Mean Kids (vent!)

[Sandy V.]

Ever just want to throttle someone else's kid when they say something to yours that undermines their confidence/hurts their feelings?



My 16 year old daughter, who plays soccer year-round and is VERY fit, won't wear a swimsuit bottom this year - only shorts - because some CRUEL boy in her class at school this year several months ago made a jab at her about "How long did it take you this morning to put on those jeans?" - with the implication that her butt is too big!

She barely knows the kid, but took the remark to heart - I just found out about it this morning!! The ironic part is that this creep has moderate weight issues (which I feel bad for him for, but not badly enough to let him say this kind of crap to my daughter!).

She can be too sensitive for her own good sometimes, but it just irriatates the heck out of me that this little twit made her sad. Girls have enough "body confidence" issues without adding one more!

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better just getting this off my chest.

Sandy

 

[NMAmy]

Your poor daughter. I don't know why these girls take this stuff so to heart--my dd does it, too. I've told her that people only try to make others feel bad if they feel bad about themselves. It seems to have helped but it still hurts when others are so cruel. Just kinda makes you want to smack the little brats, doesn't it?

 

[CindysGusGus]

She could have turned around and said "Too bootylicious for you thats for sure!" Kids make fun of other kids to hide insecurities about themselves. It makes them feel better when they hurt someone else. Its a kind of power and the more they get to someone the more it feeds the power. Its that way with any emotional abuse. The worse the victim feels the more powerful the abuser feels.

 

[Sandy V.]

I agree with you NMAmy and CindysGusGus - and I told her that sometimes people will try and focus negative attention on someone else, so it diverts away from them.

I also pointed out that this kid means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to her - they aren't friends, he doesn't have some wide circle of influence so that his remarks will spur others to say the same thing, and that she will never see him again when she graduates. So . . . his opinion matters ZILCH in the grand scheme of things.

The hardest thing to do as a parent is . . . nothing - especially when you'd like to do so much more!!

 

[SC Minnie]

As far as the comment made to your daughter-- tell her to take a good look at Beyonce. She's not rail thin like some other celebrities but she is still beautiful. She has a shape like a women not a girl.

 

[Kim&Chris]

Kids can be so mean.

I began wearing glasses when I was 18 months old....these were THICK glasses, and believe me, kids reminded me of it too. There was always that handful of 'mean' kids that continuously called me 'four eyes' and such.

It got to the point where I hated going to school because of the horrible teasing. I just wanted to stay home with my mom in the comfort and safety of my own home.

I know how your daughter feels....you can tell her 1000 times that she has a beautiful body, but the few small words from that moron will stick in her head.

Hopefully your daughter will have an opportunity to cleverly, but not in a mean way (why stoop to his level?), get back at that idiot.

 

[Robinrs]

Man... in MY world...which by the way is the same world as
"Beyonce's" that would'be been considered the ULTIMATE compliment....

I remember telling my son at the age of FOUR that girls constantly need to be "validated".... it's a shame but it's true....and that he was a "validator". I reminded him to be aware of how important it is to uplift and not to condemn.

 

[Sandy V.]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

I will continue to tell her how beautiful she is - on the outside as well as the inside. Society's standards of being "Barbie-doll" like in physical proportion in order to be considered "beautiful" are ridiculous!

The Beyonce example is a good one. Actually, so is Jennifer Lopez.

When some idiot does this to your kid, at least for me, it brings back some of the old insecurities that I had as a teenager. Yuk!

 

[CindysGusGus]

You can add Britney Spears to that mix. Shes got the same type of frame and I think shes shorter than the other 2.

 

[luvflorida]

Robinrs- I LOVE what you said to your son! I wish more parents would be so astute with their sons. Girls can be incredibly cruel to other girls, but the boys can dish it out just as well.

Sandy V.- I can really relate to your daughter not wanting to wear a bathing suit bottom. My daughter refuses to wear shorts because of several "bird leg" comments from other nasty middle-schoolers.

 

[Kallison]

I work with 7th graders -- aide in a middle school. Whenever I come across crying girls in the bathroom I tell them - Hey do you think the boys are over in their bathroom crying about you? NO. I also tell them, don't bother even bother talking to boys until college. I always manage to make them smile! It's comments like that can trigger aneroxia.

 

[Sandy V.]

Kallison, you sound like a great person to have in middle school. The girls who attend there are very lucky!

Luvflorida - I'm sorry about your daughter and the "bird leg" comments. I hate it when they believe the ugly things said!

As my friend Bob says, "Parenting is not for sissies." Teaching your kid to have a thick skin can be so tough!!