Middle school basketball help - vent - frustration

[Trish Bessette]

Why? I totally don't go along with this theory. If you are voting for the best person then you vote for yourself unless you don't feel you are the best.

Sorry do you really think Obama or any other politician didn't vote for themselves?

Seriously if you don't feel you can vote for yourself then why should anyone else. thinking that it is polite to not is out dated and IMO just wrong. It isn't passing the cookies it is voting.

I agree!

I think I didn't make this clear - each girl DID have to vote TWICE. My DD was going to write her name but then asked the coach if she could vote for herself and that is when the other girl said that was selfish so my DD didn't do it.

So DD was polite and didn't do it. YOu can bet I told her not to listen to any bratty teenage girl and next time vote for herself. It was a life lesson learned the hard way.

 

[bunny]

My son also attends a very small school and is on the middle school basketball team. So I am aware of the dynamics the OP is talking about. To give an opposing viewpoint, my son is playing on a team that is dominated by one or two players. He is not one of them. These players are clearly better than the other ones and also make most of the shots and therefore most of the points. Everyone on the team is aware of who the best players are. The kids want to win, so they always pass to these players. The only problem is the other players don't ever really get a chance to shoot and improve their skills. I understand basketball is competitive but I also think at this age should be about honing skills.

To simply say that the other girls are mean and jealous is too simplistic. The OP's daughter may be dominating the game whether consciously or not and not allowing the other players much time to play. This is the coach's job. If the coach is not teaching them plays, he is not doing his job.

To the OP, you sound upset, but you also don't sound like much of a team player yourself. You say repeatedly how your daughter makes most of the points, your daughter is the best player, etc. Obviously there is something else besides jealousy going on if the other players don't like her. She needs to work on becoming more of a team player. And I agree that you need to step back. She needs to work it out herself. It is hard to see your child struggle socially but that is important for their development.

I am only saying this because I see how dejected my son gets after a game even if they win. He goes to every practice and works his little heart out and then when the game comes he doesn't get many opportunities to score. I know that is also a life lesson but it is frustrating. Maybe the other players thought since your daughter gets to make most of the shots, someone else should get the honor of being captain.

 

[Trish Bessette]

To simply say that the other girls are mean and jealous is too simplistic. The OP's daughter may be dominating the game whether consciously or not and not allowing the other players much time to play. This is the coach's job. If the coach is not teaching them plays, he is not doing his job.

To the OP, you sound upset, but you also don't sound like much of a team player yourself. You say repeatedly how your daughter makes most of the points, your daughter is the best player, etc. Obviously there is something else besides jealousy going on if the other players don't like her. She needs to work on becoming more of a team player. And I agree that you need to step back. She needs to work it out herself. It is hard to see your child struggle socially but that is important for their development.

I have to respectfully disagree with youI am a team player. DD DOES make a lot of points because she is the one working the court and the girls pass it back to her. I am proud to say she is the best player on the team. What is wrong with that? This is a game, she can't stand on the court, pass the ball, end up getting it back and then say "I don't want it" The other players didn't want her captain....end of story. They DO like her as she goes over many of the girls houses and they text back in forth every night.

I need to step back - from doing what? I've only talked to the coach about this today after SHE called me at work about the captain outcome

 

[bunny]

I have to respectfully disagree with youI am a team player. DD DOES make a lot of points because she is the one working the court and the girls pass it back to her. I am proud to say she is the best player on the team. What is wrong with that? This is a game, she can't stand on the court, pass the ball, end up getting it back and then say "I don't want it" The other players didn't want her captain....end of story. They DO like her as she goes over many of the girls houses and they text back in forth every night.

I need to step back - from doing what? I've only talked to the coach about this today after SHE called me at work about the captain outcome

I didn't mean to make you mad. And it is okay to be proud of your daughter. But if you want any of the other parents to like you, I wouldn't say in front of them that she is "the best player". In terms of stepping back I just meant stay out of it. So far you have.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I didn't mean to make you mad. And it is okay to be proud of your daughter. But if you want any of the other parents to like you, I wouldn't say in front of them that she is "the best player". In terms of stepping back I just meant stay out of it. So far you have.

Oh I'm not mad and I would NEVER say that in front of any other parents. I know you don't know me from Adam but I am not that type of person. I'm the biggest Mom cheerleader at the school - for EVERY player!

 

[bballmom56]

Trish ~ having gone through bball (as in my user name ) with both DD and DS, I think you are handling it well. Girls can be very difficult. Fortunately we didn't have that.

I just wanted to add that since your DD seems to be very good, are there opportunities for her to play on a team with more competitive players? Either a travel team, AAU team or CYO team? If she has not learned plays and how to run them yet (as she is the PG) she will be at a disadvantage in high school.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Trish ~ having gone through bball (as in my user name ) with both DD and DS, I think you are handling it well. Girls can be very difficult. Fortunately we didn't have that.

