses:

1. Babysitting-- $130 My parents have timed their trips to coincide with the ball 3 times. I also had a friend stay at my house with them once. (No kids the other times, LOL)


2. Tickets--$111 per person. Wow! I don't think we've ever paid more than $60 per couple

3. Dress-- I have one dress that I'm just dying to wear again but my hubby has been deployed in November the past 2 years, this year and will be again next year! I've worn it for 3 balls - the way I see it, no one's gonna remember my dress because there's always people PCS'ing in and out. I also wear my heeled biker boots underneath it since it's floor length and no one's gonna see my shoes! I'm all about comfort!

If I got my hair done/nails done/make up...we're talking a few hundred more, so that's not happening I usually do my own hair & makeup, but have paid $50 for an updo a time or two. Know anybody that does hair - or knows someone that would come to you and do it for cheaper?

4. My husband (the military member)'s uniform--he already has...but it seems every year there is some type of little accessory, new ribbon/medal, minor alterations, etc. he needs to purchase...Yep, seems like anytime the dress blues are worn, the medals need to be remounted!

5. Parking is not included at the hotel (Again, why couldn't they just have it at a club on base?!?!?!?) and will be either $19 or $28, depending on if we want to self park, or valet...All the balls I've been to except for one were in the field house on base so definitely no parking fees.

6. Drinks--would depend, of course. We're not huge drinkers, and since we arent' spending the night, one of us would be soda only! I'm always the designated driver (free soda, woohoo, LOL) but yeah, the beer adds up especially when "somebody" buys a round!

So it looks like it's going to be at least $500 MINIMUM (that's if I don't get my hair/nails done, or even buy a new lipstick--and we both drink tap water only!!!) just for the ball.

Am I a cheapskate, or does this seem a little outrageous? Those of you who attend military balls, is this pretty typical in your experience too?

Yeah, it's pricy but honestly, I love going to the Marine Corps Ball. I love the ceremony, the Commandant's message and all the tradition. Hope you find ways to cut costs a bit and have a blast when you go!

 

[roadtripper]

Not military here, but I have to say that the price for that event seems really outrageous--even more so if there is more than one a year. And I don't get the intra-military snarkiness on this thread, but it sure seems mean spiritited to this civilian.

 

[pintamino]

I worked on a post this summer that was largely civilian... I was in the directorate office and was shocked at the sheer number of events the director and deputy (and past that, the supervisors!) were expected at. I imagine it's similar for an officer. Could you maybe find a cocktail dress that's fancy enough for the ball, but classic/simple enough to be your "little black dress" for future events? (or future balls... )

Thank you to your DH for his service and to you & your family for the sacrifices you make from this proud Army civilian!

(on a slightly off-topic note, it seems like hair and make-up are a huge cost. I'm a student but I also freelance make-up artistry on the side, would it be offensive of me to offer free or greatly reduced services - I'm thinking like $5 or $10 to cover the cost of the products - when our post has events like this? It seems like the wives -- of military members of any rank -- might appreciate it, but I'd hate to presume)

 

[MrsPete]

Dress--I found a dress that would be acceptable for about $100. I don't love it, but "it will do". Still, I hate to spend $100 on something I'm not really thrilled about. I have shoes I can wear, from a previous ball several years ago. Again, I"m not thrilled with them, but they will do. I will have to buy special lingerie to go under the dress...that's expensive! I"m thinking I'll end up spending at least $50 on undergarments alone!

If I got my hair done/nails done/make up...we're talking a few hundred more, so that's not happening

I don't know anything about military balls, but if this is an annual type of thing that you'll be attending year after year, you should pay attention to "cheap dress seasons". You can buy formal dresses for ridiculously low prices JUST AFTER prom season and New Year's.

If you buy a dress that's been slightly stained (as in someone wasn't careful while trying it on and got make-up on the dress) or has any type of small rip, it'll be cheaper still. Be sure to ASK. Very often they'll knock off something.

So keep an eye out for dresses, even if you don't have a "right now need". Some time back, I bought a formal that I love for $14. I've taken it on two cruises, so I've definitely had my money's worth from that purchase! I know my older daughter's going to her school's semi-formal every year, so we keep an eye out -- I've bought her great dresses, and I've never spent more than $40.

