MIL problem!!!!!! HELP!

[jump00]

I am with the posters who stated that this needs to be discussed before the vacation. He should stress that he is willing to pay for his familys upgrade and that he appreciates the offer of the vacation. If the MIL is not happy or refuses, than he needs to thank her profusely but decline the offer. Perhaps a family trip would be great at another time.

I think that doing this at the theme park will just bring hurt feelings all around. Better to bring this up early.

Hope this turns out well. Families can be a precarious thing at times.

My fingers are crossed !!!!!

 

[lanejudy]

...(even though it's a 7 day trip only wants to purchase a 3 day hopper pass with water park option (she already bought it). Her "travel agent" friend said 3 days is MORE than enough!!!! I told my brother you need at least 7 days to enjoy all the parks ...

First, I think there are some unanswered questions. The trip is 7 days - is that 7 days at WDW, or does it include travel days on either end so 5 full days at WDW plus arrival and departure days? That can make a difference. We never do parks on arrival or departure day. If that's the case, a 3 day PH w/ WPF&M is probably good. They'll have time to do parks, water parks, and maybe DQ or mini-golf or something. No need to have a 7-day ticket.

...I would tell my kids that Gram was taking us all to WDW and we'd have three whole days in the parks and four days to do other stuff and isn't it great that she's doing this for us!...

I agree with this! It's all in how it's presented to the kids - if DB has an upbeat attitude, the kids will pick up on that; if he's (or you or other adult) constantly complaining that "3 days isn't long enough" then the kids will whine as well.

We recently did a 5-day vacation, with just 1 park day. Had a great time, in fact the best, most relaxing and enjoyable WDW trip ever! Arrival day - enjoyed the pool and DTD for dinner. 1 day at MK; 1 day at WWoS; 1 day mainly hanging at the pool then did the "Garden Tea Party" at GF. Then departure day - DTD for some final shopping before leaving. So definitely 3 days in the parks out of 7 days can be good as well.

Maybe DB and family can sit down with MIL with a planning video or guide book or the website. She may not realize how much there is to do. To that end, since this is DB's first trip he may not realize how much "non-park" things there are to do that the kids would love as well. Encourage him to do some research. But ultimately, if MIL is paying and takes the stance that she controls vacation when she's paying, then they need to make lemonade with those lemons and plan a way to make it enjoyable.

Good luck!

 

[tiredsportsmom]

You mention your DB but what about your DSIL? What does she think? Maybe she should discuss the plans with her mother!

My inlaws are going on vacation the same time we are and talked about going to Disney also. Even though they won't be paying for us I still told them what park days I'm planning and let them know they are welcomed to join us. For us this is not about cramming as much as we can into vacation. Especially since we haven't had one in 15 yrs or longer. This will also be DS6 first trip to FL. We are staying 15 days but only plan 4 Disney park days because DH doesn't like going! We also are deep sea fishing, and beach time, possibly Sea Wrold and Gatorland. I am taking into consideration everyone's likes and dislikes. So far DS6 is more excited about fishing, Gatorland and the beach than Disney World, loves looking at boat we are going out on, will not watch anything about the parks. I have to prepare myself that even he may not have fun at the parks and prefer to be in the condo pool.

Are you sure your DB & family will really need 7 days or are you basing that on you & your family's likes?

Not sure how old kids are but I know my DS and I know I have to be prepared to change plans or have a whinning, grumpy, hateful make me want to go home child. Kids are going to react different once they are off their normal rountine. Speaking from someone that hasn't been to Disney in years (1998 or '99) SOME time is better than NO time.

Your DB & DSIL should be making this decision together and if they have family meeting it should be done without the kids present so they don't get upset with parents of grandmother!

Good luck to all

just my 2 cents!

 

[Kristibo42]

hopefully her travel agent friend told MIL to purchase the tickets as part of a package from Disney (since they want to get the meal plan and the only way to get it is via a package (room, meal plan and tickets) or a ticketless AP situation)

Since they can upgrade the tickets onsite (once they realize that 3 days is not enough) - I wouldn't panic over it right now.

Dining plan is for room stay not park tickets. We are staying 7 nights but only getting a 5 day hopper pass and still getting the dining plan.