I just wanted to add that since your DD seems to be very good, are there opportunities for her to play on a team with more competitive players? Either a travel team, AAU team or CYO team? If she has not learned plays and how to run them yet (as she is the PG) she will be at a disadvantage in high school.

LOVE your username

She will be playing AAU this year. She played on a mini metro team which is different from her school. Plus she attends the University of Vermont summer camp as well at St. Michaels summer camp. She got voted the best player at St. Mike's this past summer

 

[bballmom56]

LOVE your username

She will be playing AAU this year. She played on a mini metro team which is different from her school. Plus she attends the University of Vermont summer camp as well at St. Michaels summer camp. She got voted the best player at St. Mike's this past summer

Excellent! Then try to have her not worry too much about the middle school team. It's tough, I know, but maybe it's more important for her to do whatever she needs to do to have the other girls get along with her. Or maybe that just won't happen.

See, that's part of the problem with the kids who complain about the better players. The better players are playing as much as they can, wherever they can. I can't tell you how many days I would spend taking DS to one practice or another, clinics, camps, personal training, etc. He played all year round. And then would practice shooting in the driveway. I'm sure many of the girls who are complaining pick up a ball at the first practice of the season and after the last game don't touch it again.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

Kids without as much talent and ball handling skills will always pass the ball the more talented player when they feel pressure. Not your daughter's fault if the other players constantly pass her the ball because they aren't confident enough in their own skills.

 

[Buckalew11]

I can relate to this. But by the time DD was in 8th grade they were running plays--thank God!!!! DD was the point guard also and points were spread pretty evenly between 3 or 4 kids that year. It looked more like a team, for sure.

My biggest surprise was at the end of the season when DD won the MVP of the tournament. She was the first defensive player to win that award & they made a big deal about that. I remember her saying that she hoped her teammates did not find out she won because there'd be trouble. I poo-pooed it at the time but actually it did cause trouble.

My advice is simple...watch her with these girls off the court. My DD was bullied by 3 of her teammates (plus 2 more from her class) and it was the most horrible thing we've been through. Middle school girls esp. can be cruel and sometimes what happens on the court carries over off the court.

 

[bonoriffic]

I understand basketball is competitive but I also think at this age should be about honing skills.

Practice is the time for honing skills, not games. At practice you also want to go up against the best, it is the only way you can get better.

To the OP, you sound upset, but you also don't sound like much of a team player yourself. You say repeatedly how your daughter makes most of the points, your daughter is the best player, etc. Obviously there is something else besides jealousy going on if the other players don't like her. She needs to work on becoming more of a team player.

The OP made it clear her daughter goes to great lengths to involve other players, but they always turn to her to score. I've been on teams where the best player wasn't a likeable person. Who cares. They were a great athlete and helped us reached our full potential. If you want to enjoy friendship and humor, seek out recreational leagues. A good player should never make excuses for their talent. Being well liked doesn't make the ball go in the hoop.

 

[bunny]

Being well liked doesn't make the ball go in the hoop.

But it does make middle school and high school a lot easier. Unfortunately those years are all about popularity.

 

[N&B'smom]

Ohhhh, I remember this sort of thing very well. Had to deal with it a bit myself when I switched to a new small school for my junior and senior year. It was field hockey though, the star of their team was NOT happy to see me at all, especially when they gave me her position.

My brother dealt with it as well with soccer. Same thing, it was time to vote for MVP and such....one player went around and instead of telling everyone that they shouldn't vote for him he convinced them all to vote him MIP (most improved). I guess he thought if they did that they wouldn't also vote for him to be MVP.

Boy did that backfire...all the kids voted and my brother got BOTH!

 

[NMAmy]

A good player should never make excuses for their talent. Being well liked doesn't make the ball go in the hoop.

This is exactly the opposite philosophy that I taught my dd at that age. So much for teamwork. You sound like a lot of the parents in the rec league, actually.

Realistically, how many of these kids are going to go on to a college scholarship or a career in the WNBA? Seems like it's a really good idea to learn how to get along with others while playing on a team.

And, for the record, dd did get offered a basketball scholarship but turned it down because her academic scholarship paid for more. Kids don't have to be bad sports in order to get ahead.

 

[bonoriffic]

This is exactly the opposite philosophy that I taught my dd at that age. So much for teamwork. You sound like a lot of the parents in the rec league, actually.

Realistically, how many of these kids are going to go on to a college scholarship or a career in the WNBA? Seems like it's a really good idea to learn how to get along with others while playing on a team.

And, for the record, dd did get offered a basketball scholarship but turned it down because her academic scholarship paid for more. Kids don't have to be bad sports in order to get ahead.

My comment you have issue with was in reference to someone who felt their kid should have gotten a chance to play more because they tried hard. Trying hard and producing aren't related. You go with the one who produces results. Unless you are in a for fun league, which this wasn't the case.

The OP made it clear their daughter was being a good team player ON the court. Being best pals with your team mates OFF the court seems to be what everyone is advocating. Who cares if a few girls on the team dislike you, everyone seems to think that means everyone in the whole school dislikes her. That was never the topic but seems to be what everyone assumes.

