MIL called, wants to bring relatives for a visit while we vacation...update page 2

[phorsenuf]

Here's the scenario. Me, my DH and 3 DS's go camping every year at the same spot It is something we really look forward to and it is a special time for us. My MIL is up north for the summer. My DH neice and her DH and DD are coming up for a 2 weeks visit. They live a couple of towns over from my MIL but also have relatives up here too. One week we will be home, the other week on vacation. She called me today to see if they could come up to visit us while we are on vacation in case they can't make it the week we are home. Well, I hmmm'd and hawed beofre I reluctantly said I gggguuuueeesssssssssssssssss.................
it was very evident I wasn't thrilled with the idea and I'm sure she sensed it in my voice (not that it would matter) I told her I would see what DH says.
The family lives in TN and we aren't really all that close to them. She is my DH sisters daughter. My SIL was up a couple of months ago visiting family and friends, but I guess we weren't high enough on theiir list because they didn't come to see us or even call. She is my DH's only sibling...nice, huh???
I really do not feel like entertaining while I am on vacation. Now if it was my sis or another family member we saw all the time it would be different because we wouldn't feel we would need to be with them the whole time since we see them all the time. There are alot of planned activities all day long where we go and we enjoy participating in them.
They have a 2 year old daughter that won't come anywhere near us. You even look at this child and she starts screaming.
I don't mean to sound selfish, but is this really the time to be entertaining? We will be home the week prior and they could visit then as far as I am concerned.
Would you suck it up and say OK or tell them we'll get together the week prior.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

If I may borrow a few words from Nancy Reagan.....

"Just Say No"...

 

[CindysGusGus]

I agree with you 100%. That is your family time, you shouldnt have to entertain others. I would let her know (in a nice manner) that that week would not be good, maybe another week when you are at home or something. If she insists I would have your husband talk to her. I make my DH handle all of his family affairs seeing as I am not a favorite in the family anyway. But I take care of all of mine. Its not his responsiblity. Hope it works out for you!

 

[Pooh67_68]

I would tell them to come up the week prior.

 

[clh2]

Just say NO!

Entertaining=work Which is what I try to avoid on a vacation.

 

[Wishing on a star]

no... NO.... NO!!!!!

It is entirely innapropriate for anyone to invite themselves to anyone elses personal family vacation... period!

(Sending you a PM)

 

[sk!mom]

I would very nicely say, "The week at home would work better for us, what day would you like to stop by our house?"

From your description of the relationship, you shouldn't feel bad or worry about it.

The older I get the easier it is for me to "just say no", but I've always been pretty good at setting boundaries.

Just remind yourself that some would consider them rude to invite themselves.

 

[Pooh's Pal]

Am I reading this post right....they want to join you on your vacation, at the camp ground?
I would never think of doing that, even if it was family, unless they invited me.
She's your neice? Just tell her no, let her go visit her grandmother! (your MIL correct?)

 

[Dopeygirl]

Being that I hate confrontation, I'd probably go along with it. But I'd be mad! LOL If I weren't one to avoid confrontation, I'm with everyone else--tell them you'd love to see them the week prior but that week just isn't good for you.

 

[poohandwendy]

Definitely say NO and do it soon so that they don't make solid plans that are a hassle to change. It was inconsiderate for them to ask, IMHO. And you are just going to brew and stress about it...don't allow a happy trip turn into a nightmare...

I would just say "We've discussed it and that will really not work out for us, is there another time where we can get together?"

 

[Mommo]

I wish you luck in dealing with your in-laws. I would like to add that the ones we set boundries for often overlook them and I would make sure no one knows the exact location you will be vacationing. Enjoy yourself!

 

[aprilgail2]

Tell them you are sorry but its time you want just for your family and you hope to catch up with them another time. Heck when I am on vaction I I won't even visit my own relatives even though some live right near Disney when I go....its my vacation I don't want to have to visit people or have people visit me!

 

[crz4mm2]

I would simply say "we will be home on 'x,y,z' after that we will be on VACATION and won't be available to visit with". Done.
Saying No is very hard for some of us, especially with relatives involved. But you Deserve a vacation with YOUR family and without people that irritate you!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I always give the standard answer..."I will have to talk it over with DH."

DH and I discuss then if the answer is NO we call them back and tell them. By then the shock is worn off and you can confidently & nicely explain why.

I would call them back quick and tell them you talked it over and decided that it is not a good idea & be honest in a nice way.

 

[ScarlettO]

So they want to visit you at the campground??

Heck ,no, I'd tell them your days have already been planned with activities, maybe another time. And leave it at that.

 

[hentob]

In a sweet voice say "I spoke to DH and I am sorry, but it is not going to work out." You don't have to give an explanation. It is apparent that intruding on your vacation is no big deal for any of these people involved, so why waste your breath explaining it to them?

If MIL persists, just keep saying, "Oh, I am so sorry. That isn't an option for us."

Some people I can't believe they would even ask. Esp. since you aren't very close to them. Weird.

Hentob

 

[phorsenuf]

So I tell my Dh about it and he then talks to his mom. She tells him she hadn't talked to Jane (the neice) yet, but she figured that it would work out better because Janes mom (Sue) made her a list and ITINERARY of who and when to visit people. Well, Jane says she wants to come visit her cousins (our kids). Sounds to me like we weren't even on the list since Janes making a point to try to come see us!

Can you believe this! This girl is 26 years old and her mother is telling her who and when to visit people! get real! (her mother and father hung out with them on their honeymoon night. Actually took their vacation to the same place where they were honeymooning.... .......

This family just drives me nuts! Now I'm starting to get stressed because I am not happy about this at all. DH knows I am irritated but I really didn't want to talk about it last night until I simmered down a little about it.

So what if they plan to come on say, Tuesday and its rainy. Are they going to blow us off? Do we then have to wait around for them to pick a nice day to visit us? I don't think so!

I'm going to talk with DH again tonight and tell him I am not happy and it just can't happen. Its not fair to the kids that they need to feel obligated to visit relatives while on vacation. They are sooo excited to go! I was too. I just want to get away and relax and worry about nothing!

So, we'll see what happens.......
I hope (wow, I actually said that??) that my MIL calls today and I will let her know that the prior week would be much better and easier to plan. I'm sure it woun't make any difference tho......

Oh yeah, it would also cost them $8 per person to visit for the day and they could only stay until 6pm. That may deter them because MIL is pretty cheap!

So much for looking forward to vacation.......