 

[NaLisa]

Another vote for a family meeting to iron things out beforehand. Going with wildly different expectations and the notion that one person in the group has the final say on everything sounds like a recipe for disaster.

And I would definitely suggest a new travel agent for your MIL.

 

[Mickey1Fan]

Sphinx610 - thanks for the advice once DS and DDIL have kids. I can't wait to be a Grandma, all my friends have Grandkids so I think it is my turn!

I have made it clear that the first trip with a Grandchild will be all about me and the Grandchild. If they want to come it is on their own dime I'll be footing the bill for a Grandma Grandkid trip only. DS and DDIL think I am kidding - but I am not!

 

[Mickey1Fan]

duplicate...

 

[Mickey1Fan]

The fact that you are concerned about it and trying not to overstep is more than many other people would do!

I try

 

[tjmj9801]

.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have made it clear that the first trip with a Grandchild will be all about me and the Grandchild. If they want to come it is on their own dime I'll be footing the bill for a Grandma Grandkid trip only. DS and DDIL think I am kidding - but I am not!

LOL! Good luck with that one My DD and DSIL invited DH and me, along with a few other family members along to experience WDW through Kady's eyes. DD would not have cared who paid, she was willing to share the moment, but it was clearly not just about Kady and me.

 

[jump00]

You mention your DB but what about your DSIL? What does she think? Maybe she should discuss the plans with her mother!

My inlaws are going on vacation the same time we are and talked about going to Disney also. Even though they won't be paying for us I still told them what park days I'm planning and let them know they are welcomed to join us. For us this is not about cramming as much as we can into vacation. Especially since we haven't had one in 15 yrs or longer. This will also be DS6 first trip to FL. We are staying 15 days but only plan 4 Disney park days because DH doesn't like going! We also are deep sea fishing, and beach time, possibly Sea Wrold and Gatorland. I am taking into consideration everyone's likes and dislikes. So far DS6 is more excited about fishing, Gatorland and the beach than Disney World, loves looking at boat we are going out on, will not watch anything about the parks. I have to prepare myself that even he may not have fun at the parks and prefer to be in the condo pool.

Are you sure your DB & family will really need 7 days or are you basing that on you & your family's likes?

Not sure how old kids are but I know my DS and I know I have to be prepared to change plans or have a whinning, grumpy, hateful make me want to go home child. Kids are going to react different once they are off their normal rountine. Speaking from someone that hasn't been to Disney in years (1998 or '99) SOME time is better than NO time.

Your DB & DSIL should be making this decision together and if they have family meeting it should be done without the kids present so they don't get upset with parents of grandmother!

Good luck to all

just my 2 cents!

Thanks for your response. My dsil wants to be at the disney parks as much as possible (like my db) . They only have one child (8) and she wants to see everything. They all want my input since I've travelled to Disney with my mil but thank god she left the planning up to me and we had a great time. (I also had her input too ) when I asked ( my mil)if she needed to rest I think she was offended !!! lol Anyways they love Disney and are not sure when they will be back so they want to roam the parks and see it at a leisurely pace. They aren't "pool" people.

 

[fairestoneofall]

This thread is scaring me

I am a fairly new MIL and am travelling with DS and DDIL for the first time in the fall for a week at WDW and a week on DCL.

I don't want to share a room at WDW because we will be together on the ship and I don't think the want Mom there for fourteen nights! We are also getting different park ticket options. I'm all for a six day base ticket while they are looking at a four day water parks and more so they can do four parks and two water parks.

I admit I am having trouble letting go a bit and not planning their portion, I keep telling myself it really does not matter. I am very blessed that they even want me to travel with them.

So far so good.

don't let this thread scare you! my MIL/FIL have been to WDW with us multiple times. they are always GREAT at WDW. they hang out with us most of the time, but they also will go off separately if there is something else they want to do.

you sound like a great MIL!!!

 

[Sugardimples]

I would stay out of it.

 

[TDC Nala]

I take it she expects the rest of the family to be on her schedule, which is her prerogative if she is paying for the trip.