I don't see why you'd need special lingere. Surely you have some type of strapless bra, etc. already.

There is of course the option of not going.

DH is at the rank where he is expected to be there so he goes and I stay home.

You, as a spouse, are not required to attend.

Also you may want to talk to your FRG Leader so they can speak with the COC so for future balls you can be involved in fundraising efforts that could offset the price of the tickets.

Of course she has the option of not going -- but as a non-military person, I'd ask this question: Are these balls genuinely just an entertainment thing, or are they important to your husband's career? Are you "expected" to show up?

I ask this because although it's not official, I am absolutely expected to attend certain social events at my husband's office (again, non-military). I'm expected to show up dressed nicely, to make appropriate conversation, etc. I don't mind doing this because it helps him.

I don't agree with the fundraising idea. Fundraisers usually end up COSTING MORE out of pocket money, and they're extra work. BUT the OP's ideas on keeping costs down are valid. Perhaps she could join the committee and have some input on the venue? I'm sure she's not the only person who'd like to pay less for those tickets.

Military officers are not more than adequately compensated! When my dh graduated from college, he was making less than $25,000/yr as a 2nd LT. Had he taken a job in electrical engineering (his degree), he would have made at least twice that amount. Sure, the military paid for some of his education, but he still came out of college with student loans because they don't pay for everything. I can't say there was ever a time when we felt like we were just rolling in the money! My dh got out at 9 years and he is now making more than an O-6 and he would have had to stay in another 7-10 years to get to that point in the AF.

Who IS rolling in the money just after college? No matter what your degree, no matter military or civilian . . . NO ONE!

Don't over-look, too, the military allowances, the secure job (which lots of people certainly don't have!), the health care, and -- if he stays in long enough -- the pension. It's easy not to add in all those advantages. Yeah, it's a tough, tough job, but not many jobs are easy. No one pays you to do things that're easy and fun.

FYI: Lest you think I'm anti-military (which I'm not), my husband desperately wanted a military career, but a minor physical disability kept him out of the service. He sometimes mentions that he regrets that. I would've been very happy for him to have gone that route.

We also do the dress swap that someone else mentioned. This event is organized by the FRG leader. Each wife brings in a dress and gets a ticket. Teh FRG leader (and other volunteers) organize dresses by size, color, etc. Each spouse with a ticket is then allowed to "shop" for her new dress. We only allow a 1 for 1 swap on dresses.

This makes lots of sense! I'm sure many other wives would be interested in such a swap.

 

[uk_wildcat]

Don't over-look, too, the military allowances, the secure job (which lots of people certainly don't have!), the health care, and -- if he stays in long enough -- the pension. It's easy not to add in all those advantages. Yeah, it's a tough, tough job, but not many jobs are easy. No one pays you to do things that're easy and fun.

I think there are some people who come out of college making really good money. Just depends on what you have a degree in and where you go to work. You can also work your way up in many jobs based on merit in the civilian world. As a military officer, you are pretty much promoted in the beginning based solely on the number of years you are in. You can bust your butt and be ranked as the #1 LT or Captain in your unit and still make the same amount of money as the lazy guy working next to you. Sure, it is a pretty secure job, but the deployments, moving and being available 24/7/365 is not like many other jobs. Also, if you are married, your spouse may not be able to work on their own career due to the moving and base locations.
The health care is not the best, but you don't really have a choice, especially when you live overseas. Sure it is free, but that doesn't always make up for lack of care you may receive.
Don't get me wrong, I grew up with an enlisted Army dad and stepdad and spent 9 years as an AF wife - I wouldn't trade the experiences and lifestyle for anything. There are many positive things about being a military member and dependent, but the pay sure isn't one of them. On the outside it may look like there are lots of benefits and perks, but until you have lived it your whole life, you don't really see the whole picture.

 

[crisi]

Another thought is that if tickets are too expensive, volunteer your time to the fundraising committee.

I alluded to this in the Girl Scout thread, but I'm a GS troop leader and it drives me NUTS when parents complain about all the things we don't do, or about the cost of the things we do do - but don't step forward to help. For two years I've been the only leader, the cookie mom, the communications coordinator - everything. Its a volunteer job and I'm one person - there is only so much I can do and only so much I think of.