Kobe Bryant and Shaq HATE each other. They can't stand the sight of each other, yet won championships together. Why? They played good team ball ON the court. You don't have to have slumber parties with your team mates to be considered a good team mate. The OP daughter should focus on doing the right thing ON the court, and who cares about the other stuff. Great athletes rise above the other distractions.

 

[mumom95]

A good player should never make excuses for their talent. Being well liked doesn't make the ball go in the hoop.

But, being able to put the ball in the hoop doesn't make a person a good leader either. And the team captain should be a good leader, someone the other players respect and will listen to. It doesn't sound like the OP's daughter is that player, at least not the one that the other players will listen to (if she had been, they would have voted for her, but instead they listened to the other girl).

 

[MELSMICE]

My DD played AAU & high school ball for many years. I've seen some great point guards, which it sounds like your DD is.

Tell your DD that it is a team sport, but she should also play her game. Pass the ball when it should be passed & if it's passed back to her & she has an opportunity to score then she should make the attempt.

Tell her to be a humble player, be a leader and a team player, always do her best & keep her head held high regardless of what is said & what she hears.

 

[MELSMICE]

My son also attends a very small school and is on the middle school basketball team. So I am aware of the dynamics the OP is talking about. To give an opposing viewpoint, my son is playing on a team that is dominated by one or two players. He is not one of them. These players are clearly better than the other ones and also make most of the shots and therefore most of the points. Everyone on the team is aware of who the best players are. The kids want to win, so they always pass to these players. The only problem is the other players don't ever really get a chance to shoot and improve their skills. I understand basketball is competitive but I also think at this age should be about honing skills.

To simply say that the other girls are mean and jealous is too simplistic. The OP's daughter may be dominating the game whether consciously or not and not allowing the other players much time to play. This is the coach's job. If the coach is not teaching them plays, he is not doing his job.

To the OP, you sound upset, but you also don't sound like much of a team player yourself. You say repeatedly how your daughter makes most of the points, your daughter is the best player, etc. Obviously there is something else besides jealousy going on if the other players don't like her. She needs to work on becoming more of a team player. And I agree that you need to step back. She needs to work it out herself. It is hard to see your child struggle socially but that is important for their development.

I am only saying this because I see how dejected my son gets after a game even if they win. He goes to every practice and works his little heart out and then when the game comes he doesn't get many opportunities to score. I know that is also a life lesson but it is frustrating. Maybe the other players thought since your daughter gets to make most of the shots, someone else should get the honor of being captain.

I have seen many girls basketball games. If her DD is the best on the team, then she's the best on the team. My DD was not, but I would never take credit away from the child that was. They scored the most points because they were the most aggressive and talented players.

I'm sure your son is working hard, but there are other players that are better than him. I've been through this with my DD..............there were many tears after many games. There were also some great life lessons.

Not everyone can be the best. You admitted yourself that your son is not. The best players are going to score the most points in most games. That doesn't mean the other remaining members of the team can't score just as many or have great games also. They have to work twice as hard though. It's not right or wrong, it's just the nature of the game.

 

[shortbun]

The coach sounds smart. Tell your daughter to play like she's coached and nothing less. She should be concerned about the team but she should also be playing her best. The other parents are not good sports and they need to get over it because as soon as they hit high school, the coaches do not want to hear whining from parents.

 

[hambirg]

The vast majority of parents have little clue to the actual strategy and dynamics of the sport their kid plays. They just know the basic rules and how much game time their kid is or isn't receiving. I'm fairly certain there were parents grumbling about LeBron James in 8th grade too.

My brother-in-law is a high school basketball coach and fields parent complaints constantly. He tells them bluntly that if you want to know why your kid isn't playing, come to our practices. If you want to know why one player shoots more than others, come to practice and see why that player is better than your kid.

Parents grumble, but the players know the real story. If they had a problem with the situation they would never pass her the ball back. If she wants to hang back for a game, go ahead and do it to prove a point. But a true competitor wouldn't throw the game on purpose. Usually a ball hog will be sent a message from the coach. As that isn't happening keep playing her game.

This isn't the pros so being voted captain is a popularity contest, especially for girls at that age.

ITA

We ran into this with my son playing football this year. He's in 4th grade and it was his first year. He's actually pretty good and played starting tight end, starting kick-off and receiving teams. By mid-season he was also a starting defensive back. He pretty much played every down. There were lots of parents that grumbled about playing time for their kids, but that is exactly how the coaches dealt with it.

Btw, I did go to all the practices. . .so I know why my son got a lot of playing time. He was coachable. A lot of the other boys did nothing but goof of during practices and then didn't know what to do when they did get called in. The coaches were harping on them all the time, "Pay attention! This is why you aren't starting or getting as much playing time as you want. You have to do the work!"

I guess it's just the nature of sports. Let the coach deal with the situation though. And it sounds like that is what the OP is going to do.