At any rate, a lot of the best restaurants are in the resorts and do not require park admission. You do not need park access to eat at restaurants that are not inside the parks. I'm taking it that you (the OP) are not part of this trip, it's your brother and his family. You could assist them in planning how to use their park and water park admissions so they get a shot at most of the good stuff (since there is no way that they are going to get to see "everything" in one trip.) It's probably better to take into account what they will be able to do than to get them stressed over what they won't. At the very least they will probably need to plan meals together, outside the parks if MIL doesn't have admission, but having to eat outside the parks is not that big a deal.

If your brother is OK with spending some, he could upgrade his family's tickets so they can go to parks, but it may not be a good idea to leave the mother-in-law behind. The biggest problem facing brother and his family is that she is PAYING for the trip. That gives her power over their trip. In this situation I would guess that if the brother wants to do what he wants to do, he needs to pay for his own trip. He'll have to chat with her and see what her expectations are, find out that if he wants to add more park days to his family's tickets would she be offended if they went off without her while she sits at the pool. Or he could offer to upgrade her ticket as well. If she says no, he really doesn't have a choice except to either 1) suck it up and take the free trip on her terms 2) offend her or 3) decline the trip entirely (which might also offend her).

 

[Good Morning Dewdrop]

Dining plan is for room stay not park tickets. We are staying 7 nights but only getting a 5 day hopper pass and still getting the dining plan.

yes, sorry if I wasn't clear about that. My concern was that the OP said the MIL had already purchased the tickets. If she purchased them from another party (ie not directly from Disney) then they cannot get the meal plan. **

** edited to add at least that's how I remember it working (we haven't paid for the meal plan since the first trip so maybe I'm just thinking about FD). You have to get the package - room, tickets and meal plan together....?

 

[TDC Nala]

I believe the OP said that they already had a dining plan, so MIL must have purchased the tickets as part of a package. Unless she is a DVC member (or is renting DVC points).

 

[fairy8i8]

Thanks for your response. My dsil wants to be at the disney parks as much as possible (like my db) . They only have one child (8) and she wants to see everything. They all want my input since I've travelled to Disney with my mil but thank god she left the planning up to me and we had a great time. (I also had her input too ) when I asked ( my mil)if she needed to rest I think she was offended !!! lol Anyways they love Disney and are not sure when they will be back so they want to roam the parks and see it at a leisurely pace. They aren't "pool" people.

How is your MIL for communication? How many days did you go with her? Because she doesn't seem to want to do the same sort of vacation with your DB... Maybe start with talking to her about what she wants and let her plan the vacation, then once you see what is important to her, come back with suggestions to make everyone happy. It's hard to give advice when there are so many details we just don't know about your family. Family dynamics are so different.

Assuming she wants more relaxation, doesn't like the parks so much, and likes pool time, maybe you should do a classic touring plan strategy. Have an early breakfast together, maybe even sometimes an 8am ADR in the park for a 9am opening (depending on when you are going). Tour the parks in the morning, and then leave around 12pm. Grab lunch at one of the nearby resorts or your resort, and then hang out by the pool/take naps in the afternoon. Get changed for dinner, eat together, and then go to a park for some more rides and the night show. Go to bed on the early side, by around 10pm or so depending on the show schedule, and the do it again. It can be win-win. So long as your family is not a bunch of night owls, then getting up early and getting to the parks for rope drop will give everyone the chance to see a ton of attractions with shorter waits (who doesn't want that), you don't have to stand in a mile long line for food for lunch, because you will be out of the parks, and often get a better lunch. MIL has a LOOONG break in the middle of the day relaxing, and the kids have fun and get refreshed. You have a nice dinner together, and by then everyone has the energy to hit the parks again. Who doesn't like fireworks?

If you are a bunch of night owls, take the opposite approach. Sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, hit the pool or go shopping. Have a late lunch and then be in the park for the afternoon parade. Have people save seats while others grab Fastpasses, and then enjoy the parade. Se some of the "anytime" attractions with shorter lines, grab dinner, and then party until the park closes, again taking advantage of the short lines at closing.

MIL gets pool time, everyone gets park time with shorter waits and cooler weather, and you get a lot of together time.