My guess is that the ball committee is mostly volunteer. If you don't like the way its being run - get involved! If you can't make it to meetings because of kids say "I can't make it to meetings, but I'll make phone calls." Once you are in and helping out, its easier to make your concerns known about cost and effort without sounding like someone just whining. Suddenly people listen when you say "people with young kids might not want to be away for the night - lets pick somewhere closer" or "maybe we could do the childcare on site." Or "how about pre-ball we host a dress swap."

ETA: I'd be willing to bet that these things are often run by the people who LOVE them and really look forward to them and save for them. The folks who "love grown up prom." And there isn't anything wrong with that - I have friends who host a huge formal party every year because they like getting dressed up and renting tuxes and dancing - we don't go because its babysitters and expense and the other end of town. All of us tend to think other people see things the way we do - and a lot of the people on the committee probably really don't realize that for a lot of military families, these things are an obligation and an unwanted expense. Making sure that the committee is balanced with a few points of view helps that.

 

[MrsPete]

I think there are some people who come out of college making really good money. Just depends on what you have a degree in and where you go to work. You can also work your way up in many jobs based on merit in the civilian world. As a military officer, you are pretty much promoted in the beginning based solely on the number of years you are in. You can bust your butt and be ranked as the #1 LT or Captain in your unit and still make the same amount of money as the lazy guy working next to you. Sure, it is a pretty secure job, but the deployments, moving and being available 24/7/365 is not like many other jobs. Also, if you are married, your spouse may not be able to work on their own career due to the moving and base locations.
The health care is not the best, but you don't really have a choice, especially when you live overseas. Sure it is free, but that doesn't always make up for lack of care you may receive.
Don't get me wrong, I grew up with an enlisted Army dad and stepdad and spent 9 years as an AF wife - I wouldn't trade the experiences and lifestyle for anything. There are many positive things about being a military member and dependent, but the pay sure isn't one of them. On the outside it may look like there are lots of benefits and perks, but until you have lived it your whole life, you don't really see the whole picture.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that military folks are rolling in the dough, or that they don't deserve every penny they earn. I'm not even saying that the perks are great -- I'm saying that you're over-estimating what other people in the civilian world have and are thus under-valuing what you have:

In my job, I also work on a pay scale and I can bust my butt to earn the very same pay as a lazy person. This is not uncommon.
Likewise, being on call all hours of the night is not uncommon. My husband goes out occasionally to do emergency work. My brother and my mother both have jobs that require the same thing.
My husband has passed up a couple very good jobs in other states because I (as a state employee) am tied to my pension here. We've judged that keeping my pension was more valuable than the increase he'd have had from moving.
Lots of jobs require that people move every 2-3 years.

You're right when you say that someone who isn't "in" the system doesn't grasp all the nuances . . . but that works the same way for the civilian world. Since you've been entrenched in the military, you don't necessarily realize just how those little things add up. I'll give one example: My husband talks about how when his dad retired and they came back to the US, he made a purchase and was shocked at paying sales tax (and how much it subtracted from his spendable money).

The point is that it's very easy to discount what you have and think that other people have it so much better.

I said in my earlier post that my husband really, really wanted a military career like his father had, but a small physical disability made that impossible. I really think that IF we could go back and measure the financial benefits he would've earned in the miltary vs. the financial benefits he's earned in the civilian world, it would be pretty close.

 

[Swimalie]

Where are you in NoVA and when is the ball? My son's elementary school is having a consignment sale on Oct 9th. I went to it 2 years ago and they had a lot of women's clothing and I would bet there would be some dresses there.

 

[budbeerlady]

Is there a local Goodwill or consignment shop that might offer a formal dress? I found my nice formal for a cruise last year at Goodwill for $5. I went right after prom season and had several to pick from. I had several compliments on it and I felt like a million $ because I not only looked great but I got a good deal!

 

[Suz725]

Mh is a Navy Chief and we are not going to the ball this year. Its on a Friday night..which is a work night for me. Its at Foxwoods..which the hotel rooms are big money..tickets are $50 a piece and I would have to buy a dress...easily making one night well over $500 plus I lose my busiest night at work (Im a bartender)