I did Disneyland with my DH's family. He comes from a family with 6 kids plus spouses and grandkids, just to give you an idea of the craziness of just managing a vacation like that. Yes, because we did not have private sleeping arrangements, I did at one point discuss not coming on another vacation with his family until we could afford to pay for our own room with DH during that trip (we didn't have the funds at the time to pay for any vacations as DH was still in grad school). However, his family is very important to him, and saying we couldn't go on a trip with them just because of some uncomfortable circumstances wouldn't be fair to DH. So now I just view family reunions as fun reunions- I don't pretend that they are for me to enjoy things I want to do. Instead, they are for me to enjoy time with my husband's family.

 

[jump00]

How is your MIL for communication? How many days did you go with her? Because she doesn't seem to want to do the same sort of vacation with your DB... Maybe start with talking to her about what she wants and let her plan the vacation, then once you see what is important to her, come back with suggestions to make everyone happy. It's hard to give advice when there are so many details we just don't know about your family. Family dynamics are so different.

Assuming she wants more relaxation, doesn't like the parks so much, and likes pool time, maybe you should do a classic touring plan strategy. Have an early breakfast together, maybe even sometimes an 8am ADR in the park for a 9am opening (depending on when you are going). Tour the parks in the morning, and then leave around 12pm. Grab lunch at one of the nearby resorts or your resort, and then hang out by the pool/take naps in the afternoon. Get changed for dinner, eat together, and then go to a park for some more rides and the night show. Go to bed on the early side, by around 10pm or so depending on the show schedule, and the do it again. It can be win-win. So long as your family is not a bunch of night owls, then getting up early and getting to the parks for rope drop will give everyone the chance to see a ton of attractions with shorter waits (who doesn't want that), you don't have to stand in a mile long line for food for lunch, because you will be out of the parks, and often get a better lunch. MIL has a LOOONG break in the middle of the day relaxing, and the kids have fun and get refreshed. You have a nice dinner together, and by then everyone has the energy to hit the parks again. Who doesn't like fireworks?

If you are a bunch of night owls, take the opposite approach. Sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, hit the pool or go shopping. Have a late lunch and then be in the park for the afternoon parade. Have people save seats while others grab Fastpasses, and then enjoy the parade. Se some of the "anytime" attractions with shorter lines, grab dinner, and then party until the park closes, again taking advantage of the short lines at closing.

MIL gets pool time, everyone gets park time with shorter waits and cooler weather, and you get a lot of together time.

I did Disneyland with my DH's family. He comes from a family with 6 kids plus spouses and grandkids, just to give you an idea of the craziness of just managing a vacation like that. Yes, because we did not have private sleeping arrangements, I did at one point discuss not coming on another vacation with his family until we could afford to pay for our own room with DH during that trip (we didn't have the funds at the time to pay for any vacations as DH was still in grad school). However, his family is very important to him, and saying we couldn't go on a trip with them just because of some uncomfortable circumstances wouldn't be fair to DH. So now I just view family reunions as fun reunions- I don't pretend that they are for me to enjoy things I want to do. Instead, they are for me to enjoy time with my husband's family.

FYI - We have different mils !!!! (he is my brother) lol. Thanks for your insight. I will show this to my brother. He is the sweetest guy and wants to see as much as Disney as he can with the family. I think you have laid out some good compromises!!!

 

[Gracefulskinny]

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."



Let MIL stay with her 3 day PH pass which would give your family a day or so without the MIL....which maybe EXACTLY what everyone needs....if you get my drift. Keep in mind, that your MIL could be doing this on purpose...she maybe smarter than you think !!!

 

[Flametamr]

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

It sounds like MIL is interested in TL and BB so maybe you would be better off with the 4 day(5th free) PH pass with water parks which would give you 5 park days and an equal water park days. 5 days would be more than enough to do all of the parks and then a few days to share with MIL at the water parks.

Let MIL stay with her 3 day PH pass which would give your family a day or so without the MIL....which maybe EXACTLY what everyone needs....if you get my drift. Keep in mind, that your MIL could be doing this on purpose...she maybe smarter than you think !!!

Where are you purchasing these buy4get1free tickets ??? These would be prefect for us.